Spinning Through Space
by Meer-Katnip
Summary: "There are worlds out there where the sky is burning, where the sea's asleep, and the rivers dream. People made of smoke, and cities made of song. Somewhere there's danger, somewhere there's injustice, and somewhere else the tea's getting cold. Come on, Rose, we've got work to do." SEASON ONE of CALVIN WHO. Now complete!
1. Episode 1:1

**(Disclaimer: If a mysterious boy comes up to you and asks if you'd like to travel with him and his tiger... SAY YES. SAY YES.)**

BEEP-BEEP. BEEP-BEEP.

A hand shot out from underneath the covers and slammed down hard on the alarm clock's Snooze Button. The hand flailed about in the air for a moment, before ripping off the sheets, revealing a teenage girl with messy blonde hair. She groaned for a moment, still sleepy, before tumbling out of bed. The room was pink, various shades of it mixed with the slightest bit of purple. She pulled on some clothes- a simple pair of jeans and a white T-shirt. Quickly and efficiently making her bed, she grabbed a pair of shoes off the rack from the corner of the room, and walked out of the room, flicking off the light as she went. A middle-aged woman, still in her pajamas, bustled about the kitchen, making breakfast. She glanced up as the girl stepped into the room, and sat down in a chair.

"Morning, Rose," she told her, and served her some toast. Rose grabbed it and hungrily chowed down.

"G'morning, Mum."

She slipped on a jacket, and exited the house. It sat on a slight rise, just above the other houses in the neighbourhood. The sign in front of the arrangement of houses and apartments read, in big, bold letters 'POWELL ESTATE'. Rose strolled down to the bus stop, and casually waited for a bus to arrive. A few stragglers were seated around the bus stop, but she ignored them, fixated on her mobile phone. A text had just arrived from her friend, and she was focused on replying to her. A bus pulled up, and Rose climbed on, and sat down in a seat, still reading her social media updates. The bus chugged along the road, stopping only to pick up the customary early-morning workers. Rose glanced out the grimy bus window, noting her reflection. She could use a trip to the hair salon, the dye was wearing off, and the brown was showing through. She exited the bus as it pulled up at Henrick's. She pushed open the glass double doors, and began her job.

* * *

The day passed, as it usually does. Rose showed the customers at the store to the areas that they wanted. She collected cash at the register, and filed reports. At lunchtime, she met up with her boyfriend, Mickey, in the square and they ate together, teasing each other as they did. As the day wound to a close, an announcement came over the Tannoy.

"_This is a customer announcement. The store will be closing in five minutes. Thank you._"

Rose headed towards the exit, and a guard shook a plastic bag at her. She noticed, and took it, telling the guard that she'd deliver it to the Chief Electrician right then. She dashed across to the lift and took it to the basement. It was dark and gloomy down there, and Rose was more than a little spooked. She crept along the darkly illuminated hallway, calling softly.

"Wilson? Wilson, I've got the lottery money!"

There was a noise behind her, and she spun around. There was nothing there.

"Wilson! Where are you? This isn't funny! Wilson?"

She rapped for a moment on his office door. There was no reply, but a crash echoed from one of the storerooms. She headed directly for it.

"Wilson? It's Rose."

She carefully opened the storeroom door, and flicked on the lights. There was absolutely no one in there. Shop dummies stood in various states of dress, and boxes were strewn across the room. Wire hangers hung loosely on racks.

"Hello?" she called, and made her way across the storeroom, her gaze searching the area. Still, no one. "Is anyone down here?"

There was a creak, and she glanced in the direction of it. A shop dummy had been moved. But still, no sign of human life.

And that was when the dummies began to move.

She backed away slowly, not exactly afraid. It was probably a student prank, after all. But they continued for her, moving slightly unsteadily. Plastic dummies were approaching from all directions.

"Yeah, this is really funny," she informed them sarcastically. "Can you please stop this now?"

The dummies didn't listen, and she was now stuck between a coat rack and the wall. A narrow water pipe pressed at her head. The dummies were surrounding her, and she began to feel slightly afraid. "Who are you?"

And then a tiny hand grabbed hers. She looked down, and saw a small boy with spiky blonde hair that seemed to defy gravity, staring at her with piercing blue eyes. He was clutching a stuffed tiger with one hand.

"Run!" he told her, and the water pipe exploded. He gripped her arm tightly, and they were off. He tore across the room with inhuman speed, practically dragging her behind him. They reached the lift, and dashed inside. He jabbed the 'Close' button frantically, but the plastic shop dummies were advancing.

"Get them, Hobbes!" he yelled at the tiger. Rose couldn't have been entirely sure what happened, but the plastic dummies were suddenly MOVING BACK from the stuffed tiger, which had inexplicably moved across the lift, and then the doors were closing, and a plastic arm lay on the ground next to them.

"What?" Rose managed weakly. The boy turned towards her.

"Oh, I almost forgot."

He hit her on the head with a rubber hammer. Rose stumbled back, shocked.

"What was that-!"

She then noticed a tiger standing on two legs, leaning against the side of the lift, and quickly changed tack.

"What are you?"

"A tiger," the tiger replied calmly. "Hello. I'm Hobbes."

"A...tiger..." Rose was having trouble getting her mind around this.

"What, you were just faced with homicidal shop models, and you're surprised by a talking tiger?"

Rose blinked. "They aren't homicidal, it was just a student prank... wasn't it?" She wasn't entirely sure. What else could it be, though?

The boy gave a superior snort, and tossed her the plastic arm from the floor. "Does this feel like a prank to you?"

She ran her hands over it. "What in the-"

The lift dinged, and shuddered to a halt. Rose stumbled out of the lift, still staring in shock at the boy and his tiger. He gave her a little shove towards the exit at the back, and she immediately started walking.

"But what are you doing here?" she asked them.

"Trying to get rid of them, of course," Hobbes told her. He held up an object that looked vaguely like a remote control, but with a lot more buttons. "The controller is around here somewhere, and we're here to stop the Earth being destroyed." He glanced over at the boy. "This is the, what?"

"Seventy-th time," he completed. He opened the exit door, and gestured with his hand out the door. "What was your name?"

"Rose," Rose told him. "Rose Tyler."

He gave her a small wave. "Nice to meet you, Rose Tyler. I'm Calvin." He grabbed the remote control from Hobbes with a swift movement, and held it up, looking slightly deranged. "Run for your life!"

With that, he slammed the exit door, leaving Rose and Hobbes staring at the door.

"You'd better run," advised Hobbes. "When he says something like that, it usually means one of three things; one, there's an immense danger and he's being all noble and sacrificial; two, he's about to go work on a birthday surprise for someone and doesn't want us to see, or three, he's about to blow something up. Since two is a bit unlikely, we really should move."

"Oh!" Rose exclaimed, and tucked the plastic hand into her belt. "Let's move, then."

They dashed out into the darkened street, Rose glancing quickly behind her. The looming figure of the Henrick's building was still standing. Nothing notable had happened. They had reached two blocks over when the explosion occurred.

It was spectacular, really. Plumes of red-white flame spurted out of the windows, seemingly in slow motion. The roof collapsed into shreds, the shrapnel flying every which way.

"That's my cue, then," decided Hobbes, brushing off dust from his fur. He extended a paw to Rose, who shook it tentatively. "It was nice to meet you, Rose. We might see you later, then?"

He winked at her, and strode off into the darkness.

_Did a stuffed tiger just flirt with me? _she wondered.

* * *

The next day, Rose was lying on the couch, watching the news. They were displaying the results of Calvin meeting an explosives detonator. Her mother was on the phone with a friend.

"-I know. It's on the telly. It's everywhere. She's lucky to be alive. Honestly, it's aged her. Skin like an old bible. Walking in now you'd think I was her daughter."

Rose's boyfriend, Mickey, walked in the door. He was a dark skinned, close-shaven man, and greeted Rose's mum with a wide smile and a hug.

"Hi, Jackie! Just came in to say hello to Rose." He turned to the aforementioned girl, who was staring absently at the television screen. "Why didn't you call? You could have been dead!"

Rose waved a hand dismissively. "It's fine! I'm alive, don't make a fuss."

"What was it, though? Did you see what caused it."

Rose closed her eyes for a moment. "No. I was outside the shop. I didn't see anything."

They continued with the idle small talk for a moment, before kissing. Mickey made for the door. His gaze fell on the plastic dummy arm, and he swooped it up, pretending it was strangling him. Rose laughed in slight amusement, and he dropped it, laughing also.

"Bye, babe. See you later."

And he left.

* * *

The day after that, Rose's alarm went off again. She hopped out of bed, intending to go to work, but then remembered.

"Oh. It's blown up."

She sighed, and instead pulled on a fluffy pink bath robe, and strolled casually into the kitchen. Her mum brandished a phone at her.

"Rose, you should sue for trauma! You need some money for a job, Shirleen knows a person…"

"Not now, mum," Rose told her.

She walked into the hallway, intending to pick up the newspaper from where it had been thrown carelessly yesterday, but paused when she heard a rattling noise coming from outside the door. She listened intently. Yes, there was definitely someone (or something) there. The cat flap, long forgotten because of the fact there were no cats in the Tyler household, was jittering slightly. A puff of smoke came from where a screw was, and when it dissipated, the screw was gone. This was repeated several times, and the cat flap fell to the floor with a loud clatter. Rose snatched it up, and bent down to look through the gap in the door.

An unmistakable head with spiky blonde hair peered back at her. She yelped, and staggered backwards a few steps, before yanking open the door and glaring at Calvin, who stood there, clutching a water gun.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded.

"I live here!" Rose shot back.

"Well, what did you go and do that for?"

"Because I do. I'm only at home because someone blew up my job," she said accusingly, pointing a finger at him.

Hobbes stepped up next to him, and waved at Rose, before turning to Calvin. "We must have got the wrong signal. Unless she's plastic...?"

Calvin tapped Rose on the forehead, and shook his head. "Nope. She's a complete bonehead. Well, we must be off." He turned to leave, but Rose gripped him firmly by the arm and dragged him inside.

"No. Not until you tell me what's going on here."

Calvin protested weakly, but the door shut with a loud bang. Hobbes slipped through the cat flap, and followed them.

"Who is it?" Jackie called from her room.

"Boy scout, selling cookies," Rose called back, without missing a beat. "He wanted a drink of water."

"Boy scout?" Calvin mouthed, and waved quickly at Jackie while passing her room. She blinked.

"Oh, aren't you just the cutest little thing!" she cooed.

"Yes, I am," Calvin responded, looking quite pleased.

"I just want to cuddle you to death!"

"...no."

Calvin exited stage left, and Hobbes followed, wolf whistling at Jackie, and blowing her a kiss. In the kitchen, Rose poured two cups of milk, and a bowl of it for Hobbes, and pushed it at them. Hobbes grinned in appreciation, and began lapping it up.

"We should go to the police. Seriously. All of us."

Calvin paid her no heed, flipping through magazines and examining things on the shelves.

"They said on the news that they found a body."

Hobbes spotted a pack of cards and unsuccessfully attempted to shuffle them. The cards went flying. There was a scuffle behind them, and he turned around.

"Rose," Hobbes queried. "Do you have any cats?"

"Apart from you? No."

She came in from the other room, just as the plastic arm from the other day launched itself up at Calvin's face. He gargled for a moment, before attempting to wrestle it off. Hobbes noticed, and grabbed the arm as well. They weren't having much luck, and it was slowly attempting to strangle him. Rose was oblivious.

"I told Mickey to chuck that out. You're all the same. Give a man a plastic hand. Anyway, I don't even know your name. Calvin, what was it?"

Hobbes finally succeeded in prising it off Calvin's neck, and it flew towards Rose. It attached itself to her face, and she screamed. Calvin grabbed his water gun, and fired it at the arm. Instead of spurting out water, it somehow emitted a flash of blue light. The plastic appendage fell to the floor, motionless.

Hobbes picked it up, laughing slightly. "There, you see? 'Armless."

Calvin snatched it up off him. "Oh yeah?"

There was a resounding smack as plastic hit fur.

* * *

"You can't just go swanning off like this!" Rose yelled as the boy and the tiger descended the stairwell on the side of the complex. Calvin shrugged carelessly.

"Yes, we can. See, this is us. Swanning off. See ya."

"But that arm was moving! It tried to kill me!"

"Wow, this girl is a genius," he told Hobbes.

"You can't walk away! That's not fair! You've got to tell me what's going on!" she protested.  
"No, we don't."

They were outside the block of flats, now, Rose hurrying to catch up to the demented adrenaline of a six-year-old boy and a tiger.

"All right, then. I'll go to the police." she challenged. "I'll tell everyone. You said, if I did that, I'd get people killed. So, your choice. Tell me, or I'll start talking."

Hobbes laughed. "Is that supposed to sound impressive."

"Uh, yeah."

"It doesn't work."

"Who are you!" she threw up her hands in exasperation.

"We're Calvin and Hobbes."

"Yeah, but Calvin what? Don't you have a last name?"

"Well, I did, but Hobbes ate it."

"Wait, WHAT?"

"So, Calvin, then."

"Hello!" he waved the plastic arm at her.

"Come on, then. You can tell me. I've seen enough. Are you, like, some division of the X-Files?"

"No way," Hobbes scoffed. "We're just travellers. We tend to get caught up in these sorts of things, though."

"Don't tell her anything," Calvin warned the tiger. "She's a SLIMY GIRL, remember?"

"I'm not slimy," Rose protested. "But what have I done wrong? How comes those plastic things keep coming after me?"

"They weren't coming after you, they were coming after us. You were an accident. It was after us not you. Last night, in the shop, we were there, you blundered in, almost ruined the whole thing. This morning, we were tracking it down, it was tracking us down. The only reason it fixed on you is 'cos you've met us."

"So, the world revolves around you two."

"Sort of, yeah," Hobbes replied.

"Your egos are way too big."

"Sort of, yeah."

They were in the middle of a park now. All three of them stopped, facing each other.

"Tell me what's happening."

Calvin sighed, and relented. "It's living plastic. The thing controlling it projects life into the arm. I cut off the signal, dead. It's controlling it through though control. We're trying to stop the thing from overthrowing the human race and destroying you all."

"I'm supposed to believe that."

"Sort of, yeah," Hobbes told her.

"Really though, Calvin. Who are you? Why is there a talking tiger here?"

"Do you know like we were saying about the Earth revolving?" he told her. "It's like when you were a kid. The first time they tell you the world's turning and you just can't quite believe it because everything looks like it's standing still. I can't feel it. The turn of the Earth. The ground beneath our feet is spinning at a thousand miles an hour, and the entire planet is hurtling round the sun at sixty seven thousand miles an hour, and I can't feel it. My timeline is different to yours. I've been six for hundreds of years, and the only way I've managed to stay sane is because I've had my best friend here with me. We save the world together. Me and Hobbes." He stepped next to his friend. "We're falling through space, him and me, clinging to the knowledge that we're doing something good, and if we let go... That's who I am. Now, forget me, Rose Tyler. Go home."

He turned to a corner of the street that had a cardboard box sitting on it, and Hobbes followed, glancing back in her direction once. Rose Tyler turned towards home and set off, but she looked back once. Just once. And in that one moment she looked back, the cardboard box was gone.

**(A/N: This was ****originally posted in my Big Blue Box of Randomness, and is a direct parody of the Doctor Who episode, as you can plainly see. This stretched out much longer than I thought it would, so I'm splitting it up into two parts. Please, PLEASE tell me if you want me to continue. If I do get enough positive feedback, I'm going to post part two next week. See you then, I guess.  
**

**~Kitty)**


	2. Episode 1:2

**(Disclaimer: Make sure your boyfriend doesn't melt if you hook his head up to the Time Machine.)**

_**Episode 1:2- Rose**_

"Hey, Rosie!" Mickey greeted Rose at his flat, and they kissed briefly. "Coffee?"

"Only if you wash the mug first," she told him, and grinned teasingly. "Can I use your internet?"

"Sure. Don't read my emails, though!"

She smiled at him, and opened up Google. She first typed in 'Calvin'. Something about a theologist came up, but nothing related. 'Calvin and Hobbes' was next. Some cartoon about a girl and a lion was all that that displayed. She then tried 'Calvin living plastic'. Things about a college for doctors specializing in plastic surgery. Pausing for a moment, she decided to try a bit of a stretch. She carefully tapped in 'Calvin cardboard box'. And that was it. At the top there was a link leading to a page titled 'Calvin Who?' There was a request for people who had seen a person to call a number. She scrolled down, heart in her throat. A photo, blurry, but still recognizable, showed a spiky haired boy clutching a toy tiger.

* * *

"He could be dangerous," protested Mickey. They were driving to the house belonging to the website man.

"He's safe. He's got a wife and kids."

"Yeah, who told you that? He did. That's exactly what an internet lunatic murderer would say."

She laughed, as they pulled up at a suburban house. A neighbour was putting out a bin, and he gave Mickey a death glare. Rose walked up to a door, and knocked. A teenage boy answered it, and she smiled at him.

"Hi. I've come to see Dirk?"

The boy gave her a bored look, and called over his shoulder. "Hey, Dad. It's one of your nutters again."

An obvious couch potato came up to the door, and waved. "Hello. You must be Rose?

I'm Dirk."

Rose gave him an awkward smile. "I'd better tell you now, my boyfriends in the car just in case you're trying to kill me."

Dirk waved at Mickey, who scowled through the glass.

"Who is it?" called a woman from inside the house.

"Oh, it's something to do with Calvin. She's been reading the website," he told her, and then started waddling through the house. "Please, come through. I'm in the shed."

The shed was quite something. There were shelves and shelves of books and binders, and pinboards with information and pictures

tacked to them carefully. An old-fashioned computer was balanced on a desk that seemed much too small for its weight.

" A lot of this stuff's quite sensitive," he explained, taking down a few binders and flipping through them. "I couldn't just send it to you. People might intercept it, if you know what I mean. If you dig deep enough and keep a lively mind, this Calvin keeps cropping up all over the place. Political diaries, legends, conspiracy theories, even ghost stories. No last name, just Calvin. Always Calvin, and sometimes Hobbes. And the title seems to have been passed down from father to son. It appears to be an inheritance. That's your Calvin there, isn't it?"

He jabbed a pudgy finger at a black and white photograph of Kennedy's cottage. There was a huge crowd gathered next to it, but a head of spiky hair clearly stood out.

"Assassination of President Kennedy," Rose murmured, tracing the outline of the crowd. Dirk flipped a few more pages.

"1912. The Daniels family of Southampton. And over here..."

The same boy, sitting on a volleyball with his tiger next to him was there.

"This is a sketch from somewhere in the 1800s," Dirk pointed out. "This one washed up on the coast of Sumatra on the very day Krakatoa exploded. Calvin is a legend woven throughout history. When disaster comes, he's there. He brings the storm in his wake and he has two constant companions."

Rose stood up, vaguely creeped out. "Who?"

"That tiger of his, and Death."

You could practically hear the dramatic organ chords in the background.

* * *

Outside, Mickey noticed a wheelie bin that was constantly thumping its way closer and closer to him. He rolled down the window and peeked out at it. It stopped promptly. He waved a fist in its direction. The bin didn't move. Mickey rolled up the window again, and put some classical music on. The bin began moving towards him again. This time, he opened the car door, and glared at it. It stopped in its tracks, and he began listening to the radio again.

The bin began moving again.

Mickey slammed open the car door and stormed over to the bin.

"One...two...three!" he counted, and flung open the lid. There was nothing inside. He frowned slightly, and made as if to move away. The plastic came away with his hands. It was stretchy, a bit like melted cheese. Mickey tried to pull away, but the melted plastic stuck fast. He was in a tug-of-war with a wheelie bin, and he was losing. The bin growled, and flexed. It bent almost in half, and flicked Mickey into it, swallowing him with a burp.

* * *

Rose made her way out to the car, sighing dramatically. "You were right, he's a nutter. You win! What are we going to do tonight?"

Mickey was obviously plastic, but Rose didn't notice. "P-p-pizza!" he stuttered.

"Or Mexican," offered Rose.

"Pizza!" declared Plastic Mickey, and he started the car. It bumped unsteadily down the road. This Mickey obviously never took driving classes.

* * *

Rose was still oblivious to the fact that Mickey was, well, an oversized Ken doll. She was chattering on about herself, not a care in the world.

"Do you think I should try the hospital? Suki said they had jobs going in the canteen. Is that it then, dishing out chips. I could do A Levels. I don't know. It's all Jimmy Stone's fault. I only left school because of him. Look where he ended up. What do you think?"

P-Mickey (that's what we're calling him now) ignored her, and gripped her arm. "Where did you meet Calvin?"

"Oh, that's nice. Wasn't I talking about myself?"  
"Because it started at the shop, right? Isn't that what happened?" P-Mickey continued.

"What are you talking about?" Rose demanded, attempting to wriggle her way out of Mickey's grip.

"But you can trust me, sweetheart. Babe," his voice went deep and throaty. "Sugar, babe, sugar. You can tell me anything. Tell me about Calvin and Hobbes and what they're planning, and I can help you, Rose. Because that's all I really want to do, sweetheart, babe, babe, sugar, sweetheart."

"Okay, you're freaking me out."

"Two anchovy pizzas," a waiter announced.

"They're not ours," Rose told him.

"I need to find out how much you know!" P-Mickey yelled.

"Doesn't anyone want these pizzas?" asked the waiter again.

"They're not ours," P-Mickey yelled at the waiter. He was an awfully short waiter. In fact, when the fake Mickey looked down, he noticed...

"Oh. Found you!" the Mickey thing declared. Calvin, dressed as a waiter, grinned darkly, and smashed a pizza plate over its head. Complete with anchovy pizza. Hobbes did the same with the matching pizza, and knocked off his head. Calvin caught it, and stared at it for a moment.

"That won't stop me," the plastic head told him, and the body formed guns on its hands, before starting to shoot. Rose screamed, and backed away. So did everyone else in the room. Hobbes waved at Rose.

"Nice to see you again!" he yelled.

"Yeah, you too!" Rose called back, hitting the fire alarm. "Everyone out! Get out now!"

"Run!" screamed Calvin, and dashed for the emergency exit, shedding his waiter costume as he did. Hobbes and Rose followed.

"So, anything interesting happen with you?" Hobbes asked casually.

"Oh, not much," she replied, still dashing. "Met up with my boyfriend, found a conspiracy theorist who thinks you two are aliens, got attacked by a plastic version of the same boyfriend... the usual, you know."

They ran through the kitchens, and burst out the back door. There was a locked up exit door, and Rose ran to it.

"Open it up!" she called. "Use that thing you used on the cat flap!"

"Transmogrifier Gun, and let's go in here instead," Calvin said, walking over to a cardboard box with 'Time Machine' written on it. He opened the top flaps, and jumped inside. His head disappeared from view, and Hobbes followed suit.

"There's not enough room for all of us in there!" Rose yelled. The P-Mickey was banging on the back door, and slowly breaking through. She looked back and forth desperately, trying to decide, and, abandoning all logic, poked her head into the box.

It was huge. The inside opened up to a vast console room, and Rose was only poking her head into a gap in the ceiling. She stumbled back with a gasp, and walked around the box twice. It was completely ordinary, and, as she picked it up, there was no hole in the bottom leading to an underground cavern. The Plastic Mickey was still working his way through the door, and after two more blasts, made its way through and towards her.

Rose screamed and threw caution to the winds. She dived, feet first into the box, and landed on a trampoline directly below the gap in the roof. She bounced twice, and dismounted. Hobbes looked up from a vast array of complex switches and dials.

"Nice of you to drop in," he said, grinning.

"It's...it's..." she stuttered, gazing around.

"Bigger on the inside? Yes, it is!" Calvin cheered, popping up from beneath the console, holding the plastic head of her boyfriend. "Or you could call it smaller on the outside, but, either way, welcome to the Time Machine!"

"The plastic thing's still up there," Rose reminded them.

"Oh, don't worry," Hobbes dismissed. "The combined forces of Genghis Khan couldn't get through there, and believe me, when we tested that, they certainly tried."

"But Time Machine?" Rose asked. "Couldn't you have thought of something slightly more creative? Like, the TARDIS?"

"What, to stand for Time And Relative Dimension In Space?"  
"Yes, exactly."

"Well, why would we call it that? That's stupid. We're calling it the TIME MACHINE."

"You're alien, aren't you," she said in a small voice, and let out a small sob.

"Yes, I'm a Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey," Calvin delivered deadpan.

"Really?" she asked.

"God, no, that would be stupid. I'm human, 112%. And Hobbes is 101% Bengal Tiger."

"Mickey's melting," Rose pointed out. Indeed he was. The head was hooked up to a set of wires and switches, and was slowly melting away...

"What? No!" Calvin wailed, flicking some switches. "You can't melt! You're our only lead! Hobbes, get a tracking fix on this!"

"On it," the tiger responded, hitting a button. "Hold on to your seats."

There was a brief jitter, and Mickey's head collapsed into a puddle of plastic.

"Did they kill him? Mickey? Did they kill Mickey? Is he dead?" Rose asked frantically.

"Oooh, I didn't think of that. Quite possibly, yes," Calvin told her.

"We're here," Hobbes sing-songed, and strolled to the trampoline. "See you up there."

"Come on, then," Calvin agreed. Hobbes jumped onto the trampoline, and bounced three times. On the last jump he sailed up and out the cardboard flaps. Calvin did the same.

"You can't go up there!" Rose exclaimed. "It's not safe!"

There was no reply. Rose sighed, and jumped up too.

"It's... moved," she said slowly, looking around. They were on a bridge. "How can it do that? How can it just move? We were over there, weren't we?"

Calvin and Hobbes ignored her, instead choosing to grumble and sulk.  
"We lost the signal," he informed her.

"That's all you care about!" she cried. "What am I going to tell his mother! Mickey's mother! My boyfriend is dead!"

"Look, if I did forget some kid called Mickey," Calvin began. Hobbes tapped him on the shoulder.

"He's not a kid," the tiger told him.

"It's because I'm trying to save the life of everyone on Earth, okay?"

"Fine!" yelled Rose, throwing up her arms in the air. "What does this plastic have against us, anyway?"

"Nothing, in fact," Hobbes explained. "It loves you. You've got such a good planet. Lots of smoke and oil, plenty of toxins and dioxins in the air, perfect. Just what the Nestene Consciousness needs. It's food stock was destroyed in the war, all its protein plants rotted, so Earth, dinner!"

"How do we stop it, then?"

Calvin withdrew a small vial with blue liquid in it from his pocket. "Anti-plastic."

She began to grin. "Seriously?"

"Seriously. But first, I've got to find it. Where is it?"

"Where is what?"

"The transmitter," Hobbes took over. "The Consciousness is controlling every single piece of plastic, so it needs a transmitter to boost the signal."

"What does it look like?" Rose was getting into it now.

"Computer," Calvin directed towards a wristwatch that Rose hadn't noticed he was wearing. The watch beeped for a second, and then buzzed.

"Transmitter is round and about the size of two large skyscrapers. It is located in Central London," a woman's calm voice said.

"Thanks, computer. So, where could it be?" he began to stride along the bridge, brow wrinkled in thought. "It's big, round, must be invisible."

Rose and Hobbes shared a glance. He was standing directly in front of the London Eye.

"Are you going to tell him, or should I?" Rose asked Hobbes. He shrugged, grinning with barely concealed mirth.

"Hey, Calvin?" Rose called. He turned. Rose jabbed a finger behind him. He looked, and turned back at Rose. "What?"

Hobbes pointed. He looked, and turned back. "What am I supposed to be looking at?"

Rose and Hobbes stepped up to him, and forcibly turned him around, angling his chin so he could see the massive Ferris Wheel. He stared for a moment before it clicked. "Oh. Brilliant!" he enthused, and ran off.

"Is he always like this...?" Rose asked tentatively. Hobbes nodded mutely.

* * *

"Think of it. Every single plastic thing on Earth. Coming alive," Calvin mused.

"The window shop dummies," Hobbes began.  
"The plastic trucks," Calvin added.

"The guns."

"The wires."

"The cables."

"The breast implants," Rose put in cheekily. Calvin and Hobbes gave her an odd look. Then Calvin cleared his throat. "Anyway. The transmitter's around here somewhere. Probably underground."

"Somewhere like... this?" Rose climbed down, over a railing, towards a large manhole entrance.

Hobbes wiggled his eyebrows. "Ooh. I like you."

They climbed down a short ladder into a brick-built area with lots of chains draped about. The went through a stone archway and into a multi-level area. The heat rose in waves around them. Rose wiped off some sweat from her brow. Calvin's watch beeped.

"Yes, computer?" he asked.

"The Nestene Consciousness. Currently inside the vat. A living plastic creature," the voice said cooly.

"I like your watch," Rose remarked offhandedly.

"Thanks. Now, I must be off to tip this antiplastic into the Consciousness. Stay here." He set off at a steady pace, down a catwalk, until he was just above the vat of weird flexing plastic stuff.

"I'd like to speak with the Nestene Consciousness under peaceful treaty!" he bellowed. The stuff in the vat flexed and moaned. "Thank you."

"What's he doing?" Rose hissed. Hobbes shrugged, and motioned for her to come with him. Rose, having nothing better to do, followed.

"May I have permission to approach?" Calvin asked the vat. It grumbled in affirmative, and he moved forwards, close to the vat. Meanwhile, Rose spotted someone she knew. She dashed towards him.

"Oh my god! Mickey! Are you alright?"

"That thing down there, the liquid. Rose, it can talk!" he gasped. Rose wrinkled her nose.

"Ugh, you stink. Hobbes, they kept him alive!"

"Yeah, that was always a possibility."

Mickey eyed her curiously. "Rose, why are you talking to a stuffed tiger?"

"I'm not talking to a-" she caught herself. "Oh, yes. Well, he's good company."

Down at the vat, Calvin had lunged forwards with the vial of antiplastic, about to pour it in. Hobbes, however, noticed something bad. "Calvin!"

A pair of shop dummies seized the back of the boy's striped shirt just as he was about to drop the liquid in. One of them snatched it from his hand.

"Oh, c-" Calvin began, but shut up quickly. One rule Calvin and Hobbes had when they were travelling was "No swearing. Not even if a deadly alien monster is about to bite your head off."

To make matters worse, a door slid back to reveal the Time Machine.

"What's going on?" Rose yelled.

"It's the Time Machine! The Nestene's identified its superior technology. It's terrified. It's going to the final phase. It's starting the invasion! Get out, Rose; Hobbes! Just leg it now!"

"Damn it," Hobbes growled, getting ready to pounce. The two shop dummies made threatening motions towards him, and he froze.

Rose quickly grabbed her mobile phone, and dialed her mum.

"Mum?" she asked, as the person on the other end picked up. She listened for a moment. "Where are you, mum?" Pause. "No! Just go home! Go home right now!" A longer pause. "Mum! Mum!"

She put it back in her pocket, staring in disbelief. "She hung up."

Calvin was still struggling as the vat of plastic-type stuff started to swirl and glow. "It's activating! Just get out now, Hobbes!"

"The stairs have gone!" he yelled back. They dashed to the Time Machine, and Hobbes fumbled around in a fur pocket. "My key. I lost it."  
"Again?" Calvin yelled. "I thought you had learnt your lesson after last time!"

"I know! I'm sorry!"

"No!" Calvin struggled, as he was pushed to the edge of the vat. The Consciousness gurgled.

"TIME LORD," it hissed.

"No! I'm not a Time Lord! Why does everyone think that? It was just a stupid joke!"

Rose stood, fire flashing in her eyes. She thought for a moment, and grabbed Hobbes's arm. She dragged him down a level, and motioned to a chain sitting directly above them. The tiger's eyes lit up, and he interlocked his fingers for her to stand on.

"Three...two...one..." she counted, and he launched her up to grab the chain. She kept a firm grip as she spoke.

"I've got no A-Levels, no job, no future," she muttered. Hobbes raced up to stand next to her. He grabbed the chain and swung her back for momentum.

"But you know what I have got?" she yelled. "Jericho Street Junior School under 7s gymnastic team. I've got the bronze!"

And with that, Hobbes pushed her. The chain sailed through the air, and she, in one swift movement, grabbed the anti plastic, and Calvin. She reached the apex of her swing, directly above the Nestene Consciousness vat, and dropped the vial in. Swinging back, Hobbes caught her, and gave her a massive thumbs up.

"Run!" Calvin cackled, not at all fazed by his close brush with death. They all ran to the Time Machine, Rose dragging Mickey along, and jumped into the vast dimension.

"Woo hoo!" Hobbes cheered, and the box dematerialized.

* * *

The box reappeared in the park that Rose had originally walked away from Calvin in. Rose bounded out of the cardboard box, gripping Mickey around the waist. "Fat lot of good YOU were," she told him, giving him a smack on the head.

"Nestene Consciousness?" Calvin grinned. "Easy."

"You would have been dead if it weren't for me," Rose accused them.

"Yes, I would. Thank you. Right then, I'll be off, unless, er, I don't know, you could come with us. This box isn't just a London hopper, you know. It goes anywhere in the universe free of charge."

Rose considered. That little adventure was actually quite a lot of fun.

"Don't go with him," Mickey warned her.

"Is it always this dangerous?" Rose asked.

"Yep," Hobbes responded, popping the 'p'.

"Yeah, I can't. I've er, I've got to go and find my mum and someone's got to look after this stupid lump, so... yeah."

"Alright, then. See you around," Calvin told her awkwardly. He jumped back into the box. It flickered for a moment, and then a wormhole opened up. The box flew into the wormhole and disappeared.

"Give him 5 minutes," Hobbes told her. "He'll realise he forgot me. Again."

He settled against the brick wall. "You know, he really does need someone to travel with. He would have died several times over if it weren't for this girl w picked up a while back. **Her name was Susie. Nice girl. Calvin didn't like her much... actually, they were arch-rivals. Frenemies, of sorts. But we had to leave her."  
**

Rose listened to this with a pensive look on her face. The air flickered, and the cardboard box was back. Calvin poked his head out.

"Hey Hobbes! Sorry I left you behind!" he turned to Rose. "Did I also mention that it travels in time?"

"That is the worst pickup line ever," Hobbes muttered behind his paw. Calvin pretended not to have heard. Traveling through time and space in a cardboard box, with a boy and his tiger. "Well," mused Rose . "'I doubt my life would be any more interesting at home, so... why not?".She beamed, and kissed Mickey on the cheek. "Thanks."

"I didn't do anything!" he protested.

"Exactly."

Rose dashed towards the box, and took a running leap in.

To the future.

**(A/N:**

**That took a week to finish. I hope you're happy. I'm definitely working on another chapter, but it may take a bit of time to complete. In other news, I've completed a cover page for this, but fanfiction dot net is being annoying and won't upload it. So, there's a link on my profile to it. Just scroll down to the list of stories, and find the LINKS section. **

**If you want more Doctor Who fun and games, try Into the Vortex. Fun story, lots of humour and parody.**

**See you later.**

**~Kitty)**


	3. Episode 2:1

**(Disclaimer- It's the end of the world! It's the end of the- oh, my mistake. It's only metal spiders.)**

_**Episode 2:1- The End of the World**_

"So," grinned Calvin, spinning around the console with an evil look on his face. "Where to? Past or future?"

"Future," Rose shot back.

Hobbes cranked a handle. "We are now set for the twenty-sixth century! Yes, they really did get the hovercars working, although they do tend to blow up slightly if you go past 80 km/h."

Rose shook her head, smiling. "You two think you're so great."

"We are so great!" protested Calvin. "You know what, the twenty-sixth century is boring. Let's go..." he cranked the handle a few more times. "...to the new Roman Empire! It is now 2000 years in your future."

"Boring," Hobbes disagreed. "I have a better idea."

"Oh, do tell," Calvin encouraged him. Hobbes gave an Evil Genius Laugh (patent pending) and spun the handle faster than before. He hit the large button on the middle of the console with a flourish, and gestured towards the trampoline that served as the box's exit. "After you," he told Rose, with a mock bow. The three of them exited the box and found themselves in a hallway. Calvin dashed over to a shutter that seemed to be covering up something, and opened it. There was a large bay window, giving a view of...

"The Earth," Rose realised with a start.

"Welcome to the year 5.5/apple/26," Hobbes announced.

"Yes, they really do start using fruits for years this far in the future," Calvin chimed in. "You really don't want to visit the 4/pear years. It gets really messy."

"But what is this? Why are we here?" Rose arched an eyebrow.  
"This, Rose Tyler," Hobbes told her grandly. "Is the end...of the Earth."  
"What?!"  
"Computer?" Calvin asked his wristwatch. It beeped for a moment, and then a cool female voice began to speak.

"Today is the day the sun expands to consume the Earth. You are currently on Platform One, where the party will begin in 15 minutes."

"Wow," Rose summarized.

"I know, right? Come on, let's go."

They set off at a steady walk towards the main room, where the gathering would take place.

"Shuttles five and six now docking. Guests are reminded that Platform One forbids the use of weapons, teleportation and religion. Earth Death is scheduled for fifteen thirty nine, followed by Drinks in the Manchester Suite," the Tannoy told them.

"What do they mean by guests?" Rose asked.

"Aliens, basically," Hobbes said casually. "The great and good are gathered here to... well, watch the Earth explode. For entertainment."

"And when you say 'the great and good'..."

"He means the rich people who basically have nothing better to do with their lives, yeah," Calvin finished. He threw open a wood-panelled door, and they walked into a bustle of colors and sounds. There was a group of tree-people, and some odd scaly things that were swishing their tails back and forth.

Rose stared around, but her two companions seemed to take it in stride.

"Go mingle," Calvin told her, giving her a slight push forwards. "This is your future, remember?"

Hobbes started towards a bunch of tigress babes relaxing in the corner, with a lustful look on his face. Rose shook her head slightly, grinning. He was such a flirt.

She wandered awkwardly around for a while, saying hello to the more human-looking of the aliens gathered. She grabbed a small thing that looked a bit like a canape, but smaller. And that was when she came face-to-face with the Face of Boe.

At least, that was how he introduced himself. He seemed to know her from somewhere, although if Rose had ever seen him in her life, she would have recognised him by then.

To paraphrase: the Face of Boe was a gigantic wrinkled head in a glorified jar.

Go figure.

Rose quickly made some sort of excuse to go away, not that the Face wasn't perfectly charming, but she was just weirded out a bit. The giving of gifts began. The tree-people gave her 'a clipping of their grandfather' and she tore out a little of her hair, and gave it to them as a 'clipping of herself'. Whenever someone offered her a gift, she accepted it and gave the same thing in return- a bit of her hair. By the end of the gift giving, she had received a sapling, a bagel, some spit to the face, some pretty colored stones that she put in her pocket, a pair of tweezers, and a ball. The ball was an odd, metallic thing that didn't actually absorb light.

"And last but not least," the steward announced. "Our very special guest. Ladies and gentlemen, and trees and multiforms, consider the Earth below. In memory of this dying world, we call forth the last Human. The Lady Cassandra O'Brien Dot Delta Seventeen."

The sliding doors opened, and in was wheeled a rack with skin stretched over it. At least, that was what it appeared to be. But the skin had eyes and a thin mouth. Which made it kinda weird.

"Thank you, thank you," the 'skin' simpered. "I know, I know it's shocking, isn't it? I've had my chin completely taken away and look at the difference. Look how thin I am. Thin and dainty. I don't look a day over two thousand. Moisturise me. Moisturise me," she added to her assistants, who promptly sprayed her with a watery mist.

Cassandra continued on with a long, ridiculous tangent about how ostriches breathed fire, and how iPods were massive boom boxes. She caught Calvin out of the corner of her eye, snickering at Cassandra's obliviousness.

The Adherents of the Repeated Meme, who were some creepy guys in black cloaks, were giving the metal spheres to everyone there, including the steward, who was politely declining. The Adherents refused to listen to him, and gave him a sphere anyway.

It was a bit too much for her, and so she decided to go outside to get some space. Quickly ducking through the heavy wood doors, no one saw her go. Except for Hobbes. He noticed, and tried to dart away after her. A tree-person blocked his path, and brandished a camera at him.

No one noticed a metal sphere opening up, revealing a metal spider inside.

* * *

Outside, Rose wandered over to a large window that was showing the scene outside. The Earth was sitting there, in a cocoon of blackness and stars, while the sun was drawing closer and closer. She fingered a small plaque, reading the inscription.

"The National Trust has kept the Earth preserved," she read aloud. "for the last 2 million years. The funds for holding the Sun back, however, have expired. The gravity satellites surrounding the Earth will stop holding it back in 20 minutes."

She blinked. "Wait, twenty minutes?"

The plaque then changed its text to read '19 minutes' instead, and from there went on to display an ad for Intergalactic Xox Burgers. "Ah."

A clunking sound from down the hallway drew her attention, and a pretty blue skinned, black haired woman approached, carrying a toolkit in her hand.

"Oh, hello," Rose said. "What's your name?"

The woman smiled, and bent down near an air vent. "You have to give us permission to talk."

"Oh. I, um, give you permission to talk?"

The woman began to remove the metal grating from the vent. "Thank you, miss. I'm Xandra. I won't be long, don't worry. Just have some maintenance to carry out, then I'll be on my way."

Rose sat down against the wall. "What sort of maintenance?"

"The Face of Boe has a glitch in his suite, he's not getting any hot water."

"I met the Face a while back," Rose mused. "Huh. So there's still plumbers?"

"Well, I certainly hope so, otherwise I wouldn't be here. Where are you from, miss, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Oh!" Rose started. "I'm not from here... I come from a long way away. A really long way. I just came along with these two people. I don't even know them that well. I hardly know them at all. What am I doing with them?"

She stood up, still lost in thought. "I guess you need to get back to your job, then. I might see you around." She walked off down the hallway.

"Thank you, miss!" called Xandra from where she was working. "Not a lot of people give me permission to talk. You're very kind."

She peered down into the dark air vent. "Now, what have we got here?"

She could hear a faint scuttling noise coming from down the passage. A red light danced randomly in the darkness, and a metal spider came through.

"Oh, hello!" Xandra exclaimed.

The spider did not reply.

"Do you want to get a spot reserved for yourself?"

The spider only scuttled closer, followed by a whole lot more of its kind.

"Oh, you brought friends!"

This was followed up by the spiders, not looking so cute anymore, dragging her into the ventilation tunnel and away. No one heard her screams.

* * *

Rose sat in the gallery, gazing over a panoramic view of the Earth. It was so very close to collapsing. Hobbes came up quietly behind her, and Rose acknowledged his presence with a single head nod.

"Hard to believe, isn't it," he mused. "Millions of years of work and innovation, and all of it has led to this-" he gestured at the sun. "-the Earth. Being destroyed."

Rose made a noise that could have been affirmative. There was silence.

"Who are you?" she suddenly burst out. Hobbes raised his eyebrows. "Who are you two?"

"We told you. I'm Hobbes, he's Calvin. We travel."

"But how come you're a tiger? And why is a six year old saving the world?"

Hobbes laughed dryly. "It's what we do, basically. It's our job, except we don't exactly get paid."

Rose took her phone out of her pocket, and fiddled around with it a bit. No signal. It wasn't as if she expected there to be one, but...

"Here," Hobbes sighed, taking a water pistol from his satchel. "Give me that for a moment."

Rose allowed him to take her phone. The tiger aimed the water gun at it. There was a puff of smoke, and it turned into a hard drive with an interface. Hobbes began typing into it. "With a bit of jiggery pokery..."

"Jiggery pokery." Rose folded her arms. "Is that some kind of technical term."

"Yup," he replied, still fiddling. "I came top of the class at jiggery pokery. What about you?"

"Nah, I failed hullabaloo."

Hobbes finished up what he was doing with the phone-turned-hard drive, and, with another flick of the water gun, turned it into a phone again. He handed it back to her. "Here. You can now call anyone in the world at any time, as long as you've got the phone number."

"Seriously?" Rose hit the speed-dial number for her mum, and listened for a moment. "Mum?"

Pause.

"No, I'm fine. Absolutely fine. Top of the world." She grinned slightly. Another pause. "I might be a bit late coming home, that's all." Pause. "Love you." She hung up. Hobbes was grinning wildly, and he raised his arms, as if to say 'how about that?'

"I just called my mum from the future," she told him, slightly shocked. "She's been dead for millions of years."

"Oh, how morbid. I give you a universal mobile, and all you can think of is how dead your mother is currently." He got up. "Well, back to the party. Apparently Calvin's discovered something he thinks we should know. Plus, I've got to return the Transmogrifier Gun before he notices."  
"You stole it?"

"I prefer the term 'liberated'."

* * *

"Hobbes! Slimy-Girl-Known-As-Rose!" Calvin ran towards them. "Guess what I just found out?"

"Oi!" protested Rose. "I'm not slimy!"

"You are," assured Calvin. "There's been a murder on board."

Rose gasped, and Hobbes's face hardened. "Who?"

"The steward."

"Cause of death?" Hobbes questioned.

"Apparently sun radiation poisoning, his sun filter was down. And look what I found in his room!"

Calvin was holding a metal spider between his thumb and forefinger. Rose snapped her fingers together a couple of times. "I've seen those before! Just out of the corner of my eye!"

"They're all over the Platform," Calvin informed her.

"So... split up?" Rose ventured.

"You read my mind. Hobbes and I will go this way, you go that way, question the guests, meet back here in 15 minutes, any more and something's gone wrong."

"Gottit." Rose gave them the big thumbs-up. Hobbes and Calvin wove their way through the crowd, and Rose decided to go to Lady Cassandra, the so-called Last Human.

* * *

"That didn't go well," Rose quickly decided, strolling away happily from Cassandra. She had, in the space of 5 minutes, insulted the lady, found out that she had had over 300 operations, none of them at all appealing, insulted her some more, called her something inappropriate for this fanfiction, and walked out.

Cassandra had given her some dirty looks from across the room, but Rose payed them no heed, and decided to find a certain boy and tiger to see if they had found anything more interesting.

"Hiya, Slimy Girl," Calvin said by way of greeting. "You'll never guess what we worked out five seconds ago."

"Do tell."  
"We found a way to make this little guy-" he shook the metal spider he was still holding. "-show us who his owners are, using the Transmogrifier Gun. Attention, everyone!" he yelled to the room. Everyone turned to look. Calvin had quite a loud voice for such a young boy. He placed the spider on the floor, and zapped it with the object that looked quite a bit like a water gun. It flickered into the image of a frog, and hopped a few steps, before changing back into a spider, and scuttling over to the Adherents of the Repeated Meme. Which were, you know, the creepy guys in black cloaks. Hobbes walked over and peered at the Adherents.  
"Calvin," he requested. "What, exactly, is a Repeated Meme?"

Calvin relayed this to his wrist watch, which whirred gently. "A repeated meme is an idea, a thought," it told him in its cool voice.

"I thought so," remarked Hobbes, ripping of the leader's cloak to reveal an empty shell. It was basically wire and a battery, hooked up to voice box. "Now, I wonder who their controller is...?"

Every single person in the room turned to look at Cassandra. She giggled. "Oh, you've figured it out, you clever boys and girls. The sun filters will go up, and this lovely, lovely space ship will be fried. I was going to use the deaths of the assembled elite to generate profit from their companies to finance my operations," she began. "but... I can still do that."

"Oh?" Hobbes waved the Transmogrifier Gun at her.

"Oh, yes." And with that, there was a loud ZAP. Cassandra, the last Human, had teleported away. Despite the fact that no teleporters were allowed.

There was a long silence.

"Well, that complicates things," grumbled Calvin. "Rose, are you coming with us?"

There was no reply.

"Rose?"

He turned on the spot, 360 degrees. Rose Tyler had disappeared.

"Seriously? You had to insult the person who is responsible for the latest plot on our lives. Of all the times... Hobbes? We have a human to rescue."

**And the duo dashed out of the room. **

* * *

**(A/N-**

**Rose Tyler. The most accident-prone companion he's ever had. There will be an update soon.**

**If you wish to ask me questions to do with the story, or just general things, please check out the link on my profile to my ask dot fm account. I check it every day, so go have a look.**

**~Kitty**


	4. Episode 2:2

**(Disclaimer: Don't transmogrify things that shouldn't exist yet, and sell them on eBay.)**

_**Episode 2:2- The End of the World**_

Rose woke in a room. A big, spacious room with not much in the way of furnishing, except for a small table at one end, and a note of lined paper, saying, 'bye, bye!' with a smiley face. She groaned. "Of all the people I had to insult..."

"Sun filter rising," interrupted a computerized voice, and her eyes widened. "Oh no."

She raced to the door, which was, predictably, locked. She banged on it for a moment, before giving up, and racing to pick up the table before the sun burnt it up. A small sliver of pure white light slid up the window, and began to creep over the floor, sizzling as it did. Rose chose not to look at it, and instead began to bang on the door with the table. All she succeeded with this was splintering the table into pieces.

"Hobbes?" she called. She could hear the pounding of furry feet on the floor, followed by someone yelling- "she's in here!"

"Rose?" Hobbes asked. "You okay?"

"I would be, if there wasn't the fact that deadly sun rays are about to burn me up?"  
"Is that so?"

The now-familiar zapping of the Transmogrifier Gun reached her ears, and the computer said, quite calmly, "Sun filter descending". And then, just as quickly, it told the room at large, "Sun filter rising".

"All taken care of, huh," Rose said sardonically.

"Working on it, working on it," Calvin told her through the door.

What followed was a ping-pong battle of "Sun filter rising" and "Sun filter descending", and Rose was becoming slightly worried that she was never going to get out of the room. Maybe she would get fried. Or maybe not.

She sat down, leaning heavily against the door- still closed- and pulled the tree sapling out of her pocket.

"Hello," she greeted it. "I'm Rose. That's a type of plant. We might be related."

"You're talking to a plant," came Calvin's muffled voice.

"Well, if you'd just hurry up..."

"We're on it," Hobbes assured her. There was a grunt, and a crash, then an electrical buzzing, followed by a loud ZAP. The sun filter stopped in the middle of a "Sun filter descending" and stayed there at halfway. Rose breathed out a sigh of relief. "What did you do?" she asked.

"We jammed the computer system," Hobbes informed her. "But we can't get you out."  
"Can't you use the Transmogrifier Gun thing?"

"Actually, you're right. We can."

There was a ZAP, and the door became a movie poster for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part II. Rose examined it quickly, before brushing past it to greet Calvin and Hobbes.

"Awesome sauce," Calvin grinned, rubbing his hands together. "Now, I believe we had a talking trampoline to capture?"

CRACK.

The three of them looked up simultaneously.

"Sun filter rising," declared the computer system all over the Platform.

"Oh, that is not good..." hissed Hobbes, beginning to back away down the hallway. "The spiders must be bringing down the gravity satellites already."

"What should we do?" Rose was beginning to panic slightly.

"Reset the manual shields," Calvin told them grimly. "Computer, bring up the schematics for Platform One."

His ever-present wristwatch whirred, and a slowly rotating hologram rose from it.

"We're here," Calvin explained tersely, jabbing a finger at a red cross. "and we need to get to the engines, which are here at the green cross."

Hobbes and Rose nodded.

"Let's go," he growled, closing off the hologram.

"Yes, sir." Rose saluted.

They dashed off along the corridor, Calvin pointing out the directions to go. They paused for a moment at a large, metal bound door. Calvin zapped it with the Transmogrifier Gun, and it turned into a bunny rabbit. A really tiny one. Rose scooped it up, and placed it in her pocket, next to the sapling. And they continued on.

Soon they came into a room with pillars dotting across a large cavern. And the pillars didn't look exactly natural either. Neither did the raging lava covering the floor at the base of the pillars.

"Lava is not supposed to be on a spaceship," Calvin protested. Hobbes shrugged.

"Probably Cassandra's fault," he deduced. "But there's only one thing we can really do here."

"What?" Rose asked.

"Transmogrify," he grinned. With three quick ZAPS, Calvin and Hobbes became falcons, and Rose became a bat. They flew across the heat struck area, and when they had reached the other side, Hobbes turned them back into their original forms.

"WHY the HELL did you turn me into a BAT?" she stormed. Hobbes shrugged, and Calvin just grinned.

"We need to keep moving," he urged her. She crossed her arms tightly over her chest, and growled ferally. "Okay, okay! I'm sorry! I'll get you a dress or something!"

They continued on down a long metallic hallway in complete darkness. The only source of light was at the very end of it, and it was a tiny pinprick.

"Aren't you not supposed got into the light?" Hobbes asked conversationally.

"Well, can you hear your dead ancestors calling out to you?"

"I can't even REMEMBER my ancestors."

"You should be fine."

At this point they had reached the light, which turned out to be sitting on top of a slightly raised platform. And beyond the platform was...

"Oh, damn," Rose gulped.

It was a complex array of whirring fan blades, with no discernable way through. The only thing that could possibly help them was, apparantly, a small button inset into the wall. Calvin pressed it experimentally. The fans slowed down, and stopped entirely.

"Hot dog!" he cheered, and let go of the button, making as if to go through the fan-lined area. As soon as he released the pressure, the fans began again, and he jumped back hurriedly. After a bit of experimenting, it appeared that the fans only stopped when someone was holding the button down. Which left them with a problem.

"Who's going to be the one that stays behind?" Calvin asked them all.

"Not me," Hobbes quickly declared. Calvin nodded an affirmative, and pointed at Rose.

"You, then."

"No way!" she exclaimed. Calvin pouted.

"Why not? You'll be the safest out of all of us- you won't be killed by giant fans, and you won't have to confront Cassandra."

"Oh yeah?" She pointed down the corridor. Lava was slowly but steadily creeping towards them. There was a slight moment of silence.

"Okay, maybe you will get killed, then."

"What are we going to do, you moron!" she screamed. Calvin thought for a moment.

"Give me the rabbit!" he demanded.

"What rabbit?"

"The one in your pocket!" Rose reached into her pocket and pulled out the fluffy white bundle, and handed it quickly to him. He drew the Transmogrifier Gun from his pocket and placed the bunny directly over the button, so it held it down and made the fans stop. "There's not enough power in the gun for a full molecule change, but if I change the basic structure..."

The gun ZAPped the rabbit. Its muscles stiffened, and it turned into granite.

The fans were still off.

"Go, go, go!" Hobbes urged her, and they dashed down the aisle of fans as quickly as they could, outrunning the lava by far. Rose felt a slight flicker in her vision, and for a moment they were in the desert, surrounded by creatures of nightmares, but then they were back in the bowels of Platform One, and she dismissed it as unimportant.

At the end of the corridor, a small electronic device was lying, discarded, on the ground. Calvin snatched it up, and stared at it for a moment. "Teleport," he diagnosed, and began pressing buttons. It beeped. "Hold onto my arm," he directed. Rose and Hobbes did so, and the world dissolved around them.

* * *

They staggered to their feet in a large, extravagantly decorated room.

"I wasn't entirely sure that would work," admitted Calvin sheepishly. Rose and Hobbes glared. He shook his head. "Okay, I'll make it up to you later."

Footsteps outside.

Without making a sound, they all dived for hiding places. Calvin hid himself in the gap between the couch and the metal wall, and Rose rolled under the tablecloth for the work desk. She didn't get to see where Hobbes had gone, and so assumed that he must have done a good job, because at that moment the sliding door opened, and Cassandra rolled herself in.

"Oh, you should have seen their faces," she laughed, presumably into a communications device. "The darlings never knew what hit them. None of them escaped."

Calvin stood up from behind the couch, and Rose rolled out and jumped to her feet. Cassandra paused. "Oh."

"Yes, exactly," Calvin replied.

"Wait. where's that tiger of yours?" she demanded.

"On the light," he said casually. Hobbes dropped, flailing, onto Cassandra's frame, and Rose chanced a look upwards. The light was tiny, not big enough to hold Hobbes at all.

"How does that work?" she asked. Calvin shrugged.

"TV contracts."

There was an awkward pause while everyone tried to figure that out. While everybody was distracted, Hobbes took the opportunity to grab the teleport. With a massive ZAP, they were back on Platform One. The heat was sweltering, and Cassandra gasped from the pressure of the heat waves.

"Now you know how it felt to the steward," Hobbes told her. Cassandra's thin skin was already beginning to crack from the heat.

"Moisturise me," she said in a small voice. Her skin was billowing and flexing in the heat. Calvin shook his head.

"Do something! She's going to die!" cried Rose. Calvin remained impassive.

"She should've died centuries ago. She was only delaying the inevitable."

With one last cry, Cassandra, the Last of the Humans, was gone. Her only remains were ashes that quickly blew away. Platform One was collapsing.

"Quick, to the Time Machine!" Hobbes yelled. And they were running again. Always running, reflected Rose with the hint of a smile.

* * *

"The Earth is gone," Rose realised, suddenly. They were back in the Time Machine. "The Earth is gone, and nobody saw it go. They were all..."

"Mmm," agreed Calvin, working at the console. "That's the problem with humans. We're all so busy, always wanting to be at the right place at the right time, but...more often than not, we're always late. I wish I was a tiger."

"Can't you use your Transmogrifier Gun?"

"Only works for an hour or so at a time. Besides, last time I tried it, it was slightly disappointing."

"How so?"

Calvin immediately clammed up, and Hobbes snickered. "Okay, you don't have to tell me. So, where next?"

Hobbes moved over, and hit a few buttons.

* * *

They stood in the middle of busy London, taking in the sights and smells.

"I think we all needed that," Hobbes sighed, and the other two agreed. Just the knowledge that, somewhere, sometime, Earth existed was a great comfort to them all. They walked a short distance to a park bench, and sat down. If anyone had looked over at that moment, all they would have seen was a teenage girl, and a younger boy, perhaps her brother, with a toy tiger.

"So, where do you come from?" Rose asked eventually.

"America," Calvin answered shortly. He didn't seem inclined to give any more details, and Hobbes took over.

"Our home town is trapped in a time loop," he sighed. "It's why Calvin is perpetually six. He figured it out about ten relative years ago, and we built the Time Machine so we could escape."  
"Doesn't anyone miss you?"

"No. We've got a duplicate of us back there, and besides," he gave her a pained smile. "I don't think anyone would miss us anyway."

There was a long silence between the three.

"You know what..." Rose began. "I think... I think..." She paused. "I think I need- chips!"

Her nose caught the smell of some freshly baked London chips. Calvin caught onto the thought, and jumped up. "Great idea!"  
Pause.

"...for a slimy girl."

Rose laughed and elbowed him in his ribs, standing up as well. "Come on, I can see a place. It's called..." she squinted. "...the Malo Lupo. Wonder what that means."

"No idea. I'm not Google Translate or something."

They walked off, chattering happily.

"...who's paying?"

"Not me. Dad won't give me allowance."

"Fine, you cheapskate. I will... if you'll let a slimy girl pay, that is."

"Oh, just this once, then."

* * *

**(A/N:**

**Yay! Second episode done! The Unquiet Dead is coming soon. I hope you liked the way I haven't actually followed the storyline of the original. Plus, I've done some foreshadowing. See if you can spot it.**

**~Kitty)**


	5. Episode 3:1

**(Disclaimer: It wasn't my fault we landed off target! Let's blame it on a passing salesman!)**

* * *

"And where to now?" Rose asked the two time travellers.

"Hm..." Calvin tapped the edge of the console with a finger. "Let's see... we are off to Ancient Egypt! Pharaohs... pyramids..."  
"Oooh! Can I be a princess?" Rose enthused, excited. Calvin examined her quickly.

"No. You're a slimy girl. You can be a slave."

"I hate you."

"Well, off we go, then!" Hobbes chirped. Three minutes of travelling, and they had arrived. Whether or not it was the right place remains to be seen. After a quick bounce out of the cardboard box, with Rose executing a perfect backflip, they stared around.

"...this doesn't look like Egypt," Hobbes admitted.

"No...it doesn't." Calvin grabbed a newspaper from a passing salesboy, and scanned it quickly. "Cardiff, 1869."

"A bit off target."

"Only slightly. Why don't we explore a bit?"

Hobbes nodded, and so did Rose. "We can meet back here in an hour?" she offered.

"Good idea," agreed Hobbes. "See you around."

* * *

Rose strolled along the street, looking around. Her strange clothing attracted some odd looks, but she didn't let it bother her. She was, right now, a part of history! She passed a group of salesmen that were giving her some covert looks in the corner, but she glared at them, and that was that.

"Hey," she realised, speaking softly to herself. "Isn't Charles Dickens alive right now?" She ran through the facts in her head from primary school. "Wow... I think he is. I wonder if I can see him."

She was so absorbed in her thoughts that she didn't notice the funeral taking place nearby. It was apparently for someone called Mrs Peace. Her coffin stood just in front of everyone gathered. To the side was a wealthy-looking man and a young girl who appeared to be his servant.

Rose continued down the street, and out of sight from the funeral, but something was happening. Something that, if she'd thought to investigate, would save her a lot of trouble, and possibly ruin the plot of this story. But she didn't, so this episode shall continue as planned.

The coffin of Mrs Peace was shaking slightly, but nobody really noticed it. The vicar read out a couple of lines from the Bible. The coffin shook again, and this time everyone noticed. The lid burst off, and the late Mrs Peace burst out of it, glowing bright blue.

So much for 'Peace', huh?

Everyone screamed, and began to run away madly like sensible people would if confronted by a glowing blue corpse. However, the man and his servant girl stayed where they were. They don't actually seem that sensible to me, now that I think about it.

Mrs Peace then proceeded to kill her grandson brutally. I won't go into detail here; I want to keep this fanfic rated K. She then lurched, zombie-like, out of the parlor. The man grabbed the girl by her arms and shook her roughly.

"Quick, girl, where is she going?" he yelled at her. The girl closed her eyes.

"The great man," she whimpered. "All the way from London. The great, great, man."

The man stood, grabbed her by the hand and dragged her out of the park where the service had taken place.

* * *

Rose, meanwhile, had decided to go to the place where Mr Dickens was currently performing.

Gee, this is building up the plot, isn't it?

When she reached the building, she distracted the one security-person with a rock diversion (namely, throwing a rock to make a noise in a different place) and slipped in. To her surprise, Hobbes was there too, apparently listening to whatever the famous author was doing.

"Didn't think you were a fan," she commented, sliding into the seat next to him. Hobbes shrugged.

"I find storytelling interesting," he replied. They listened in silence for a bit.

"Where's the stubborn boy?" she finally asked.

"Oh, you mean Calvin? He said there was something he needed to investigate."  
"That probably means that we'll be running for our lives soon, right?"

"Right."

That was when the glowing blue corpse of Mrs Peace burst into the room, spilling blue vapour all over the stage. Zombies do have great senses of timing, don't they? Hobbes and Rose jumped up, and moved to the stage, where the not-so-glowing corpse of Mrs Peace had collapsed. Rose poked the slumped body with a shoe.

"Dead," she reported. Hobbes nodded, and pointed off stage to a man and young girl who were running towards them.

"What's betting those people were the ones Calvin had to investigate?"

"Quite a lot, actually. You go get Calvin, I'll find out what's happening."

"Check that."

Hobbes dashed off in the opposite direction. The screaming audience had dissipated. Nobody was left in the room, except Rose, the corpse, and two people who were at that moment attempting to pick up the corpse.

Uh oh.

"What are you doing?" she asked them.

"Taking this corpse," replied the man. The girl gave her a terrified look.

"Sorry, miss," she whispered. Rose frowned.

"What are you sorry for?"

"This," said the man, and gestured to the girl. A cloth was clamped over Rose's mouth and nose, and the last thing she thought before she passed out was,_ oh, that is just so typical._

* * *

"You ruined the performance!" Charles Dickens stormed at Calvin, who attempted to give the famous author his 'oh, I'm a sweet little six-year-old face'. It didn't appear to be working, considering the evil look he was giving him. Hobbes crashed in through the door.

"Calvin, there's a glowing blue corpse-thing, and Rose is busy with some people, and-"

"Shut up, Hobbes," Calvin demanded. "I'm trying to stop Charles Dickens from murdering me."

"Charles Dickens?" Hobbes brightened visibly. "I can get you out of this one. Just repeat everything I say."

Calvin gave him a puzzled look, but nodded.

"Your stories are brilliant," Hobbes began. "Completely one hundred percent brilliant. I've read them all. Great Expectations, Oliver Twist and what's the other one, the one with the ghost?"

Calvin repeated this.

"A Christmas Carol?" Charles offered. Hobbes shook his head, and Calvin mirrored him.

"The one with the trains. The Signal Man!"

Calvin copied this, and glanced outside, before doing a double take. Rose was being loaded into a hearse by a man and a young girl. He blinked. "Oh, that is just so typical."

"What?" Hobbes and Charles asked at the same time.

"Rose. Our...uh, friend. She's being kidnapped."

"Damn," Hobbes growled. "Let's get her, then. Get on my back."

Calvin compiled, and Dickens stared at the odd scene. To him, it looked as if Calvin was floating just above a stuffed tiger. Calvin produced a hammer, and hit him on the head. And now, to Charles, it looked exactly as it was- Calvin was riding a large, bipedal tiger.

"Forwards!" Calvin yelled, and they crashed out the window, Charles Dickens staring at them. He quickly regained his composure and hailed a cab. Getting into it, he yelled at the driver, "Follow that boy!"

* * *

Rose awoke in a creepy place. To expand on that thought, she woke up in a dark dungeon with barely any light.

"Hello?" she spoke into the darkness. There was no reply. Like she expected any. The single gas lamp flickered.

* * *

Outside, the man and his servant, who we can now reveal to be called Mr Sneed and Gwyneth, were conversing in hushed voices.

"She's still alive!" said Gwyneth. "What should we do?"

"I don't know! I didn't plan for this. It's not my fault that the dead won't stay as they are."

"Then who's fault is it? Why is this happening to us?"

There was a knock at the door.

"We're not here!" growled Mr Sneed, and then realised how stupid that sounded. "I mean, we're closed."

"No, you're not," came Calvin's calm voice. "What if someone dies at midnight? You guys have to always be open. It's part of your job."

There was a pause.

"Plus, there's a sign on the door that says 'Open'," he added.

"That would be a clue," admitted Gwyneth. "What do you want?"

"We want...to see your master," Calvin said. Gwyneth boggled at Hobbes. "What?"

"You...have...a...tiger..." she stammered. Hobbes clasped his hands together.

"Oooh, very good!" he cheered, and they pushed past her. The gas lights flickered, and he glanced up. "Having problems with your electricity?" he asked.

"They don't have electricity," Calvin reminded him. "They have gas."

* * *

Down in Rose's cozy little catacomb area, someone blue and glowing was stirring. This oughta be good.

"Hello?" she called again. There were two coffins leaning against the wall. One's lid shifted, and clattered to the floor. "Anyone there?"

Something moved. And glowed.

"I think I know what's coming here," she said to herself. "Glowing blue zombies."

As it turned out, she was absolutely right. Two glowing blue reanimated bodies sat up from their coffins, and began to move towards her. "Oh, isn't that just typical."

She moved to the door, and banged on it frantically. "Calvin? Hobbes? Now would be a good time?"

* * *

From upstairs, the banging carried up.

"She's down there," Hobbes realised.

* * *

"Please, LET ME OUT!" she screamed. The zombies were drawing closer. There was a ZAP, and the door turned into a miniature cow. Calvin stood there, clutching the Transmogrifier.

"BACK, BACK, YOU SLIMY...uh...ZOMBIE THINGS!" he yelled. He paused. "Oh. It's you. Can't we get through one episode without you being in mortal danger, and us having to save you?"

Rose punched him lightly in the arm. "What do you mean, episode?"

"Uh...doesn't matter."

They turned back to the problem at hand, namely, the glowing blue corpses.

"Hello," Hobbes spoke mildly. "Anything you want?"

Just then, Charles Dickens happened to burst through the door. His eyes widened.

"This must be some sort of trick," he muttered.

"No, sorry. The dead are walking. Hello again," Hobbes waved.

"I'm hallucinating," the famous author decided. Calvin cleared his throat. "Oh, sorry. Please continue."

"Right. Anything you guys want?" Calvin directed at the reanimated...body-things.

"Failing. Open the rift. We're dying. Trapped in this form. Cannot sustain. Help us."

They screamed, and then collapsed. A short silence ensued.

"Riiight," Rose said, staring at the no-longer-glowing-blue bodies. "And that wasn't completely cryptic at all. Uh huh."

"Tea, anyone?" offered Sneed.

Everyone glared.

* * *

Gwyneth poured tea into cups for everyone in the parlour. Calvin accepted his carefully, but Hobbes declined and instead opted for a glass of cold milk. Originally the older man hadn't been able to see the tiger, but a knock on the head from a hammer had fixed that.

"You drugged me," Rose listed angrily. "You kidnapped me, you stuck me in a room full of zombies, you left me to die, and, as if that weren't enough, you messed up my hair!"

"Hair products," Calvin sighed. "That's all that girls think about. Honestly."

"Shut up, you," Rose retorted, and turned back to the funeral man. "You had better tell us what's going on, sunshine."

Calvin swirled his tea around with a spoon, and sipped lightly. He pulled a face. "Too bitter. But yes, I do agree with the slimy girl over there. What's going on?" He spooned some sugar into his drink. Sneed shrugged.

"The funeral parlour's always been associated with creepy things. There's always a reputation for these sorts of businesses. But it was only about a month ago that it actually started living up to the reputation. You know, the dead moving around."

"Codswallop," Charles Dickens offered his opinion.

"You saw it yourself," Hobbes pointed out.

"Trickery, obviously."

Hobbes and Calvin shared a look that clearly said 'yeah, right'. Calvin coughed slightly, and added more sugar to his tea. "So let's go have a look around. Maybe we can find something."

"Uh-uh." Rose crossed her arms. "I'm staying right here where I won't nearly get killed by zombies. I've had enough near-death experiences for today, thank you very much."

Calvin added two more heaped teaspoons of sugar to his tea. The cup now resembled a scoop of watery brown sludge with added sand. He sipped, and sighed contentedly. "Suit yourself."

He stood up, put his cup down, and exited the room, closely followed by Hobbes, Sneed and Charles. Gwyneth and Rose opted to stay sitting and sipping tea.

* * *

"Huh," mused Calvin, searching around the room. "Whaddya know. Nothing here."

Dickens was looking at the corpses, apparently for wires or the like. Hobbes shook his head. "You won't find anything there."

"There must be some kind of mechanism in this fraud," he insisted, still examining.

Hobbes sighed. "Sorry, Charlie boy. Nothing in there, now. The creatures are made of gas. The human body is full of gas when it decomposes. What do you think happened?"

The author lay back against the wall. "So, the world's nothing like I thought then. I had it wrong the whole time."

"Wrong?" Calvin laughed. "God, no! You just didn't know everything!"

"That's basically the same thing," he pointed out, then sighed. "I've always railed against the fantasists. Oh, I loved an illusion as much as the next man, revelled in them, but that's exactly what they were, illusions. The real world is something else. I dedicated myself to that. Injustices, the great social causes. I hoped that I was a force for good. Now you tell me that the real world is a realm of spectres and jack-o'-lanterns. In which case, have I wasted my brief span here? Has it all been for nothing?"

For once, Calvin had nothing to say.

* * *

Upstairs, Rose and Gwyneth had finished up their tea. Gwyneth took the dirty cups to the sink, and Rose began to help wash them. Gwyneth waved her away, but Rose insistently continued.

"You really shouldn't do that, miss," the servant girl told her. Rose shook her head.

"I really should. Sneed works you to death. I need to help out a little at least! How much does he pay you?"

"Eight pounds," replied the girl, sounding oddly pleased.

"Eight pounds a week, or...?"

"Don't be silly! Eight pounds a year!"

There was an awkward lull in the conversation, and Rose struggled to fill it. "So... do you go to school or something?"

"I used to. Every weekend, once a week. But I don't anymore."

"Once a week!"

There was another awkward silence. Gwenyth coughed.

"So... what do you do around here for kicks?" Rose ventured. The younger girl stayed mute. "Oh, come on! There must be something you do, or someone you...someone you like!"

"Well... there is a nice boy who works at the blacksmith's. He has a lovely smile."

Rose nodded knowingly. It was almost as if the two had bonded.

...of course, at that point, Calvin predictably ruined the moment by banging open the door and banging in. Rose started, and turned around to see who it was.

"Oh," she smiled. "You're back. So what's the plan?"

There was a pause.

"You do have a plan, right?"

"Of course I do, Rose Taylor," Calvin snapped.

("The name's _Tyler,_" Rose grumbled.)

"We," he said dramatically. "Are going to hold...a _seance_..."

* * *

**(A/N:**

**Cue dramatic music. I am working very hard on this one. As you may be able to tell.**

**I'm working on some theme music for the characters, and I may post them somewhere near Episode 6, if I get that far.**

**Thank you for all the lovely follows and favorites, but you know what I actually crave?**

**REVIEWS.**

**Please review!**

**~Kitty)**


	6. Episode 3:2

**(Disclaimer: Spirit-slash-ghost-slash-zombie-things...or whatever.)**

_**Episode 3:2- The Unquiet Dead**_

* * *

Gwyneth went slightly pale. "How did you know?" she whispered quietly. Calvin shrugged.

"A mixture of things," he said. "The way you actually aren't freaked out that much by Hobbes, and Rose's clothes... the fact that you seem to know quite a bit about our little zombie problem... the whole bit where you're accepting our 21st century slang..."

"Waitwaitwait," Rose protested, holding up her hands. "What in the name of Starclan are you talking about? Is she from the future or something?"

"Warriors!" Calvin exclaimed. "Excellent series; we must have a fangirl attack later over how awesome Erin Hunter is... but no. Nothing so dramatic."

"I have the Sight," the younger girl admitted quietly.

"She can see the future," Hobbes chimed in. "Annnddd... can apparently communicate with our spirit-slash-ghost-slash-zombie-things."

Rose blinked. "And this helps us... how?"

Calvin jumped up, starting to pace the room. Charles and Sneed were staring at the oddity of their unusual conversation. They probably had no idea whatsoever what Calvin was talking about.

"Well, if our slimy girl friend here... what's your name?"

"Gwyneth."

"Gwyneth, right. Thanks. Article (1): If our slimy girl friend, Gwyneth, knows what our spirit-slash-zombies-slash-ghost-things are, and can communicate with them, it stands to reason that she can put us into contact with them, and we can find out what they want. Article (2): They obviously want something, because otherwise they wouldn't be coming to life and strangling people, and generally causing chaos. Article (3): They're zombie-slash-spirit-slash-ghost-things, but we really need to come up with a better name for them. Anyone?"

He paused for a moment.

"Right, no one has any ideas. We can sort that out later. Article (4): We need to hold the séance soon, otherwise the...the...spirit-slash-zombie-slash-ghost-things will continue causing mayhem _(we really need a better name for them)_ and although I fully endorse mayhem, killing people is kind of stepping over the line. Article (5). You're all staring at me."

Everyone was indeed staring at him. Hobbes raised a hand timidly. Calvin nodded and pointed at him.

"You're scaring me," he stated. "I have never known you to be so... so... _logical_."

Rose nodded in agreement, and Gwyneth made a hasty noise of agreement. Calvin rolled his eyes.

"Maybe I'm just growing up?" he offered.

Rose and Hobbes shook their heads.

"Taking charge?"

They shook their heads again.

"This is a rare flash of inspiration for me?"

"Maybe," Hobbes conceded. "Right. Séance?"

"Yes. Downstairs."

Everyone groaned as one.

"The zombie room?" Rose complained.

"Of course! Where else would we summon zombies but the zombie room! Come along, Tyler!"

And he dashed off downstairs. Everyone glanced at each other. Hobbes shrugged and followed. Rose copied Hobbes, dragging Gwyneth by the arm. Dickens and Sneed had a silent, furious conversation involving lots of head shaking and mouthing, but they seemed to come to some sort of conclusion, and they headed downstairs with the rest of the group.

* * *

They were seated cross-legged on the floor- two girls, a tiger, and a spiky haired boy. Anyone watching might have thought that they were playing a children's game, not summoning zombie-slash-ghost-slash-spirit-things via a girl who could see the future. Read that again, and think of it out of context. Imagine how confused a new watcher of this show would be if they jumped in right here. Now stop thinking about things like that and get back to reading. Thank you.

"So," Hobbes ventured. "How do we go about summoning spirit-slash-ghost-slash-zombie-things?"

"They are called the Gelth," Gwyneth whispered. Calvin started, and glared pointedly at her.

"Why didn't you tell us that before?" he demanded not-so-quietly. "We didn't need to go through the whole process of calling them zombie-slash-gh-"

He was cut off abruptly by the swirls of glowing blue vapour that began to swirl about the room. Gwyneth stood and held her arms out horizontally, and spun around. "They are coming," she hummed. Calvin clapped his hands together in pure delight. "Actual ghosts!" he cried. "Oh my Starclan, I am _SO _happy! Never in my travels have I seen ghosts! I sound stupid!"

"They are called the Gelth," Gwyneth repeated, and the vapours increased. "Oh!" she gasped.

Whispering surrounded them. Dickens glanced around, looking spooked.

"What are they saying?" Rose wondered. Hobbes cocked his head to one side, and his ears pricked up.

"They're saying they can't get through. Gwyneth! They aren't controlling you, you're controlling them! Open the rift!"

She hummed in agreement, and raised her hands. The blue vapour around them started to group together and solidify into distinct shapes.

"This is so cool!" cheered Calvin. Rose wasn't so sure. Two shapes spiralled through the air and settled themselves behind Gwyneth. They started to speak with innocent cute little girl voices. That should have been a clue from the start. Anything that sounds like a little kid is automatically creepy. Ever heard of the movie _Child's Play_? Well, neither have I.

Back to the story.

"_Pity the Gelth,_" said the Gelth. "_Pity the Gelth._"

"Okay, we pity you," asserted Hobbes. "What do ya want?"

"_The rift. Take the girl to the rift. Time is running out so quickly. Pity the Gelth._"

Rose crossed her arms. "Well, why should we? Pity you, I mean. And what do you want with Gwyneth?"

"_Once, like you, we had a physical form. And then...the War came._"

"What war?" Calvin asked curiously.

"_The War of Wars. You, Time Lord, should know that above all others._"

Calvin strode across the room to a solid war and promptly began banging his head against it.

"I," he yelled between boinks. "am," BOINK. "not," BOINK "a," BOINK "freaking," BOINK "Time," BOINK "Lord!" He stopped slamming his head against the wall. "Why does everyone think that? _It was a stupid joke between Hobbes and me!_"

He turned to the Gelth and crossed his arms tightly across his chest. "I am extremely tempted to just not let you through the rift, out of spite."

"_Our bodies wasted away. We're trapped in this gaseous state,_" the gaseous beings continued, unfazed.

"And that's why you want the bodies," completed Hobbes, nodding. "You want to see the sunlight again."

"_Yes. Pity the Gelth. Your dead bodies are going to waste. Lend them to us. Pity the Gelth."_

"Shut up," Calvin snapped.

"It's not right," agreed Rose. "Shouldn't we just let the dead stay…well, dead?"

"They just want to see the light again," disagreed Hobbes.

"_Pity the Gelth._"

"You're not helping."

The Gelth swirled about the room, and fed themselves back into the gas lamps. Gwyneth collapsed onto the floor.

"It's all true," muttered Dickens.

* * *

Later, Gwyneth was laid out on the couch in the living room. Rose carried a glass of water over to her. Calvin and Hobbes were in deep discussion in the corner, while Charles seemed to be in slight shock. Gwyneth's eyelids fluttered. "Miss?"

"Shush," Rose said. "Drink this." She held the glass of water to the younger girl's lips, and she drank greedily.

"My angels," she said weakly. "Did you see them? They came for me."

"Quiet!" Rose hissed. "You really shouldn't be caught up in this type of thing."  
"Yes, she should," Hobbes insisted from across the room.

"No, she shouldn't," insisted Calvin. And they were back to arguing again. Gwyneth eyed them curiously.

"Does this always happen with them?" she wondered. Rose nodded.

"From what I can tell, yes."

"Hm."

There was silence, broken by the soft arguing in the corner, occasionally punctuated by an exclamation or yell.

"You can see the future?" Rose ventured.

"Yes, miss. I've always had the Sight. Ever since I was a child."

"Can you see my future, then?" she whispered, throwing furtive glances towards the two arguing time travellers in the corner.

"...potatoes!" yelled Calvin. Rose, personally had no idea what he was talking about and had no wish to actually know in the first place.

"I could," she admitted. "If you'd like, Miss."

"I would." Rose felt extremely guilty for some reason, as if it was something she really shouldn't do, but was going to do anyway for the thrill of rebellion.

The younger girl closed her eyes, and began humming a strange tune that sounded sort of like a hymn, but a bit more ethereal.

"I see..." she hummed. "You're from London. I've seen London in drawings, but never like that. All those people rushing about half naked, for shame. And the noise, and the metal boxes racing past, and the birds in the sky, no, they're metal as well. Metal birds with people in them. People are flying. And you, you've flown so far. Further than anyone. The things you've seen. The darkness, the big bad wolf!" She gasped, and sat upright. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, miss. So sorry."

"It's...all right," muttered Rose, not quite sure what she was apologising for.

"Ugh!" yelled Calvin from the corner. "Fine, have it your way, you big furry fleaball! But I reserve the right to say _I told you so!_"

"Fine!" Hobbes yelled right back.

"Fine!"

"AAAUGH!" he screamed, and stormed over to Rose and Gwyneth in frustration. "We're doing it," he growled, and jerked his hand over his shoulder to where Hobbes was standing, paws crossed over his shoulders. "I know, I know," he said, cutting off Rose, who was about to speak. "I don't like it any more than you do. But we are outvoted. Hobbes, Gwyneth, and the Gelth are all in favor, and only us are against them."

"Zombies count in votes, now, do they?" she questioned, raising an eyebrow. Calvin chuckled dryly, and called Mr Sneed over.

"Where's the largest concentration of ghosts?" he asked him. "I mean, where have they been seen the most."

"That... would be the morgue," the undertaker told him.

"Seriously?" Rose yelled, throwing her hands up in the air. "Couldn't it be in the, I don't know, gazebo or something?"

"That would ruin the dramatic tension of the episode," Calvin informed her.

"Wait, whaddya mean, episode?"

"Nevermind."

* * *

The morgue was, well, morgue-like. Very gloomy, a lot like the cellar. A Gelth emerged from a gas pipe, and swirled its way to stand underneath an arch.

"_Pity the Gelth,_" it said. Calvin slammed a fist into the wall.

"I AM SO SICK OF THEM SAYING THAT!" he yelled.

"_There is so little time._"

Rose raised a hand. "Uh, Calvin? Can I just point out that I know for a fact the Gelth don't succeed. Otherwise, there'd be corpses walking around in my time. And there weren't."

"Time can be rewritten," Hobbes informed her. "It's always moving; changing."

"_Stand beneath the arch,_" the things-previously-known-as-zombie-things instructed. Gwyneth obeyed.

"This is a bad idea," Rose warned.

"Of course it isn't," Hobbes shot back.

"Of course it is," Calvin agreed with Rose.

"_Establish the Bridge,_" the Gelth hummed. "_Reach through the Void. Let us through._"

"They're coming," sighed Gwyneth. "They're coming."

"_It is begun. The Bridge is made._"

And that was when everything began to go pear-shaped.

Gwyneth opened her mouth, and blue gas came out of it. The Gelth hovering behind her faded from blue into an angry flame red and grew large teeth. It no longer looked so sweet or innocent.

"_We are coming. The Gelth will come through in force._"

"I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN, YOU STUPID FLEABAG!" Calvin screamed. "Sure, they claim they only need a few bodies, but when they actually come out, they need-"

"_A few billion._"

The dead bodies around them rose to their feet, and began to move towards them. Rose, Calvin, Hobbes, and Sneed backed up against the wall.

Charles Dickens took the opportunity to dash out of the room.

"Get back here, girl!" Sneed demanded. "Stop dabbling in witchcraft!" He attempted to move closer to Gwyneth, but a Gelph (I do believe that is the singular term) moved forwards and snapped his neck with the movements of an entity that had done it many times before. Sneed's dead body glowed red and sat up.

"_I have joined the legions of the Gelth_," he hissed. "_There are three more bodies for us to take. Take them. Take them._"

"I take the opportunity to tell you, 'I told you so'," Calvin growled, hustling Rose and Hobbes towards the door, which was conveniently locked. He pulled out the Transmogrifier Gun, and aimed it. It crackled, but nothing happened. "They deadlocked it!"

"_Give yourselves to glory. Sacrifice yourselves for the Gelth._"

Hobbes growled, the primal noise rumbling deep in his throat. "I trusted you. And you..."

"You'll never take this world while we're alive," Calvin seethed.

"_Then live no more_."

"Seriously?" Rose wondered. "Isn't that, like, more than slightly cliched?" The Gelth drew closer, and she gulped. "I'm not alive yet, so it isn't it impossible for me to die?"

Calvin said nothing, and Hobbes reviewed her with sad eyes.

"Tell me it's impossible for me to die. Please."

"I'm sorry," Hobbes said.

* * *

Outside, Dickens was being chased by a glowing red Gelph down the street. Suddenly, without warning, it began to choke. As much as a gaseously-based creature can choke, that is.

"Atmosphere not sufficient," it gasped, and dived into the nearest street lamp. Dickens's eyes widened.

"The gas!"

* * *

"But it's the 1800s. How can I die now?" Rose asked.

"Is this really the time for this discussion? We're about to be murdered by red zombies," Calvin yelled. "And I think I have more of a right to be annoyed than you do. I've seen so much more than you have. I made the Tower of Pisa lean, I accidently married Vlad the Impaler, and here I am. About to die in a dungeon."

He paused, and then added, somewhat sourly.

"...in _Cardiff_."

Rose took a breath. "Let's go down fighting, then." She felt for Calvin's small hand, and Hobbes's furry paw, and squeezed them. "Together."

"Together," they echoed, and closed their eyes, waiting for their inevitable demise.

As it turned out, their demise wasn't that inevitable after all, because, at that moment, a certain famous author came running in.

"Turn up the GAS!" he yelled. "Turn off the flame, turn up the gas!"

He turned to the gas controls, and began flicking all the switches up to high. Calvin's eyes widened.

"Brilliant! Gas!"

"Oh, so we're going to choke to death instead. Wonderful," Hobbes put in sarcastically.

"No!" Calvin disagreed. "The Gelth are gaseous creatures. If they're sucked into the gas, and we light it with fire..."  
"Boom!" realised Rose.

They all set to work, ripping gas pipes off the walls and filling the room with gas. Rose coughed, and realised that it was getting hard to breathe.

"Calvin..." she choked. He noticed, and motioned to Charles.  
"Get her out," he ordered. "Now."

"No!" she protested. "I'm not leaving Gwyneth."

"You have to. You're choking to death," Hobbes informed her.

"No...!"

She sank to the floor, coughing heavily. Charles grabbed her by the upper arms, and dragged her out. Hobbes turned to Calvin. "What now?"

By way of response, he Transmogrified two gas masks for them. Hobbes accepted his.

"Now," he said, voice muffled by the mask. "Now, we get the other slimy girl out of here."

They moved towards Gwyneth, who was still standing in the middle of the arch.

"They aren't angels," Hobbes yelled to her. "You need to get out of here."

She gave them a sad smile. "I can't."

Calvin felt for a pulse, and suddenly realised. "You're dead. You were dead the moment you stood in the arch."

"Yes. I cannot help you anymore, except for one last thing." Gwyneth removed a box of matches from her apron pocket, and held them up.

"I'm sorry," Hobbes said. "Thank you."

The two of them, the boy and the tiger, dashed out of the room together, just as Gwyneth removed a match from her pocket and lit it.

The room went up in a massive ball of fire.

* * *

They made it outside just as the shop exploded. Calvin and Hobbes went flying across the street, and Calvin collided directly with Rose. She caught him around the waist, and noticed.

"She's not with you."

"She's dead," he said, removing the mask. "I'm sorry. She was from the moment she stood in the arch."

"She saved the world," Rose realised. "A servant girl. And no one will ever know."

* * *

Half an hour later, the four of them, a girl, a boy, a man, and a tiger, they were all standing in front of the Time Machine.

"Well, goodbye, Charlie Boy," Hobbes grinned, waving. "It was lovely to meet you, but we must be going. Things to see, you know."

"Yes, me too," he agreed, nodding. "I am taking a coach back to London, and then I may finish off the Mystery of Edwin Drood. It lacks a proper ending, you know."

"Hm," Calvin had a pensive look on his face. "You could put something about glowing blue spirits in it, you know."

"Yes!" the writer exclaimed. "I can retitle it 'The Mystery of Edwin Drood and the Glowing Blue Apparitions!'"

"Catchy title," Rose remarked, covering up a smirk.

"Yes, I think so too," he agreed.

"Bye, then." Calvin waved, and entered the box, his spiky hair disappearing from view.

"Bye," Hobbes said as well, and shook Charles's hand vigorously. He entered the box as well. Rose turned to him, grinning.

"I guess this is goodbye," she said, and kissed his cheek before shaking his hand. He shook his head in slight disbelief.

"What odd customs you have."

Rose laughed, and turned to go, but was stopped by his voice again.

"One last thing, Miss Rose. You have such knowledge of future times, so please tell me this. My books. Do they last?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Oh, they do last. They last forever."

And she entered the box too.

* * *

Rose dismounted the trampoline and joined Calvin and Hobbes by the console. "He was so nice," she said.

"Yeah, I guess so," agreed Calvin. "But don't you think it may change the timeline if he writes about blue ghosts?"

Hobbes gave him a sad look. "Charles Dickens dies next year. He won't have a chance to publish 'The Mystery of Edwin Drood'."

Rose covered her mouth. "Oh no. That's horrible. He was so nice."

Calvin shrugged. "It's just life. Or death, I guess. And do you really want to try to change it, after what we've just seen?"

"I guess not," Rose admitted reluctantly. "But can't we give him one last surprise?"

"What did you have in mind?"

Rose told him. He grinned.

* * *

Outside, Charles Dickens waited for the two children and the tiger to come out from their odd cardboard box, and go home. After five minutes, he became slightly concerned. What exactly were they doing in there?

Just as he moved to look, the box rose up into the air, and began to hover. It swooped around his head a couple of times, and spiralled up into the air, before disappearing into a rip in the air. He laughed in amazement and delight, and began to walk away.

Somewhere, a choir was singing 'Hark, the Angels Sing'. It was Christmas Eve, and the snow was just beginning to fall.

"Merry Christmas, sir!" called a boy who was selling newspapers on the side of the road.

"Merry Christmas to you too!" he called back. "God bless us, everyone!"

* * *

**(A/N: I decided the remove the interlude, after much deliberation. Might post them somewhere else...anyway. Aliens of London will be up next week, and it'll be very different. I hope. See you then.**

**REVIEWS ARE LOVE. SHARE THE LOVE.**

**~Kitty)**


	7. Episode 4:1

**(A/N: Girls. Can't live with them, my hard drive has lost its pink pen.)**

_**Episode 4:1- Aliens of London**_

RING-RING. RING-RING.

"Hello?!" Calvin yelled down the line. "Oh, hey, Hobbes. Yes."

Pause.  
"No."

Pause.

"Maybe."

Another pause.

"Seriously! I'm working on the Time Machine! How bad can it be?"

Long, long pause.  
"No, that was a rhetorical question. Of course it's that bad, with the slimy girl with you. Seriously. How accident prone can you get?"

Pause.

"..that was another rhetorical question. Where are you?"

Yet another pause.

"Of course. You're at 10 Downing Street," he said sarcastically. "How could I be so stupid? Just what have you gotten yourself into this time?"

* * *

12 HOURS EARLIER...

"Go on," Calvin said, pushing Rose towards the trampoline. "Off you go. Go meet up with your mum and dad. I landed us 12 hours after we left."

"Fine! Fine! Just don't leave without me!" she protested.

Calvin rolled his eyes. "Of course I won't. I'm working on the Time Machine for a bit, it'll take me about 24 hours. Perfect timing, right?"

"Right," she snapped. "And by the way, my dad's dead."

And with that stinging retort, she stalked to the trampoline and bounced out. Calvin huffed a big sigh, and turned to the console to begin tinkering. "Girls!" he complained dramatically. "Can't live with 'em."

"..but wouldn't want to live without them," Hobbes completed.

"Yeah, that's right," Calvin nodded, then turned around sharply. "Wait, WHAT?"

"I said, my drive has lost its pink pen," he said, deadpan.

"That's alright, then," Calvin agreed, and connected a circuit. It sparked angrily, and zapped him with a bolt of electricity. "Hey!"

More sparks and another zap from the interior of the Time Machine. Calvin growled angrily, and shoved a screwdriver into the mass of wires. A small explosion occurred. Calvin raised himself out of the smoking remains of an expensive-looking device, and screamed wordlessly towards the ceiling. When he had calmed down slightly, he jabbed the screwdriver which was hanging loosely from his hand towards Hobbes. "You. Out. Now. Follow Rose, eat tuna, I don't care. Just leave me alone."

Hobbes raised a paw in his direction. "Uh... Calvin? Are you... okay?"

"GET OUT!"

Ten seconds of needless violence later, Hobbes was sitting on his bruised rump on the pavement outside the Time Machine.

"Yowch," he said, rubbing his rear. "Calvin?"

A scream and a puff of smoke.

"I'll be back at five, okay?"

A hammer flew out from the Time Machine, landing dangerously close to Hobbes's tail.

"Okay, I get the message. See you later."

_growwwwllll... _came from the Time Machine. But Hobbes didn't hear, because he was already walking off.

A newspaper fluttered to the ground in front of the tiger, and he picked it up absently, reading the date. His eyes widened, and he dropped the newspaper, running as fast as he could towards the Powell Estates.

* * *

"I'm home!" called Rose, strolling in the front door. "I was just out with Shareen. Sorry I'm a bit late home, I just lost track of time. How are ya?"

Jackie Tyler, who had been sitting on the couch with a cup of tea, dropped the mug. It shattered on the floor, shards flying everywhere. Her expression was one of absolute shock with a bit of incredulity mixed in.

"What?" demanded Rose. "I've come in late before, it's never bothered you."

"Yeah... but... but... but, not this late."

"What do you mean!" she exclaimed, and her eyes fell on the dining room table.

There were five different types of 'Missing Person' posters there.

Oops.

Just then, Hobbes crashed in through the door. "It wasn't 12 hours!" he yelled. "12 months. Sorry. I'll kill Calvin as soon as we get back to the Time Machine, really."

"I'll help," Rose agreed, staring at the posters.

"Rose!" Jackie exploded. "Where have you been?! And where did that stuffed tiger come from? And why are you talking to it? And why am I the one asking all the questions? Oh, forget it! I'm calling the police." She grabbed a phone and dialed.

"No, Mum!" Rose protested. "Honestly, I can explain."

"No buts," she lectured. "We're talking to the police."

"Seriously," Rose mumbled. "Where's Calvin when you need him?" Jackie's astute ears picked this up quickly.

"Who's this Calvin person, then?" she demanded.

"No one... no one! He's just the person I'm travelling with!"

"He's in the Time Machine," Hobbes said, taking no notice of the seething mother next to him, probably reassured by the fact that she couldn't hear him.

"Oh!" continued Jackie. "So you've been travelling, hm, missy? Because I don't recall ever seeing your passport leave the spot where you left it. And you've been travelling with a boy!"

"And a tiger," Rose muttered, throwing a glance at Hobbes.

"Huh! Get rid of that ratty old thing, already!" Jackie huffed, grabbing Hobbes by the tail- it looked extremely odd- and throwing him out the window. Rose heard a startled yelp from the garden.

"Stop that!" she yelled. "Look, Mum, I can't talk to you about this. I called you, remember?"

"Yes. Yes, I do remember. I remember you giving me one cryptic phone call, two days after you left. And then nothing. Where were you? Where did you go?"

Rose blinked at her, almost in tears, before turning and bolting out the door.

* * *

Rose climbed the escapeway that ran up along the side of the building. It was a pastime she had developed as a child. Whenever life had felt a little too much, she would climb up to the roof, and just sit there, thinking or reading a book. She mounted the side, and clambered to the top of the building. It was a windy afternoon, the breeze sweeping bits of rubbish around the flat-topped roof. She stepped over to the edge and sat down, letting her legs swing out over nothing. The estate lay sprawled below her.

"What are you thinking about?" asked Hobbes. He had padded silently up behind and sat down just next to her. Rose sighed.

"Ah... just... nothing really."

There was a companionable silence for a few moments, and then-

"It's just- I can't tell her anything! I can't tell my own mother where I've been for the last three days, and she thinks it was a whole year! No, she's right. It was a whole year."

Hobbes shrugged. "The disadvantages of being a time traveller," he remarked wisely. "Your head starts to hurt."

Rose chuckled. "Heh. But still. It's like, I've seen all these things, right? And now I can't go back. I'm probably one of the only people on Earth who know that aliens actually exist. And I can't tell anyone. No one else knows anything about this, and they probably never will."

A loud screeching noise from above made them both look up.

A large, disc-shaped space ship was pivoting wildly through the sky, weaving this way and that. Twin streams of black smoke sprayed out from its rear end. Rose's and Hobbes's eyes followed it as it flew into an inelegant barrel roll, spun twice, and crashed directly into Big Ben, blowing a massive hole through the center of the big clock.

They stared at the scene for a moment, before Rose found her voice.

"_Seriously?_" she groaned. "That just had to happen, right?"

Hobbes laughed in delight. "Oh, you _bet _it did! Come on, let's go!"

"More running?" Rose got up.

"Almost certainly, yeah."

"Then what are we waiting for?"

Hobbes produced the Transmogrifier Gun from behind his ear, and zapped a loose candy wrapper with it. It turned into what looked like a hovercar.

"It's a hovercar," he explained. The small grey vehicle was just a platform with a long stick running up from the center. It wasn't bigger than a meter squared. Rose hopped on, and Hobbes gripped the pole, maneuvering it forwards. The hovercar shot forwards and off the building, and into the afternoon sky.

"But won't people notice a hovercar?" Rose asked, peering down at London, spread out below them like a map.

"Yup."

They flew over some rooftops, and a few children pointed and stared at them from windows.

"Then...?"

"There's already a crashed spaceship in the smoking remains of Big Ben. Seriously. Is some futuristic technology going to make much difference."

Rose considered that, and nodded, before grabbing the control stick from Hobbes.

"I can do a better job than you at this, you know," she informed him. He raised an eyebrow.

"Wanna put that to the test?"

Hobbes grabbed the stick back and guided them towards an empty rooftop, where he landed. He grabbed a loose tile from the roof, and transformed it into an identical hovercar, except for one fact. It was light pink. Rose squealed in delight, and ran over to it, revving the control stick twice. She turned to her tiger friend.

"Oh, you are _so _going down."

Hobbes laughed, and they took off, rising into the air in synchronisation. Rose flew low, darting through alleyways, and only rising up when she approached pedestrian areas. Hobbes, on the other hand, prefered to stay up as highly as humanly (or felinely) possible. He reached out a claw, and snagged a bird mid-flight, before plucking a few feathers off and letting it continue unharmed, albeit slightly dazed. The two hovercrafters met up half a kilometer away from their destination, and started flying side-by-side, each competing to be there first. Hobbes put on a burst of speed, and Rose decided to do the stupidest thing she had ever done.

She flew up next to Hobbes, and jumped from her craft to his. In mid air.

Hobbes shook his head, amused, and jumped to Rose's pink vehicle, quickly saving it from the mystery spaceship's fate, namely, crashing into Big Ben.

They both touched down in front of a huge crowd that had already gathered.

"I win," declared Rose, jumping off Hobbes's hovercar.

"No way!" Hobbes protested. "I _so _beat you!"

"But you won using my hovercar, so technically I did win!"

"Girls," Hobbes grumbled, zapping the two 'cars back to their original form. A candy wrapper and a brick shingle fell to the ground with a scratch and a thump, respectively.

Hobbes and Rose then noticed the crowd that was staring at them.

"Oh, he-llo!" cried Hobbes, then noticed that no one could see him, except for the kids. He nudged Rose, who smiled and waved.

"Uh, hi. I'm... uh... Annabeth Chase? I represent the Department of Extremely Odd Stuff, and... I'm investigating. Investigating the investigation with my investigative powers. Yes. So, if you could, sort of, move aside?"

She motioned with her hand. Everyone shuffled out of the way.

"Thanks. Let's go."

She and Hobbes started across the path that people had cleared for them. They had got to about two meters away from the giant smoking wreck when they were stopped.

By the military, no less.

* * *

Five minutes later, they were walking home, having deemed the hovercars too risky at this point in time.

"Well, that went well," complained Rose.

"Seriously. You though 'Annabeth Chase' would work? And, 'The Department of Extremely Odd Stuff'? Honestly."

"Well, it's better than 'The Ministry of Silly Walks'. Why don't we have some kind of identity giving paper, like... I dunno, psychic paper, or something?"

Hobbes looked at her strangely. "Where did you get that from?"

Rose shrugged. "It just came to me. What do we do now?"

Hobbes tapped his chin with a claw. "The obvious thing. We watch it on the television."

"_Big Ben has been destroyed. Police have been drafted in from across the country to help with the impending panic._"

Rose reached up to the remote, and switched it off. "Nothing we don't know. Honestly. You'd think the news people would be more efficient."

"Nah, not gonna happen. It's like asking for a non-corrupt politician."

Rose grinned, tongue poking out from the corner of her teeth. "What now?"

Hobbes shrugged and yawned, stretching his paws out, and knocking the remote off the top of the television, where it had been placed. It clattered to the floor. The TV turned on.

"_-body has been found, of non-terrestrial origins. A retrieval squad is being sent in..._"

Hobbes and Rose stared at each other, then to the TV screen.

"What in the..." Hobbes said softly.

People were filing into the Tyler's living room, and Rose couldn't successfully communicate with Hobbes without looking like some kind of weirdo. Not that she was, of course. It was quickly turning into some sort of 'Welcome Home, Rose!' party. People kept coming up to her and asking where she had been. But of course she couldn't tell them.

"My life is so complicated!" she screamed mentally. "It's like some insane fanfiction author took a popular TV show and crossed it messily with a comic strip, getting rid of main characters when necessary and making fun of key elements. And they did it badly, and they're not getting the reviews they think they deserve."

Followed by-

"Where did that come from?"

"_Mystery still surrounds the whereabouts of the Prime Minister. He hasn't been seen since the crisis started, and- oh, hold on a moment. There's Joseph Green, MP for Hartley Dale. He's Chairman of the Parliamentary Commission for the monitoring of sugar content in exported confectionary._"

There was a pause.

"_With respect, he's not really that important right now. Sorry, Joe."_

Rose sighed, and headed out to the balcony, where less people were located. Hobbes was out there, leaning on the railing.

"Where did you get to?" she asked him.

"Your mother threw me out the window again. I spent a good fifteen minutes getting up, and another ten trying to keep out of her sight."

"Uh," Rose looked slightly embarrassed. "Sorry, I guess. Mum's a bit of a neat freak." She quickly changed the subject. "So. About the space ship. What should we do?"

Hobbs rubbed his left ear. "Well, I don't really think it's that important."

"What!" she demanded. "How can an alien invasion not be important!"

"That's the thing. I don't actually think it's an invasion. I think- no, I'm 99% _sure _that this is humanity's first contact with alien life. We can't really meddle with something like that. That was an actual crash landing, a complete accident. It wasn't intentional."

Rose crossed her arms. "So what, we just stay here and wait it out?"

"No," he corrected her. "_You _stay here and wait it out. I'm going to go find Calvin to see if he's over his temper tantrum, and then... we might do something. I don't know."

"Huh." They gazed out over the Powell Estates together. "Promise you won't disappear?" Rose asked abruptly. Hobbes looked scandalized.

"Of course we wouldn't do that!"

Rose looked unconvinced.

"Okay, maybe Calvin would. But I'd stop him. Here."

He tossed her a small red button set on a metal backing. It had a hole in the top so you could loop a string through it. Rose caught it and examined it. "What is it?"

"It's a Time Machine key. Thing. Sorta like the garage car door opener. If you press the button, and the Time Machine's around, the doors unlock or lock. If the Machine's not around, it sends out a signal so we can get you. Cool, huh?"

"Very cool." Rose tucked it into her jacket pocket. "I guess I'll see you later."

"You will," he promised, and leapt off the balcony with a cry of 'Geronimo!' In midair, he sprouted wings, which were probably a product of the Transmogrifier Gun, and flapped off.

Rose watched him go. Unnoticed, Mickey (remember him? He's Rose's boyfriend. Or ex. I don't know. It's complex, and I'm only 12. I don't even have a boyfriend yet. *starts crying* Oops. I'm off topic again. Sorry, back to the story.) was watching the tiger fly off. But he could only see a stuffed tiger levitating through the air.

"What in the world?" he muttered. Something was going on.

* * *

Hobbes, as a matter of fact, did not go towards the Time Machine, like Rose expected him to. He valued his life, health and sanity too much than to encounter Calvin when he was in such a bad mood. Instead, he transformed himself into an invisible flying penguin and headed towards Number 10, Downing Street.

This oughta be good.

He flew in through a window, which just happened to be in a hallway where an interesting argument was taking place.

"Let me in!" demanded a woman whose name tag declared her to be 'Harriet Jones, MP for Flydale North'.

"I'm sorry, no," replied the Junior Secretary. There was an awkward pause.

"Damn, that didn't work," growled Harriet. "Would you like a cup of coffee?"

"Thank you," the Secretary said, taking the cup she held and sipping it contentedly. "Hey!"

Harriet Jones had ducked in through the door when he wasn't looking, and shut the door behind her. No one was there, or at least that's what she thought. An invisible Hobbes, in the form of a penguin, was there too.

Harriet Jones walked over to a red box, handily labelled Red Box. She placed a sheaf of papers inside it, before noticing a file marked 'Emergency Protocols' inside it. She frowned, and took it out. Hobbes crept up behind her, holding his breath. Harriet began reading, and Hobbes read the file too.

There was loud thumping from outside. Hobbes jumped, but Harriet didn't notice anything. She just flipped a page over, and continued to scan the text. Hobbes dashed over to the door, and flung it open. He ran down the hallway, in the direction of the thumping.

Harriet didn't notice a thing.

Hobbes sped down the hallways, heading towards the Cold Chambers. He zapped himself with the Transmogrifier Gun, turning himself into a non-invisible, non-flying tiger. A regiment of soldiers was marching down the corridor, and he dashed behind a pillar.

"Emergency defence plan delta!" the tiger screamed, and continued on towards the noises. The soldiers all glanced at each other, shrugged, and decided to follow the orders given from seemingly nowhere.

Hobbes reached the cool room the thumping was coming from just as the freezer burst open and something came out. It was...

"A pig?" the scientist standing nearby screamed.

Indeed it was. It was a pig in a spacesuit. Hobbes sidled up to the scientist and rapped her on the back of the head with his ever-present rubbed mallet. She started, and stared at him.

"Yes, yes, I'm a tiger, get over it already," he said, waving his hand. "Back to the crisis at hand. Was this alive when you put it in the freezer?"

"N-no."

"Great. Just perfectly peachy."

The pig squealed, and ducked behind a filing cabinet. Hobbes crept up to it on all fours, purring softly. "Hm. Are you an alien menace? No. Of course you're not."

The door was smashed in, and a troop of soldiers stormed the place. They were all carrying guns. Hobbes sucked in a deep breath. "Don't shoot!"

Of course, the soldiers couldn't hear him. To them, he was just a stuffed tiger toy. So they shot. And they didn't miss.

* * *

**(A/N: Welcome back to the world of Calvin Who, which is what I'm calling this series now. Thanks for all the positive feedback, and please, please, please review, and tell me what bits you liked! I need ideas, and I'm asking YOU!**

**Extra special thanks to GoldenKeyblade, who gave me ideas for if I get to Season 8. Not likely, but I appreciate the notion.**

**THERE WILL NOT BE AN UPDATE NEXT WEEK, due to me having school camp, but the week after that I'll be right back in action.**

**Also: I need info. Where can I find some other good Calvin and Hobbes/Doctor Who crossovers not on this site? **

**Lotsa Luv,**

**~Kitty Eden)**


	8. Episode 4:2

_**Episode 4:2- Aliens of London**_

* * *

Now, I know what you're thinking right now. _Ohemgee! One of our main protagonists is dead, and the other two heroes weren't around to see it or stop it! Who's going to save the world now?_

Well, that, or something to that effect. I am sorry/pleased/whatever to tell you, however, that Hobbes is not, in fact dead, and someone did receive a minor injury. I will reveal that fact to you now to prove I am not, in fact, into the dramatic tension of narrative in the least. I will conceal the fact of who has a minor injury, mainly because it doesn't have any impact on the plot whatsoever.

What you've just witnessed here today, ladies and gents, is called **misdirection**. Misdirection is a technique that involves the placement of one event/device/thing in one place that distracts the reader/viewer/watcher from seeing what really is happening. This device is used a lot nowadays, mainly in stage magic, politics, films, and the Oprah Winfrey Network. Has this technique of misdirecting been used on you recently? Probably. Definitely, because it just was in the previous episode. Are you offended? Probably. Definitely. Do I care? Probably not. Definitely not. So if you have a complaint, feel free to find the largest, bumpiest, most spiky log you can get, write your complaint on it using blood from the back of your head, and ram it down your throat. Now see if I actually care. Thank you.

Back to the narrative.

When the strike force of assault soldiers burst into the freezer room, and locked and loaded their guns, the spacepig thing was creeping out from behind the filing cabinet as Hobbes was creeping towards _it_. Hobbes was attempting to coax it into the open air, and was situated directly behind it, at least, relative to the door. So when the soldiers burst in, and Hobbes yelled "Don't shoot!", and they shot anyway because they couldn't see him, and he was basically a stuffed tiger to them... all he had to do was duck. And he did, with great aplomb. Hobbes was unharmed, except for a minor injury to the tip of his tail, which had been sticking upright and bristling with fright.

(...dammit. I revealed the nature of the minor injury, even though I told myself I wouldn't. Grr.)

The mutant space pig, which, (poor thing) was quite confused, wasn't that lucky. It squealed twice as it was shot in the heart, before dying. Hobbes stared in horror, and scrambled to the dead creature's side. Without looking up, he fired the Transmogrifier Gun twice in the air; once, to jam up everyone's guns, and twice to give everyone the Transmogrification equivalent of a bang on the head with a rubber hammer. All the soldiers started, as they noticed that the stuffed tiger that had been sitting next to the cabinet wasn't quite so stuffed anymore.

"It was innocent," growled the tiger. It didn't look that cuddly. The military force took a collective step back.

* * *

Back in the room where Harriet Jones was reading secret documents she probably shouldn't have been reading (GOD I LOVE THIS WOMAN), she heard footsteps. This time, she looked up.

Go figure.

She hastily packed away the files, and placed them back into the Red Box, before glancing around for a place to hide. The people were getting closer, and indistinct voices could be heard. Her eyes swept the room once; twice, before catching onto a closet. With seconds to spare, she swung herself into it, and shut the door firmly.

"This is possibly the greatest crisis in human history, and you have not done a single thing to avert it!" someone was saying. "This is an outrage, sir!"  
"I quite agree," said another person. "It's an outrage that someone as mindblowingly stupid as you could be in office still."

The noise of someone spluttering in outrage. "Sir!"

"I do like this job, don't you?" a woman's voice said.

"Yes, it is a total blast," the second man agreed. A fart rang out. "Oh, I'm so sorry." He didn't sound that sorry. "I believe-" Fart. "-I'm the acting Prime Minister now?" Fart.

"Where's the rest of the cabinet!" the bureaucratic-sounding person demanded.

"I sent them away," the woman said calmly. She farted. "We do have a lot to deal with, now."

"Specifically, you," the man said. Harriet inched closer to the tiny crack of light from the door and peeked through it.

The bureaucrat growled. "I am relieving you from your command as of Rule 17, Law 234b1, Section a1, Subsection 87, Sub-subsection 9, Sub-sub-subsection 01, Article 76"

"That's a lot of words for such a small man," the woman purred, sounding as if she was checking her nails for scratching. "I mean, this is quite a hair raising business."

"Quite!" agreed the man she was with. "I mean, look at us right now!"

Harriet inched closer to the door. The woman, who was the elaborately manicured sort, gripped her hair and pulled upwards. Her head came off. The man did the same.

The room glowed green, as the bureaucrat screamed in terror.

* * *

"What do ya mean, you lied?" Rose growled at Hobbes, who shrunk back a bit.

"It was for the Greater Good?" he tried. Rose snorted.

"Dumbledore tried that one, and look how _that _turned out."

"Oooh, Harry Potter," grinned the tiger, becoming momentarily distracted. "Wait, how come you know Book 7? It hasn't come out yet in your timeline!"

"It was in your library, and DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT!"

"We have a library?"

Rose slammed a fist into the cushion behind her, and bounced up and down in irritation. "Stupid cat. Honestly."

"Well, you might want to know what I know."

"What do you know that I want to know?"

"Are you sure that you want to know what I know you want to know?"

"Yeah, I'm completely sure that I want to know what you think you know what I want to know you know."

There was a pause. "You know, I don't know. I completely lost track of that," Rose admitted. "Just tell me."

"The alien was a fake!" Hobbes declared triumphantly.

"That means I was right!" Rose realised.

"Ye- wait, no. That's not that point at all."

"A pencil?" the human girl wondered.

"What?"

"Never mind. Do you mean the fact that someone must have crashed the spaceship for a reason?"

Hobbes sighed in relief that she was finally getting it. "Yep. And it's not human, because of the fact that the ship is way too advanced."

"So..."

"We go investigate."

"But how?" Rose stood up, and began to pace. "Calvin's still in his tantrum mode, I bet, and the hovercars are probably illegal in seven different countries-"

"Solar systems," Hobbes corrected.

"Wha- never mind. So what do we do?"

The tiger stood up as well. "We do what we do best. Improvise."

There was a ring at the door. Rose peeked out the window. "Was this part of your plan?"

"Depends who it is," Hobbes said, peeking out too. His eyes widened. "No- er, yes. It definitely was my plan. That's right."

"Suuurrre," Rose said sarcastically. "A team of soldiers was definitely part of your plan."

"Hey, don't knock it. It worked."

"Let's go see what they want first, hmm?"

Rose strode over to the door, and threw it open. "Hello!" she chirruped, waving wildly at the organised team of soldiers, waiting outside. "Would you like a cup of tea? And some Jammie Dodgers, maybe?"

A slight look of surprise passed between the soldiers, before one cleared his throat, and stepped forwards. "We're here to escort you, and the... tiger to Number 10, Downing Street."

"Any reason why?" Rose leant against the door frame, and arched her eyebrows.

"We've heard rumours that you two are alien experts, and we'd like your opinion on... matters."

"Hm. Well, I wouldn't say that about me, but I suppose Hobbes is. So..." She threw the door open wider, and grabbed Hobbes by the arm. "Away we go!"

The tiger let out a startled hiss of surprise, as they were escorted into a car and driven away.

* * *

A few kilometers, and bumps on the head with a rubber mallet later, they were extremely close to their destination. Hobbes and Rose were passing the time by talking, as their escorts seemed quite moody and not that inclined to speak.

"Any reason the rubber mallet is needed to make people...see you?" Rose asked. They had just finished their fangirl/boy/tiger discussion on Harry Potter, and were running out of material. (Hobbed was a steadfast Harry/Luna shipper, while Rose was leaning more towards Harry/Hermione. Both of them agreed that Harry/Ginny was not meant to be.)

Hobbes tilted his furry head to one side. "Well... you may have noticed that children can generally see me without prompting. Calvin thinks that this is because they have better imaginations."

"Stubborn boy," Rose snorted. "Did he come up with that all by himself."

"I may have helped a bit. Anyway, adults need a knock on the head to set their brains in order."

"That... that actually makes a lot of sense."

Pause.

"Isn't rubber plastic?" Rose asked suddenly. Hobbes scratched his head.

"...yeah, I think it is. Why?"

"Well, do Calvin's shoes have rubber soles?"

"Maybe. I'm not sure. A lot of people have rubber-soled shoes, though."

"So why didn't the Nestene Consciousness just take control of the plastic in everyone's shoes and, I don't know, trip them off a cliff or strangle them or something?"

Hobbes's eyes grew a bit wide.

"Wow."

"So, yes, then?"

"Wow."

"If you're going to respond, that would be good."

"Wow."

Rose waved her hand in front of her friend's eyes.

"Wow. Rose, you've just proven yourself to have more logic than a highly advanced alien organism that's over three thousand years old."

Rose's eyes bugged out, and then she sighed. "Wizards. Not an ounce of logic."

Hobbes laughed appreciatively at the reference, as the car pulled to a stop outside 10 Downing Street.

"Mr Hobbes?" asked a man in a grey business suit. Hobbes puffed out his chest slightly at being called 'Mr'. "Would you like to be taken to our panel of experts, with..." he looked around. "We were expecting a 'Mr Calvin' as well."

"Hey!" exclaimed Rose indignantly. "Who do you think I am, Hazel Levesque? I'm just as good as that stubborn boy is!"

"I'm sure you are, Miss... Tyler. But this is a place for the experts, not a young lady like yourself. My subordinate, Ms Jones here can escort you to the tearoom if you want."

He stepped aside to reveal another woman who looked just as disgruntled as Rose felt right then. "Harriet Jones," she grumpily introduced herself. "Come on."

Hobbes shot Rose an apologetic look as they followed their respective guides. As soon as Rose and Harriet had left the earshot of anyone nearby, Harriet whirled around to face Rose.

"That friend of yours. The tiger. He knows about this sort of alien stuff, right?"

"He does. And I suppose I sort of know too. Why?"

To Rose's utter shock, Harriet started to cry.

* * *

Over in the conference room, Hobbes was attempting to convince the combined forces of UNIT, the British Military, and some other groups he had never even heard of that the alien ship was just a diversion.

"But don't you see?" he insisted. "The spaceship's technology is centuries too advanced for Earth, and the genetic engineering is literally out of this world. Not metaphorically, literally. Also," he flipped through a few briefing papers that had been laid out for him. "-a week or so ago, the technology department was due to investigate a radioactive spot in this very building. And what happened? This! Big crash landing, big diversion, it was meant for something. The question is, what. What don't these mysterious its want us to not know?"

"They turned the body into a suit!" sobbed Harriet. "A shell for the... the... the thing inside! Do you believe me?"

"Yes, yes, of course I do," said Rose. "I've seen some weirder things before," she added with a wince, thinking of the flesh-colored trampoline that was Cassandra. "So, it's an alien with some seriously impressive technology. What do we do?"

"Find it," suggested Harriet. Rose snapped her fingers, and began to search the room.

"Shouldn't take too long to-" She opened a cupboard, and the empty shell of Tony Blair fell out. "-find," she finished in a small voice. "Oh god."

"Meep," added a secretary who had just walked in. The manicured lady that Harriet had seen pulling off her head was leaning against the wall.

"Oh dear!" she chuckled, letting out a long, loud fart. "Has _someone _been poking in their abnormally long nose in where it shouldn't belong?"

* * *

Back at the Tyler flat, more trouble was metaphorically brewing.

"She was talking to a tiger about spaceships and aliens!" Jackie Tyler told a police officer. "And about a cardboard box that's bigger on the inside or something."

"Hm," went the officer. "This does sound like trouble. You see, that tiger is a wanted suspect. And anyone associated with him is trouble."

"Oh, not you too," Jackie groaned. "Get out, please."

"No! No! No!" exclaimed the officer. "You see, trouble... is my job. I find trouble, and eliminate it."

* * *

Meanwhile, Hobbes was finishing up his rousing speech.

"There's only one reason they'd want to crashland an alien spaceship, and cause panic all over Britain, and possibly the world. Two reasons actually, I stand corrected. One, to draw attention away from something, and two, to get all of the alien experts of the world right here. Here in this room."

Everyone's attention was drawn by a slow clapping coming from a specific person.

"Would you like to add anything, Mr Green?" asked a member of UNIT.

"Oh, yes," he said. "Congratulations, Mr Hobbes. You have figured out what the rest of these dunderheads could not."

He farted. "Unfortunately, you won't be around to enjoy your little victory, as you'll be too busy explaining to Saint John why you've been suddenly electrocuted to death. Have a nice life!"

He paused, and farted. "Or should I say, have a nice death?"

He pulled his head off, flooding the room with green light. At the same time, the manicured woman did the same thing, and the police officer at the Tyler flat removed his head too.

Three bulbous green aliens with three long green fingers emerged. The Mr Green alien pressed a button. Three long beeps sounded.

"Thank you for wearing your name tags. They'll help us identify the bodies!"

Via the name tags almost everyone in the room was wearing, electrical shocks were emitted. Everyone but one collapsed to the ground.

"We are the Slitheen!" shrieked the manicured woman. "And we are unstoppable!"

* * *

**(A/N-**

**Coming up next- Aliens of London.**

**My brother and I have a blog, check it out. Link on profile.**

**~Lotsa Love,**

**Kitty)**


	9. Episode 5:1

_**Episode 5:1- World War Three**_

_Previously on _Calvin Who_..._

_[Mr Green] pulled his head off, flooding the room with green light. At the same time, the manicured woman did the same thing, and the police officer at the Tyler flat removed his head too._

_Three bulbous green aliens with three long green fingers emerged. The Mr Green alien pressed a button. Three long beeps sounded._

"_Thank you for wearing your name tags. They'll help us identify the bodies!"_

_Via the name tags almost everyone in the room was wearing, electrical shocks were emitted. Everyone but one collapsed to the ground._

"_We are the Slitheen!" shrieked the manicured woman. "And we are unstoppable!"_

* * *

"Yeah, about that," tutted Hobbes, standing up suddenly. "It's a bit of a pity that I'm a tiger, and therefore couldn't pin a name tag onto myself, huh?" He stooped to the floor. "It's also," he continued. "a bit of a pity that you happened to leave some rubber gloves lying around!" So saying, he slipped on a pair of gloves, scooped up a name tag, and pressed it to the rubbery, mucus-colored skin of the Slitheen. It screamed and collapsed. Hobbes took the opportunity to run out of the room. "ROSE!" he yelled.

"In here!" came a faint call. Hobbes turned a sharp left, and found a door where thumping was coming from behind.  
"Back, you slimy alien thing!" yelled a woman's voice. Another crash. Hobbes tore open the door to reveal a very odd scene.

Harriet Jones, MP for Flydale North, stood on a wooden table with a chair leg held aloft, hitting wildly at another Slitheen. Rose stood nearby with two other chair legs, wielding them like dual katana. The other chair leg (plus the body of the poor dismantled chair) was held slackly by a man in a business suit that stood gaping rather uselessly at the scene. Hobbes paused.

"Uh, actually, you have it mostly under control," he admitted.

"No, we don't!" screeched Rose, hitting out wildly. "Do something! Use the Transmog-thingie!"

"Transmogrifier Gun, and no, I can't! Out of charge!"

"Great! Just bloody brilliant!" Rose dealt the monstrous alien a sharp rap on the head.

"Gimmie that!" Hobbes snatched the table leg from the man in the business suit, and jabbed at part of what I assume was the Slitheen neck. It's hard to tell with all that blubber, you know. The Slitheen roared, and staggered back a few paces.

"Run!" yelled Hobbes. Rose and Harriet did as he suggested, and dashed out of the room.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, a phrase that I will hopefully never use again. Just to clarify, 'meanwhile, back at the ranch' means, in this case, 'meanwhile, back at Jackie Tyler's house'. And now, meanwhile, back at Jackie Tyler's house, the Slitheen was approaching. The only reason she wasn't committed to a ghastly and terrible (with squishiness involved) fate was the fact that Mickey Smith happened to come in at that very moment.

"Jackie!" he yelled, slightly panicked, and grabbed the first item that came to hand. Which was, predictably, a big heavy blanket that was situated on top of the couch.

Okay, so, short freeze frame here for a bit of info.

Did you know that you can get concussed from having a blanket land on your head? There can also be internal bleeding if you're unlucky enough. Or, in Mickey's case, lucky.

Mickey Smith was not an anatomy expert, so he didn't know any of this. In this example, he simply... got lucky.

Which has nothing to do with the song by Daft Punk.

He somehow managed to knock the Slitheen out with no prior training, grab Jackie, and slip out the door. Oh, and he managed to take a picture of it on his mobile phone. Why, I don't know. It might make sense to the plot later, I'm not sure.

* * *

Rose crashed out the front doors of 10 Downing Street. "Aliens!" she yelled. "Aliens just killed the alien experts and the Prime Minister."

People turned to look at her for a moment, shrugged, and turned back again. Rose growled. The police arrived.

"Aliens," Rose said shortly, pointing inside. "Inside the meeting room. Real aliens."

They followed her. "Brilliant," she muttered.

When they all actually followed her into the room, they were confronted by the sight of roughly a score of dead people. Rose paused.

"Ooh," she admitted. "This doesn't look exactly good on my behalf, does it."

A pause.

"RUN!" she yelled to no one in particular and dashed out of the room.

* * *

Meanwhile, Hobbes had pulled a phone out of nowhere, and was dialing the Time Machine, desperately hoping that Calvin had snapped out of his temper tantrum by then.

"Calvin!" he yelled into the phone.

"_Oh, hey, Hobbes_."

"Have you snapped out of your temper tantrum yet?"

"_Yes. No. Maybe._"

"Calvin, Rose and I need you here right now! There's big bad trouble, involving farts and slimy things."

"_Seriously! I'm working on the Time Machine! How bad can it be?_"

"Well, a group of aliens that call themselves the 'Slitheen' have invaded the British government, killed and impersonated the Prime Minister, killed the world's top alien experts in the space of one minute, and are chasing Rose down the hallways."

There was a yell from downstairs.

"Scratch that. The _police _are chasing Rose down the hallways. And the aliens are right behind me, so I'm going to go hide in a cupboard for the moment being."  
"_No, that was a rhetorical question_," said Calvin as Hobbes threw open a closet door and ducked inside. "_Of course it's that bad, with the slimy girl with you. Seriously. How accident prone can you get?_"

"Pretty accident prone. In the last few adventures, she's spent most of the time being kidnapped and/or attacked by aliens."

"_..that was another rhetorical question. Where are you?_"

"10 Downing Street," Hobbes said as casually as he could.

"_Of course. You're at 10 Downing Street. How could I be so stupid? Just what have you gotten yourself into this time?_"

"Just pointing out, this is kind of normal for us. If you wouldn't mind landing in the first closet on the right hand side of the staircase of the third floor?"

"_No problem. Just coming across now._"

An immense swirling of air, and a rip in reality signified the arrival of the big brown box that was their transport. Calvin sprung up from the middle of it, grinning wildly.

"Hello, fellow chaos makers!" he cheered, then peered around the cupboard that was actually quite dark. "Wait. You're the only one here. Where's the slimy girl?"

"Getting chased by a), the British police, b), the aliens, c), all of the above."

"Knowing her, probably 'c'."

"Right, them, shall we form a council of war?"

"We shall." Calvin clasped Hobbes's paw firmly, and made a complex gesture that seemed to be some kind of handshake. They then bounded into the Time Machine. "War Mode," Calvin directed at the roof. The room shook, and furniture folded back into the walls, leaving a table with two hard hats on it sitting in the centre of the room. Two duo scooped up a hat each, and placed them reverently on their heads.

"Plan?" Hobbes asked.

"Dash in screaming and hope something works."

"Great plan."

"I think so."

With that settled, the room reverted to its normal mode, and Calvin dashed off down the narrow hallway that led from the control room. Soon after, he reappeared, riding a red wagon with big wheels and a black handle.

"Oh my gosh!" Hobbes gasped. Calvin grinned proudly.

"Yep. I figured if I could make a time-and-space machine work, I could fix the wagon."

"But..." Hobbes ran his fingers along the varnished paint of the main body. "It smashed into pieces when we were on Sneer Hill!"

"And I travelled back in time to pick up the pieces before they fell into the ravine. What do you take me for, an idiot? If I have a time machine, I'm going to find all the loopholes I can and use them as much as possible."

"We've got the wagon back!" Hobbes yelled in ecstasy. "But how do we get it out of the Time Machine?"

"Garage Mode!"

Part of the main control room opened up, and it appeared that it led to the outside via one of the cardboard flaps.

"All aboard," said Calvin, wiggling his eyebrows. Hobbes jumped in behind him.

"Do we need the turbo?"

"Nope."

A sound suspiciously like an engine revving bounced through the endless corridors of the Time Machine, and with a loud _zoom_ Calvin and Hobbes raced out of the closet, screaming as loud as they could.

Behind them, the cardboard flaps of the Time Machine closed.

"_Spaceman Spiff rockets courageously throughout the cosmos!_" Calvin narrated, dodging back and forth between obstacles. "_He has but one thought in his mind- to find the alien invaders known as the Slitheen and rescue another alien organism known as only a Girr-ulgh from them!"_

"Turn left!" yelled Hobbes, clinging on for dear life. Calvin turned left.

"_Ahead, our hero sees a steep cliff face looming in front of him! Its rocky architecture is too dangerous for Spiff to navigate! IS THIS THE END?_"

Hobbes grabbed the handle from his friend and steered the wagon over to the banister of the spiral staircase, which Calvin had seen in his mind as a cliff. With pinpoint-perfect timing, the wagon leapt up onto the banister, and began to pinwheel down. As they hit the ground, a large shudder shook the frame of the wagon, but it didn't break, and instead kept going at rocket speed.

"_No! With the help of his trusty assistant, our hero manages to find a rift in the dangerous straits of this odd planet called...Britain... he continues for the Girr-ulgh, who is up ahead!_"

* * *

Rose was running from c), all of the above, when she heard loud screaming and crashes that could only be from one person. Two people, in fact. One human and one tiger, if you want to get specific.

"Turn left! Turn left!"

"_Spaceman Spiff blasts through the air!_"

"TABLE! Look out!"

A smash, and a door adjacent to her burst open with force.

"_The Girr-ulgh has been found!_" yelled Calvin- er, Spaceman Spiff, who was wearing a hard hat and clutching on to the handle of a little red wagon.

"Hi, Rose!" Hobbes screamed. "Care for a lift?"

The wagon collided with her, and she was thrown into the back of it. Although the wagon was tiny on the outside, it seemed to fit all of them without it getting too cramped.

"Smooth," Rose commented. Calvin drove the wagon towards a wheelchair-access ramp and flew straight over the heads of the police. He burst into the meeting room where the dead bodies of the people who had been killed by the electrical blast were situated. Hobbes slapped Calvin hard in the face.

"_Spaceman Spiff is under attack!_"

"Hey!" Rose complained. "Don't I get a turn?"

"Be my guest."

Rose slapped Calvin as hard as she could. He appeared dazed for a second, then shook his head to clear it.

"Okay. Okay, I'm back. I'm not speaking in italics anymore. Whew. Haven't done that for a while."

"Done what?" Rose asked curiously.

"Slipped into fantasy world," Hobbes supplied. "This time, he was Spaceman Spiff."

"Right," Rose said, not actually getting it at all. "So, what do we do next, spaceman?" This was directed at Calvin, who shook his head.

"Oh, no, nonononono. Don't call me that. It's going to be a full three seasons until someone will call me 'spaceman' genuinely, and you aren't the one that calls me that. Now shut up. I'm thinking."

There was a beat.

"Barricade the door!" yelled Calvin suddenly. "The police and aliens are coming! Quick, get the Transmogrifier Gun!"

Hobbes had a shifty look on his face. "Uh... it might be slightly out of charge."

"Really." Calvin folded his arms across his stripy shirt. "What could you possibly have done to it to make it run out of charge?"

"Um. Broke open several doors, made two highly-advanced hovercars, turned myself into an invisible flying penguin, stopped several people from killing me, and... made... myself...a cup... of coffee?"

"Coffee? You're a tiger! Tigers don't need coffee!" Calvin stormed. "Now what're we supposed to block the door up with?"

"...furniture?" suggested Rose, who had been doing precisely that for the last few minutes while the tiger and boy were arguing. The door was now blocked in with tables, chairs, and heavy items that won't be named at the moment.

"Good job, slimy girl," said Calvin grudgingly.

"Brilliant!" Hobbes enthused. "And now we can use Calvin's watch to find out what these 'Slitheen' are."

They all gathered around in a corner. "Computer," Calvin said grandly. "Tell us all you can about the alien species known as the Slitheen."

"Do you really have to speak so formally?" Hobbes asked him.

"No. It just makes me sound cool."

"Like a bow tie?" Rose wondered. Calvin and Hobbes stopped and stared.

There was a long, long silence.

"...what's so cool about bow ties?" Hobbes asked.

Rose shrugged. "I don't know. I guess it just sounds right. You know, bow ties are cool."

"NO THEY AREN'T," Calvin decided loudly. "BOW TIES ARE NOT COOL."

Meanwhile, the computer on the wristwatch had been making puzzled beeping noises, and had come up with a question mark on the screen.

"Slitheen not found," said the pleasant female voice. "Please check piranha and try again."

"Piranha?" Hobbes wondered.

"The bleep of the square cosine equivalent variable is not available in elephants at this time. To rectify your problem, stand firmly on your head and twitch your right big toe up and down to the tune of 'Pokerface'." At this point, the computer began playing the symphony orchestra version of Lady Gaga's 'Born This Way'. Calvin hummed along absently. Rose dug an elbow into his ribs, and he stopped abruptly.

"What's the matter with it?" she demanded. Calvin shook his wrist up and down. The computer hummed a bit, stopped playing Lady Gaga, and began to project, holographically, the Lord of the Rings, backwards at high speed.

"Well, the computer on this thing is connected to the computer onboard the Time Machine, and since I haven't fixed that yet, it must still be malfunctioning."

"What do we do now?" asked Hobbes. None of them had an answer. The wristwatch continued playing the movie, displaying the bit where the Ring levitates from the volcano and into Frodo's hand, before he starts walking backwards down Mount Doom. "Shut that up, will you?"

Calvin pressed a button on the side.

"Cynthia, you don't love me anymore!" the computer squawked, before shutting down with a pleasant _beep_.

_Please go outside and whistle at koi to recharge,_ said the screen. Calvin sighed, and shook it again.

_Go please whistle recharge koi at to and outside, _it said instead, which wasn't much of an improvement.

"It's useless," declared Rose. "To actually find out what those things are, and what they're doing, we need to sneak out and spy on them."

"We've still got the wagon," Hobbes pointed out. It creaked as if in recognition of that fact, before the handle fell over from its upright position, which wasn't all that reassuring. Rose glanced warily at it.

"It'll be fine," Calvin assured them. "I upgraded it a bit while I was fixing it."

"Upgraded?" Hobbes asked suspiciously. Calvin rolled his eyes about a bit.

"Uh... think Hagrid's motorcycle in Deathly Hallows crossed with the _Argo II_."

"Oh. Um, I might just wait this one out..." Hobbes backed away from the wagon. Calvin grinned.

"Get in, you big sissy!"

Rose and Calvin bundled the tiger into the little red wagon and squeezed in behind and in front of him, respectively. Calvin twisted the handle, and a sound like a race car revving came from underneath the vehicle. Rose peered under it, but there was no sign of anything like an exhaust pipe.

"All hands inside the vehicle, ladies and tigers," Calvin announced. "Flight 012FD is ready for clearance."

"'FD'?" Rose asked, holding Hobbes back from jumping out of the wagon.

"'Flow Dab'."

"Where did that come from?"

"Someone graffitied it on the handle of the wagon," Calvin said, pointing. "Wonder what it means?"

"What does this button do?" Rose asked, reaching along to tap a big red button engraved into the inside edge of the wagon. Calvin's eyes widened, and Hobbes curled up into a ball at the bottom of the vehicle. And every little boy and girl knows what the big red button usually does...

"No, don't-" Calvin began, but was cut off by a loud blast of air and sound that occurred as the back of the wagon spat out blue flames, and managed to break the sound barrier in the space of three seconds. Rose's scream was forced back into her throat, and the wagon blasted through the thin wall beside the barricade, proving that the door isn't always the place you should focus on when blocking a room off.

"BANZAI!" yelled Calvin, whooping a bit in glee. "_Stupendous Man zooms across the sky in his Stupendous Mobile, looking for crimes to fight, and good deeds to do-_"

"Calvin, shut UP!" screamed Hobbes and Rose in perfect unison. They smashed their way through another depressingly thin wall that led them to where Harriet Jones (MP for Flydale North) was listening at a wall.

"Shh!" she hissed at them. "I'm listening at this wall."

Calvin hit a green button, and the wagon abruptly stopped moving forwards at rocket speed. In fact, it stopped altogether, and all three passengers fell out.  
"Gahh..." Calvin gasped. "Did someone get the number of that mutant hippopotamus?"

"BW1254," supplied Rose, flopping her arms wildly.

Hobbes recovered first, and sat up, pressing his ear to the wall (that was extremely thin, actually). His feline eyes widened. "Ooh, now this is interesting."

"What?" asked Rose, moving next to him. Hobbes looked at her with wide eyes.

"Raxacoricofallapatorians."

* * *

**(A/N:**

**Welcome back to the world of Calvin Who, which is what I'm calling this 'show'!**

**Thank you to A Drama Queen, for beta-ing, and showing me that I'm not actually as smart as I think I am. And this time, there are not just one, but _two _Bad Wolf references. Find them, and spot the references.**

**I will be back next week with dramatic action!  
~Kitty)**


	10. Episode 5:2

_**Episode 5:2- World War 3**_

* * *

"I'm sorry, _what_?" asked Rose.

"Raxacoricofallapatorians," confirmed Hobbes.

"Raxa- what?"

"Raxacoricofallapatorians."

"Say it again, sorry?"

"Raxacoricofallapatorians," repeated the tiger, getting slightly annoyed.

"I didn't get that."

"Raxacoricofallapatorians."

"And what exactly are..."  
"Raxacoricofallapatorians? They're aliens. From the planet Raxacoricofallapatorius."

"And that clears everything up. Sure." Rose shook her head to clear it. "So... what about these Slitheen things, then?"

"Slitheens are Raxacoricofallapatorians."

"Huh?"  
Calvin had finally recovered as well, and scrambled over to take part in the conversation. "So, it's two names for the same thing, then? Let's go with the easier name."

Hobbes listened again for a moment. "Uh... no. As far as I can tell, the Slitheen is a family name, like Tyler, or Potter, or whatever Calvin's last name is. So, they have a ridiculously long first name, and then... Slitheen."

"What's their plan, then?" Harriet had been listening to this whole byplay and now felt a bit obliged to get in on the action. The other three stared at her. "What?" she asked, a bit self-consciously. "Whenever aliens attack on TV, they always have some sort of plan. What's the point of infiltrating the British government and misleading the police if you don't have some sort of plan?"

A long pause.

"I think you've been watching too many sci-fi programmes," Hobbes confided. He pressed his sensitive feline ear to the wall again, and paused. "But, yeah, you're right. They're planning to..."

"...mine this planet for its resources and sell the scrapped place to the highest bidder," finished the female Slitheen, who had been standing, watching this without any of them noticing. They all turned around.

"Oh, hi," said Calvin after a beat. "This is Rose Tyler, my friend Hobbes, sorry, I don't know this person's name...?"

"Harriet," supplied Harriet.

"Harriet, thanks. And I'm Calvin. How do you do?"

"Calvin who?" asked the Slitheen, or, as she could be called, Raxacoricofallapatorian. But that's a bit bulky, so we'll just stick with Slitheen until the narrative finds something better.

"Just Calvin, thanks. I used to have a last name, but Susie fed me one of her doll's fairy cakes and I vomited so hard that my last name came out of me and soaked into the sidewalk. And you are?"  
"Margaret was the human I inhabited, so I suppose you could call me that," said the slimy thing that shall henceforth be called 'Margaret'.

"I don't suppose you'll tell us what you're planning, and give us a quick, hero-like way to stop you?" asked Rose hopefully.

"Not a chance," 'Margaret' growled. She raised her voice. "I found them! They're over here!"

"Into the wagon!" yelled Hobbes, jumping in first. Rose and Harriet followed, but Calvin stood his ground.

"You slimy Rackicoracopalafattofries! _You shall never defeat the likes of Spaceman Spiff..!_"

"Someone slap him!" yelled Hobbes. Rose obliged. Calvin yelped in pain as he was dragged into the wagon by the scruff of his shirt.

"Hit the antigrav button!"

"There's an _antigrav button?!_"

Calvin slammed his fist down on a button that was an odd mix of pink and purple, and not in a way that makes a nice shade of brown, either. Let's call it Urple, for fun. A loud screeching noise, similar to the sound your mother might make when you run her beloved cat over with a cement mixer, echoed about the room, and the wagon leapt into the air, and stayed there in exactly the same way a bowling ball doesn't. And the narrator drowned in similes.

"How do you steer this thing in mid-air?" Rose screeched, clutching onto the sides of the wagon for dear life. Calvin shrugged.

"I don't know. This is the first time I've used this feature."

Rose turned to him, her mouth a perfect 'O'. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THIS IS THE FIRST TIME-"

The rest of that sentence was drowned out in an explosion of color, noise, and sound as the wagon ploughed through the roof.

"-WORRY, I HAVE A FORCE FIELD!" Calvin screamed, jabbing at a button that looked like another shade of Urple, even more disgusting than the last. A shimmering, translucent bubble that looked way too fragile to keep back the bits of plaster and brick that were currently thundering down on them. Fortunately, as I may have pointed out before, the walls (and ceilings) were thin.

"We're on the roof!" exclaimed Harriet. They were indeed on the roof, leaving a crashed-up hole of furniture and debris tunnelling several floor below them. If someone (or something) could jump high enough, they would have a direct way up to where our four heroes were currently camped out. Fortunately, Raxacoricofallapatorians can't jump very high at all. They kinda just...squelch. So, for the moment, our little quartet of heroes are safe.

"Right," Calvin declared, sitting down on a loose piece of shingles. "What did you hear?"

"Well," Hobbes began. "as our... for lack of a better word, 'friend' Margaret told us back there-"

("What about 'enemy'?" Rose suggested.)

"-they're planning to mine Earth for its resources and sell the empty husk off to the highest intergalactic bidder."

"There are _aliens_ who'd want to buy a shrivelled planet?" asked Harriet, disgusted.

"Unfortunately, yeah."

"Question," Rose said, raising her index finger. "How do they get into the bodies? And how did they drain them in the first place?"

Hobbes pulled a face. "Well, they basically just suck their victim dry, and use a compressor thing to squeeze themselves in."

"Like a vampire?" Calvin wanted to know.

"Well... if vampires suck out your internal organs and bones as well as blood, yeah. And since the Slitheen are really quite big, and the bodies of humans are really quite small, the compression is uncomfortable, and they let out a lot of gas. Hence, the farting."

Calvin giggled a bit in the corner. Rose glared at him. She wasn't really in the mood for inappropriate humor while the world was going to be destroyed, and told him as much.

"Hey, I'm a six year old American kid," he defended himself. "I don't need appropriate humor."

"Right," sighed Hobbes. "The question is, how do we get rid of them?"

"Blow them up!" shrieked Calvin.

"This is the same person who saved the world from shop dummies?" muttered Rose.  
"No, he does have a point," admitted Hobbes. "Blowing this place up would be the best course of action."

"You're planning to blow up 10 Downing Street?" yelled Rose. "Are you insane?"

Calvin glanced at her.

"Okay, yes, you are insane, I knew that already, but..." She struggled for words, then gave up. "How are you gonna do it?"

"Well... shoot a missile at it?" Harriet suggested. Everyone turned to stare at her. "What? It's the best idea anyone's had so far."

"How do we shoot a missile at it?" Hobbes posed.

"This is turning into a game of 20 Questions," Rose grumbled. Calvin coughed into his hand.  
"I have a way," he said.

"Ooh! Is it bigger than a breadbox?" Rose asked excitedly.

"What? Yes. I guess."

"Animal, vegetable, mineral, or other?":

"Other. Will you just stop this?"

"I'm the one asking the questions here!"

"Shush! Due to a long series of events about a year ago that ended up with me being married to Vlad the Impaler-"

("No, seriously," Rose said. "That's the second time you've mentioned that. What happened?")

"-I'll tell you later. The point is, the long, convoluted series of events somehow ended up with me having the key codes to the UK's military defense force. You can see what we can do with that, right?"

Hobbes's jaw dropped. "Wait, how long have you had these codes?"

"Like I said, for about a year."

"Then why on Earth haven't you used them to blow up someone you hate, when something goes wrong? And why, for that matter, haven't you sent a missile careening into the Pentagon, just for kicks?"

"I have excellent self-control?" Calvin tried. Hobbes began to laugh. "Okay, okay, I need good Wifi connection. And there isn't any sort of internet at our house back home."

"But that means we can't shoot a missile," said Rose reasonably. "There's not any sort of internet connection around here."

Unfortunately, she was right. They were sitting ducks, just up there on the roof. I never really understood that phrase, 'sitting ducks'. Ducks aren't the only creatures that sit. A feeling of gloom and despair fell over the group.

And Rose's phone rang.

It was a cheery rendition of _You Make My Pants Wanna Get Up and Dance_, and seemed drastically out of place in the setting.

"...Rose?" Hobbes asked eventually.

"Yes?"

"Who do you know that would call you during an emergency?"

Pause.

"...my boyfriend."

Rose scrambled around in her pocket, and pulled out the mobile phone that Hobbes had upgraded all those episodes ago, and answered it. "Mickey!"

* * *

"Rose!" Mickey yelled from in the car where he and Jackie Tyler currently were. "We just got attacked by a-"

"_-vicious alien with a habit of farting, right?_"

"Yeah. How did you know?"

"_I got attacked by one too._"

"Don't be sarcastic! It really did happen! Look, I'll send you a photo."

He pressed a few keys on his phone, and there was a reassuring _beep _as the image went across. A pause from the other end.

"_You didn't need to take a selfie, you know_," snorted a boy's voice.

"_Calvin!_" Rose scolded. "_That's mean._"

"_Yup, that's a Slitheen,_" said another male.

"Is that Rose?" Jackie demanded. "Let me talk to her!" She snatched the phone from Mickey's grip, and pressed 'speakerphone'. "Rose?"

"_No, I am not Rose,_" said the male voice that had identified the alien. "_I'm her sarcastic talking tiger friend, Hobbes. How do you do?_"

"_Hobbes, get off the phone!_" Rose yelled. A scuffle, and then a slight crash.

"Rose?" Jackie asked uncertainly.

"_What does this button do?_" asked the other boy curiously.

"_Calvin!_" Rose, Hobbes, and another woman exclaimed. Mickey turned to Jackie.

"She met some interesting people when she was gone," he said slowly.

"_Hello. I'm Harriet Jones, MP for Flydale North,_" the other woman said. "_Am I right in assuming that you're Rose's mother?_"

"Yes," said Jackie.

"_Do you have internet connection where you are?_" asked Hobbes.

"Wait, who are you people, bossing us around?" demanded Mickey.

"_Calvin,_" said Calvin.

"_Hobbes_."

"_Harriet Jones._"

A sigh rattled along the line. "_They're... my friends, I suppose. Just listen to them. They're better than me at this,_" said Rose.

"_Internet connection?_" asked Hobbes again. Mickey glanced at his laptop.

"Sure, just give me a sec. I need to pull over to find a hotspot."

He pulled into the parking lot of McDonalds, and opened Google Chrome. "Right. What now?"

"_Type, www dot army dot mod dot uk._"

He did so, then frowned. "Why am I on the British Military Website?"

"_Because you're going to fire a missile at 10 Downing Street,_" Calvin calmly informed him.

"WHAT?" Jackie yelled. "Why are we doing this. Where are you right now?"

A long pause. Then-

"_10 Downing Street,_" Rose said.

Several things happened at once. Jackie choked on her own saliva, Mickey's eyes bugged out, and on the other end of the line, a Slitheen emerged from the hole in the roof.

* * *

They had been so busy talking (and arguing) on the phone, that they only noticed the alien when it tried to kill them with a lead pipe. In retrospect, Rose's scream was probably the only thing that saved them from death by murderous farting monster. Hobbes reacted instinctively, and pounced the alien, slamming directly into it, and bouncing back before he could fall off the roof. The Slitheen wasn't so lucky. With a squelchy scream, it fell off the roof.

Five seconds later, there was a wet splat.

Rose peeked over the edge, before drawing back with a shudder. "Ew. That's a sight that'll haunt my nightmares for the next couple of centuries."

"I'm hoooome," Calvin sang, deadpan. Hobbes chuckled dryly.

"Well!" Harriet clapped her hands together. "One down. Several to go."

"_What's happening over there?_" Jackie asked.

"Just a minor annoyance," Rose said. "Have you got into the missile catalogue yet?"

"_Yeah,_" Mickey said. "_But we need a password._"

"Calvin?" Rose passed the phone over to him.

"Right. Uh... 'swordfish spongebob open albus user invoke 3-7-5-2'. Got that, Rose's Boyfriend?"

"_The name's Mickey. And yes, I have got it._"

"Great. Just send a small missile at us. We don't want to be blown up that much."

"'_That much'?_"

"Yeah. We might be able to escape."

"_Might?_" yelled Jacqueline Tyler. "_What do you think you're doing, buddy, risking my daughter's life like this!_"

Calvin shrugged, although Jackie couldn't see it over the phone. "Saving the world? If you don't like it, Earth will be destroyed and sold off to the highest bidder."

"_Sending the missile now,_" Mickey interrupted. "_You'd better have a plan._"

"How long until it hits?" Hobbes asked.

"_20 minutes._"

"We'll have a plan in 19. Give us some time. We're making this up as we go."

He pressed the disconnect button before any protests were raised, and turned back to the others. "Right. Plans."

"I'm all out," Calvin admitted.

"None here."

"Sorry."

"All the Slitheen are in the building, right?" Rose put in.

"Yesss... all except the one that attacked your boyfriend."

"So... lock the doors, keep them in?"

"Great idea!"

"It's okay," said Calvin grudgingly. "But what do we lock the doors with?"

"Keys!" exclaimed Harriet, holding up a ring with several identical silver keys hanging off it. "I... uh, 'appropriated' these a few weeks ago. They're master keys."

"'Appropriated'?" asked Calvin, raising an eyebrow. "Don't you mean, 'stole'?"

"Eh," Harriet shrugged, tossing a key to everyone. "To-may-to, to-mah-to."

"I claim the wagon," Calvin declared. "Let's go, everyone."

"We're locking ourselves in a building with murderous aliens that are trying to kill us," Rose said slowly.

"Yes? You have a problem with that?" Calvin scowled.

"...no. Let's go."

"Ten four."

* * *

15 minutes and 12 seconds later, Hobbes bumped into Harriet, who had just finished locking all of the second floor windows.

"How are we for time?" she asked.

"5 minutes, roughly."

Calvin emerged from a broken-down wall. "And I took care of the ground floor. We're good."

"Good job. Where's Rose?"

"I left her being chased by a Slitheen."

There was an angry scream, as Rose crashed through the (very thin) wall, creating yet another hole that the carpenters would never really get around to fixing, due to a missile being about to crash in less than five minutes.

"Calvin, you JERK!" yelled Rose.

"Gee, this brings back memories," Calvin muttered.

"A la Susie," Hobbes agreed.

"By the way, the last Slitheen came back to the building. I locked the door behind it."

Awkward pause.

"Well, that's... convenient," Hobbes said. Calvin nodded.

"Yeah, I was kinda expecting to have to do something overly dramatic to take care of it."

Harriet tapped her fingers impatiently against the wall. "Sorry to interrupt, but there's about 3 minutes until the missile hits. Shouldn't we try to get out?"

"No need," Calvin assured her. "We can just go in the Time Machine."

Harriet had half opened her mouth, as if she was about to ask a question, but then closed it. "Nevermind. As long as you're sure it'll work."

"Where did you park it?" Rose asked.

"'The first closet on the right hand side of the staircase of the third floor'," Calvin quoted. "All aboard!"

The unlikely group piled themselves into the wagon, and Calvin started up the motor. "Now, pre-flight safety check!"

"We're about to get blown up by a missile that we basically sent at ourselves! We don't need a safety check!"

"Of course we do! Seatbelts?"

"CALVIN!" everyone screamed. Hobbes took the opportunity to send the wagon into First Gear, and they rocketed off down the highway.

"_Spaceman Spiff is back in his vehicle!_"

"Shut up," Rose requested, as they neared the staircase again. Hobbes hit the anti-gravity button, and they sailed up the staircase. They arrived in the hallway.

"Right! Where's the closet?" Hobbes asked.

"One minute!" Harriet sing-songed.

"Uh... uh... uhh..." Calvin spun around. The doors were all identical. "That one!" he guessed. They flung open the door. Thankfully, the Time Machine was in.

"Everyone in!"

"Three...two...one..."

The explosion shook the building to the ground, and the roof collapsed inwards. But it didn't matter, because the Time Machine was gone.

* * *

From the McDonalds where Jackie and Mickey were parked, they could see the missile's progress through the sky. When it hit, and the building collapsed in an implosion of shrapnel, Jackie began to sob.

"Miss me?" asked a familiar voice. Jackie sat upright.  
"Rose! We thought you were... you were..."

"Dead?" supplied a boy with spiky yellow hair. "I wish. Thanks to my clever plan-"

"It was my idea!" objected Rose, which instigated a lengthy argument between her, the boy, and a stuffed tiger.

"This is..." Mickey began.

"Odd?" suggested Jackie. "Yeah, I think so too. At least she has friends."

"One of them's six, and the other's a stuffed animal," he pointed out.

"Well..." Jackie sounded unsure. "I'm sure she has her reasons."

"Yeah, but are they good ones?"

The argument finished up, Rose and the boy having seemingly deferred to the tiger, and they turned to Mickey and Jackie.

"Hello," said the boy. "I'm Calvin. And we need to take Harriet Jones home right now. We'll meet you back at your place. I'm sure Hobbes will explain everything to you."

Jackie eyed the stuffed tiger uneasily.

"See you!" Rose chirruped.

They both climbed into the cardboard box that stood behind them. A crack in reality appeared before it, and the box flew away.

Hobbes cracked his knuckles, and readied the rubbed mallet. This was going to be an awkward discussion.

* * *

"Well," said Rose an hour later. "The aliens are gone, no one knows it was our fault a major landmark got demolished, Harriet is back, and we're having fun watching Calvin try to explain quantum mechanics and time travel to my mum and boyfriend."

"All in all, a good day," agreed Hobbes, sipping at his glass of pineapple juice. "You've packed your bags, right?"

"Sure," Rose nodded, patting a pink satchel carefully. "Everything I could possibly need. And then some."

Hobbes ran a claw along the edge of his glass. "Are you sure you want to come?"

"Just try and convince me not to. The universe _is _amazing. I've seen it, and now I can't go back."

"You know..." Hobbes began thoughtfully. "...there are worlds out there where the sky is burning, where the sea's asleep, and the rivers dream. I know a planet where it's entirely made out of glass. Every person, every animal, every building." He grinned, as if to say _we really should go there sometime_, and continued. "I bet if we searched hard enough, there'd be people made of smoke, and cities made of song. Somewhere there's danger, somewhere there's injustice, and somewhere else the tea's getting cold. There's a whole universe out there to discover, and it's all in the confines of some tiny little cardboard box that happens to be sitting in your lounge room right now. The question is, are you coming?"

Rose clapped politely. "Quite the little speech."

Hobbes grinned bashfully. "Thanks. But are you coming?"

The question hung in the air. Rose grinned happily. "Well, what do you think?"

Hobbes leapt to his feet, tail flicking frantically up and down. "Come on, Rose! We've got work to do!"

* * *

**(A/N:**

**The last little line of dialogue was taken from the Seventh Doctor's episode 'Survival' and twisted to my own fiendish means. Thank you, thank you.**

**Thanks once again to my lovely beta, A Drama Queen, who is repeatedly right, no matter how hard I try to stop her.**

**Now, how come you've got a two-day-early update? Well, today's my birthday. I'm now 13, and I figured a good break from tradition (namely, me giving _you _a present) would be appropriate. My birthday wish is to somehow be mentioned on TvTropes, but that's not gonna happen soon.**

**Check out my profile. There's a listing in the links section for the Calvin Who theme music I've put on my YouTube channel.**

**Be awesome! And give me reviews! That's my birthday wish.**

**~Kitty)**


	11. Episode 6:1

_**Episode 6:1- Dalek**_

* * *

**(Disclaimer: Do you wanna fight a Dalek? Or play Calvinball on Woman Wept?)**

* * *

"Welcome, Slimy Girl, to Woman Wept!" yelled Calvin, stepping out into the bright gleam of a thousand frozen waves, forming into one gorgeous planet.

"Wow!" exclaimed Rose. "This is... this is..."

"Brilliant, absolutely brilliant," Hobbes nodded. "And the best place in the Universe to play Calvinball."

"Calvinball," Rose mused. "Calvinball. A bit egotistical, to name a game after yourself."

Calvin pouted.

"That's not his worst crime," Hobbes said. "He 'discovered' a dinosaur skeleton a few relative years ago, and named it the 'Calvinosaurus',"

"Seriously?"

"That's not even the worst bit," Hobbes laughed. "It turns out the skeleton wasn't actually a dinosaur anyway. It was a bunch of rubbish someone had left lying around in the dirt."

Calvin glared at them angrily. "One day," he vowed. "I will find the Calvinosaurus, name it after myself, travel back in time, and sic it on you."

"How threatening," Rose snickered. "Unless it turns out to be an itsy-bitsy little herbivore." She held up her thumb and forefinger about three inches apart. "That would be extremely terrifying, I'm sure."

"Shut up, _Girl._" Calvin stomped over to the Time Machine, and pulled a giant sports bag out, grunting slightly. "Right. Calvinball. Spread these around the area, we need to make a proper Calvinball field."

Out of the bag came three rocks, a bunch of croquet wickets, several mallets, a plastic chicken, a picnic blanket, a fez, a backcatcher mask, the shuttlecock from a badminton set, tennis racquets, a volleyball net, a pogo stick, a box of jelly babies marked 'DO NOT EAT', a plastic partridge in a pear tree, one and a half cricket bats, several black masks, and a ball, among other things.

"Okay, I don't even want to know how you got that all in there," Rose said, staring.

"It's bigger on the inside," Hobbes supplied.

They quickly got to work, spreading the items around the place. Calvin helped Hobbes put up the volleyball net on the peak of a particularly large wave, and Rose stuck the wickets firmly into the dry ice. Calvin picked up the masks and tossed one each to Hobbes and Rose.

"Masks?" Rose asked. "Why on Woman Wept do we need masks?"

"DO NOT QUESTION THE MASKS," Calvin yelled, making her jump. Rose hurriedly put it on. Calvin tossed the ball up and down, and twirled it expertly on one finger. "Right. Rules. This is the Calvinball."

Rose waited, but nothing else seemed forthcoming.

"..and?" she asked, after what seemed an age.

"You can't play it the same way twice."

"That's it?"

"Yep! Now, sing with me the Calvinball theme song!"

He cleared his throat and belted out; "Other kids' games are all such a bore!

They've gotta have rules and they gotta keep score!

Calvinball is better by far!

It's never the same! It's always bizarre!

You don't need a team or a referee!

You know that it's great, 'because it's named after me!" He quickly passed the Calvinball over to Hobbes. "The next person to touch the Calvinball without touching the Fez of Doom is declared a Raxacoricofallapatorian, and must be blown up by the Missile of Madness!"

"What?" yelled Rose, standing still as her two friends ran around like lunatics.

"You didn't touch the Fez, Rose," Hobbes commented, now bouncing up the waves on the pogo stick, which is easier said then done on dry ice. Rose picked up the Fez from where it had landed, and idly put it on.

"Wait," she said. "So I can make up any rule I want?"

"As long as you're not doing it more than once, yeah!" screamed Calvin, who was currently undercover in the Blag Zone, whatever that meant.

An evil smile spread across the teenager's face.

* * *

"All young boys or tigers are now subject to the Rule of Anachronism, which states that everything is wrong, including this!" Rose yelled, standing on one leg with her arms tied behind her back, and a rubber duckie on her left shoe.

"What does that mean for us?" Hobbes asked, twirling around the Pole of Raining in a spangled pink tutu.

"It means that a shouting match is now engaged between you and Mud," Rose said, untying her left hand with a spare hedgehog. Calvin, whose name had somehow been demoted to Mud, ran over to one of the two Judgement Waves. Hobbes stood at the other.

"YOU'RE WRONG!" screeched Calvin.

"NO, YOU'RE WRONG!" Hobbes yelled back.

"YOU'RE WRONG!"

"YOU'RE WRONG!"

"ADMIT IT, YOU KNOW NOTHING!"

"NO!"

"NO!"

"NEVER!"

"YOU'RE WRONG!"

* * *

"Hobbes has stumbled into the Twilight Zone, and has been set upon by the Vampires of Sparklee!" Calvin directed. His name was now Bin McMud the Second, after an incendiary meeting with Rose's Fez of Power, which had received an upgrade. Rose's new name was now Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Hobbes had somehow been able to stay the same, and was now facing the price.

"Ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-banana," sang Rose, dancing to the beat of the pogo stick, which was hopping by itself.

"Score!" exclaimed Hobbes, kicking the Calvinball through the Pacman Wicket and up Mount Doom. "I'm out of the Twilight Zone, and have scored an extra few Lady Gaga points."

"Dum-dum-duhhh," Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way sang, pointing a Finger of Doom at him, and stomping ominously for extra effect. "Your Gaga points have been subverted into Hannah Montana points, via the evil accordance of Evil Overlord Rule the Eleventeenth."

"Noooo!" Hobbes sobbed, sinking to the ground. "WHYY?"

BING! BING!

The players all froze.

BING! BING!

"Rose?" Hobbes asked.

"Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way!" she hissed.

"Whatever. Is that your phone?"

"No. That's not my ringtone, remember?"

"It's the Time Machine phone," exclaimed Bin McMud the Second.

"You got the Time Machine working again?" Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way asked.

"Yeah," Bin said, nodding from behind his thick layer of mud makeup.

"What was wrong with it?" Hobbes asked, shucking off his tutu and rubbing off his lipstick.

"Someone-" Bin glared accusingly at Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, and scowled. "-someone left a greasy chip on the console. It mutated a few relative days ago, and attacked the interior of the Time Machine. She wasn't happy."

"The Time Machine wasn't happy?" asked Enoby.

"Nope. It's sentient, as you may recall from the Interlude."

Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way thought for a moment. "...nope. Not remembering this."

"Doesn't matter." Bin McMud the Second finished prettying himself up, and shook his hair back to normal spiky proportions. "Right. Let's go see what the Time Machine wants, and hope she's not overeating about something."

"What about the equipment?" asked Hobbes.

Bin had already started walking towards the Time Machine. "Doesn't matter. We've got a time machine, we can come here five seconds after we left. And we can stop referring to ourselves by our changed names now."

"We're not," said Ebony- oops, my mistake, Rose.

"No, the narration is. Never mind. Let's see about the Time Machine."

Calvin passed Hobbes, who was typing into an interface. "What's happening, buddy?"

Hobbes frowned, and poked the screen, which squeaked. "It's... a distress call."

"Are we going to answer it?" Rose joined them at the screen.

Hobbes poked the screen, which squealed in a higher pitch than before. "We have to. They set up a virus in the message, which they aren't supposed to be able to do."

"Wait, who's 'they'?" Calvin asked.

"Whoever sent the message. And the virus, which is a really nasty one. We have to go to the origin point of the call. We can't go over it; can't go under it, can't go around it..."

"We're going to have to go through it," Calvin decided, rolling up his sleeves.

Rose snorted. "What's this, some kinda bear hunt?"

Calvin threw on a jacket, and held on to the railing while he set the directions to accept the call. "You could say that."

"Let's go, then," Hobbes said. "Then, we can get back to Calvinball."

"Great." Calvin hit the button with gusto, and a little bit too much force. "I hate it when the person at the other end's only gone and lost their cat up a tree. It's just annoying."

* * *

"What a beautiful day!" Rose exclaimed, twirling as she bounded out of the Time Machine.

"It's a museum," Calvin said, excited. He dashed around a bit, and returned, looking disappointed. "No dinosaurs."

"But here's a Slitheen," pointed out Hobbes, tapping on the display case. A shrivelled head sat on a velvet cushion.

"Ergh," said Rose, just as Calvin said, "Cool!"

The trio split up, walking around the museum, and occasionally calling out the names of things that they recognized. Rose swore she saw a futuristic-looking hair dryer. But it was Hobbes who found the most unusual item of all.

"Rose... Calvin... I think you need to have a look at this."

"What is it?" Rose asked, curious. She reached the glass case where Hobbes was standing, and gasped.

"This better be interesting..." Calvin grumbled. "I was looking at a- oh. Wow."

What they were currently staring at was a detailed replica of the Transmogrifier Gun. It was perfect in every detail, even the tiny chip on the base from when Calvin had angrily drop-kicked it across the control room. Calvin removed his own Gun from his pocket and held it up to the light.

"Someone..." Rose said quietly. "Is a _really _big fan of yours."

"It's an exact copy," agreed Hobbes.

Calvin delivered a swift kick to the Plexiglass case, and hopped back clutching his foot in pain. He glared at the case as if it had offended him somehow, and zapped it with the Transmogrifier Gun. The front side of it vaporised into multicolored bubbles that floated through the air. Calvin snatched it up, and compared the two.

"Nope," he said. "It's not a 're the same one."

Rose took it from him, and checked it over. He was right. She lowered it slowly. "So... what does that mean for us?"

"It means..." he said, looking around. "...that at some point in the future, there's going to be a paradox."

"Calvin," Hobbes said conversationally. "Did you know that most museums have alarms to warn security when you take things out of their displays?"

Calvin looked shocked. "Really?"

The room lit up red, and flashing lights and alarms turned on all over the room.

"Yeah, really," Hobbes nodded, as a bunch of armed guards swarmed in and escorted them from the room.

"Why does this stuff always happen when I'm around you two?" Rose grumbled.

"We have talent," Hobbes said, sounding like he was being squished up against the chest of a security guard. "Mmph. Mmmmph."

* * *

The tall man in the black business suit paced unrelentlessly around the trio of time travellers. "You know..." he said. "...I've heard a lot about you, Mr Calvin."

"Oh?" Calvin asked. "If it was the Noodle Incident, I deny everything. It never happened."

"The Noodle Incident?" the man asked. "No. Never heard anything about that. But we did find a lot of information; news reports, photos, eyewitness, about you being in various parts of history, usually accompanied by a tiger and a girl. Now, I wonder where they are, these friends of yours?"

"Hello!" Rose waved.

"No, no, no, not you. Sometimes you do appear in these reports, but not always. There's a black girl in there too-"

("Slightly racist of you," Hobbes scowled. The man paid him no attention.)

"-a redhead, a ginger and a girl with dark brown hair. And the tiger's not here either."

Calvin considered. "Don't know anyone like that, apart from the girl with dark brown hair, and I'd never be seen dead with her anyway. As for the tiger, well," he waved a hand in Hobbes's general direction. "There you are."

"A stuffed tiger," the man's brow darkened. "Who do you think you're talking to? Do you even know who I am?"

"Christopher Eccleston?" Calvin guessed.

"NO! I am Henry Van Statten, alien artefact collector extraordinaire, and you two are the biggest experts on alien life I've ever known about."

"Us three," Rose corrected.

Van Statten glared. "There's only two of you! Do I look stupid to you?"

"Yes," she told him honestly. This was apparently not the best thing to say. His face turned beetroot-red, and she was sure that steam would come pouring out of her ears.

"Now, now, Tyler, what have I told you about aggravating evil alien dictators?" Calvin muttered out of the corner of his mouth.

"He's not a dictator," Hobbes said. "Or alien. Or even necessarily evil."

Calvin thought for a moment, and shrugged. "Eh. The point still remains."

"_Right, _little girl," Van Statten hissed. "_You,_" he pressed a button on the intercom system. "You can go with my assistant. He'll take care of you while _we _talk." He made it sound like _talking _was a thing that you didn't want to be doing anytime soon.

"Sure, sure," Rose grumped. "Send me off with your assistant. And you boys can have all the fun."

Henry Van Statten smiled, and even though his teeth were immaculate, it was a horrible smile. "Yes, we do. See you around, girlie."

His assistant, who was a young boy around Rose's age, arrived at the door, and took her down the hall. The door shut with an ominous _snap_, and Calvin stared at it for a moment, before getting down to business.

"So. What's the big deal around here? Why so many guards? It's just a museum."

Van Statten raised a finger up in the air. "Ah, but not just any museum. It's a museum of alien history."

"Right. That's the reason there aren't any dinosaurs. But why did you call us here? And, for that matter, how did you do it?"

"We have dinosaurs, actually, but that's beyond the point. We called you in for the main reason that you're clearly aliens, as you're capable of time travel."

"Hold on, hold on!" Calvin protested. "That's insane troll logic right there. Just because there happens to be people that look like us in those places, at those times, means we're capable of time travel and therefore aliens."

"Yes."

Hobbes and Calvin shook their heads at each other.

"Calvin," Hobbes whispered. "Should we hit him on the head, so he can see me?"

Calvin considered. "No. If we keep it quiet, you can be my secret weapon."

"Oh goodie," Hobbes deadpanned. "I always wanted to be a secret weapon. You do realize that's what America called the nuclear weapons?"

Calvin wasn't listening, and had kept on talking to Van Statten. "What do you need us for, really?"

He nodded. "We need you to examine an alien organism that we found and bought a few years ago. Since you're an expert, presumably, you should be able to tell us all about it."

"Righto!" Calvin yelled in a mock-British accent, leaping up from his seat. "We mustn't waste time, old chap, then? Tally-ho and all that!"

"Cup of tea, my dear fellow?" Hobbes added in possibly the worst attempt at an English voice there will ever be. Fortunately, only Calvin and us heard him.

"Security coding Bad Wolf One," said Van Statten quietly to a guard, who nodded in recognition, and keyed that code into an access panel. The director of the alien museum followed the mad boy and his tiger out into the hallways.

* * *

"So, I'm Rose," said Rose to Statten's assistant. "Who are you?"

"I'm Adam," replied Adam. "Adam Mitchell. I'm Van Statten's personal assistant." He puffed himself up in pride, and immediately lost any respect Rose had ever had for him.

"Uh..." Rose struggled for words, and gave up. "...that's nice. What do you do?"

He shrugged. "I mostly just buy stuff. On Ebay."

"That's nice," Rose repeated, not finding the need to waste any more words on him.

They reached a doorway that had a scrap of paper pasted to it. The paper read "Adam's Place" and looked frankly kind of pathetic. A smily face was drawn underneath, in a vague attempt to make it look more cheerful. It didn't work.

"My office," he explained, and pushed open the door. It wasn't in the least 'bigger on the inside'. In fact, if possible, it was smaller. He gestured mildly to a chair. "You can sit down if you want."

Rose did. Adam shuffled awkwardly around.

"...uh..." he said after about a minute of this silence had passed. "So. You want to do something?"

Rose tilted her head. "What kind of 'something'?"

"Um, I could show you those articles with... you and your... friend? Son?"

Rose crinkled her nose in disgust. "Ew. Not my son. And not... not really my friend either. But sure. Let's see."

Adam opened up a file with a question mark printed on it in big black ink. "Well, we found this one of you at the Boston Tea Party."

Rose looked at it. It appeared that Hobbes was attempting to push Calvin into the water, while she was laughing nearby. "Nope. Haven't done that yet."

Adam looked confused. "Okay, then. There was this article about a space probe on the Moon, where they found footprints of... girl's flip-flops. And pawprints. And a golf ball."

Rose scrutinized the article, which was from _New Scientist_. "Really? Only one golf ball? I could've sworn we left a few..."

"So you really did go?" Adam said, surprised. "Really, really?"

"Really, really," Rose laughed. "Let's see the next one!"

They went through the rest of the photographs and articles, Rose gleefully pointing out some of the places they'd been, and quickly setting the other ones aside. There was no point in causing a paradox, after all. Finally, they came to the last article, which was from a gossip magazine a few years after Rose had been born. Rose read the article's title, and froze, her face turning stony. She scanned it, looking more and more upset as she went. Quickly, she stuffed it in her pocket, and plastered a smile on her face. "Alright. That's that done. So what else is interesting around here?"

"You can't do that!" Adam objected. "That's property of Mr Van Statten!"

Rose pulled off her coat and draped it over the back of the chair. "I'm sure you can make an exception for me, yeah?"

"I... I guess..." he stammered, face turning slightly red.

"Thank you. You are sweet," Rose said, breathing out a mental sigh of relief. She would have to talk to Calvin and Hobbes later about the article. "Can we go see what the others are doing, then?"

Adam's face fell. "Sorry. We can't."

"Oh." Rose did her best to look disappointed and moistened her lips slightly. "Are you sure?"

"Well..." Adam moved over to his old fashioned PC, standing forlornly in the corner, and switched it on. It booted up surprisingly fast for such a beat-up looking computer. "...we could check the monitors. I guess."

Rose leaned forwards in her seat, searching the rows of images, before pointing at a certain one. "There!"

Adam clicked on it, and it enlarged to fill the screen. "They're apparently in the Cage," he said, attempting to be professional.

"The Cage?" Rose wondered. "It sounds like it has a capital letter. What do you keep in the cage?"  
Adam scrunched up his face slightly. "Well, it's the only living creature that is kept around here."

"But what is it?" she prodded.

"See for yourself," he said, pressing the arrow keys, so they could both have a better view of the action going on it the Cage.

* * *

Down in the Cage (which, coincidentally, _did _have a capital letter) some extremely dramatic action was going on. Have you ever noticed that you can't type sarcasm?

Calvin and Hobbes stood staring at something that resembled a giant metal pincushion with a toilet plunger coming out the front. It didn't move in the slightest.

"Are you sure it's alive?" Hobbes asked. Calvin relayed this question to Van Statten, who simply shrugged.

"It moves occasionally, and starts shouting out nonsense about 'the Predator' and 'the destroyer'. But other than that, it just stays put. Do you recognise it?"

"The Destroyer," Calvin mused. "That would be a cool nickname. Nope. Don't know what it is, sorry. Hey, saltshaker thing!" This was directed at the robot. "Do you know who I am?"

To everyone's surprise, the creature-thing moved to point its eye stalk directly at Calvin and Hobbes. The stalk flickered with a dim blue light.

"YOU... ARE... THE... DESTROYER," it croaked in a mechanical monotone.

Calvin stared. "Okay..."

"THE-DESTROYER-MUST-BE-EXTERMINATED," it continued, gradually picking up speed and volume. "EXTERMINATE. EXTERMINATE. EXTERMINATE."

A streak of bright blue light shot out of its plunger. Hobbes dragged Calvin out of the way just before he was vaporized from existence. More streaks of light, accompanied by more yells of 'EXTERMINATE'.

"Run!" Hobbes yelled, tugging at the door of the Cage. It opened, and he tumbled out, followed by Calvin and Van Statten. He slammed it heavily, and locked it, panting like a dog. Which is an odd thing for a cat to do.

"What is it?" Van Statten demanded. "Do you know? How does it know you? What should we do?"

Calvin considered. "I don't know, no, no idea, and stop asking me questions I don't know the answer to. And by the way, bye."

"What?"

But by that time, the boy and the stuffed tiger were long gone. They had dashed off down the hallway, leaving the director of the illegitimate alien museum standing there, mouth half-open, and looking like a complete moron.

"What?" he repeated stupidly. Behind him, the door clicked twice, and began to creak open.

Ready or not, here it comes.

* * *

**(A/N- **

**This has to be the most adventurous divergence from canon I've made so far. And I plan to keep going like this! Thanks to A Drama Queen, who is being way too perceptive for her own good. I really need to do something about that. It might involve a Mind Probe...**

_**No! Not the Mind Probe!**_

**Ahem. Hm. Also thanks to all the people in the PPC chat room, who have given me a new perspective on metaphors, and also have had the courtesy to laugh at my work when I cue them in. Thanks, guys! **

**THINGS I PLAN TO ADD IN THAT YOU WON'T EXPECT...** (spoilers, sweetie!) **...**

An organization called A Charitable Earth run by a girl with a penchant for explosives

Australian Indoor-Rules Quidditch

More Harry Potter references

Someone called Sentience... I wonder who they are! ^_^

And a Calvinosaur. Eventually.

**I appreciate all feedback, as always, so PLEASE review!**

**Good night, citizens. Good night.**

**~Kitty, who is signing off after an extraordinarily long AN. She'd better stop now, and stop talking about herself in Third Person.)**


	12. Episode 6:2

_**Episode 6:2- Dalek**_

* * *

**(Disclaimer: Calvinosaurus= not what you expected. You. Have. Been. Warned.)**

* * *

"Rose!" Hobbes exclaimed, slamming head-first in his friend.

"Hobbes!" Rose exclaimed.

"Slimy girl!" Calvin exclaimed.

"Stubborn boy!" Rose exclaimed.

"Calvin!" Hobbes added for good effect.

"Hobbes!" Calvin acknowledged.

"Right! Introductions over, then!" Hobbes declared. "Time to tell you about the latest crisis!"

"Oh. This is Adam," Rose remembered. She flapped her hand vaguely in the direction of a teenage boy who was standing in the corner, looking kind of small.

"Uh... hi, then," Calvin greeted. "I'm Calvin, this is Hobbes, and I... think... you... know... the... girl?"

Adam blushed slightly. "Yeah."

"Crisis, crisis, crisis!" Hobbes urged, clapping his paws quickly together. "Come on, come on!"

"You have a tiger," Adam said quietly.

"Yeah," Calvin nodded.

"A tiger."

"Yep."

"An actual, real tiger."

"An actual, real, tiger, yeah."

Adam fainted.

There was a pause.

"This is your boyfriend?" Calvin demanded. "First you had one that blew up 10 Downing Street with a missile, and now you have a pansy that faints at the first opportunity. Honestly."

"I had one before that, and he's not my boyfriend," Rose defended. "And, as I recall, you were the one who blew up 10 Downing Street."

"Yeah, but he pressed the button."

"Ladies, ladies!" Hobbes broke smoothly between them. "We must all be very good friends, and kiss and make up!"

"Shut _up_," they said together.

"Let's drag your _boyfriend_," Calvin emphasised the word. "into a room, and make strategic plans."

"_He's not my boyfriend_."

"_Why are you speaking in italics._"

"_I don't know._"

* * *

The little council of war- one girl, one tiger, one boy, and one fainted- gathered in a tiny room that had various alien instruments plastered along the walls. The sign on the door said 'Weapons', but none of the conscious occupants were quite so sure about that.

"This is one of the spiders from Platform One!" Rose exclaimed, tapping at a metal sphere. "Except it's not that much of a spider. Anymore. Hey, how did it get here?"

"Eh," Hobbes dumped Adam onto the floor. "There's lots of ways. It could have fallen into a wormhole, or another time traveller could have brought it back."

Rose paused, dumbstruck. "There are other time travellers?"

"Yeah, but none of them have such awesome time machines," Calvin called from his perch on top of a glass case.

"Ego," Rose sang.

"Well, then, computer?" This was directed at the wristwatch, which beeped hopefully. "Tell us all you can about that murdering pepperpot."

A pause, and then... "_Item found._"

"Tell us!" Hobbes urged.

"_The 'murdering pepperpot' described is what is known as a Dalek. There are no known Daleks existing at this point in time. Daleks come from the planet Skaro, and were formerly known as Kaleds_-"

"Okay, okay, skip the planet origin," Calvin clarified. "Why are none supposed to exist?"

"_Daleks were all killed off in the last Time War when the Time Lords committed kamikaze in a tactical manner, thus killing the Daleks off, and themselves._"

"...did your computer just say the word 'kamikaze'," Rose said quietly.

"Yup. Computer, tell us about what the main functions of the Daleks are, please?"

"_The primary function of a Dalek, when no known commands exist, is to simply kill. They will achieve this throughout the firing of a laser beam, for which no countermeasure exists. A Dalek will have a number of unique weapons that have functions of their own. Otherwise, the Dalek will obey the commands of the Dalek Controller._"

A blip signified the fact that Calvin was powering the computer off.

"Huh," Rose commented. "So, do you know how the Dalek might know you?"

"No, I've never met one bef- hey, how did you know that the Dalek knew me?" he asked accusingly.

"Adam showed me on the monitors. I saw the whole thing."

Hobbes tapped on the wall with an extended claw. "Well, we're time travellers, aren't we? Maybe the Dalek, in the past, has met one of our future selves, which did something to justify killing us."

"Well, the Dalek would be trying to kill us either way," Rose pointed out. "Remember, its primary directive is to 'simply kill'."

"Questions, questions, questions," muttered Calvin, pulling a whiteboard marker out of his pockets, and uncapping it. He moved over to a glass case, and drew a dot on it.

How does the Dalek know us? he wrote. Why is there a copy Transmogrifier Gun? Where are the dinosaur bones hidden?

"Anything else?" he asked. Rose looked slightly shifty, and glanced down quickly at her pocket.

"Uh, nothing here," she said.

"Yes," Hobbes said. Calvin tossed him the marker, and Hobbes scribbled in curvy, slanting writing, how do we get rid of Rose's boyfriend?

"He's not my boyfriend!" Rose exclaimed. Hobbes just grinned.

"Okay. So, first thing we need to do is get rid of the Dalek," the tiger began, throwing the pen back to Calvin. "And then we can consider the rest of the stuff."

"An ambush?" Rose proposed. Hobbes nodded.

"Good idea, but we need some sort of map."

The three of them looked at each other, forming a sort of triangle of glances. Hobbes looked at Calvin, Calvin looked at Rose, and Rose looked at Hobbes. This was very awkward, so they stopped immediately.

"Did someone say we needed a map?" asked a male-sounding voice from the floor. Everyone whipped around, and stared at Adam, who was weakly stirring.

"Yeah," said Rose after a moment. "Yeah, do you have one?"

Adam withdrew a sheet of paper from his pocket, and attempted to toss it to them skilfully, but, it being a sheet of paper, it wafted back in his direction. Blushing furiously, he picked it up, and handed it to Rose. She examined it, tap tap tapping her finger against the glass case covered in scribblings.

"Uh, if we corner it in the security room, we could fill the room up with... I don't know, sand or something? That Transmogrifier Gun of yours has to be good for something."

Calvin thought. "Okay, maybe. Lava might be a better idea, actually."

Hobbes nodded. "Lava."

"Hey!" protested Adam. "You can't just defile Mr Statten's building like that."

Any respect that had been gained, again, went down the plughole. Whee.

"You should be glad that he's not blowing it up," Hobbes snorted. "His solution to everything. Alien infestation? Blow it up. Problem on Platform One? Blow it up. Zombies? Blow them up."

"We need to lure the Dalek into the control room, though," Rose pointed out.

Calvin grinned demonically. "Leave it to me."

Hobbes shuddered with a look of mock-horror. "Oh gosh. You aren't going to blow it up, are you?"

Calvin looked offended. "Of course not! Would I do something like that?"

"Yes."

Calvin pouted. "Right. I'll handle the distraction. You can get everyone out of the way, and the girl can prepare the security room. She can take the Gun, but we'll have to decontaminate it afterwards."

Rose snorted, but accepted the item. Calvin shoved his hand into the center of the room, but the other two had already left. "Aw, come on!" he complained. "We're supposed to all put our hands in the middle, and yell Break!" He paused. "You aren't listening to me. You're not here." Another pause. "Ah well. Getting on to the distraction!"

Cackling maniacally, he dashed out of the room, leaving Adam standing there uselessly. His mouth opened and closed a few times, before he scooped up the (discarded) map, and went to follow them.

* * *

"Get out, get out, get out, oops, you're dead, get out," Hobbes directed, strolling down the hallway. He threw open a door, and stopped abruptly. "Oops. Dalek." So saying, he turned on his heel, and dashed out the door, screaming as loudly as he could. It looked like he was incredibly scared. However, if you asked him, he'd say it was a defensive tactic, to scare the monster away and to warn people off. It didn't look like that.

"YAAAAAHHHH- oh, hi, Rose! -YAAAAAA-"

Rose grabbed his arm, making both of them pivot around each other like tops. "What's going on?"

"DALEK!" he yelled. The metal pincushion of a killer rounded the corner, firing rapidly, and yelling 'EXTERMINATE'. Hobbes and Rose both screamed, causing a nice-sounding two-part harmony, and ran for their lives.

"Uh... uh... up the stairs!" Rose decided, leading Hobbes down a hallway at a fast sprint.

"Which stairs?"

"EXTERMINATE!"

"The ones just around the corner!"

"How would you know about them?"  
"EXTERMINATE!"

"I just do!"

"Explain!"

"EXTERMINATE!"

Hobbes paused, looking at the stairs in front of them. "Explain... later!"

They ran up the spiral staircase, stopping only when they were at the top. Rose was panting hard. "At least now it can't get us," she sighed.

"ELEVATE!"

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me," Hobbes breathed. The Dalek was hovering five centimeters above the ground, and, as they watched, it turned and started moving up the stairs. Rapidly.

"Right. Run," Rose promptly declared. They did.

"I really, really, really, hope Calvin's coming in to save our butts right now," Hobbes grumbled. He may have been a tiger, but that didn't mean he didn't want a break now and again. "We need a minor distraction."

"Uh... Adam!" Rose exclaimed.

"Yeah, Adam would make a good distrac- oh, hey Adam!"

"Hi...?"

Rose shoved him out behind them. "You can be our distraction."

Adam looked wildly back and forth. "Wait, what?"

The Dalek rounded the corner, and he screamed rather girlishly. "LOOK AT ME, I'M A DISTRACTION!"

"He does his job very well, doesn't he?" Hobbes remarked.

"Hurry up, Calvin!" Rose yelled, which mingled in with the yells of 'EXTERMINATE' and 'No, Mommy, I don't wanna die!'

A roar from down the hall signified Calvin's arrival. But even Calvin couldn't make that big of a noise. Rose, Hobbes, Adam, and even the Dalek swung around to look.

"Wow," breathed Rose. "I think Calvin went slightly overboard this time..."

* * *

REWIND, REWIND, REWIND, REWIND to where we last saw Calvin...

"Now, where are those dinosaur bones?" he muttered, running through the museum. "That way can be Eeny, the other way can by Meeny, straight in front is Miney... but... no Mo."

He paused.

"Eh. I don't like Moe anyway. I think I'll go with Eeny, no offense, you guys."

The pathways did not respond. They didn't usually. Calvin set off along the newly dubbed 'Eeny'. A tiny label that said 'Dinosaurs' was all that showed, but it was enough for Calvin to recognize that there were fossilized bones inside.

"Computer! Engage Insane Awesome Laser Mode!" Calvin yelled. His awesomely ever-present watch beeped, and began to spit out lasers in every which direction. They bounced off the walls, shattering glass all over the room he was currently in. All sorts of alien artifacts spilled out onto the floor, and more than a couple reactivated themselves. Calvin scooped up a bone from the dinosaur case, and held it up to the light.

"Now, if I don't miss my guess..." he cackled. "This is the bone of a Calvinosaur! Computer, set clone mode! And bring this dinosaur to life!"

"_Affirmative._"

A large whooshing started up, and stray bits of paper and rubbish were caught up in the swirling vortex that had suddenly started up. Calvin was in the centre of it, and he cackled maniacally as a form began to build itself through the wind.

"Rise, my pretty, RISE!" he screeched. "Come to me, come to me!"

This went on for a good 5 minutes, before the vortex stopped. Calvin stepped through the mist, and stopped suddenly.

_That's weird_, he thought. _Shouldn't it be bigger?_

* * *

_Calvin glared at them angrily. "One day," he vowed. "I will find the Calvinosaurus, name it after myself, travel back in time, and sic it on you."_

_"How threatening," Rose snickered. "Unless it turns out to be an itsy-bitsy little herbivore." She held up her thumb and forefinger about three inches apart. "That would be extremely terrifying, I'm sure."_

* * *

In front of him was an itsy-bitsy little herbivore that was about three inches high. It had little spines sticking out from all over it, and was brown in color. Calvin stared at it for a moment.

It chirped cutely.

"AAAAGGGGHHHH!" Calvin screamed in immense exasperation. Or maybe that's not the right word. More like deranged and homicidal, actually.

He stormed around the room, smashing the already cracked glass into bits with his shoes. He crushed the broken remains of a laser gun, which sparked feebly. He kicked a scintillating crystal ball into glittering fragments. He got to the Calvinosaurus, which stared innocently up at him.

He scowled.

It gurgled.

He glared.

It cooed.

He sighed, and scooped it up.

It giggled, in a dinosaur sort of way. He noogied it. "So, you're the Calvinosaurus, huh? I thought you'd be bigger."

It blinked cutely.

"Shut up," he said.

It purred, a bit like a cat.

"Uh, no. Bad idea."

It tilted its head to one side and nodded.

"But yes, I do need a distraction."

It cheeped, and leapt out of his hands, and scampered towards the wrecked remains of the glass and alien artifacts. The little dinosaur perched itself on a large shard, and stared at him meaningfully.

It took a moment for it to click.

"OH, you little genius of a dinosaur!" Calvin cheered. "You have solved the problem, even though all you did was scamper around, and I did all the talking, and... anyway..." he paced over the the dinosaur and crouched down beside it. He picked up a cube that seemed to be blacker than black, if that was even possible. "You see this?"

The dinosaur bobbed its head, and sniffed around on the ground for food.

"_This_, if I press the right button on it, well, it'll hopefully turn into a battle robot. If not, it'll blow up, and kill me, but I think I can do it right."

Baby Calvinosaurus cooed again.

"And _this_ is a laser blaster. And those marbles over there are radio-controlled mechanical snakes! I can't believe I know all this stuff!"

The dino stared pointedly at a clock.

"Good point, we'd better get going. But first... computer, activate Convenient Plot Point Mode!"

* * *

"...what the heck is he riding?" Rose asked. Hobbes scratched his head.

"It looks like a giant metal robot."

"I realized that. What in the world does he think he's doing?"

"CAUSING A DISTRACTION!" Calvin yelled. "Now et-gay oo-tay the-ay ontrol-kay oom-ray!"

The Dalek whirred and spun around. "I-DEN-TI-TY CON-FIRMED. YOU-ARE-THE-DES-TROY-ER. LAN-GU-AGE-NOT-CON-FIRMED."

Rose goggled. "What? The Dalek doesn't understand Pig Latin?"

"Et-gay oing-gay!" Hobbes told her. Rose ran.

"Now..." Calvin grinned. "Forward, my loyal army!"  
Hobbes paused. "Wait, what army?"

A surge of all sorts of mechanical and electronic beasts moved forwards from around the corner in one massive wave. There were spiders from Platform One, and a few vicious attack dogs with glowing red eyes. A horde of snakes slithered along, spitting out sizzling red liquid. A little green head poked itself out from underneath Calvin's striped shirt and chittered in happiness. Hobbes's eyes bugged out.

"THE-DES-TROY-ER-MUST-BE-KILLED! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!"

"Forwards!" Calvin cackled again. And a short battle began.

Initially, the Dalek was firing every which way, and was shooting down robot animals left and right. But Calvin soon turned it all around. There were so many on the robots, and more reinforcements in backup, that it simply was too much for the Dalek. After all, even an insane deadly killer robot has its limits. Calvin's robotic army herded the Dalek in the direction of the control room, which Rose had explained the directions to earlier.

"Eady-ray?" Calvin yelled.

"Yeah!" Rose called back.

"In we go!"

The snakes reared up as one and shoved the Dalek backwards into the control room.

"THE-DA-LEKS-CAN-NOT-BE-CON-TAINED!" it blared. "YOU-WILL-FEEL-THE-WRATH-OF-THE-DA-LE-EM-PI-RE!"

"Oh, yeah?"

Rose kicked the hose she had been holding directly into the room, and switched on the Transmogrifier Gun, taping the trigger firmly in place with duct tape. "Take that!" she yelled in glee.

Rose Tyler, the shopgirl with no A-levels, and self-proclaimed failure of the Hullabaloo course class, had rather cleverly rigged the Gun so that when the freezing water spilled out it was turned into lava. She slammed the door, leaving the hose, still spilling lava, trailing into the room. "Ha!"

Calvin nodded. "Nice work."

"Thank you. Hey, where's Adam?"

Calvin glanced around. "I haven't seen him for a few paragraphs. Wonder where he's gone?"

"We can deal with that later!" Hobbes yelled. "What if the Dalek gets into the computer systems and lets itself out?"

Rose shrugged. "Not a problem."

Calvin's brow wrinkled. "No, it is a problem. How did we not think of that before?"

"No, seriously. Not a problem," she repeated. "I had a lot of fun smashing up all the equipment I could find in there."

Hobbes grinned. "Great work."

"Isn't that overkill?" Calvin wondered.

"There is no kill like overkill," Rose declared.

The three of them turned as one, and walked down the hall together. Calvin kept repeatedly bumping into Rose, just to annoy her. She shoved him back, and they got into a bit of a competition to see who could shove the other the hardest.

"Oh, look!" exclaimed Hobbes, stopping suddenly. Rose and Calvin paused in their shoving competition to look. "There's the leader of this little museum. What do you say that we give him a little surprise?"

Rose clapped her hands together three times. "Ooh, can I do it?"

"I think I should do it," Calvin disagreed.

"Let's all do it together," Hobbes decided.

* * *

Henry Van Statten's eyes fluttered open. Above him, there were three blurry shapes.

"Ohhh, Heeennn-rrry," sang the one with blonde hair. "Waaakkke uuup, Heeeen-rrry."

"Wha-?" he tried to say.

"Weee are your guuuarrrdiiaan aaaangels, Heeeen-rrry," whispered the tallest one in a growly sort of voice. "And yoooouu have been veeerrry baaad."

He screamed and bolted upright.

"Yowch!" exclaimed Calvin, holding his forehead. "Okay, maybe we aren't your guardian angels, but you've been very bad, and nasty to us. And the Dalek, which is the thing you put in the Cage, and you probably drove it half-insane in the first place."

"Therefore," Rose said, wagging her finger. "We have started filling this place with lava. Doesn't that sound like a great idea?"

"You have a tiger!" screamed Van Statten.

The tiger crossed his arms. "Don't you think you should work on getting the heck out of here?"

"Well, we don't want to hang around very long, do we?" Calvin asked.

"No," the tiger agreed. "Getting killed by lava isn't on my agenda for today."

"Toodle-oo!" waved Rose cheerfully.

They walked out of the room, laughing.

"Ahh, that was brilliant," chuckled Calvin. "Let's get going."

"Back to Calvinball?" asked Rose.

"Sure, why not?"

As they headed towards the section of the museum they had originally parked the Time Machine in, they passed Adam. He had fainted, again, and he was just starting to come around.

"You!" he gasped, jumping to his feet in an amazing show of co-ordination.

"Hi!" Calvin said, waving.

"You guys got rid of the robot thing! That's so cool! Can I come with you?" he gushed.

Rose wrinkled her nose. "Uh... what do you think, guys?" she appealed to her two friends.

"Nope."

"Nah."

She turned back to Adam. "All you've really done so far is faint, stare at me, and try to be helpful. Sorry, you've been vetoed. Better get out before the lava hits!"

They had now reached the Time Machine. Rose took out the key from its chain around her neck, and pressed the button in the centre. The flaps opened, and she entered. Hobbes and Calvin followed. Adam tried to, but the flaps had been shut.

A rip in the fabric of reality opened, and the Time Machine flew off into the Vortex.

Adam screamed his rage into the empty alien museum.

* * *

"Hey, what's that?" Rose asked, pointing at the little dinosaur, whose spines stood out all over its body. It was currently examining the colors of the rainbow outer walls of the Time Machine interior. Calvin looked shifty.

"Ah," he said after a moment. "That... that's a Calvinosaurus."

Rose stared at him for a moment.

Hobbes turned from what he was doing at the controls.

There was a long, awkward silence.

Rose and Hobbes began laughing as hard as they could.

"Okay, okay! Shut up! It's not that funny!" protested Calvin. They continued to laugh, Rose collapsing on the thrumming floor, which seemed to be humming with laughter as well. "Be quiet. Please! It might not be a Calvinosaur! _It might not be a Calvinosaurus!_"

"_Affirmative,_" his watch chipped in. "_Species indicated is Heterodontosaurus. Origin: Asia."_

Rose stopped laughing. So did Hobbes.

"...oh," she said after a moment.

"...right," Calvin sighed. "We should probably return him, shouldn't we?"

Hobbes nodded, grinning a bit. "We should. But we need to finish our Calvinball game, don't we? And he could be useful."

Rose crept over to the little dino, and stroked his head with a finger. It wiggled a bit, and purred. "What should we call him?"

Hobbes scratched his head. "What about Charles?"

"Charles. That's a good name," agreed Rose.

Calvin groaned. "No, let's call him Insane Awesome Flame Killer Death Bringer Supreme!"

"That's ridiculous," Hobbes scoffed. "Charles is a great name. We're back on Woman Wept, by the way."

Calvin ran over to the trampoline, and executed a perfect leap up. Hobbes pounced directly onto the trampoline, and sailed up.

"I was winning!" Calvin declared, voice slightly muted from the distance.

"There's no objective way to win this game!" Hobbes shot back.

Rose scooped up Charles the Heterodontosaurus, and patted him absently, before rifling around in her pocket, looking for something.

"Hey! Slimy girl, you coming?" yelled Calvin from the surface of the ice planet.

"Yeah, just give me a sec," she called back, finally finding the object, and pulling it out. It was a gossip article, dated just 16 years before she was born.

My Dad Saved the World, the article read.

Underneath, there was a picture of a man.

A large, black dog.

And Rose.

Crying.

* * *

**(A/N:  
**

**And now! This! This! Is! Where! It! Diverges! From! Canon!**

**From now on, they will not follow the episodes! For a full listing of the summaries and new titles, check out my profile, or my blog. They both have the same stuff on it.**

**Why did I decide to do this? Well, I had an idea for a scene in which Xxxx xx xxxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxxxxx xxxx Xxxxxxx Xxxxxx.**

**...what? You thought I'd tell you? Seriously? **

**Well, I had that idea, and it could only been done if the episode _Faction Paradox _was created. So I created it. And redid Father's Day. And the Long Game. Adam will return, no fear! And a girl named Xxx XxXxxxx will be there next week. So tune in then!**

**Thanks to Golden Keyblade (who put up with me ranting about Deep Breath, which, by the way, was awesome), the PPC (especially Huinesoren) who are letting me borrow their Hypothetical Boarders, A Drama Queen, who is getting smarter every day, my imaginary versions of Rose, Calvin, Hobbes, and the 9th Doctor, who I conduct lengthy imaginary conversations with, and my awesome brother, Kay. Thank you!**

**~Kitty**

**Who is an evil criminal mastermind.)**


	13. Episode 7:1

_**Episode 7:1- The Beast in Space**_

* * *

**Disclaimer- Close, but no Brazilian Dancing Monkey.**

* * *

The console room was unusually empty for the middle of the day. Or, as much as 'the middle of the day' can be when you're suspended in no time.

And since we have the opportunity, let's look around the main room of the Time Machine.

When Calvin had originally decorated it, he had realised he had the opportunity to go all out in color and ridiculous design. All those years Mom and Dad had refused to let him paint his room black and fluorescent orange, and now he could do whatever he wanted in an endless space.

So, he went wild.

The central console was covered in all sorts of weird dials and switches that really had no business being on any sort of vehicle, let alone a super advanced Time Machine. At a glance, bits from a deluxe Lego set could be seen, and little twiddly dials that just begged to be pushed blinked innocently from a raised level. A whole row of over- and under-sized levers, as well as the normal-sized ones, were spread out along the side of the dodecahedron-cal setup, some pushed up, some pushed down, and some broken off in a Calvin-esque fit of fury. In the center, a Big Red Button sat, just waiting for someone to slam their hand down on it. Hard.

For some reason, bits from a typewriter sat below the scanning module, presumably instead of a normal computer keyboard, or a holo-board.

The floor was a light blue marble with sparkly bits inside it, which made an excellent distraction if you were the type to be distracted by said sparkly things. A plain marble strip ran from the middle of the room to the door that led towards the rest of the endless hallways.

And the walls were something that would have made M. C. Escher stare and drool for hours. They sloped gradually up from a 89 degree angle, tilting until they reached a complex array of wooden, metal, and other beams that were strung crazily about the room. Of course, halfway up was the gap for the exit. Below that, was the trampoline.

The actual color of the walls is something that can only be fully appreciated by Pure Mathematicians with several degrees in color-variable theory. Hobbes had dropped in to help with the color scheme, and, armed with a room full of buckets of paint, and an unnaturally large brush, he had attacked the walls with reckless abandon.

He did it artistically, of course.

Therefore, the walls were covered in a gradual rainbow pattern, that faded from white, to orange, to red, to yellow, to green, to blue, to purple, black, grey, and back again to white. It was quite stunning, really.

Oh, and look! Up, in the tangled mess of not-so-supportive beams in the roof... wait. What the heck?

"What in the name of Brazilian Dancing Monkeys are you doing up _there_?" Rose asked, stopping where she stood, and staring.

"We are the society of G.R.O.S.S.! I am Calvin, the Dictator-For-Life, and our purpose is to **G**et **R**id **O**f **S**limy Girl**S**!" Calvin yelled, his head poking out from the rough wood of the treehouse that was perched precariously on a thick metal beam. He was wearing a hat made out of newspaper from the 32nd century. "We will now sing the G.R.O.S.S. National Anthem!"

Hobbes popped his head up next to them, also wearing a newspaper hat, and they began singing in perfect two-part harmony.

"_When the sun of summer calling falls,_

_The force will rise upon the walls,_

_The enemy will die a death,_

_Grizzly and horrible, they'll take their breath,_

_Army of men, we must unite, _

_To bring our war upon the fight,_

_OH-OH-OH, G.R.O.S.S,_

_BEST CLUB IN THE COSMOS,_

_WE BRING THE FIGHT,_

_THEY'LL SEE THE LIGHT,_

_GET RID OF SLIMY GIRRRRLLLSSS!"_

They finished with a triumphant crescendo, and Charles the dinosaur jumped up onto the edge of the treehouse, letting out a few cute _cheeps_. The tiny folded-newspaper hat on his head wobbled a bit as he twisted his neck about.

Rose clapped slowly and ironically at their performance, and Hobbes took three grand mock-bows.

"Very nice," she accoladed. "Can I come up?"

"NO!" Calvin yelled. "You. May. Not. PASS!"

"You have to say the password," Hobbes added helpfully.

Calvin shook his head. "She'll never figure it out. It's way too long. And way too complex. And way too demeaning."

Rose had a pensive look on her face. "Hm. Do you accept password substitutes?"

Hobbes's tail waved in the air. "Sometimes. Do carry on."

Rose cleared her throat.

And began to sing _Roar _by Katy Perry.

"_WHAT?!_" demanded Calvin. Hobbes bobbed his head to the beat.

"I got the eye of the _tiger_, the _tiger,_ dancing through the fire, 'cause I am the champion, and you're gonna see me ro-oar!" Rose sang.

"Come on up!" cheered Hobbes. "Anyone who sings that song is an honorary member of G.R.O.S.S. as far as I'm concerned." He dropped down the rope ladder, batting Calvin away with one paw, who was trying to stop his tiger friend from doing just that.

"_No, no, no, no, nononononononnnnnooo,_" whimpered Calvin. "_She can't come up._"

"Hi, Calvin!" Rose waved, climbing over the side and into the treehouse. "Nice place."

"NOOOO!"

In desperation, he grabbed the first thing that came to hand, and threw it as hard as he could. It was a water balloon.

_Sploosh!_

"I'm wet," Rose said calmly. Then, more loudly. "I'm wet!"

Calvin whimpered, and jumped off the side of the treehouse.

_Crunch!_

"Ow!"

* * *

"You'd better be taking us somewhere good today," Rose warned Hobbes. "I am in a bad mood. For several different reasons."

Calvin pressed the invitingly shiny buttons all along the blue side of the console. "Hobbes can decide."

Hobbes twisted a dial. "To the future!"

With a shudder, and a dimming of lights, the Machine rocketed forwards in the Vortex, and blasted off.

"You're going to have to show me how to fly this thing," Rose noted. "The future? Haven't we already been there?"

Charles clambered up onto the console, and peered at a blinking red button. He chirruped loudly.

"Yeah, but we went _way _into the future that time. Today, we head to the 43rd Century!" Hobbes declared, not noticing the tiny dinosaur. Charles made a louder noise.

"Hey, little guy, what's wrong?" Calvin asked the dinosaur, who didn't respond. Of course not. Dinosaurs don't talk. Instead, he tapped at the flashing red light with a foot. Calvin noticed, and gulped. "Ooh. That's Not Good."

"What's not good?" Hobbes queried.

"That."

"What?"

"That button. It's Not Good."

"What's so bad about it?" Rose wondered.

"No, the actual name of the thing is 'Not Good'. It's the thing that lights up when a paradox has occured around the Time Machine. One of us has something that caused a paradox," Calvin explained.

"Charles?" Rose asked.

"No. Can't be." He tapped the light, which had turned off. "Huh. It's gone now."

Hobbes spun around in a triumphant circle. "We're here! And I'm a better driver than Calvin is, 'cause I think I actually got us there!"

Rose snorted sceptically. "I'll believe it when I see it, cat." She held out an arm for Charles to climb up and into her hoodie. "Right. Up!"

"Me first, me first!" chanted Calvin, and jumped off the trampoline and up into the future. Whether if it's the _right _future remains to be seen.

* * *

Rose bounced out, and promptly banged headfirst into a wall. A heavy wall. An unusually solid-feeling wall.

"Ow! A wall!" she exclaimed, rubbing her forehead. "I think I've got a concussion." She paused. "Wait, why did I bang into a wall?"

Upon closer inspection, it appeared to be a ceiling. A really low ceiling. _We're parked on top of a shelf, _she realized. _In a cleaning cupboard._

She slipped down from the shelf, and opened the door. And was confronted with the busy, bustling activity of a space station.

"Hobbes?" she called. "Calvin?"

"Rose!" called the tiger. "Over here!"

They were next to a futuristic-looking lemonade stand, which appeared to be run by a duck.

"Lemonade?" offered Calvin, holding up a cup. Rose declined.

"Knowing you, you probably poisoned it."

The spaceport was actually a lot like an airport, with the obvious difference of it having spaceships instead of jumbo jets. That, and the aliens everywhere. The north side of the incredibly large room everything was packed into contained the space shuttles and Customs. Most of the other bits were market stalls, places offering anything you could ever want on a galactic cruise. There was even a McDonalds.

"You landed us in the _wrong spot_," Rose accused Hobbes.

"What makes you think that?" he protested. "We could be on a spaceport on Earth!"

"That." She pointed. Calvin and Hobbes turned around.

Most of the western wall was a huge glass panel, probably reinforced, otherwise everyone would spill out into space and die of asphyxiation. Outside was the black starry void of outer space. A comet streaked across the serene landscape, spilling sparks out as it went. And far in the distance... was Earth. It looked the same as ever, really.

Hobbes paused in mid-construction of an argument that explained, exactly, why they _hadn't _mislanded. "Uh, right. We landed in the wrong spot. But on the plus side, look at the pretty!"

They looked, and were forced to concluded that the pretty was, indeed, extremely pretty. They spent some time just gazing at the amazing view, before they managed to tear themselves away.

"So, try again?" Hobbes suggested.

Calvin shrugged. "Yeah, why not?"

Charles popped out of Rose's hoodie, and sniffed the air, raising a claw up as if trying to catch something.

"Hey, what's up with the dinosaur?" Hobbes asked.

"Probably just smells food," Rose diagnosed. "There's a lot of interesting smells around here."

The tiny dinosaur squealed and hopped up and down within the fabric, becoming more agitated by the second. Hobbes looked slightly intrigued.

"You know, some people say that animals have extremely good intuition nowadays, but prehistoric animals had better instincts? Like, they could predict the future?"

Rose snorted, rubbing her pinkie finger along Charles's spines. "What, Charles is predicting an imminent disaster?"

"Doesn't have to be a disaster he's feeling. Maybe it's something... just, out of place."

"What could possibly be out of place in a place like this?" Calvin demanded, waving his arms around. "Everything's _not _normal. Not normal is normal here. Normal stuff just fits in."

A motorbike crashed in through a pair of large double doors, and squealed to a stop.

Practically all activity paused. Everyone stared. The rider lifted their helmet off their head, revealing a 20-year old girl with long brown hair.

"Hello," she said with a British accent. "Have you seen anything large, black, mysterious-looking, and scary around here lately?"  
Rose turned around, and poked Calvin in the chest. "See," she said. "_That's _what happens when you say something like that."

The girl had been taken away by the police, protesting all the way, and making threats related to some sort of explosive. Rose, Calvin, Hobbes, and Charles snuck up behind an abandoned stall. It still had some loopy writing scrawled over the front, that used to say _Intergalactic Xox Burgers! Sale! _Half of the letters had faded, so that it now read _nt rg c ic ox urger ale! _instead.

"What makes me think that there's something going on around here?" wondered Calvin.

"Maybe it's the fact that they arrested her on sight," Hobbes said.

"Or maybe it's, you know, that nobody was wondering what was going on," added Rose, who was feeling remarkably perceptive today. She had noticed that as soon as the girl had crashed in on her motorbike, every single person in the space port had stared for a moment, then turned away and got back to what they were doing, like they were ashamed at looking at her. "Why don't we ask around?"

* * *

The first stall they went up to was run by an alien non-gender-specific person with a bald head, and a flat monotone.

"Hello," he said emotionlessly. "Is there anything you want to try today." He gestured at his samples. They looked like white bread. Hobbes politely took a slice, and gagged on it. It was apparently as bland and tasteless as the seller was.

"Uh," ventured Rose. "We were wondering if you'd seen anything out of the ordinary...?"

"NO!" the seller exclaimed, his face becoming animated. "NOTHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY! NEVER!" He paused, composing himself. "Will that be all."

"Yes...?" Calvin said, startled.

They walked away.

"That was unusual," Rose commented.

"You're telling me!" Hobbes exclaimed. "That was the _worst _bread I've ever tasted!"

Rose sighed.

The next few stalls they visited had much the same reactions. Anytime they suggested that something might be out of the ordinary, he/she/xe/it would start screaming about them about how _everything needs to be normal_, then go back to pleasant salesman mode.

"So, what does this prove?" Hobbes asked, after being thrown out of a tent when Charles decided to go sniffing about. (Apparently, this 'wasn't normal'.)

"Everyone here's extremely xenophobic?" offered Calvin.

"Maybe," Rose allowed. "Or maybe that girl on the motorbike knows something."

Calvin stopped, and crossed his arms. "Are you suggesting we break her out of prison?"

"No!" exclaimed Rose. "I never said-"

"Great idea, Rose!" Hobbes nodded. "Let's go break her out of prison!"

"But-"  
"Let's go, now!" Calvin agreed.

"Wha-"

"We can use the Transmogrifier Gun," Hobbes suggested.

"Now-"

"No arguments, it was your idea, remember?" Calvin scolded. He produced the Gun from his pocket, and aimed it at Hobbes, Rose, and himself, hitting the button in quick succession.

ZAP!  
ZAP!

ZAP!

"Okay," said Hobbes. "What are we?"

"Snails," Calvin said.

There was a long, long pause.

"...I'm sorry, did you just say _snails?_" Rose asked.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Why on Earth would you turn us into snails?" she stormed, wiggling in a snailish way.

"Well, have you ever seen the movie _Turbo_?"

Hobbes wiggled his antennae. "It's about a decade into her future, so she wouldn't have seen it."

"Just try to go as fast as you can," Calvin sighed.

She tried. A curl of blue flame ran up from the centre of her shell, spiralling outwards, and she shot forwards.

"Whoa!" she gasped, and stopped abruptly with a screech like tyre brakes. "Okay. Okay. Okay. Where's Charles?"

As one, they all looked up. The normally tiny dinosaur was now huge. Absolutely gigantic.

"Meep," Hobbes articulated.

"Zap him! Zap him!" Rose panicked. Calvin whipped out the Transmogrifier Gun with an antennae, and somehow managed to hit Charles. He shrunk down, and jumped on Hobbes's shell.

"Let's go!" Calvin declared. They zoomed off through the spaceport and towards the doors the girl had been dragged through, along with her motorbike. Charles chittered with excitement.

"This way!" Rose decided, swerving left.

"Why?" Hobbes asked, following her.

"I can hear voices!"

"That's generally not a good sign," Calvin said.

"Uh... door!"

"Duck!"

They ducked, speeding underneath the small gap at the base of the door. Inside was a swirling black vortex. And it looked (and had the general vibe of being) evil. Really evil. Whispering voices were emanating from it.

"Do you hear that?" Rose asked, staring at the vortex.

"Yeah," Calvin said.

"Great. I'm not going insane."

"Maybe we're all going insane together," Hobbes suggested.

"Great!" she said sarcastically. "I may be as insane as a Brazilian Dancing Monkey, but at least I'll have company. Whoopee."

"_The signs will rise,_" said a voice from the vortex. It was husky and dry, and exactly what you'd expect an eldritch horror from the ether to sound like. They all glanced at each other again.

"Did you-"

"Yeah."

"Me too."

"_The signs will rise, the God of Chaos,_" another voice said, this one being vaguely female. But only vaguely.

"_The God of Chaos,_" the voices repeated together. "_Dischordia. Dischordia. Dischor-discordi-discordia-" _The voices were getting gradually more scrambled, like a record player that had a scratched disc in it.

"Right, let's go," Calvin decided, inching towards the door. Rose was inclined to agree.

"No, wait," Hobbes stopped them. "What's that?"

Rose looked. "What's what?"

"That!" Hobbes said, wiggling his head in the general direction of the vortex. "Can't you see-?"

"No," Calvin said. "All I can see is a swirling black mess."

"There's something in the mess," Hobbes insisted. "It looks like an arm."  
"An arm?" Rose asked. "Are you sure you aren't going insane?"  
"I thought we discussed this," the tiger-turned-snail sniffed. "It's a really big arm. Even for us. Like, a giant's arm."

Calvin peered closer. "Can't see anything. Let's go."

Hobbes frowned, but allowed himself to be led away. He cast one look back.

He could still see the arm. Its fist was clenching and unclenching.

He shuddered.

* * *

"The girl should be in the holding cells, right?" Calvin asked, attempting to scrutinize a map of the building from the floor. Hobbes had been unusually silent the whole time, and only now spoke up.

"I suppose so," he said.

"Where are they, then?" Rose posed.

"Oi! Scumbags! Let me out of here!" called a female voice.

The three of them froze, despite being snails and not easily seen.

"That answers our question," Hobbes concluded.

They all 'activated warp drive' as Calvin so eloquently put it, and sped over to the holding cell. The girl was sitting against the wall, calling out half-hearted insults to her guards. The guards in question were sitting around a table, staring at nothing. They appeared not to hear her. That is, until one of them whirled around and spat out, "Filthy deviant," before turning around to resume his staring.

The girl scoffed. "'Deviant'. You aren't that normal yourself, toerag. Getting rid of anything vaguely out of the ordinary. What's the matter with you lot? Can't you see that something's going on?"

The guards said nothing. Hobbes waved his eyestalks at the girl. "Hey!"

"Hm?" She glanced down, saw three snails, and looked around for the source of the noise.

"Down here!" Rose added.

This time she looked properly at them. "What, you snails?"

"Yeah," said Calvin. "Hello. We're the rescue squad."

"Snails. You better be ninja snails or something, otherwise I'm not impressed."

One of the guards glanced over. "Filthy deviant!" he stormed. "Talking to nothing!"

The girl scooped them up in her hand, and inspected them. "Huh. I've seen some weird things, but talking snails..." She shook her head. "Wow. So, how do you get us out of here?"

"Pick an escape method, any escape method," Calvin grinned.

She scratched her head. "Uh... explosion-related?"

Calvin wiggled around, grabbing the Transmogrifier Gun with an eyestalk. "Nice choice. Just a sec."

He aimed the gun first at himself, then to Rose and Hobbes. "We're not exactly ninja snails, but do two humans and one tiger work for you?"

"Ace!" the girl cheered. "Now. Explosions?"

"Yup," Hobbes snatched the Gun from Calvin, and pointed it at the door. "Duck and cover!"

Everyone dived to the ground. A shockwave of heat and sound washed over them, alerting the guards, and blowing the iron bars off their hinges.

"Run," decided Rose, noticing the guards who were approaching, guns held high.

"Great idea," nodded the girl, already beginning to sprint. "I never caught your names, by the way."

"Rose," Rose introduced. "And the boy is Calvin, and the tiger is Hobbes." She grabbed hold of the tiger's hand, dragging his forward.

"Seriously?" the girl asked. "_The _Calvin and Hobbes?"

"Wait, you know us?" Calvin interrupted. "How does everyone know us?"

"Are you his wife from the future or something?" Hobbes asked.

"No, we're saving that for a couple of seasons," Calvin said. "But who are you?"

The girl pointed down a hallway into a storage cupboard. "We can talk here. I'm assuming you're here about the Dischoria thing?"

"Dischordia.. that's what the voices said, right?" Rose directed this at Calvin and Hobbes. "Yeah. I guess we are."

"Wicked," the girl nodded. "Come on."  
"Who are you?" Calvin repeated.

"Oh, I didn't say?" She turned to them and grinned brightly. "Ace McShane. Explosives expert extraordinaire. Nice to meet you."

* * *

**(A/N-**

**Kudos to anyone that had the slow, dawning realization that, yes, that girl was Ace. Some clues may have included her motorcycle (see the New Adventure Novels), her love of explosives, and the use of the words 'wicked' and 'ace'. That was a bit obvious.**

**So, you may have noticed I completely revamped this episode. And I changed Boom Town too, to something a bit more awesome in this setting. **

**Dischordia is an actual god. Look her up, it won't spoil anything.**

**And... thanks to Phoebe, Anouk, Momo, Monet and Charli for providing me with the amazing Brazilian Dancing Monkey dialogue, which will come up next episode. **

**A Drama Queen is awesome, as always.**

**~Kitty)**


	14. Episode 7:2

_**Episode 7:2- The Beast in Space**_

They all stared at Ace, who was adjusting her black bomber jacket.

"Yes?" she asked, noticing their looks.

Rose thought for a moment. "...I feel like I should know you. Just... can't put my finger on it."

"Huh," she shrugged. "How much do you know?"

"Not much," Calvin admitted. "Just that there's something severely messed up about this place."

"Right." She sat down against the wall and crossed her legs. "Quick overview, then. My motorcycle can travel in time and space, so I travel around fixing stuff and overthrowing bad guys." She glanced at the other three, who were wearing bored expressions and making _go on, go on_ motions with their hands. "You seem oddly unconcerned over the fact that I sound like a loony."

"What, time travel?" Hobbes asked, raising an eyebrow. "Been there, done that."

"Bought the mug," Rose added.

"Blew up the idiot who tried to sell us a T-Shirt," Calvin finished. "Do go on."

"Okay... the thing is, wherever I go, I happen to run into trouble. And this time, I found out about the fact that a bunch of people are trying to resurrect the goddess of Chaos, who just so happens to be named Dischordia. And yes, I _know,_" she added, raising a finger to forestall their arguments. "I know that gods and goddesses don't exist. But some extremely powerful creatures do."  
"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from divinity," Hobbes recalled.

"Ooh, yeah," Ace nodded. "That's a great way of putting it. Never thought of it like that before. But the people who are planning decided to do it in a place where everyone's naturally inquisitive. Stupid idea on their part, really. So, they're using a delta wave augmentor to communicate subliminal messages while the people are asleep. Hence, the xenophobia. And meanwhile, bits of the 'goddess'," she made quotation marks in the air. "are being assembled as we speak."

Hobbes frowned. "Like.. an arm, for example? A really big arm?"

"Possibly," she allowed. "But you shouldn't be able to see it." Then she stared at him. "You're a tiger."

"Oh, well done, you," he muttered sarcastically. "You're only just noticing this. Why aren't you freaking out?"

"Eh," she shrugged. "Seen weirder things. I was a cheetah, once, for a couple of hours."

"A cheetah?" Rose glanced at her.

"I got better!"

"Why is it important that I'm a tiger?" Hobbes wanted to know.

"Have you noticed that you may see things different from other animals and humans? That's because you have different cones and rods in your eyes, which are the things that allow you to see. Most species of animals have them in different rows, which means that some species- I think a type of squid- can see in infrared, and other spectrums that we can't see. Dischordia happens to be at a different wavelength that most species can't see." She paused, looking thoughtful. "Except for cats, I guess."

"Wow," Calvin looked impressed. "You really know all about this science stuff, don't you?"

"Blame it on the Professor," she sighed. "He drummed this all into my head... but, yeah, sometimes it's useful."

"'The Professor'?" Rose repeated slowly. Ace looked sad for a moment.

"Yeah. A friend. Haven't seen him for years, but..."

"Ho hum," Hobbes clapped his paws together, making everyone jump. "What is the plan?"

"The plan?" Rose asked. "What plan? We'll just run in there, and get rid of the godly body parts. No one will expect us to make a move without thinking about it first."

"That'll teach them to underestimate stupid people," Calvin nodded, agreeing with her for once in his life.

Ace glanced at them. "Funny. The reports I saw about you lot made you out to be _slightly _more clever."

"I'm clever," Hobbes volunteered.

"The thing is, I had a plan. But with you guys added in... I guess I'll have to change it."

Rose shrugged. "Sure. We have some skills that may help."

Ace scratched her head. "Such as?"

"Well, Hobbes is annoyingly sarcastic and distracts you from important tasks. And Calvin... is incredibly stubborn. And our dinosaur can sit around looking cute."

"And your good qualities?"

"Those _were _our good qualities."

Ace was beginning to regret this. Slightly. "And what about you?"

"If a bad guy comes around, I can bravely scream, to warn you. I may even bravely faint, to lull him into a false sense of security. While that's happening, you guys can beat him up. Just make sure not to step on me, while I'm being brave."

Ace blinked. "You mentioned a dinosaur? How the heck did you get hold of a dinosaur?"

"Long story," Calvin waved a hand dismissively. "He's on my shirt. Still tiny."

Ace peered at Calvin's stripy shirt and smiled at the small dino. "Right. Here is the plan..."

Calvin cackled evilly.

* * *

**Phase One- the Distraction**

The guards in the spaceport were staring into space, doing precisely nothing out of the ordinary when a small boy, crying frantically, stumbled into their view. His T-Shirt was badly ripped, and there were scratches all over his arms and legs. His yellow hair was flattened down with water, which sent little beads of moisture rolling down his neck.

"Help me," he croaked. The guards glanced up. And even though they would shun a girl crashing through the doors of the spaceport, not even the strongest delta wave transmitter can stop someone from coming to a kid that's been hurt.

Calvin (because of course it was he) collapsed dramatically to the ground, making sure to add in lots of groaning and eyelid fluttering. While the guards were fussing over him and wondering if they should call the paramedics, he surreptitiously shook his sleeve out over the ground, letting four living entities scurry out of it.

"He's a surprisingly good actor," Rose commented in a whisper, following the other two towards the guard room and clutching Charles the Dinosaur in her crooked arm.

Hobbes grinned, and flexed his claws. "I'm a surprisingly good injurer."

Rose glanced at Calvin again, a look of slight alarm on her face. "You mean you actually scratched him up on purpose? Didn't that hurt?"

Hobbes shrugged. "It had to look authentic."

"Alright, ladies. Quit the chatting," Ace called from up ahead. "We've got a tight schedule here."

Rose eyed Hobbes's claws with new respect, hurrying along. "You wouldn't do that to me, right?"

"Of course not!" Hobbes assured her, before coughing slightly. "Well, not unless you made me mad."

Rose gulped, and vowed to always stay on Hobbes's good side.

On the ground behind them, Calvin moaned, and flopped an arm to the floor, revealing more scratched skin. The guards all gasped in horror.

In one swift movement, Calvin jumped to his feet, all traces of injury gone in an instant. He whipped out a small deodorant canister from his pocket and held it above his head.

"Okay, no one move!" he yelled. "One step, and I blow everyone to pieces!"  
Ace had explained to him that the canister was, in fact, filled with a substance she had created herself, named 'Nitro-9'. This substance was extracted from gelignite, and, when detonated, had a fuse time of up to 30 seconds. But, she warned him, occasionally it didn't work as planned. 'Occasionally' being most of the time. So if he was going to use it, he'd have to be extremely careful.

But, as anyone can tell you, Calvin is never, ever careful.

The guards took a step towards him. He threw this can. It landed. He began to run.

BOOM.

"Ace!" cackled Calvin, diving through the door.

* * *

**Phase Two- Split Up**

Rose shimmied up the rafters, using gymnastics skills that she hadn't called on for years.

_You'll be the lookout_, Ace had said. _A nice, boring position. We won't need to use your ability to faint. It'll be fun. _

Rose had growled at that.  
She now swung herself up into a fairly comfortable position on top of some insulation, and dialed Ace's number on her mobile phone. It rang twice, and Ace picked up.

"_Hi, Blondie. What's up?_"

"Just checking to see that everything's okay. I'm in position."

"_Brill. I'm heading to the first generator. See you soon. Call us if there's any trouble._"

"Got it."

The phone clicked off, and Rose pocketed it, making sure that it was easy to reach. She arranged some of the insulation fabric into a comfortable setting so she could rest her head back on it. She leaned back, and sighed.

It was a place just like this that Mickey had first asked her out.

They had been hiding from a bunch of boys that were looking to beat him up (he had stood up for a kid that was being bullied) and Rose had known about the place for years. She had always kept it a secret, though. It was a place that she could go to to clear her thoughts and relax. Just at the top of the gym, and accessible only by climbing the ropes in a specific way. She had brought up a few pillows and a copy of _Harry Potter_, as well as some other books, over time, and a small box of trail mix. The whole setup nestled comfortably behind a system of wires. The only reason she had let Mickey up there was because he was her friend, and she didn't want him to get hurt. That's what she told herself.

"_Ha!" Mickey exclaimed, awkwardly perching himself on a cushion. "Nice place."_

"_Thanks," Rose smiled. "Want some trail mix?"_

"_Sure." Mickey poked around in the box, picking out all the chocolate bits. "Mm."_

"_Oi!" She jerked the box abruptly away from him. "No stealing all the goodies!" _

_They laughed together. They stayed up there for about an hour, not out of necessity, but just to enjoy each other's company._

_And then he asked her out._

_She stopped, and stared for a moment or two. A steady blush was creeping over his cheeks. "It's okay," he said. "You don't have to, or anything. It's just..."_

"_Yes!" Rose shrieked, diving on him with a hug. "Yes, Mickey Smith! I _will _go out with you!"_

_And they kissed. It was perfect._

"_Just one question," Mickey said, pulling back._

"_Shoot," she grinned. _

"_**Why is this the first time you've thought about me since leaving with Calvin and Hobbes?**_"

Rose sat back, startled by the ferocity of the memory, and overcome by sudden guilt. Why _hadn't_ she thought about Mickey? In fact, now that she considered it, it became apparent that she hadn't even spared the slightest thought about him when she was on Platform One, or in 1869, or until she had seen him at her welcome home party.

She stared into space for a long, long time.

* * *

Ace wasn't suffering from confused thoughts in the least. She was entirely focused on the job at hand, namely, blowing up the delta wave generator with Hobbes. It was, in retrospect, one of the more fun jobs she'd done. It certainly wasn't the worst. The incident on the mud planet held that dubious honor. Besides, Hobbes was a good person/tiger to talk to.

After her short phone call with Rose, she put away her iPhone 6, and used the Transmogrifier Gun to turn them back into their normal heights. Calvin hadn't minded entrusting her with the technology, claiming that she was the 'coolest slimy girl he had ever met'. Plus, she had lent him some of her explosives. Fair was fair, after all.

She and Hobbes were now playing a variant of 20 Questions, in which they took turns at asking.

"Weirdest adventure?" Hobbes shot at her.

"Hard one. I think it might've been when I accidently created a timestorm in my bedroom, and ended up on Iceworld. Technically not my fault, but still. Most interesting famous person you've met?"

Hobbes scratched his head, turning right. "Maybe Charles Dickens? Or Cleopatra. Favorite food in the universe?"

"Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster."

"That's technically not a food."

"Mm. Number of people you have, accidentally or otherwise, gotten married to?"

"None, actually. Although Calvin did get hitched with Vlad the Impaler- oh, here we are!"

Ace ran her fingers over the plaque. "'Delta Wave Augmentor'. This looks like it." She rattled the handle. "Oh, look. It's locked. Hang on."

She withdrew an odd-looking pointy tool, and inserted it into the lock, fiddling around for a moment before it clicked. "There we go."

"Nice," Hobbes nodded, swinging the door open. There wasn't even the faintest hint of a squeak. "Let's go."

They crept into the room, shutting the door behind them. And then they just stopped.

And stared.

The Augmentor was huge. It filled the whole room, leaving only a little space for engineers and other such spectators to stand in. Complex wires and levers were set in an intricate array that spiralled in the room. Ace bowed her head slightly.

"This..." she murmured. "This is going to be _such_ an honor to wreck to pieces."

Hobbes grinned. "Explosives time."

"Explosives time," she affirmed. She dug into her satchel (which they had liberated from the prison lockup) and removed several cans of Nitro-9, half of which she tossed to the tiger. "Here. Set them up around the room."

He caught them easily, and spun one on his finger, before placing it at the base of the machine. Reaching up as high as he could go, he placed a few on the top. "How do we set them off?"

Ace was putting some into little areas that were hard to reach into, and took some time answering. "Well... I _think _I got the remote activation working."

"What do you mean, you _think_?"

"I mean we should probably start running. Now." She finished up, placing the remaining cans in her black bag and zipping it up.

* * *

"_It was a dangerous case. But that's nothing new._" Calvin strode down the hall with his hat throwing shadows over his face. He had somehow managed to obtain a long black trench coat, and had his hands in the pockets. "_The dame had come to my door with a job. She was the type that could probably be mistaken for a brute at 50 paces, or even closer. But it's not up to me to judge beauty contests. I'm Tracer Bullet. I'm a private eye. The job was simple enough, in theory. Find a specific guy, and stop him taking over the city. But, as I've found out in the past, these jobs have a tendency to go pear-shaped, fast._"

He pulled a device out of his pocket and attached it to his ever-present electronic watch. It beeped, and sent out a holographic arrow that jabbed itself forwards in an animated loop every few seconds. Calvin followed it.

"_I have two partners. One's called Flare Red, and he's not your ordinary crime-buster. You could say he's a cat, but he'd rip you to shreds. He's wild, fearless, and the best partner anyone could have. My other associate's a dame whose mouth is just as fast as her temper. They call her Poison Rose._"

His watch rang, startling him out of fantasy world for a moment. He scrambled with the keys for a moment, searching for the 'call answer' button. "Yeah?" he said, picking up.

"_Calvin! It's me. Creepy guys dressed in black coming your way. Thought you oughta know._"

Calvin nodded. "_Poison Rose had called, which meant nothing good was happening. The head honcho of the gang had sent a bunch of thugs my way. I needed a plan, and fast._"

"_Calvin?_"

He shook himself. "Uh, yes, Poison Rose, I mean, yep. I should hide, right?"

"_Roger that._"

"My name's not Roger."

"_I know. Actually, forget it._"

She hung up, and Calvin darted down into the room where the arrow was pointing.

* * *

**Phase Three- Detonation**

"Move it!" Ace yelled. "Move it, move it, move it!"

Rose swung down from the top with agile grace. "You set the bombs, didn't you?"

"_Explosives_," Ace corrected testily. "And yes."

"Where's Calvin?" Hobbes wondered.  
"Last I heard, a bunch of guards were going for him. Should I call him up again?"

The tiger nodded. "Please do."

She dialed the number, and retreated into the corner to have the conversation. Hobbes and Ace looked at each other for a moment.

"So..." Hobbes began.

"Are you attempting to start a conversation with me?"

"Uh... yes."

"And you can't think of any topics?"

"Yeah."

She sighed, and crossed her arms over her chest. "Why don't you start with 'why is your name Ace'? That's what people usually ask."

"Why is your name Ace?"

"I hated my original name. Next question."

"What _was _your original name?"

She directed a glare towards him that would have stopped a Sumerian Beta-Lion from attacking. "I will never tell."

"Fine. What's the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

"African or European?" she shot back without missing a beat.

"Oh, you're good," he sighed. Rose stepped back into the conversation. "What's happening?"

"He's going after the arms," she informed them. "I think we can easily get the legs disintegrated. And maybe the body. He can take the head."

"Wicked," Ace said. "Do we have a DesMat gun?"

"No," Rose said.

"Yes, we do." Hobbes outstretched his paw towards Ace. "Give the gun here."

She stared at him blankly for a moment before it clicked. "Oh!" She removed the Transmogrifier Gun from her pocket, and handed it over.

"Great. Now, as long as I basically understand how a DesMat Gun works..." He aimed it at a rubber bouncy ball in the corner. There was a _zap_. "Is that it?"

"Yeah," Ace confirmed. "And I think we're safe enough to detonate the explosives. Once the Augmentor is gone, the people in the spaceport will care enough to do some destruction of their own. We might not even need to worry about the head or body."

She held out a little control pad, with a big blue button in the middle. "Who wants to do the honors?"

There was a pause.

"_Wait_," Rose said. "Isn't the button that controls explosives supposed to be red?"

"Yes," Ace replied. "Which is exactly why this is a different color. No one would expect the detonation button to be blue. It's security, see?"

"I'm pressing the button," Hobbes decided, and did so.

The BOOM could be heard from where Calvin was currently.

* * *

**Phase Four- Crush, Decimate, Destroy, Repeat**

"_Ohhh_," gasped Calvin, who was flat on his back, gasping for air. "That was the _biggest _explosion I've heard recently."

Charles squeaked in sympathy, and nibbled slightly on his t-shirt. Calvin swatted him off gently.  
He turned to the swirling black vortex in front of him, which presumably held Dischordia's arm. But, not being a feline in any way, shape or form, he couldn't see it. Which made his job that much more difficult.

"_Spiff prepares his battle blaster!_" he narrated to himself, pulling the Transmogrifier Gun out of his pocket. You see, since he had recovered the exact copy of the Gun from the alien museum, he had taken around to carrying it in his pocket. Just in case.

He paused, considering. Transmogrification wasn't an exact science. In fact, it was anything but. The item changed reverted back to its original state within 12 hours. 14, if you were lucky, which you usually weren't. So, to do this, he would have to be clever.

Uh oh.

He zapped into the middle of the vortex randomly for a couple of minutes, until a small can of beans hit the floor. He cautiously reached underneath the swirls of black, feeling around until he could retrieve it, then held it up to the light, and grinned. Charles seemed to grin as well.

"So _this _is the arm of the fearsome god..." he muttered. He turned and dashed out of the room, opening the can as he did.

Behind him, the vortex began to sputter erratically, finally imploding in on itself with a _floomph_.

* * *

"Here!" Hobbes called. Rose and Ace turned around. Hobbes was pointing to a large alcove that housed exactly nothing. Rose wrinkled her nose.

"Are you sure?"

"Completely sure," the tiger sniffed. "Just because your eyes aren't as awesome as mine..."

"No, no, no," Ace said hurriedly. "We aren't doubting you."

Hobbes hefted the DesMat Gun over his shoulder, flicking off the safety cap. "Great. Just remember, I'm the one with the big whopping gun. Stand back."

They stood back.

There was a loud noise.

There was a long silence.

"Good job," congratulated Ace. "You just managed to destroy part of a god."

"I really hope this doesn't go on my resume when I try to get into heaven," sighed the tiger. Rose made a sympathetic noise. "Right. Next leg."

* * *

Calvin and Charles were sneaking into the kitchens, armed with two cans of beans that were previously the arms of the goddess of Chaos. They could hear lots of screams and panicked firings of guns outside, which probably meant that the Delta Wave Augmentor had worn off. Calvin quickly located a large cooking pot, and dumped the two cans in, giving it a firm stir for good measure.

"Brilliant," he breathed quietly. "I wish I could see their faces when they realize they just ate their god... or maybe I should hope they never find out."

They left the steamy, bustling kitchens to a scene of complete and utter catastrophe outside. Stalls were overturned, people were shrieking in fear, and some other people were yelling just because they could. A group of bipedal cats in nun's robes were attacking a piece of empty space. Maybe it wasn't empty, though. The bits of blood and gore coming from the space being attacked certainly seemed to say otherwise.

"Hey!" exclaimed a voice from behind him.

"Yes...?" Calvin turned halfway around, and was met by a wall of fur that appeared to be intent on hugging him. "Hey, Hobbes!"

"I assume we did it...?" Rose asked, watching the scene with some amusement.

"We did!" Calvin yelled.

"And I got my motorbike back," declared Ace, wheeling the big, black monstrosity in. "Ta-dah!"

"Nice," Rose complimented.

"Well, we must be off!" Calvin exclaimed, dusting his hands off. "Things to see, places to go, evil dictators to overthrow..."

"See you, Ace," Hobbes said, waving.

"Wha-" Ace seemed slightly confused. "No one's called me Ace for a while."

"That's how you introduced yourself," Rose reminded her quietly.

"And I did it without thinking, too."

Rose blinked at her.

"I stopped calling myself Ace a while ago," she said. "Called myself Dorotheè instead. But I haven't been in contact with people for a really long time."

"Maybe it's time for that to change," said Hobbes. She nodded.

"Maybe." She swung her leg up onto the other side of her motorbike, and smiled tentatively. "Bye, then. We might see each other again."

"Bye," the other three chorused, and Charles chittered. Ace- or Dorotheè- paused for a second and quickly dismounted from the bike. She stood right in front of Calvin, and paused for a moment, as if trying to reassure himself of something. And then... she bent down, and tweaked his nose. Just a little bit. But... she did.

"Goodbye," she repeated, and jumped on her motorbike again. It revved, and fizzled out of existense.

In the Vortex, protected from the time winds by her motorbike's shield, she grinned a tiny bit wider, then sobered.

"The Universe needs someone to be the Doctor," she murmured. "I can't think of a more perfect person."

And then, just as she disappeared into the swirling tendrils of the Time Vortex...

"I'm not a little girl anymore, Professor."

* * *

"I'm exhausted," Calvin sighed, leaning against the geometrically insane console.

"Seconded," affirmed Hobbes.

"Blah," was all that Rose could say. Charles nudged his head affectionally against her ear.

"I wonder what day it is?" Hobbes asked suddenly, sitting up.

"Why do you ask?" Rose queried.

"Because Sunday night was Movie Night back at home."

Calvin sighed again. "Let's just say tonight is Movie Night. Time's relative around here, remember?"

"Great..." Rose slumped against the ground. "What movie are we watching?"

"Why don't you choose?" Hobbes suggested. Rose wrinkled her nose in thought.

"Do you have _The Princess Bride_?" she asked.

Hobbes glanced back and forth. "Probably. We have a lot of movies."

"_The Princess Bride_?" Calvin complained. "Sounds like a Disney Princess movie?"

"Actually, no." Rose managed to get up, and she leaned against the console to support herself. "There swordfighting and big monsters and a torture machine. You'd like it, in fact."

"Sounds good," Hobbes grinned. "Meet us in the movie room?"

"Sure. Charles and I will be along in a moment."

Calvin and Hobbes left the room, presumably to get the movie set up. Rose stroked Charles's back for a moment. "My life's pretty weird, isn't it?"

Charles mewled.

"You coming?" Calvin yelled. "We got popcorn!"

"Coming!" she called.

* * *

**(A/N:**

**Wow! Character development. And I didn't manage to get the Brazilian Dancing Monkey text in there... :-/ Well, maybe next time.**

**Well, catch the references in there and get a prize. Including some references to the Classic Series. Can anyone tell me where Ace's parting quote came from? **

**Yes, the Doctor did exist in this universe... I'll leave you to figure out the details, although I have got a tiny subplot running.**

**Next week: Mary Sues! Or not. Possibly.**

**Shoutout to Golden Keyblade, and his amazing story, which is entitled **Calvin's Quest_. _**I recommend you go read it! It's bril. Really.**

**~Kitty)**


	15. Episode 8:1

**_Episode 8:1- Father's Day_**

* * *

In the library of the Time Machine, all was silent. Except for the soft flipping of pages coming from a big, fluffy chair set next to a bookshelf.

A soft snort broke the peace, and then a full out chuckle.

"MWAHAHAHA!" roared Hobbes, waving a copy of _Fairy Tail _around in the air like a flag. "CAN YOU EVEN DO THAT? ARE THE EDITORS ON BREAK, OR SOMETHING?"

"Shut up," requested Calvin, calmly reading a _Captain Napalm _comic book. "I'm getting to the interesting bit."

Hobbes ignored him, and kept on laughing/throwing a fanboy fit.

"Okay, what is it?" Calvin sighed, setting his book aside.

"He... threw... a naked... Lucy... at Natsu..." Hobbes gasped out between laughs.

"I don't read Fairy Tail."  
"THERE IS NO SUBTEXT!"

"Calm down."  
"THE SUBTEXT ROLLED OVER AND DIED WHEN THEY FLEW THROUGH THE AIR TOGETHER!"

"You're going to hurt yourself."

"I CAN'T BELIEVE HE DID THAT!"

Calvin calmly reached over and smacked Hobbes over the head with a copy of _Eragon_. Hobbes fell over, still giggling.

"I'm going to go find Rose and Charles. At least they're saner than you."

Saying that, Calvin left. Hobbes rolled over, guffawing loudly.

* * *

"Slimy giiiirl," Calvin called, tapping loudly on the door. "You there?"

There was no response. Calvin knocked again, before opening the door to Rose's bedroom. The room was softly lit from a lamp that sat on a table. The color scheme was light pink and lilac, with purple skirting boards. A wardrobe stood against the wall, and a bed made up with rosy pink sheets was directly next to it. Rose was on the bed, lying on her stomach with her feet in the air and hair covering her face. She appeared to be looking at a newspaper article.

"Uh... hello?" Calvin said, awkwardly. Rose jumped a foot into the air.

"What are you doing here?" she snapped, not looking at him. Calvin inched a bit further into the room, and shut the door behind him. He noticed that she hadn't put any makeup on, like she usually did. It looked like she had been crying.

"Hobbes was fangirling over a manga. I was attempting to get away from the weirdness. Where's Charles?"

She gestured vaguely over to her wardrobe, the door of which was slightly ajar. A little green head poked out, eyes partly obscured by a pink shirt that was draped over them. He chirped merrily, and tossed his head, causing the shirt to flip onto the floor.

Calvin stared for a moment, then shrugged, and sat on Rose's bed. "So. What are you reading? I hope it isn't more Fairy Tail."

Rose tugged the article away, and hid it under her pillow. "Nothing."

"Seriously. Tell me. I need something to occupy myself."

She spun around. "Fine. I'll tell you. My dad died when I was little, and I got a reminder that he's not coming back. Look."

She pulled the glossy paper from under her pillow, and shoved it towards Calvin. _My Dad Saved the World,_ it read.

He eyed the photograph. "You're on it."

"Yeah."

"And that guy's your dad."

"Yeah."

He looked at her. "We were there."

"Yeah."

"And... you want to go."

She didn't say anything. He stared at her for a moment. "Is there anything special about the 7th of November?."

She shook her head.

"Let's go, then," he said, jumping up. "I didn't have anything planned! Let's go see your dad save the world!"  
Rose blinked, and watched him leave, before getting up slowly and following him the console room.

* * *

_Peter Alan Tyler, my dad. Born 15th September 1954. Died, 1987, 7th of November. He didn't deserve to die. But he did. Killed by a drunk driver. It was a stupid accident, they said._

* * *

"Where is it?" Hobbes asked quietly.

"Just over there," Rose said in a whisper. There wasn't any need to whisper, really, but she did it anyway. Calvin glanced at her curiously.

"Why are you so gloomy-looking?" he demanded. "We're about to see your dad save the world!"

Rose didn't say anything.

The article hadn't mentioned any specifics on how Pete Tyler would save the world. It just had the photo of him, the black dog, and Rose crying. They had decided to leave Charles in the Time Machine, in order to prevent people trying to lock him up in zoos and study him. He was too cute to die, after all.

"I don't see any black dogs," Calvin said curiously, peering around.

"Isn't that him?" Hobbes asked, pointing. A man was walking across the road.

"Yeah," Rose said. Her hands twitched slightly, and she shoved them in her pockets.

"Well, why don't we go follow him?"

"No!" she exclaimed a bit too quickly. "I mean... no. We're fine where we are."

A van was approaching from a street two blocks over. It was a large white van with blackened windows. Pete, on the street, staggered slightly, and dropped the grocery bag he was holding. Rose gasped reflexively, and made as if to run out across the street to help him up, before stopping herself.

"You alright?" Hobbes asked, glancing at her.

"Yeah. Fine. Just great."

The van spun around the corner, the wheels skimming off the street. It swerved violently, about to hit. Rose stood, motionless.

_This is it. My dad's about to die._

* * *

A moment before the van hit him, a small silky hand reached out, and wrapped its fingers firmly around Pete Tyler's hand, yanking him away from the path of the van and to safety.  
"You okay?" a girl with a long mane of silky hair asked in a gorgeous, tinkling voice. "That was a close one."

"Y-yeah," Pete said stutteringly.

"I'm Diamond," the girl introduced herself.

* * *

_Peter Alan Tyler, my dad. Born 15th September 1954. Nearly died on the 7th of November 1987. He should've died. But he didn't. Saved by a helpful girl. It was a lucky coincidence, they said._

* * *

"That was a close one!" Calvin laughed, dashing across the street with a reluctant-looking Rose and an enthusiastic Hobbes in tow. "He might've died! Then we wouldn't have got to see him save the world!"

Pete was facing the blonde girl. She looked startlingly like Rose, except her face was rounder and naturally beautiful, and her eyes were violet.

"Hey!" Calvin exclaimed. "Are you alright? That looked nasty!"  
"Fine," Pete said with a grin. "There's really no need to fuss."

On the street, the van had gone, like it had simply... disappeared.

"Thanks for saving him," Rose said to the girl.

"No problem. Happy to help," the girl said. "I'm Diamond, by the way. Diamond Sparkle."

"That's an unusual name."

"I'm an unusual person."

Rose peered at the girl. She was right. There was something not quite right about the girl. Maybe it was the vibrant colors of her hair, eyes, and lips. Or the graceful way she moved. She didn't appear entirely human.

"Who are you?" Pete asked Calvin.

"We are..." Calvin glanced around for inspiration. "Our occupation is... concerned passers-by."

"Is that an occupation?" Hobbes wondered.

"It can be," Calvin said. "We are here looking for black dogs. Have you seen any black dogs?"

Pete looked puzzled. "Black dogs?"

"They're very important to our job. We're... uh..." He appealed to Hobbes with a few blinks.

"Studying the effect of black dogs on blind people as opposed to white dogs," the tiger supplied.

"Studying the effect of black dogs on blind people," Calvin agreed. "You see, we recently lost an entire shipping container of dogs around here. Terrible stuff, terrible stuff. We need to find them, otherwise they might go leaping on non-blind people. How terrible would that be?"

"You seem a bit young to be scientists," Diamond observed.

"There's a perfectly logical explanation for that," Calvin exclaimed. "I just... need... to think of it... first."

_Rose would usually have chimed in with a sarcastic comment by now_, his brain informed him.

"Hobbes," he muttered under his breath. "Have you seen the slimy girl?"

"No," Hobbes said. "Where is she?"

"Not next to us, apparently..." he breathed, glancing back and forth. "Okay!" he called out, a bit louder. "We need to go now. Our work on Brazilian Dancing Monkeys can't be delayed!"

"I thought you said your work was with black dogs!" Pete protested.

Calvin waved a hand dismissively. "Oh, you know. Circumstances change. But if you see any dogs, or monkeys, just let me know!"

He and Hobbes dashed off.

"Well, that was...odd," Pete said. "Thanks again, by the way." He glanced down ruefully into his shopping bag. "I think the eggs are broken. Jackie's going to kill me. She was making a cake."

Diamond waved cheerfully. "Well, if you need any help, just call us!" She handed him an immaculately printed business card. "We're an organisation dedicated to helping people."

"'Helpful Hands'," he read, and pocketed the card. "Thank you. I'd better be getting home, though."

* * *

All around the town that day, people were being helped out by beautiful young woman. Old Ms Millar downtown would have tripped over her cat and painfully sprained her ankle if not for Glimmer Rainbow, a lovely young lady who kept her upright with a firm grip. According to gossip, Glimmer was an astute conversationalist, and kept Ms Millar entertained for hours.

Several other girls had been running around, just basically helping out. Every time, they had left a card behind. And they were all lovely people. Not practically perfect in every way. They _were _perfect in every way.

This was what Calvin and Hobbes noticed as they ran down the street, looking for Rose. And they both thought the exact same thing.

"This is weird," they both said at the same time, pointing at the other.

"Weirdness," Hobbes agreed. "I think it has something to do with Rose's dad saving the world."

"There she is!" Calvin pointed. Rose was standing at the gate to the Powell Estates.

As they walked towards Rose, they didn't notice the white van that sped behind them. And the black dog that leapt after it. But why would they? It probably doesn't even matter to the plot.

"You can't go in there," Hobbes reminded her as they drew close.

"I know," she said. "It's just weird. Little baby me is in there right now."

"Come on!" Calvin enthused, tugging at her hand. "We've got to go see your dad save the world, remember?"

Rose nodded hastily. "Sure. But when...exactly do we see him saving the world?"

"Sometime today!" Hobbes put in.

"Let's stalk him!" Calvin enthused.

"NO," Hobbes and Rose said at the same time.

"We'll just wait," Rose clarified.

There was a brief pause.

"_Or_," Hobbes said, sounding as if he were absolutely delighted to do something other than _waiting_. "we could go see why a pack of black dogs are dashing out of a rip in the fabric of space-time!"

His two friends whirled around just as a swarm of black dogs were about to trample them. Rose shrieked, and ran to the side, bumping into a woman who was carrying her baby daughter out of the house.

"Oi!" the woman exclaimed, fumbling with the little girl in her arms. "Careful!"

"Sorry!" Rose gasped, steadying her with one hand, using the other to bat a dog away. It dissolved into little floating shreds. She stared for a moment. "Wha-?"

Another dog began to snarl at her, exposing blood-red teeth and a gaping maw of a mouth.

Hobbes, meanwhile, was wielding a katana, the result of a Transmogrified daisy. He was slashing at dogs left and right, dissolving them as the blade made contact.

Rose stared at the woman. "Mum?" she whispered quietly.

"Who are you?" Jackie Tyler shot back rather rudely, glaring at her.

"Rose," said Rose, at the same time as Calvin said, "Lucy."

They glanced at each other for a moment.

"Lucy-Rose," Rose decided. "Lucy-Rose Heartfilia."

"And I'm Natsu!" Calvin chimed in cheerfully. "Natsu Dragneel! And my cat here is Happy!"

Hobbes paused from his awesome decimation of the demon dogs to mouth 'Happy' wordlessly at Calvin. Calvin ignored him. "And you are?"

"Jackie," Rose's mum from the past snapped. "Not that it's any of your business."

Hobbes threw his katana cheerfully to the ground, having finished with the dogs, and sprang over to Calvin and Rose. He wrapped an arm around each of them, bringing their heads close together. "Well, now, _this _is awkward!"

Calvin glared.

"Right," Jackie said, glancing dubiously at the two clearly insane people standing in front of her. "You aren't with that 'Helping Hands' organisation, are you?" she questioned, as if suddenly struck with a thought.

"No..." Calvin said.

"Good," Jackie said with a slight sneer. "They're just... not right."

"Oh, I absolutely agree," Calvin agreed. "Can you tell us anything about them?"

"No," Jackie said, hoisting the baby in her hands, and stalking over to the car. Five seconds later, the ancient engine had revved up, and the car sped off.

"That went well," Hobbes said.

Behind them, a white van sped around the corner.

* * *

"Let's go find those girls," Calvin said.

Rose crossed her arms over her chest. "Whatever happened to seeing my dad save the world?"

"What, we're still talking about that?"  
Hobbes took Rose's arm and led her aside. "You just need to go along with it."

"Go along with it?"

"Either that, or distract him with something shiny."

"Got it." They moved back to the conversation. Calvin appeared to be talking to nothing.

"Calvin," Rose said.

"Yesss?"

"Do you, by any chance, have ADHD?"

He considered. "Well, may- hey, look, a pretty girl! Let's stalk her!"

Rose sighed.

"Plan," Calvin was muttering. "Plan, plan, plan. We need to cause an accident so they'll come near, and then we'll follow them back to their evil lair."

"Calvin, my dad."  
"What?" He waved a hand dismissively. "You can go see him save the world. Hobbes and I'll go check out the girls. There's a connection there. I just know."

"Or... maybe you're just going through a girl phase," Hobbes put in.

"SHUT UP."

Calvin stalked off towards a paint store. Which didn't bode well. Hobbes tapped on Rose's arm.

"You okay?"

She jumped slightly. "Yeah, fine. I'll just go.. find my dad."

"Careful. You know that article showed you crying."

"I'll be fine." She grinned, but her heart wasn't really in it. "You know me."

"I do, which is why I'm warning you. You're our team trouble magnet."

She laughed, and hugged him. They were about the same height. "Aw, shut it."

"I'd better follow Calvin. He's probably getting into several shades of trouble without us."

She gave him a friendly shove. "Go on, then."

Hobbes headed off to help Calvin with his chaos making, and Rose turned around to find her father.  
And was confronted with the sight of a massive hellhound.

"Uh... nice doggy?"

* * *

Calvin hauled the last of the massive paint buckets up on to the roof, and dusted his hands off, sighing contentedly.

"This is quite an intricate plan, Calvin," Hobbes commented, wrapping a coil of rope around a satellite dish. Calvin grinned proudly.

"Thank you!"  
There was a pause, as Hobbes tightened the rope, and began to drag the buckets into place.

"Does that mean that you'll think it'll work?"

"God, no. Here we go."

Calvin pouted, and produced a knife from his pocket that would actually be impossible to fit into said pocket under any sane circumstances. Hobbes stared.

"How did you-?"

"Bigger on the inside."

"Oh."

Calvin raised the knife high over his head, and peeked over the edge of the roof. "IpraytoalltheassortedGreekgodsandgoddessesthatthiswillwork!" he yelled convolutedly, and chopped the rope in half.

17 large cans of assorted colored paint rolled down the sloped roof. 17 large cans of paint hit the ground together, in accordance with Galileo's experiment. 6 innocent passers-by screamed as they were doused in a variety of colorful and exciting art materials.

Calvin cackled evilly, and threw his head back, stretching his arms out, as he spun about the roof.

"Shh!" Hobbes hissed. "Here they come!"

Indeed, three perfectly pretty girls were coming over to help out. Calvin leapt smoothly onto Hobbes's back, and he darted down to the ground via a handy ladder.

The girls (introducing themselves as Raven, Hunter, and Aquamarine) had finished up with cleaning the shocked and horrified passers-by. They then proceeded to head off, saying absolutely each other. Just smiling pretty smiles.

"I get the feeling there's something wrong here," Calvin whispered.

"Like the fact that they disappeared into thin air?" Hobbes whispered back.

"Yeah. That might be it. How did they even do that?"

"Maybe they stood on a pressure plate or something."

"That's ridiculous. Why would you think that?"

"Let's just try it."

"Where should we go?"

"Uh... that alleyway they walked into just before they disappeared."

"Fine."

Silence for a few moments, followed by shuffling.

"_Nothing is happening,_" Calvin complained after a second.

"Aw, give it a moment."

A moment passed.

"I'm bored."

"You have the attention span of a Brazilian Dancing Monkey."

"Of course I don- wait, isn't it meant to be 'attention span of a goldfish'?"

"No, goldfish actually do have pretty long attention spans. The Mythbusters proved it."

"Cool. We're here."

"What? Oh! We're here!"  
"Where is 'here'?"

Hobbes scanned the area. "A stereotypical creepy underground lab with all of the pretty girls in stasis containers."

Calvin strode over to a container, and looked inside. Diamond Sparkle was floating inside, her blonde hair making lazy trails in the water-goop. A panel was hooked on the side.

"Mary Sue Prototype 324," he read, and looked up. "Mary Sue? I've heard of that."

Hobbes tapped hard on the lair's single desk. "These are calculations for cloning and genetic modification."

Calvin wrinkled his nose, attempting to remember something. "_One, two, three, four, the PPC will fight a war, five, six, seven, eight, who do we exterminate? Mary Sue, perfect girl, she's the one who makes us hurl..._"

"...goooooo... PPC!" Hobbes completed. "These are perfect girls. Designed to help. But why would someone make perfect girls?"

"To cause a paradox," said a voice like spun sugar. "I see you've met my daughters. I am Susannah Marie. Welcome to my lair."

* * *

"Get back, you filthy dog!" yelled Pete Tyler. He threw the broken carton of eggs at the dog, which dissolved. He turned, panting to Rose. "I know you."

"You know me?" Rose said carefully, pretending to be surprised.

"You introduced yourself as Lucy-Rose. My daughter's name is Rose."

"That's an odd coincidence."

"It's not a coincidence." He frowned. "You remind me of someone."

"Who?"

"I don't know."

Behind them, a white van sped by. A dog popped out of thin air and growled. And then another . Another. Another one.

"You don't happen to have meat in your pocket, do you?" Rose asked.

"No."

"Then why are phantom dogs backing us towards the street?"

"I don't know! There's a lot of things I don't know!"

The white van came around the corner again, as Rose and her father were being pushed closer and closer towards it...

* * *

**(A/N:**

**Spot the references! This time, most are from Fairy Tail. But there's one from PPC:The Musical by Ekwy. **

**I'm not so good with emotional stuff, so tell me how I'm doing. Is it funny? Heartbreaking? Weird?**

**Thanks to Golden Keyblade, who is awesome and a constant outlet for my fangirlism. He also gives me brilliant ideas.**

**Cass is also a perfect person to fangirl to.**

**~Kitty)**


	16. Episode 8:2

_**Episode 8:2- Father's Day**_

* * *

"I know that van!" Pete exclaimed suddenly.

"What?"

"That white van! It's been following me around all day!"

The white van came around the corner, from the exact same direction.

Rose frowned at it. "That can't be right..."

The van was the exact same one that had almost run over Pete Tyler earlier that day. The one that _should've _killed him. But it didn't.

"We're going to die," Pete realised. "Oh, god, we're going to die."

"You _should _have died," Rose said without thinking, then clapped a hand over her mouth. Pete turned to her sharply.

"_What?_"

"Nothing!"

"It's obviously not nothing!"

"Well, you wouldn't believe me even if I told you!"

"We're about to die, of course you can tell me what it is!"

"Fine! I'm your daughter from the future who travelled back to see you save the world on the day that you died, but stuff happened and you're alive, and the universe is probably about to collapse!"

He turned to her for a moment, thunderstruck. "Wait, _what?_"

"You don't believe me?"

"Of course I don't believe you! It's ridiculous!"  
"Brilliant. Can you just focus on the _fact we're about to die?_"

They turned towards the snarling dogs that were pushing them towards the van that seemed to be speeding around the corner in a continuous loop now, and considered. The dogs had been insubstantial before, so maybe...

Rose swept out with her sneaker, and kicked at a dog. Surprisingly, it didn't go through. It just sort of... stuck there, like it had been caught in glue. The dog yelped, and attempted to bite her. She waved her foot around in mid air. "Get it off!"

"Okay, stop panicking!"

"I have a _dog _on my _shoe_. Of course I'm bloody panicking!"  
"Take off your shoe."

She blinked, and quickly kicked off her shoe. "Oh. Thanks." She quickly surveyed the area. "So... no touching the dogs."

"Apparently not."

"What do we do, then?"

* * *

Calvin clapped his hands together twice. "Oh! Oh! I know you!"

Hobbes turned to look at him. "...you do?"

"Of course I do!" He was now performing a happy little dance. "You're a Mary Sue! _Puella sparklypoo!_ This is so cool! I didn't think you guys existed!"

He paused, and spun around, pointing accusingly at Susannah. "You don't exist, in fact. Perfect people shouldn't be possible. How does that work?"

She shrugged her perfect shoulders. "Magic?" she suggested. Hobbes shook his head.

"Nope. That explanation doesn't work on us. We killed a god. Basically. We've gone past the whole magic thing."

"Science?" Susannah tried again.

They glanced at each other.

"Eh," said Calvin, shrugging. "Works for me." He strode over to a stasis capsule, and tapped his finger against a green lever set into the side. "Now, what would happen if I let one of these girls out, I wonder?"

"She'd step out of the container," suggested Hobbes.

"Yes," the 6-year-old genius sighed. "But what would she do?"

"She'd stand there."  
"I'm _talking _to the Sue."

They both turned and stared pointedly at Susannah Marie, who shifted uncomfortably. "I don't need to explain myself to a _child _and a _tiger_," she snapped.

Hobbes's eyes opened wide. "Oh, so you can see me! That's interesting! It either means that you're extremely childlike..."

("How dare you!" Susannah declared.")

"..._or_, you're an alien!"

Her eyes turned gold, and her face radiated anger. "Okay, so you figured it out."

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged a quick high five, before noticing that silver wings had sprouted from the alien's back. They simultaneously gulped, and began to back away.

"You will not interfere with my master's plans," she growled. "_I invoke the Anciyent and Myghty Wyrds of Powyr!_"

A sword appeared in her hands, and she twirled it around expertly. "_Kawaii! Teriyaki! Sayonara! Mystogan!_"

Speeding towards the two time travellers at speeds that are actually impossible for any human that wasn't loaded on sugar, she attacked. Calvin and Hobbes jumped aside, watching her crash into the wall, and fall over, dazed.

"_Well_," Hobbes admitted. "_Maybe _she is slightly childlike..."

"Shut up and run!"

They dashed to the teleportation platform, and Calvin jumped up and down impatiently. "Hurry up, hurry up!"

Susannah Marie rose from the ground like an avenging... well, not an angel, really. Sort of a pretty demon. A really pretty one.

Just as she was about to collide directly with them, they fizzled out of existence. The Sue hit that wall, hard, for the second time that day.

* * *

"Oh, wow," sighed Hobbes, collapsing on the sidewalk. "Never again."

"That's what you say every time," Calvin said, already up, and tugging at his friend's arm. "Come on, she'll be coming soon. Once she recovers from her slam."

"Fine," Hobbes groaned, springing up. "But what are we going to do about it?"

They began to hurry down the street at a fairly quick pace. "She mentioned a paradox," Calvin said. "What type of paradox?"

It clicked in Hobbes's mind. "The demon dogs."

"Exactly."

"But... they were centered around Rose."

"I know."

"But... it can't have been her. They'd have had to be creating the paradox around her for weeks, at the very least."

Calvin glanced solemnly at his tiger friend. "You know about genetics, right?"

Hobbes stopped so suddenly that Calvin had to double back. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Does it involve twelve llamas and a large spoon?"

"Wha- no. I'm thinking something completely different, apparently."

"Tell me what it is, then."

"I'm thinking there's something she's not telling us."

Susannah burst out from the street with her silver wings flashing and her swords held aloft, screeching a wild battle cry. A large pack of demon dogs materialized behind her, and, howling, began to chase her down the street.

"Run!" Hobbes yelled. And they ran.

* * *

The father and daughter were now terrifyingly close to death by impossible van.

"We could really use a miracle right now," breathed Rose.

And then Calvin and Hobbes burst around the corner, being chased by a demoness with blonde hair and silver wings, who was in turn being chased by another pack of dogs.

Rose and Pete looked at each other.

"...that works," shrugged Pete.

It was a testament to the weirdness of Rose's life that she didn't even blink when Calvin transmogrified himself and Hobbes into twin giant pterodactyls, and swooped up above them. She just leapt up onto Hobbes's back when he got near enough, and helped a dazed Pete Tyler onto Calvin's back. And they took off into the air.

"This is crazy!" he yelled.

"This is my life!" Rose yelled back. "Get used to it!"

Hobbes chanced a glance back. Susannah Marie was gaining on them, and the packs of dogs had converged into a large group in the center of the street and were howling up at them.

"Do you seriously have a problem believing that I'm your daughter from the future?" Rose was saying.

"Yes, because it's impossible!"

Rose sighed.

Calvin swooped over, and fixed Rose with a look. "There's something you're not telling us."

She nearly fell off Hobbes. "We're being chased by a demonic thing and you're talking about my lying habits?!"

"Aha! So you _do _have lying habits!"

"No, I don't! That's the point!"

"Duck!" called Hobbes, who was actually paying attention. "She's breathing fire, now!"

Indeed she was. Calvin screamed. Pete screamed. They both ducked, but only Calvin's ducking had any effect. They dropped like two stones, one being attached to the other stone by the use of two hands that were suddenly gripping onto the second stone very tightly.

"How the expletive deleted can she do that?" screamed Calvin, regaining his balance, and dodging the blasts like one of those Pac Man creatures.

"She's a _Sue,_" Hobbes replied, soaring high above them. Rose was riding him regally, looking like the Queen of the Pterodactyls. "She can do whatever she wants. She has reality bending powers."

Rose gulped suddenly. "Reality...bending... powers...? So there's two people around here that can do whatever the heck they want? Is that why I'm feeling so scared right now?"

"...why would you be scared?" Pete asked. "We're obviously hallucinating this all."

"Because _he_," Rose pointed directly at Calvin the Pterodactyl. "has a gun that can basically turn anything into anything else. That is a legitimate reason to be scared."

Calvin brightened. "Oh, yeah! Great idea!"

Rose groaned, and Calvin and Hobbes swept down to land on her apartment roof. Calvin turned himself and Hobbes back into their normal forms, and hit Pete on the head with a rubber hammer.

While Rose's dad was gibbering unintelligibly in the corner over an _actual real tiger, _Susannah Marie was swooping down, her eyes blazing glite (a horrible mixture of gold and white that shouldn't have actually worked).

Rose prepared for the fight of her life.

* * *

5 minutes later, the fight of her life was over.

"That was... horrifying," she moaned, dragging herself to her feet.

"Oh, lighten up, you sissy," Calvin sighed, pulling a hog-tied Susannah Marie along the rooftop. "It wasn't _that _bad."

"YOU WEREN'T THE ONE SHE WAS TRYING TO EAT!"

Hobbes looked shocked. "She attempted to eat you? Why didn't I see that?"

"Because you were busy trying to send your army of Transmogrified Brazilian Dancing Monkeys to trip her up," Calvin reminded him.

"Why was he doing that?" Pete said, recovering from fainting. Rose stared.

"Good god," she finally said. "Even I handled the aliens better then that." She collected her thoughts for a moment. "To answer your question, it was so Calvin could have time to stun her with a brick he found."

"A brick?"

"Yeah."

"...why a brick."

"Because _bricks _are _cool_."

Pete stared for a moment. "Okay."

Calvin turned a serious look onto her for a moment. "Now, what weren't you telling us?"

She blinked. "...what?"

"There's obviously something you're not telling us. There's a genetic paradox focused on you right now. What is it?"

She looked down at her feet. "He was supposed to die."  
"What?" Hobbes stared at her. "Oh, that would explain it, then. Someone not dying would cause a _huge _breach in the timeline. That's fine, then. We can... fix it."

"You aren't mad at me?"

Calvin sighed. "No, we're raging and burning up the universe in our fury- _of course we aren't mad at you_. I'd do the same thing."

"Excuse me," Pete interjected. "You're saying I'm the cause of a major paradox?"

"That's exactly what we're saying."

"And I was supposed to die."

"Yep."

"You can understand I might be slightly upset about this."

Calvin considered for a moment, and nodded. "Yeah, I can see that."

"Why should I believe you?"

"Why don't you suspend your disbelief until we stop the alien perfect girls from ripping us to shreds?"  
Hobbes turned to Rose. "Hold out your arm."

She blinked, and did so. Hobbes pulled out a medical syringe, and stabbed it into her arm.

"Ow!"

"Sorry."

"That bloody well hurt!"

"I said sorry!" Hobbes snapped, examining the scarlet blood inside. "Excuse me for trying to save the world!"

Rose rubbed her arm. "You could've asked."

"Oh, do you want me to kiss it better, then?"

"No way!" she exclaimed. "Just tell me what you're up to!"

He tapped his nose with one furry finger. "Nope. I'm enjoying being the one with a plan for once. Hey, Calvin? Did you see a genetic controller in the lab?"

Calvin was putting the finishing touches on a Transmogrified hovercar (illegal in seven galaxies! Tell your friends!) and glanced up. "Sure. Want me to show you?"

"Yeah."

"All aboard, then!" He pressed a button, and the hovercar lit up with a range of colorful and exciting lights that flashed about merrily for a few seconds.

Everyone just looked at it. Calvin looked downcast. "You aren't impressed."

"No."

"Nope."

"Sorry."

Calvin sighed. "Why can't I ever meet someone who _isn't _a cynicist?"

"Because," Hobbes said, hopping onto the hovercar, dragging a mumbling Susannah Marie with him. "we live in a universe of snarkiness. The only people who aren't snarky are the NPCs."

"What he said," Rose shrugged, stepping lightly on. Pete followed.

"You really are my daughter, aren't you?" he muttered, not altogether unhappily.

Rose glanced over in surprise. "You believe me?"

"Why not? The day's insane enough."

"Yeah," she nodded. "It feels like a Thursday." She paused, looking slightly mournful. "I never did get the hang of Thursdays."

"Actually, it's a Saturday."

"We're here!" Hobbes called.

They were in an alley. Calvin directed them to stand in one specific spot. And they waited. As they did, a white van began speeding down the alley directly towards them.

"Crazy driver!" Hobbes yelped.

Calvin looked closely. "There is no driver!"

"WHAT?" everyone screamed together.

They fizzled out of existence just before it was about to hit, their screams echoing behind them.

* * *

"-AAAAAAAAAAA-" Calvin continued, long after they were in any actual danger. Rose clapped a hand over his mouth, muffling at least some of the awful noise. Then, he bit her, and she yelled too.

"That hurt-!" She stamped hard on his foot. "And now I've got a pain in my hand as _well _as a pain in my arm! What was that about anyway?"

"Explanation time!" Hobbes agreed. Calvin grinned, and swatted Rose's hand away.

"This can be done by use of extensive narration!" he proclaimed happily.

There was a pause as everyone stared at him.

* * *

The cloned creations of Susannah Marie had been working to maintain power via a paradox engine, which basically fed off energy in time which was wrong. For example, if someone was supposed to die, but got saved at the last minute. Or, on a smaller scale, if a minor event (someone tripping over a cat) didn't happen. The Sues (because that was basically what they were) had been leading up to the event of Peter Tyler _not _dying for months, and, by doing that, were weaving a paradox field around him. A paradox field wasn't something that happened on purpose. Rather, it was an inadvertent event.

Susannah had been feeding the paradox engine so her ship could blast off and return home. Her species came from the planet Sparklee (which was a stupid name, Calvin interjected) who were renowned for their cloning abilities, even at such a primitive point in time.

Of course, Hobbes added, time was relative.

The thing about the white van/vans following Pete around was because the universe is vehemently opposed to paradoxes, and felt that the best way to resolve it was to get rid of the person it was centered around.

Calvin did some very nice sound effects in the corner, involving _zoom, screech, crash, pow, _and _boom_, plus some wild hand motions. Everyone ignored him.

The dogs, the tiger explained, were another byproduct of a disgruntled universe, meant to herd the cause of the paradox to the reason he should have died. As Time moved further away from the point of divergence from the normal time stream, the more substantial the dogs became.

One way to get rid of the Sues was to change their genetic makeup.

"-which is where," Hobbes grinned. "_this _comes in." He held up the tube of Rose's blood.

"My blood?" Rose asked. "Have you turned into a vampire or something?"

He looked offended. "Of course not. Calvin, can you give me the genetic controller?"

Calvin picked up a small box that looked like an amped-up calculator, and tossed it to Hobbes. The tiger pressed a few buttons, and emptied the blood into a small slot that opened up.

"Wait for it," he warned. "The paradox buffers are coming down."

"Paradox buffers?" Pete wondered.

"Protects the room from the implications of paradoxes. Dogs, vans, etcetera."

He looked shocked. "But, that means..."

"You might have to run. Sorry."

The machine gave a beep, and flashed a pretty blue color. He grinned at it, and tossed it over his shoulder. "Right. Running!"

The white van crashed through the wall. And they ran. Straight through the breach in the wall and onto the street. Calvin looked wildly around, and pointed straight ahead. No words were needed, as they charged down the street, chased by the van. Plus a pack of dogs, which had just materialized.

"I can hold them off for a moment," Calvin panted, stabbing a finger at his wristwatch. A large, shimmering, dome-like sheild flickered into existence around them.

"Oh, cool, forcefield," Hobbes sighed.

"You've been watching too much Star Trek."

Pete glanced at the van and dogs, both of which were attempting to get to him. "What do we do?"

Hobbes gave him a somber look. Pete blanched. "No."

"Sorry. Sorry. Sorry," Hobbes repeated, as if the word could do something.

"What are you talking about?" Rose asked.

"Rose," Hobbes said quietly. "The paradox has to be resolved. He has to die."

She stiffened. "No!"

"Yeah," Calvin nodded. "The universe will collapse otherwise."

"There's got to be something else we can do!" Rose exclaimed.

Hobbes sighed. "The universe is annoyed. We can't really do anything but try to appease it."

Pete turned to Hobbes. "What do I have to do."

"Just... step in front of the van."

Rose finally broke down. "Daddy," she sobbed.

He gave her a small smile. "Sorry, but it... kind of has to be like this." He took a deep, steadying breath. "But, if it's any consolation... you're exactly the type of daughter I knew I'd always want."

"No..." She tried to breath steadily, but failed. "No... don't do it."

"Love you, sweetie," he said. The shield broke. The van rushed forwards. The dogs snarled. Pete Tyler closed his eyes and waited for the end.

Just before the van hit, a tabloid photographer snapped a picture. In the background, Rose was crying uncontrollably. Most of the dogs were gone, except for one.

Time rewrapped into place, and nothing was left. No Sues, no vans, no dogs, no paint can catastrophe.

Nothing except for a small article that would someday make it into Henry Van Statten's museum.

* * *

_Peter Alan Tyler, my dad. Born 15th September 1954. Died, 1987, 7th of November. He didn't deserve to die. But he did. Killed by a drunk driver. It was a stupid accident, they said._

* * *

Rose dashed across the street to her dad, who lay on the street. He offered her a small smile. "Hey."

"Hey," Rose said back, attempting to smile slightly through her tears. It didn't work.

"Don't be sad," he murmured. "This is how it was meant to be."

She raised a finger to her mouth, and kissed it, before touching it lightly to her father's forehead. "I guess I should say something," she said. "I just don't know what."

"Me neither," Pete sighed. "You never really get to prepare for your death. I should probably have some last words, right?"

"Yeah," she said.

"How about this..." He struggled to take a breath for a moment. "There was nothing in the world that could compare with being with my daughter, and watching her save the universe."

"No," Rose choked back another sob. "I didn't save the universe. You did, Dad. You're a hero."

His eyes were beginning to glaze over. "A hero," he mumbled. "I like that."

And he was gone. Rose cried openly, then. Hobbes came behind her, and wrapped a furry arm around her back, and Calvin awkwardly patted her shoulder. They stayed like that for a minute, on the road. And then the police sirens started to wail.

"We should probably go," Hobbes said quietly.

Rose nodded, and they all walked to the Time Machine together in a lopsided sort of hug.

"I have something to show you," Calvin told Rose when they were inside.

* * *

It was a fairly ordinary-looking town. Nothing special. But they had landed just outside a large house with a steep red-shingled roof, and Calvin claimed that it was very important.

Calvin tapped on the door, and called, "I'm home." It was about 3 in the afternoon, just the time that people would come home from school.

He turned to Rose. "This is my house," he said by way of explanation. He motioned for them all to walk through to the kitchen. "Mom? I'm home."

"Hello, Calvin," said a woman with short brown hair, without looking up.

"Hobbes and I brought a friend home," he said. "This is Rose."

"Hello?" Rose ventured.

She didn't look up. "That's nice, Calvin. Your father's out the back, chopping wood for the fire."

"Sure, Mom."

They left. Rose looked curiously at Calvin. "She's not concerned that a complete stranger is in your house?"

"No. She doesn't pay any attention to me at all."

They walked to the back door. Calvin waved a hand outside. "That's Dad."

He was chopping wood, just like his mother had said. Calvin stared stonily out for a moment.

"You had a really great dad," he said abruptly. "I wish mine was like yours."

Rose grimaced. "Well... he would be better if he wasn't dead." Her attempt at humor fell flat, and there was a long silence

"Do you want to go explore the woods?" Hobbes asked suddenly. He hadn't said a word the whole time, and felt like his only role was to carry Charles around.

Calvin jumped on the chance. "Yes! We can find cool bugs, and ride the wagon down Doom Hill!"

"Doom Hill?" Rose frowned. "That doesn't sound very safe..."

"Of course it's not safe! That's what makes it fun!"

* * *

After a long day of exploration and adventure, they stood at the top of 'Doom Hill' to view the sunset. It was a especially beautiful one, lighting up the sky with brilliant shades of red and pink.

"Mum used to always say that when this sort of thing happened," Rose motioned out to the horizon. "it was Dad painting the sky pink for me."

"That's a nice thought," murmured Hobbes.

"Yeah, it's silly," Rose shrugged. "But I always thought that it was true."

Charles cooed happily.

"We've got places to explore," Calvin sighed, and brightened. "Hey! Why don't we attempt to see all the Harry Potter movies in one day?"

"Oh, yes!" Hobbes exclaimed. "Emma Watson is _such _a babe!"

"I met her. She wasn't _that _cute," Calvin scoffed.

"Oho! So you do admit you were interested in her!"

And Rose remembered how to laugh.

* * *

**(A/N**

**Yes, I am alive, contrary to popular belief. I hope you enjoyed this, and if you did, I beg you to leave a review. Also, I wrote a short oneshot not based in this universe, but it is fun, so I hope you check it out!  
Thanks to the folks at #PPC and #PonyThread for being amazing.**

**See you next week!**

**~Kitty)**


	17. Episode 9:1

_**Episode 9:1- Children of Mars**_

* * *

"This is mortifying!" Rose yelled.

"Shut up and hop!" Hobbes yelled back.

Once again, they were on another madcap adventure. But this time, it was anything but normal 'running for your life'. They were on a planet where the surface was made of an extremely elastic material. Therefore, the only way to move around effectively was... to hop. Calvin bounded along effortlessly, yelling insults at the planet's police.

"Rule 21," Hobbes called to Calvin. "_Don't aggravate the evil dictator's army!_"

"I thought that was Rule 20!" Rose interjected.

"No, Rule 20 is, '_Don't aggravate the evil dictator_'."

"Oh, right. And Rule 22?"

"Don't aggravate his social workers. Seriously. They're terrifying."

They got to the Time Machine quickly, and Rose hit the button on her key. They bounced one last time, and dropped into the interior. Calvin ricocheted off the wall, and landed on the dematerialization button quite on purpose. The groaning and creaking of ethereal gears as they rocketed off into the Vortex was a relief to all of them.

The quiet moment didn't last long. Hobbes sprang to his feet, and began to pace around the console. "Where to next?"

"Give me a moment to recover," Rose requested. She thought for a moment. "What about... we go to J.K. Rowling's first book signing."

This suggestion was met with silence. She shrugged. "Okay, maybe not."

"HECK, YES!" Calvin and Hobbes cheered at once.

"That is a brilliant idea!" Hobbes enthused, already setting the coordinates. "GRAB THE BOOKS."

* * *

Minutes later, Calvin, Hobbes, Rose, and Charles, all dressed in wizard robes and clutching a book, bounced out of the Time Machine and glanced around.

"...this doesn't look like a book signing," Hobbes noted.

Indeed it didn't. It looked very much like an old black-and-white photograph, except with touches of color. The grey sky had a hint of pink to it. The buildings had ripped shreds of what used to be colorful advertisements attached to the doors. A missing dog poster flapped on a lamp post like an afterthought.

"Maybe we should leave," Rose suggested after a moment's gloomy contemplation.

"Yeah," Calvin said. "yeah, that sounds like a good idea." He had been staring at what looked suspiciously like the dead body of a dog, complete with buzzing flies circling it lazily.

"Right," Hobbes turned quickly back to the Time Machine. "Let's go, then."

As one, they strode back quickly to their bigger-on-the-inside cardboard box, hoping to get away as quickly as possible.

Charles, however, had other plans. He tilted his head up to the sky, hopped off Calvin's shoulder, and sniffed the air, before scuttling off.

"Charles!" Rose shrieked, and looked at Hobbes. "We have to go get him!"

And she ran off after him. Hobbes looked at Calvin. Calvin looked at Hobbes.

There was a long, awkward silence.

"...do we have to follow her?" Calvin sighed.

"Yep."

"Darn."

"My sentiments exactly."

* * *

They decided to split up, like they usually did, and search for her. Calvin went one way. Hobbes went the other. Not much to say, really.

The first thing Calvin noticed was that the streets were completely deserted. The second thing he noticed was that there were still people in the shops, even though the lights were all off. So he did the logical thing, and dashed into a shop.

It was a typical British general store. It sold tea, tea, and a completely different type of tea to the first two.

"Hello!" he called out, in an excitable manner. "Has anyone seen a blonde with a Hufflepuff robe on, possibly chasing a dinosaur?" He swished his own Gryffindor robe back and forth pointedly.

Everyone stared at him, and then went back to what they were doing.

"What?" he asked.

"Kid," said a guy with a tired-looking expression. "Why don't you go and find your mommy and daddy, and stop bothering us with fantasies? We've got enough to deal with at the moment."

"Why?" Calvin asked, tilting his head. "What's happening?"

Everyone in the shop turned to look at him.

"Seriously?" said a man in a leather jacket, his Northern accent making the words come out oddly. "Where have you been?"

"Saturn," said Calvin, completely seriously.

The man sighed. "Kid, we're in the middle of the _Blitz_. This is the least most fantastic time to be here. I suggest you clear out."

Calvin hurriedly backed out. They apparently hadn't seen Rose around. "The Blitz?" he directed at his wrist computer.

"_Searching... searching... do you mean, the Alpha Centauri Snowball Blitz (39134) or the London Blitz?_"

"Uh... London Blitz."

The computer began to speak, and Calvin's eyes grew wider. When the file had finished being read, he hurried off.

"I need to find them. Quickly."

* * *

Hobbes wasn't having much success, either. For the most part, he had been just strolling around, calling out Rose's name, with no result. He couldn't exactly walk into a shop and ask around. After about half an hour of searching, he sighed, and prepared to give up.

"She can take care of herself," he muttered darkly.

He turned the corner, and noted casually that a group of children were gathered in a circle, as if about to play 'Ring Around the Roses'. They varied in age from 7 to 12, and all had blank looks on their faces. They turned to look at Hobbes all together, which wasn't that odd. They were children, after all, and probably could see him. He waved, but got no reaction.

Shrugging, the tiger continued walking.

The group of roughly twenty children followed him.

He stopped again.

The children stopped too.

You could practically hear the dramatic music playing in the background. Like, the theme from _Jaws_.

You didn't get to be a time traveller without learning some key rules about creepy things along the way, and Hobbes was no exception. He knew exactly what was going to happen. In a moment, they'd attack. Because they were aliens, of course.

It was a huge surprise when they simply opened their mouths, and began to chant in a quiet, sinister whisper.

"_Close your eyes and sleep,_

_There are demons in your dreams,_

_Go to sleep my darling,_

_there's a demon underneath your bed,_

_Demons in your bed,_

_are going to eat you up._"

Hobbes shuddered involuntarily, and tried to break out of the circle, but to no avail. The children all smiled in an extremely creepy unison.

"_Stay in your bed,_

_There are landmines on the floor._

_The demons in your bed,_

_are going to eat you up._"

The poem wasn't actually that poetic, but still sent shivers down your spine. It actually seemed like the sky was growing darker around Hobbes.

Thank Merlin that the universe knows sometimes when to send a _deus ex machina _your way.

A small canister hit the ground about a meter away from the circle, and all the children, plus Hobbes turned towards it. Hobbes knew exactly what it was from the ticking, and hit the ground instantly, but the pale-faced, gaunt looking children didn't. They took a few steps towards it.

Hobbes cringed slightly.

_BOOM!_

"Ooh," commented Ace, stepping out from behind a building. "I may have to work on that timer a bit more."

"You have the _best timing ever_," Hobbes gasped, jumping up and grabbing her in a tight hug. He drew back and grinned at her. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Around," she quipped. "Seriously. I leave you for a month, and you've already been attacked by creepy children from Mars? Is this what you do with your spare time, get into trouble?"

"Yup!" Hobbes said, bouncing a bit. "And about an hour ago, we were chased by a _whole army._ Beat that."

She tilted her head. "I kissed Zaphod Beeblebrox."

Hobbes frowned. "Wait, _both _of his heads?"

"Yeah."

He pulled a face. "Ugh. His left mouth has horrible hygiene, you know."

"I _kissed _him. Of course I know."

"By the way, you win."

"Obviously."

They got up, and began to walk down the street together. Hobbes glanced curiously at the ground. "Where are the creepy children?"

"Transmat," Ace said. "Every time I blow them, they just," she waved a hand around vaguely. "teleport back to their ship."

"So they are aliens."

"Yeah. Now, what are you doing here? Tracking down aliens, too?"

Hobbes shook his head. "No, actually. Attempting to get to a Harry Potter book signing." He tugged on his Ravenclaw robes.

Ace spun around, a gleam in her eye. "Ooh, Harry Potter? You know the bit where Hermione-"

"_Focus_," Hobbes snapped. "What's this about aliens?"

She shrugged. "Oh, you know. The usual. Children from Mars."

* * *

Rose, by this point, had found Charles easily. She scooped him up onto the top of her wizard robe, and glanced around. The sky had become just that little bit darker.

Charles chewed on a stray strand of peroxide-blonde hair.

"Right," she said aloud, more for her benefit than for Charles. "We'd better get back to the Time Machine."

She looked nervously around. A few stray children were milling around, but they didn't look like normal children, exactly. Their faces were pale like sour milk. And they were beginning to gather around her.

"_Sugar and spice and everything nice,_

_Why do you think we say that?_" they chanted.

_So the demons in your bed,_

_will want to eat you up._"

Since her encounter with Calvin in the (now blown-up) shop, she had since gone past the stage of thinking that anything out of the ordinary was a student prank. But at this point, she was now hoping desperately that this was a prank. Because the world was growing dark.

"_You used to have a sister,_

_She wouldn't go to sleep,_

_The demons in her bed,_

_Ate her up._"

Why was everything going out of focus? she wondered absently, stumbling slightly. The children got closer and closer. She could see their eyes now. There were no whites. Just black.

Black.

Black.

A fizzling sensation started at the tips of her fingers, and spread up to her arms. Rose stared down at her body, which was beginning to flicker, and sparkle slightly. She raised her eyes back to one little girl who stared at her with endless black pools where her sockets should be. The little girl grinned a gruesome smile, and raised an arm out.

Just before skin met skin, Rose disappeared.

And Calvin, who was just at the end of the street, and had just seen her, yelled out in alarm, and began to run as fast as he could to the children.

* * *

"Rose!" Calvin called, staring at the spot where she had been. A tiny wisp of smoke drifted up serenely. "_You had better not be dead._ What will I tell your mother?"

The children shifted, and began to circle Calvin instead.

"_Go to sleep my darling,_

_there's a demon underneath your bed,_

_Demons in your bed,_

_are going to eat you up."_

Calvin crossed his arms. "Yes, yes, very scary. Now, I'd like you lot to tell me just one thing. _What have you done with my friend?_"

They ignored him question, and continued, forming an undulating circle.

"_Do not call for your mother;_

_Who is it you think who let the demons in,_

_to eat you up?_"

The blackness was creeping in again. Calvin sniffed, tossing his head back, and stood defiantly against it.

"'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves!" he yelled. "Did gyre and gimble in the wabe! All mimsy were the borogoves!"

The nonsense poem seemed to have some effect. Calvin raised a fist in triumph, and a can of Nitro-Nine sailed through the air.

Calvin caught it, and peered at it. The timer was already ticking.

"Oh," he said, and dropped it.

_BOOM!_

DIrt flew everywhere.

"Blah," Calvin said, shaking himself. "_Beware the Jabberwock, my son...! _Oh, hi, Ace. That's your name, right?"

"Yeah," Ace said. "I decided that having a minor mid-life crisis over what my name actually was going to be was overrated, and just went with Ace. Nice to see you too, Calvin."

Hobbes bounded in. "Look who I found! You seen Rose? We have a new alien threat to destroy!"

Calvin blinked. "Yeah... I think I just met it. And so did Rose."

Ace patted her bag. "Yup. I have perfect timing, as usual."

"No," he shook his head. "You threw the nitro after she disappeared."

"Blondie disappeared?"

"I think the alien children things did something to her. She... fizzled out of existence."

"WHAT?" Hobbes and Ace exclaimed together.

"That's bad," said Ace, shaking her head. "That's really, really, bad. That's so incredibly bad I can't even say fully how bad it is."

"What? Why?"

"She's been erased from existence," Ace said, with a bit of a panicked look. "That's what those things do. She doesn't exist anymore. And there's no way to bring her back."

* * *

"Quick overview," Ace explained shortly. "There's actually a race of aliens on Mars. Quite a few, really. But this species doesn't have a name. They communicate purely by poetry, which is quite nice if you like that sort of thing. The children are immature, and a ship of them crash landed here, in the middle of the London Blitz. They have no idea what's going on, so their primary idea is to feed. And they do that by erasing their, ah, victim from 3-D space, and feeding off their energy."

"Right," Calvin said, looking unusually serious. "What do we do?"

"Every time I throw Nitro at them, they teleport back to their home ship. So, when I do that the next time, someone will have to grab on to one of them, and follow them back... and work it out from there."

"Did you know we'd be here?" Hobbes asked, tilting his head.

Ace grimaced. "I had a suspicion. You usually are."

"True," Calvin acknowledged. "Who's going to be the unlucky person?"

Hobbes and Ace looked at him pointedly.

"Oh no," he realized. "Not me. Why me?"

"Because I don't want to," Hobbes sniffed. "And Ace needs to throw the Nitro."

"Right," Calvin groaned. "I'll be bait."

They were distracting themselves from the fact that Rose didn't exist anymore with banter. It wasn't working well.

"I'll just stand in the middle of the street, and we'll take it from there," Hobbes said.

"Great." Calvin ran up to him, and gave him a quick hug around the middle. "Don't get killed."

Anyone else would have taken it as a joke, but the situation was serious. Hobbes returned the hug. "Don't worry. I'm too amazingly handsome to die."

* * *

Hobbes ran into the middle of the street, and glanced around a bit. "Ho-hum. I'll just walk along the road like...so. There's nothing odd about me narrating everything I do."

There were no children around.

He walked carefully down the road, noting the fact that no one was outside, again. And then he decided to not so much throw caution to the winds as to chuck it in as violently as he could, screaming a battle cry at the top of his lungs.

"I'M OUT HERE, YOU MARTIAN FREAKS!"

Instantly, eleven white-faced children flickered into existence around him. Hobbes stared. "Woah."

"_Close your eyes and sleep,_

_There are demons in your dreams,_

_Snakes and Snails and Puppydog tails..._" the children here paused. Hobbes motioned wildly behind his back, hoping that Ace and Calvin were ready.

"_Who can account for the tastes of demons?_"

A single can of Nitro-Nine flew through the air, and Calvin jumped out from behind a building, and clung tightly to a young boy's arm.

There was a very loud noise that signaled the arrival of a very loud explosion. When the smoke cleared, Calvin was gone, along with the children

Hobbes and Ace looked at each other.

"Well," Hobbes said at last. "Why don't we go stop other people being erased from existence."

There was a long silence.

"Yeah," Ace said. "That sounds good."

Wordlessly, she reached into her bag and tossed him a handful of explosives. Hobbes tucked them under his arm.

* * *

As soon as Calvin's feet touched the ground, he spun around, and ran as fast as he could. The Martian children hadn't even noticed he was there. He turned a corner, and looked for anything that was vaguely familiar. He spotted a cupboard and ducked into it, locking the door behind him. Inside, there were all sorts of weird alien appliances that he didn't know the use of, although he did see something that looked a lot like a hairdryer.

"The plan," he told himself firmly. "is _sabotage_. Sabotage is easy. I'm good at sabotage."

He sighed, and slid down the door. "I just go into the first technologically filled place I can find, and..."

_I'm only here because someone blew up my workplace!_

"Yep, that's right." He gave the empty blackness a melancholy smile. "I'm so mentally zonked out because of my friend's death that I'm _hearing_," he kicked uselessly at the floor. "I'm _hearing _things that she's said to me."

_Why the HELL did you turn me into a BAT?_

"Because it was fun to see your expression."

_The plan? What plan? We'll just run in there, and get rid of the godly body parts. No one will expect us to make a move without thinking about it first._

He laughed aloud then, recalling that little adventure. "Well, it did work. Eventually."

_An awful lot of running..._

Calvin suddenly made a decision, and stood up. "Right. This is going to be the biggest, best explosion I've ever made. Better than the one at Hendrick's. This is for you, Rose," he added.

He dug the Transmogrifier Gun from his pocket, and flipped it over twice, thoughtfully, before his expression hardened. "Let's do this."

* * *

_Yesterday upon the stair,_

_I met a man who wasn't there,_

_He wasn't there again today,_

_I wish, I wish he'd go away_.

* * *

**(A/N-**

**Okay, so. Creepiness aside, what did you think?**

**A lot of poetry in this story arc, so here's the proper credit.**

Close Your Eyes- Daniel Glasser

Jabberwocky- Lewis Carol

Antigonish- William Mearns

**There ya go. It's holidays, which usually means I have more time to write, but nooooo, Mum says we need to do more family activities. So this was a struggle to get out. The story arc is coming along!**

**There were... uh, a grand total of TWO references this chapter.**

**~Kitty)**


	18. Episode 9:2

**Warning- the inclusion of Jack has amped up the rating a bit. Nothing too bad, but slight innuendo if you squint.**

* * *

_**Episode 9:2- Children of Mars**_

* * *

The first thing Rose noticed was that it was dark.

Pretty darn dark.

So dark that she couldn't see a thing.

She felt around, and touched metal. It made a pinging noise when she tapped it. Pulling herself to her feet with help from a curved wall, she felt around for a light switch. Her hand fell across a button, and she was about to press it when the lights flicked on. She blinked in the sudden light, noting that there was a rather handsome man standing there, grinning at her.

Wait. There was a rather handsome man standing there, grinning at her.

She did a very quick double take.

"Hi," the man said. He had a vague American accent. "You looked like you were in a spot of trouble. Did you mind me picking you up?"

He had a way of making everything that he said sound suggestive.

"Uh, no," Rose said. "Not at all. How exactly did you... pick me up?"

"Transmat," the man said, waving a hand at the control interface. "Nice dinosaur, by the way."

_It's a ship_, Rose realized. _A spaceship. _Charles was sitting next to her, looking curiously about the room.

"I'm Rose," she introduced herself. "Rose Tyler. And the dinosaur is Charles."

"Rose," the man wiggled his eyebrows. "A beautiful name for a beautiful girl." He bent down, and kissed her hand. Rose giggled.

_Wait. Did I just giggle?_

"I'm Captain Jack Harkness," he said with somewhat of a swagger. "I'm assuming you're a Time Agent, then?"

She was about to ask what a Time Agent was, but then realized that it might be better to pick his brain for information.

Subtly, of course.

She tilted her head in what she hoped was a mysterious way. "Might be," she said, attempting to keep up the light, flirty tone. "What if I am?"

"Well, I was thinking, we might want to... exchange parts."

Rose took a single step back. "Uh, yeah. _Really _hoping that wasn't a creepy euphemism."

He looked puzzled for a moment, then laughed. "Oh, right. Heh, when is it _not _a creepy euphemism?"

She considered this, then nodded. "Fair point. But it wasn't _meant _as one, was it?" she added accusingly.

"It can be it you want it to be."

She breathed a silent sigh of relief. "How can you tell I'm a Time Agent? Do you have some kind of special device that tells you if the chip in my neck is a Time Agency one?"

Rose was taking a wild gamble, but it paid off. The Captain grinned again and shook his head. "Nope. It's the fact that you're wearing 21st century clothes in a 20th century setting. Now, it _could _be just a new fashion wave, but I somehow doubt it."

"Oh, right. You got me there." She peered around. "So, where exactly are we?"

"My ship," the Captain said. "Here, look."

He flung open two double doors, revealing an amazing view. They were maybe 20 meters above London. At first, Rose gasped in wonder. That quickly turned to a look of slight horror when she realized they were standing on precisely nothing.

"Ah, ah, don't worry," he told her, resting a hand on her shoulder. "It's there. Basically just invisible."

She breathed a sigh of relief, and sent him a quizzical look. "What exactly were you going to offer to trade?"

Jack winked suggestively. He was very good at making absolutely anything look sexual. "I was thinking that we could dance a bit first."

Rose hadn't danced since she was very little, but was determined to give it a try. "Sure, why not?"

Music began to play from nowhere, and Rose grinned at Jack. "I'd be delighted."

And while blank-faced children stalked the streets, they danced. While Calvin dashed through the martian spaceship, they danced. And while Hobbes and Ace threw high powered explosives at said Martians... they danced.

* * *

Calvin barricaded the door, and jammed a piece of furniture against the futuristic doorknobs. He then turned to the array of mechanical devices, rubbing his hands. "First things first, find the transmat so I can get the _heck _out of here."

He scanned the area, and saw a large knife switch, the type that Dr Frankenstein would be proud to use. Beneath it was an area that looked like a teleportation platform.

Plus, there was the fact that 'Transmat' was written in Martian on the lever. But the other way seems more clever.

Calvin snapped his fingers, and turned to the interfaces. He dug out a single can of explosives from his bigger-on-the-inside pockets, and held up, checking the timer.

"Right, I'll put this here, and run for my life," he decided. He placed it inside a cabinet, and pulled a pile of other cans, slamming them down in strategic places around the room. Quickly darting around to set the timers, he slammed down the switch and disappeared.

There were 15 seconds left until detonation.

* * *

Ace had just finished rescuing a small man with a straw Panama hat when she noticed that something was flickering into distance in the sky up above.

It was the Martian ship.

"He really did it," she breathed. "Oof!"

The _oof _was due to a small boy with spiky hair that had just appeared in the space above her and dropped into her arms.

"Calvin!" she exclaimed. "How did it go?"

"We'll find out in a moment," he said with the hint of a smile.

"Let's find your tiger in the meantime," she set him down on the ground.

"He's not _my _tiger," Calvin argued. "He's more of a...free spirit."

* * *

Two minutes later, the tiny trio of travellers stood on a roof, anxiously watching the sky.

"I _think _I set the timers right," Ace muttered anxiously.

Calvin crossed his fingers and hoped.

The ship's camouflage had already been taken down, so at least one part of the sabotage had gone right.

A rumbling started up. Smoke began to float from the engines, almost lazily, and flickers of flame sparked along the wings. It caught, and the whole ship began to burn merrily.

"I was expecting an explosion," Hobbes commented.

Calvin just pouted, and stared up into the sky.

There must have been some sort of gas in the ship, because one spark caught. And you don't have to be a first grade chemistry student to know what happens when flame meets gas.

Hobbes smiled happily as cinders drifted down from the sky. "Well, that's that."

"Yeah," Calvin said. "Except, Rose is still dead."

A somber silence fell over the group.

Ace shifted uncomfortably. She had never been much good with emotions. It was usually just say hi, blow things up, say goodbye.

Hobbes patted Calvin awkwardly on the back, feeling a lot like he needed a pat on the back himself.

"I guess we'll have to go tell her mother," he suggested, not saying it like he wanted to do it.

"Yeah," Calvin said. "Goodbye, Ace. It was nice meeting you again."

Against her better judgement, Ace hugged Calvin goodbye, and tweaked his nose slightly. Calvin rubbed his nose with his index finger.

And they set off in their separate ways.

Or, at least, they would have if it weren't for the gaunt-looking children that had suddenly surrounded.

"Meep," said Hobbes.

* * *

Rose spun away from Jack with a flourish, laughing delightedly. She collapsed backwards into a chair. "You're a great dancer," she sighed.

"Why, thank you," he accepted the compliment. "Now, to business."

"To business!" Rose agreed, raising a wine glass.

Jack stared.

"Sorry," she apologized. "I thought you were proposing a toast."

The Captain reached into a bag and withdrew a large mechanical-looking part covered with round globe-like objects. "I was thinking you would like to trade this helmic regulator for a sonic device."

Rose was caught out. She hadn't expected to need to demonstrate any actual knowledge. "Well," she said, attempting to stall. "Maybe we could dance a bit more first?"

Jack leaned forwards, all flirting gone from his tone. "No. But you're not a Time Agent at all, are you?"  
"Of course I am!" Rose blustered. "My friends can vouch for me."

"Your friends," Jack tapped his chin with one elaborately manicured finger. "Your friends who happen to be on the ground, fighting for their lives?"

Rose leapt out of her chair and dashed over to the balcony. Looking down, she immediately saw that three figures were facing off a massive horde of children.

"Calvin, Hobbes, and Miss McShane, I believe," Jack continued.

"Who are you," Rose asked dangerously.

"I don't know," Jack admitted. "I don't even think Jack is my real name. I have no idea who I am, or who I'm supposed to be, or how I should act."

"Then why did you basically kidnap me?" Rose demanded.

"Would you rather have been killed by children from outer space?" he countered.

Rose had to concede that it was a fair point.

"I 'kidnapped' you for money," he continued. "Money is pretty much the only thing that makes sense to me anymore. Well, that, and... relationships."

He shot her a saucy wink. Rose pushed her hand against his chest, forcing him to stumble back a few steps.

"Keep away," she warned.

"Sure thing, doll," he affirmed. "Question is, what am I going to do with you? You're not a Time Agent, but you _are _a time traveller... hm..."

"Send me back," Rose said. It was an order, not a suggestion.

"Why not," Jack shrugged. "Prepare for teleport."

He pressed a button. Rose's hand whipped out and clenched around his arm.

"If I'm going down there, you're coming with me," she hissed.

Before Jack could react, the computer beeped, and they were gone.

* * *

_Baby don't you cry, _the children hissed.

_or the demons won't wait until you're asleep,_

_before they eat you up._

"This is not good," Calvin growled. "I don't feel like dying."

"Funny, neither do I," Ace commented.

They were back to back, facing up against the children from Mars. And, to be perfectly honest, it wasn't looking good.

"Right," Hobbes said conversationally. "Any last confessions to make?"

"Hobbes," Calvin said, completely seriously. "I have always loved you, and I always will."

Hobbes recoiled in shock. "_You're a Furry?!_"

Ace was just laughing, withdrawing Nitro-Nine from her sleeves. "He's having you on," she assured Hobbes. "I think we can get out of this."

"How so?" Hobbes demanded. "If we throw explosives at them, they'll just come right back at us!"

"And I could be completely serious about loving Hobbes!" Calvin cut in.

"Pft," Ace snarked. "Of course you're not. Maybe platonic, yeah, but-"

"Focus."

"Right. Here we go."

She threw the cans, not bothering to set the timer. When the smoke had cleared, there was a clear path for them to go through.

"Run!" Calvin yelled. They didn't need any further prompting. They dashed past the martians, who sighed as one and let out a final, sinister verse.

_That is not a blanket..._

* * *

"How did you do that?" Hobbes asked finally.

"Simple." Ace twirled her jacket around her arm. "Calvin got rid of their ship. They can't teleport back there anymore. Therefore, if anything threatens to kill them, they have no escape plan."

"Well, that's good." Calvin sat cross-legged on the ground.

Hobbes sighed. "What now?"

Rose landed on top of him, along with another man who he didn't recognise. He went down like a sack of bricks. "Ow! Rose, what have I told you about landing randomly on my head?"

"I didn't even think the scenario was on our troubleshooting list," she retorted, scrambling to her feet. She kept a firm grip on the man's arm, who seemed to be attempting to escape.

Calvin and Ace stared, looking a bit like goldfish.

"You-you're _dead!_" Calvin managed. "That's not fair! I was being all sweet and noble and giving you a proper send off, and I even managed to angst about it for a while! And you're alive! Talk about inconsiderate!"

Ace nudged him. "Shouldn't you be happy that she's not erased from existence."

"That bit will come later! A long way later! I'm still mad at her! It's easier to like her when she's not alive!"

"I'm not sure if I should be insulted or complimented," Rose sighed. "Same old Calvin."

Hobbes poked curiously at the man next to her. "Who's that?"

"He says his name was Captain Jack Harkness, but he admitted that it wasn't his real name. And he was the one that saved me by kidnapping me."

The tiger considered. "That makes sense."

"It shouldn't," Jack grumbled. "It doesn't make sense to _me_."

"What do you know about the martians?" Rose asked.

Hobbes, Ace, and Calvin quickly filled her in, with Jack listening intently in the background.

"I know a bit more," he volunteered.

Everyone turned to fix his with eager eyes.

"But, you'll have to pay me..." he grinned.

"No," Calvin fiddled with the Transmogrifier Gun. "How about you tell us, because it's the only way you'll ever get to be human?"

The illegitimate Captain only managed a "wha-?" before the gun fired and he was turned into a chicken.

Instead of being horrified, or panicking, he instead looked down at himself curiously.

"Ooh," the chicken-Jack commented. "Molecular reconstruction unit. Interesting." He looked up. "Yeah, that works for incentive. Basically, all I know it that they're attempting to destroy the Earth because they think it's ugly."

"Ugly?" Ace asked.

"When you were a child, didn't you ever look at something ugly and think, '_I want to tear this down_'?"

"Yeah," said Rose, thinking of her failures of Lego models.

"Yeah," said Calvin, thinking of his school.

"Yeah," said Ace, thinking of Gabrielle Chase and snickering slightly.

"Yeah," said Hobbes, thinking of a can of tuna. It was unfair for the gorgeous meat to be imprisoned in a package.

"Well, these children actually have the power to do that. And they don't like the look of Earth, so..." He shrugged, as much as it was possible for a chicken to shrug. He paused, looking hopeful. "Can I be human, now?"

"Nope," Rose scooped him up underneath her arm. "Think of this as insurance."

* * *

_When I came home last night at three,_

_The man was waiting there for me_

_But when I looked around the hall,_

_I couldn't see him there at all!_

* * *

**(A/N-**

**This was an honest struggle to get out, and as such is shorter than the other chapters.**

**Reviews and feedback are appreciated.**


	19. Episode 10:1

_**Episode 10:1- A Time to Live**_

* * *

_"When you were a child, didn't you ever look at something ugly and think, 'I want to tear this down'?"_

_"Yeah," said Rose, thinking of her failures of Lego models._

_"Yeah," said Calvin, thinking of his school._

_"Yeah," said Ace, thinking of Gabriel Chase and snickering slightly._

_"Yeah," said Hobbes, thinking of a can of tuna. It was unfair for the gorgeous meat to be imprisoned in a package. _

_"Well, these children actually have the power to do that. And they don't like the look of Earth, so..." He shrugged, as much as it was possible for a chicken to shrug. He paused, looking hopeful. "Can I be human, now?"_

_"Nope," Rose scooped him up underneath her arm. "Think of this as insurance."_

* * *

"So, if they're trying to destroy it because it's ugly," Rose began, securing Jack the Chicken more carefully under her arm. "Why don't we just show them that it is beautiful?"

"How?" Calvin asked. "They communicate through poetry."

Hobbes nodded. "There you go, then?"

Ace looked up from where she was carefully fingering a can of Nitro Nine. "Hm?"

"Pretty poems," Hobbes elaborated. Not much, though.

"Pretty poems," Jack snorted. "We're going to save the world with the power of pretty poems."

Ace threw her hands up in the air and laughed sardonically. "Oh, yes! Let's use our pretty poems! And while we're at it, let's string daisies through our hair and skips in circles! The aliens will never be able to resist our flower power!"

Calvin ran a hand through his spiky hair. "Well, when you put it like that..."

"I think it's a pretty good idea," interrupted Rose quietly.

Calvin glanced at her in slight amazement.

She shrugged, suddenly defensive. "I studied poetry in school before I quit. I liked some of it."

"But the Earth _isn't _beautiful," Jack interjected.

Everyone looked at the chicken in surprise.

"It isn't?" Ace asked after a moment.

"No!" he exclaimed. "The seas are basically acid, and all the trees were destroyed centuries ago!"

Calvin was the first person to realize it. "Captain," he said. "What year is it?"

He flicked his head. "That's a silly question. It's 6021."

There was a long, long silence.

"You said your memories were missing, right?" Rose asked.

* * *

Up in Jack's spaceship, Charles the dinosaur had looked curiously at the two two-legs that had just disappeared.

The pink-and-yellow-one that he knew had lemon acid scent. Resentment, his dinosaur brain noted. He moved across to the console.

The one-that-smelt-of-leather-and-wood had the melted-plastic smell of desperation. That usually wasn't good. And they had both disappeared in a flash that tasted like...

...donuts.

The taste he had attributed to early-mornings on the bigger-on-the-inside machine and the pink-and-yellow-one when she was feeling nice.

He scurried across to the big-flat-object with buttons that went up-and-down, and pecked at a few, wanting donuts.

Donuts were good, he knew that.

Nothing happened, but the ship shuddered to the side and began to tilt.

He pressed some more buttons.

The ship tilted even more.

A big, rumbling voice came from the metal-cross-thing-that-wasn't-donuts. But he was a dinosaur, and couldn't understand it.

A loud clicking noise echoed over the ship, and it tilted even more dramatically before deciding to just be done with it and crash down.

It did, with great aplomb.

Charles was thrown all against the hard-and-pointy bits of the ship, and he squealed in pain.

* * *

Jack slumped to the ground in avine shock. "This is the 1900s?"

"Yeah," Hobbes said, a tad apologetically. "Sorry."

"Ugh." He buried his beak in a wing. "No, not your fault, but _still_..."

Rose glanced at Ace, and shrugged. It must be a huge culture shock to find out that you're from a completely different time period than the one you thought you were in.

"Right," Calvin apparently didn't care about emotions at this point in time. "_Earth is beautiful. _We've established that fact."

"Poems," Hobbes said.

"Jabberwocky?" Ace suggested.

"Why not?" Hobbes tilted his head. "Or... we could just improvise."

"Improvisation is a bad thing," Calvin warned. "Trust me on that."

Hobbes remembered something. "Are you talking about the onion-?"

"WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THE ONION INCIDENT."

* * *

Elsewhere, a group of children, shrouded in black fuzzy darkness, glided along the streets like sentinels of death. They spread out in lines along the side paths, exuding an aura of hopelessness and despair.

People peeked out of the dilapidated windows of their houses, and quickly shut the curtains. But that didn't stop the children. They swarmed up the rooftops, and dropped down the chimneys.

_Go to sleep, my darlings,_

_There are demons in your bed._

When they exited the houses, and moved on to the next one, there was not a single living thing in any building. No cats, no spiders. No humans. Sometimes dinner tables had been set out. Shattered remains of glass on the floor.

The children continued on their stalk of death.

* * *

Jack had been turned back into a human, after the others deemed it was appropriate to let him walk around by himself. And they had all come up with a plan.

Jack, needless to say, did not like the plan.

"You dragged me into this," he said. "I don't need to be a part of this."

"What if I told you that we could give you your memories back?" Calvin asked rhetorically.

Rose frowned. "Can you-?"

Calvin cut over her question. "We could most definitely do it, if you wanted them back. But you'd have to help."

"Calvin, can I talk to you for a moment." Rose dragged him over to the side.  
"What do you think you're doing?" she hissed at him. "You don't know how to restore his memories!"

"Maybe I do," he retorted, then sighed. "But, no, you're right, I don't know how to."

"But that's..."

"Horrible, I know, but if you recall, he tried to kill you!"

"But, he doesn't know who he is..!"

"Excuse me," Jack interrupted calmly from across the room. "What are you talking about?"

"The best way to restore your memories," Calvin said quickly before Rose could respond, and ignored her glare. "We think we've got it."

He nudged her pointedly in the stomach, and she doubled over coughing. "Yeah," she managed.

"Let's go hunt Martians, then!" Ace said, clapping her hands together.

"Yes," Hobbes said, sending an inquisitive look at Calvin. "Let's."

He shook his head.

Rose scowled in the background.

* * *

"Sugar lemon iced tea!" Calvin exclaimed suddenly.

Everyone didn't even bother looking at him.

He had obviously gone insane, if it hadn't happened already.

"...what," Rose said.

Actually, Calvin hadn't gone insane in any sense of the word. He had used the nonsense words as a distraction tactic, so he could quickly sneak off.

And by the time the others had noticed, he was long gone.

"Right," he growled, dusting off his hands. "_Come and get me. _All this lovely fresh time energy running about my body, _plus _I'm a massive paradox just waiting to happen... you can't resist me, can you?"

As if in response, a steady stream of children from Mars trickled from nearby houses. A small stream which quickly became a flood.

Calvin grinned darkly. "That's right..."

_My father sang this song to me,_

_But he slipped and fell on a landmine,_

_And the Demons underneath my bed,_

_Ate him up._

"'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves," Calvin chanted loudly. "Did gyre and gimble in the wabe. All mimsy were the borogoves, and the mome raths outgrabe!"  
He held up his hands like force fields were emitting from them. The martians were telepathic, Jack had said. He really, really, _really _hoped he was right.

He concentrated.

All the good things in life.

_Calvinball. Playing Calvinball is good._

Especially with best friends.

_Right. Like Hobbes._

And Rose.

_Yes._

_Watching movies on Sunday nights, and riffing them while throwing popcorn at the screen._

We did that with Pitch Perfect last week, remember?

_Pulling pranks._

Watching 'Pink Fluffy Unicorns Dancing On Rainbows' until Rose starts screaming at us.

_Jumping from the top of a waterfall and diving into the water._

Pushing best friends from the top of a waterfall and watching them splash into the water.

_Running through a forest on Earth._

Trees.

_Animals._

Pink Fluffy Unicorns that dance on rainbows.

_Wha- no. Every single living thing in the universe._

"I've seen the universe," he said aloud. "And nothing- _nothing- _compares to Earth. I am _not _going to let you destroy it."

It seemed to make the children pause for a moment. They glanced at each other.

Calvin grinned in triumph.

And then everything went wrong.

The children didn't back away. They kept advancing, almost as if Calvin's determination to keep Earth alive was giving them extra spirit to stop him.

"No," he said. "No. This isn't right. You're supposed to go away."

They ignored him.

_Close your eyes, my darling,_

_There are demons under your bed._

* * *

"Rose," Ace said in a calm tone. A voice that was way too calm for the current situation. "Did you see Calvin leave?"

Rose glanced around. She had to admit that she hadn't. "We have a problem, I think."

No one was around. No children. Especially not creepy children.

"Do you remember what I said, when we first met?" Hobbes said suddenly.

_When he says something like that, it usually means one of three things; one, there's an immense danger and he's being all noble and sacrificial; two, he's about to go work on a birthday surprise for someone and doesn't want us to see, or three, he's about to blow something up._

"He's being noble and sacrificial?" Rose asked.

In response, Hobbes broke out into a run.  
Ace, Rose and Jack followed.

* * *

The blackness was starting, he knew it. It was misting around him, and gathering into clumps. Images filtered through the fog. Not nice ones, either.

A face, scarred, laughing at him.

_This isn't good_, the part of his brain that wasn't freaking out informed him. The rest of his brain that _was _freaking out agreed.

Then kept on freaking out.

"I banish you from the land of Latifah!" Calvin yelled frantically. "No, wait, that's not right..."

_When did I become so determined to protect my friends?_

"Go away! Back to the fiery pits from whence you came!"

He groaned in slight pain as part of his hand started to dissolve. _Goodbye, cruel world. _

_Maybe not so cruel. Life was good._

_I deserve to live._

_I think?_

He attempted to run. Running was something he was good at. Usually, at least.

The children had formed a ring around him, which made running away harder than usual. He knew, instinctively, that touching one of them in any way would be a Very Bad Thing.

"Right, I think the universe owes me a few favors," he muttered, dropping down to the ground. There really wasn't anything else his legs felt like doing. "Anything?"

He glanced around hopefully, past the darkening clouds. "Anyone?"

Nothing.

"I would like to take the opportunity to say a few words," he said, consciousness slipping away. "Rose wasn't such a slimy girl. Hobbes is a great friend. Sorry about lying to you, Jack. I wish I could've thrown a few more water balloons at you, Derkins..."

* * *

"Back away from our friend!" screamed Hobbes and Rose together, without any sort of prompting.

Calvin lifted his head. "...oh," he said after a moment. "You're here."

His head dropped down to the street again.

The children turned, in their unnervingly synchronised way.

_Yes? _they seemed to be saying.

"I hadn't really got past this point," Hobbes admitted.

"No one expects the Spanish Inquisition?" suggested Ace, who was standing slightly behind them with Jack.

There was a silent, awkward standoff.

"Apparently they don't have Python on Mars," Rose said.

Jack surprised them all by beginning to speak.

"_There is a place where the sidewalk ends_

_And before the street begins._"

Rose recognised the poem instantly. It was one of her favorites while she was in school. She joined him.

"_And there the grass grows soft and white,_

_And there the sun burns crimson bright,_

_And there the moon-bird rests from his flight_

_To cool in the peppermint wind._"

Hobbes shot an inquisitive glance.

"Pretty poems, remember?" Jack said.

"Yeah, no," the tiger said. "It's just that... you know that poem? I thought your memories were missing?"  
Ace interrupted with the next verse.

"_Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black_

_And the dark street winds and bends._

_Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow,_"

Hobbes chorused the next line with her.

"_We will walk with a walk that is measured and slow,_"

Jack and Rose joined in.

"_And watch where the chalk-white arrows go,_"

"_To the place where the sidewalk ends," _Calvin completed, standing up. "Ha! I have friends! They're my secret power, like... I don't know, Spider Sense or something!"

"_Yes, we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,_" Jack murmured.

"_And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,_

_For the children, they mark, and the children, they know,_

_The place where the sidewalk ends._"

The martian children, Children of Mars, gazed steadily at them for a moment, before looking up, and evaporating.

"What just happened," Rose asked emotionlessly.

"I..." Calvin looked to where they had disappeared. "I don't know."

Hobbes smiled, weakly, and patted the Captain on the back. "Congratulations, you just saved the world."

"Yay," he deadpanned, staring at the empty spaces where the martians had been. "I guess I did."

Calvin cleared his throat slightly. "Right, so..."

"So," said the older man, glaring at him. "I heard you. I heard _what you apologized for. _You lied to me. What about?"

Calvin opened his mouth and closed it. Several times. "Uh..."

He was saved from further explanations by Jack's ship crash landing on the street in front of them.

* * *

_Go away, go away, don't you come back any more!_

_Go away, go away, and please don't slam the door..._

* * *

**(A/N-**

**Okay, I'm just feeling worse and worse because these are getting shorter and shorter. I need to work harder. -_-**

**So, tons of references to obscure things in this chapter. Even some things I don't specifically know.**

**Rose's Theme Music is up on YouTube, so check that out!**

**Plus, two new DW oneshots! SHARE THE LOVE.**

**And please review!**

**~Kitty)**


	20. Episode 10:2

_**Episode 10:2- A Time to Live**_

* * *

Ace was the first to speak.

"I seriously didn't expect that," she said.

"No one expects the unexpected," Calvin commented.

"That's my ship!" Jack exclaimed in what was a less-than-calm voice.

A small wisp of smoke escaped from a vent. The engines roared, and began to drag the bedraggled ship forwards. Slowly. Very, very, slowly.

Hobbes noticed what was happening. "Guys, we have a problem."

The ship was about to take off, and crash into something. Something big. Something like...

"The German Air Raid ships," Rose realized. "But isn't that good? It means that they won't bomb Britain."

Calvin waved his arms about, glad to not have to do any explaining to Jack. "No. It's not good. It's bad. It could change all of Earth's history!"

Rose frowned. "But that's not what you said back with the zombies-!"

Calvin stared at her. "Tyler. I'm older than I look."

"You look about six!" she protested. "And what does that have to do with anything?"

"The older I get," he said quietly. "The more decisions I have to make for people. I don't like making decisions. It means that someone is always going to be mad at me for some reason. You can't please everyone."

She stood silently for a moment. "Calvin..." she said finally.

"Yes?" he asked, already turning away.

"How old are you?"

He stopped. "We need to stop the spacecraft from taking off, Tyler. Let's go."

She scowled. "You're going to give me a proper answer later!"

He didn't reply. They both followed Ace and Jack into the spaceship. Hobbes, who had been watching the whole thing, shook his head and smiled.

"Oh, they are _so _best friends," he grinned, before dashing after them.

* * *

"What's the scoop, then?" Calvin said, still with a dark look on his face. He slammed his hands against the control panel.

"We found a dinosaur," Jack said without looking up from the interface he was currently tapping frantically into. "I _think _it's yours."

Charles glanced up from a donut he was gnawing at, mewled slightly, and then continued eating.

Rose nodded at him. "Anything else?"

Ace kicked a set of expensive-looking cabinets. "It's due to launch in about three minutes. Your dino did something to it that we can't reverse."

Hobbes leaned against a door-like object. "Manual control, though?"

"Someone needs to steer it," Jack snapped, hitting a button hard. Nothing happened. "Steer it to explode somewhere else. Who do you suggest?"

There was a time when Calvin would have made a flippant joke about sacrificing Rose. This was _not _it. He sent her a single glance, and shook his head.

"Well, if we're all going to die," Jack sent a _look _at Calvin. "I'd really like to know why you lied to me."

"This is real life," Hobbes interrupted. "People lie to people. And, if I were to guess, I'd say that he was desperate for help, plus you did threaten Rose."

Jack conceded privately that, yes, the tiger did have a point. "And could you return my memories?"

Calvin thought about this for a very long time. "Maybe."

"Maybe's not good enough." He shoved Ace away from the controls. "Get out, everyone. I'm driving this thing."

Rose attempted to protest. "Jack, no-"

"It was nice to meet you, Miss Rose Tyler." He swept her up, and kissed her on the lips.

Her look of shock almost made the fact that, you know, he was about to _die _worth it.

"I might be married, for all you know!" she spluttered.

He winked flirtatiously. "Oh, you aren't."

"How do you know?"

"The way you walk." So saying, he turned back to the controls. "Get out, everyone."

Calvin nodded, and began to hustle everyone out of the ship. Rose followed, casting glances back. Charles jumped on the back of her Hufflepuff robe. Ace didn't even look back. Hobbes nodded solemnly.

Jack was all alone in the ship now. He cracked his knuckles, and stared down at the controls. "Well, then. Let's do this thing."

Even though he didn't have any memories, the knowledge of flying a small space shuttle was still imbedded into his mind. He knew the exact buttons he needed to press to make it go.

He coaxed the still burning ship into the air. It hopped, and skipped a bit, and dashed itself up into the air.

* * *

"We aren't just going to... leave him?" Rose asked immediately after leaving.

Calvin scoffed. "Of course not. Come on."

Ace followed the three through the streets and to the Time Machine. Hobbes flicked the switch on his 'key' and the flaps swung open.

"Well," the tiger said after a pause. "Come on down."

They all entered. Ace, not expecting a trampoline, tripped, and fell flat on her face. She stayed there for a moment.

"That is... pretty much typical," she sighed, picking herself up. And then she brightened. "Wicked! Nice design!"

Calvin patted the centrebit fondly. "You like it?"

"Yes!"

"And you're not going to comment on the fact that it's bigger on the inside?"

She sent him an inquisitive look. "Why should I?"

He stared at her for a moment, before shrugging. "Fair enough."

He began to flick dials, and pull levers. "Set the coordinates, Hobbes!" he directed.

Hobbes nodded, and typed them in on an old-fashioned typewriter. "Check."

"Teach me how to fly this thing," Rose ordered.

The boy shook his head. "I can't just teach you. You have to learn _gradually. _If you want to help, pull down the thing on that toaster."

She compiled, grudgingly. "What does that do?"

"It does a thing." He was now somehow up on a ladder, kicking at a large, blue, electronic ball. "Ace, turn the egg timer over!"

"We're trying to fly a Time Machine, not make breakfast!" she protested.

"Just do it!" he growled.

She did, and the Machine shook. "We're landing on a moving object," Hobbes explained. "It's going to be more than slightly bumpy."

More random objects were flipped and turned over, including a small model of a cow.

"Rose Elizabeth Tyler!" Calvin snapped. "What on Earth and beyond are you doing?"

She looked up. "Looking at a readout. And my middle name is Marion-"

"Don't care, your name is Elizabeth and you can't convince me otherwise."

Hobbes bounced up on the trampoline and peeked out. "We're here!"

Everyone clambered out, and into the spaceship. Hobbes waved cheerily to a dumbstruck Jack.

"Hello! We were in the neighbourhood, and noticed that you were in an exploding spaceship. Care for a lift?"

He recovered his voice. "_Why are you here? _I told you to get out!"

Calvin snorted. "You thought we'd just leave you here?"

"Well... yeah."

"You obviously don't know us very well," Ace interjected. "How high are we up?"

"High enough," Rose reported, peeking out a window. "We're well above the clouds."

There was nothing more to say. Calvin grabbed the Captain's arm and dragged him over to the Time Machine. One quick push was all it took.

"About to explode," said Ace in a sing-song voice.

"EVERYONE OUT!" Rose yelled.  
Everyone got out.

A crack in reality opened, and the Time Machine slipped into it with the ease of a skinny-dipper sliding into a pool in the middle of a dark forest.

Which is a weird simile, but whatever.

* * *

The Time Machine reappeared on the still-empty streets of London. Ace and Jack bounced out, followed promptly by Rose and Hobbes. Calvin was inside. Doing 'something'.

"Thank you," said Jack with feeling. No matter how guilty he may have felt, he really didn't want to die.

Hobbes grinned. "Oh, it's our job."

"Really?" Jack looked genuinely intrigued. "Do you get a decent paycheck? Because I'm looking for work right now..."

Rose sighed. "It was sarcasm."

"Not really," Ace interjected. She clapped Jack heartily on the back. "Nice to meet you, Captain. I'll definitely see you in the future."

"Oh, I have no doubt you _will_," he said firmly.

She tilted her head. "Are you flirting with me?"

"Might be," he said evasively.

"Hm. Blondie, can I have a quick word?"

Rose, startled by the unexpected question, nodded quickly, and allowed herself to be dragged aside. "What is it?"

"Listen," Ace said, straightening her jacket. "I know you're getting fairly close with Calvin. _No_," she raised a hand. "No arguments. I know you're really good friends, even though you're attempting to cover it. The thing is, I've met people like him before. In specific, one person. He was brill to me. Partners in crime, and all that. And then he... betrayed me, sort of. Hard to explain. We were still friends afterwards, but..." she shook her head. "Look, all I'm trying to say is, be careful who you trust."

Rose had been listening to this intently. "He's only six years old," she pointed out.

"Children can be more devious than adults," Ace countered. "Plus, is he _really _six?"

Rose opened her mouth and shut it again, remembering the conversation from before.

"Exactly," said Ace with slight satisfaction.

"My life is my life," Rose growled. "I can trust who I want."

"Sure. But I'm just warning you, Blondie. I'm not threatening you at all."

Rose kicked at a nearby wall. "I'm having a really, _really _messed up day. More messed up than usual."

Ace patted her arm. "You'll get used to it."

"That's the problem. I _am _used to it. What am I becoming? I still have a boyfriend at home, and I ran off with a boy and a tiger in a cardboard box. That sounds like a fanfiction written by an author that's run out of ideas."

"Maybe it is," suggested Ace. "In another universe. Maybe our lives are chronicled in two-chapter episodes somewhere, so they can be resolved without a problem by the time the writer's deadline is up."

Rose snorted. "That's ridiculous."

"Most true things are."

They stood in silence for a moment.

"My advice," Ace said. "is to break up with your boyfriend."

"Advice duly noted. Maybe you're right."

"I'm always right."

Rose turned, and stared at Hobbes and Jack, who were deep in discussion. "You need to have a look at that ego, Explosives Girl."

Ace grinned. "See you, Blondie. And don't be afraid of the Big Bad Wolf."

Before Rose could ask what she meant, she had already dashed off. In pursuit of her motorcycle, no doubt.

Rose dashed over to Hobbes and Jack.

"-nowhere to go," Jack was bemoaning.

"Youcouldcomewithus," Rose broke in with a rush. "But decide quickly, because Hobbes needs to take me somewhere."

"I do?" the tiger turned, with a puzzled expression. "And sure, he could come with us."

"Yes, you do. And Jack, if you want to come, follow us."

Hobbes and Rose entered the box. Jack, after a moment's hesitation, followed.

"Welcome aboard," Calvin said without looking up. "Slimy girl, where do you need to go?"

Rose stared for a moment. It was highly likely that he had been listening in. Or maybe he was omnipotent, but she somehow doubted that.

"Mickey's house," she said quickly.

* * *

She rapped at the door. "Come in," called Mickey's familiar voice.

"Hi," she said softly, stepping into the apartment and letting the screen door bang behind her. Mickey was sitting on the lumpy red couch, watching reruns of _Eastenders. _He jumped up immediately when he saw it was her. "Rose!"

He switched the TV off, and walked over, clearly expecting a kiss. But she pushed him back.

"Look, Mickey, I just came here to say..."

His expression dropped. "_Oh_."

She nodded. "Look, I'm really sorry, but I just can't do this anymore. I love adventuring with Calvin and Hobbes..." She didn't mention that they had just picked up an amnesiac flirting machine, as well. "...and we've been drifting apart anyway. We can still be friends, though." She regretted the words as soon as she said them. It was like saying, 'even though the dog is dead, we can still keep the body in the house'.

Mickey seemed to think so too. "So, you just came here to dump me, yeah? And then you're going to go back to that cardboard box, and nearly getting yourself killed?"

"No!" she protested. "It's not like that!"

"No? Then what's it like, then?"

"It's..." she paused. "It's..."

He kicked a pile of dirty laundry off the floor and into a basket. "You know what? I bet you don't know how long you've been gone."  
She was silent. He was absolutely right.

"You don't know what your mum's like, Rose. She's absolutely frantic, always worrying about you."

"I'm not a little girl anymore!" she spat. "You don't have to worry. _I can take care of myself! _And maybe I'm going to find myself a new boyfriend!"

"You're the one dumping me, remember?"

She scowled, and stormed out of the small flat.

"Give me back my key!" came his voice.

She tore it out of her pocket, and tossed it violently over her shoulder. "Take it!"

Quickly rounding the corner, she sunk against the wall in tears. A soft paw on her shoulder made her look up.

"Hey," Hobbes said.

"Hey," she attempted to smile.

He didn't ask any questions, just helped her to her feet. And they walked to the TIme Machine together.

* * *

Calvin pointed Jack to his room, and other places of interest ("The swimming pool is just down the hall"), before leaving the Captain to explore. He headed straight to the console room, and glanced up to the roof. Hobbes was the first to land on the trampoline, and somersault off to the console. He leapt nimbly off, and watched Rose jump down as well.

"Right," he said. "I'll leave you two to it."

"To what?" Calvin said, turning around sharply.

"We need to _talk,_" said Rose.

Hobbes slipped out.

"How old are you?" asked Rose.

Calvin sighed, resigning himself to his fate. "Do you really need to know?"  
"_Yes,_" she glared sharply at him. "I really do."

"About...a hundred years. Give or take. We live in a time machine; time is relative."

There was a long moment of silence.

"A hundred years," Rose said.

"Yes." Calvin kept fiddling with the controls, as if he wanted to take off to another galaxy right that instant.

"A hundred years old," she repeated. "Of course. I'm travelling with a boy who's a hundred years old but is actually six! That makes perfect sense!"

He looked nervous.

"How come you never thought to tell me this!" she said, still in an even tone but getting slightly high-pitched.

"Because it's not supposed to matter!"

"Oh? How does it not matter?"

"Because _friends _aren't supposed to care about how old the other friend is! You didn't mind when you thought I was six!"

Rose stared at Calvin.

Calvin stared at Rose.

"...we are friends, right?" Calvin asked softly.

"Yeah."

"Good. Just checking."

"But... how? How are you still alive?"

"Does it matter?" he glared at the ceiling, as though it were offending him. "Time loop, I've mentioned it a few times now."

Rose sighed. "Look. I've had a really bad day, I'm sorry."

"I've had a bad day too," he returned. "I thought you were _dead, _for Merlin's sake."

"Friends?"

"Friends?"

Rose closed her eyes, and settled back against a chair. "Great. What now?"

"HOBBES! JACK!" Calvin yelled suddenly, startling her. "Guess what time it is?"

"Miller Time?" Hobbes skidded into the room.

"Greenwich Mean Time?" Jack followed.

"No!" Calvin flicked a few switches. "It's... Adventure Time!"

Rose absent mindedly hummed a few bars of the theme song.

"Tyler," he said, his hands hovering over a button.

She turned halfway, eyes still closed. "Hm?"

"Just remember one thing."

Rose opened her eyes.

"This isn't the time to think about people dying, or when we should die. It's a time to _live_."

The button was slammed down.

"Let's go find some trouble," Hobbes grinned. "And poke it with a _stick!_"

* * *

**(A/N-**

**Yes, the BW thing is back (you should know what that means. If not, well, we have a surprise in store!). Just a warning. BW is _not _what you expect, e.g., not Rose gone insane from the Time Vortex. It'll be something completely different!**

**..but let's leave that to the finale.**

**New short story up, nothing to do with this universe. You may want to have a look!**

**Several references in this, including one very obvious one. **

**FANFICTION SPOTLIGHT- Of Artists and Dreamers **

**by maxcoffie**

**It's a brilliant fic, go read it!**

**Kitty out.)**


	21. Episode 11:1

_**Episode 11:1- Trapped in Multispace**_

* * *

Rose Tyler woke up.

The first thing she noticed was that it was wet.

This was followed shortly by the thought that she was in her room on the Time Machine, in bed.

The two ideas, '_wet_' and '_Time Machine_' played about in her head for a while before she realized that she was still half-asleep, and should probably wake up really soon before she drowned.

She leant down the floor, legs still in bed, and scooped up some water, quickly splashing it on her face. It immediately revived her from the drowsy-half-awareness of sleep.

Not the most efficient way of waking up, granted, but it worked.

She stood on her bed in her pink flannel pajamas, weighing up her options. At this early in the morning, it was easy to state the facts one by one.

_Fact One_\- Her bedroom was half-flooded by water.

It lapped just at the edge of her bed. Any higher, and she would have drowned. She shuddered. It was a scary thought. Drowning in your sleep can't be the nicest fate, she thought.

_Fact Two_\- She should probably get out of her pajamas before she started to yell at Calvin for flooding her room.

Jack would probably make a pass at her otherwise.

She leapt from her bed carefully to her dresser, and leaned over into her closet. The clothes at the top weren't damp, at least. She chose a pair of denim jeans, and a purple top, and threw a jacket over it. And then she jumped back to her bed.

_Fact Three- _The water rising still, ever so slightly.

As soon as she noticed it, she knew it was right. The water level had increased a bit. Just a bit.

Rose dropped to her stomach and scrutinized the water carefully. It was just as well that she hadn't kept anything overly precious on the floor.

_Fact Four- _She'd really like to get out of her room without drowning.

Easier said than done. If only she had something like a boat, or a raft.

A RAFT.

It had appeared out of nowhere. Floating in the middle of the room.

Rose decided not to question this convenient turn of events, and instead clambered on. She grabbed a long pole that was floating in the water, and began to punt herself to the door.

She opened it, and pushed herself out. As she entered the hallway, it became apparent that the water was just getting deeper and deeper. She couldn't even see the floor of the Time Machine anymore.

The dimensions were stretching. It looked incredibly weird.

Eventually, a school of scintillating goldfish swam past her, and she had to admit that she was basically in an enclosed ocean. There were no prizes for guessing whose fault this was.

"CALVIN!" she yelled.

* * *

Jack woke up.

His bed felt very nice, actually. Like it was made out of air. He attempted to snuggled back into his covers, and then discovered that there were none.

This was quickly followed by the realization that he was floating in mid air.

There was no gravity in his room. The bed, the small desk, all his clothes, and most importantly _him_ were drifting.

Now, the first thing a person usually does upon finding out that they're in zero gravity is attempt to swim away. This doesn't work. Thin air is not like water.

Jack didn't try this. He had had training that had taught him not to try undignified 'swimming'. Instead, he removed his shirt, and threw it as hard as he could upwards. The momentum fired him backwards, and he hit the ground with an equally undignified '_oof_'.

He grabbed a grey T-shirt and a pair of jeans of the ground, and attempted to pull them on, after a few moments of indecision. He then pushed off the floor at an angle, aiming himself at the door, which he opened. In this way, he began to make his way down the halls. It wasn't long until he bumped into Hobbes, who was floating in the middle of the hallway, unable to touch the walls, and looking rather bemused.

"Is this your fault?" he asked, waving his tail a bit. "Because I was walking down to the kitchen to get breakfast, and this happened."

Jack pushed himself off the ground, bumping into Hobbes, and sending them both rocketing up to the ceiling. "This is an extremely awkward way to move," he commented to himself. "And, no, I didn't. I woke up, and I was floating."

Hobbes pushed himself to the ground. "The other odd thing is, the kitchen should be right there." He pointed at the door next to him. Jack ricocheted over to it, and opened it curiously.

"_Oppa Gangnam Style!_" a loudspeaker blasted. "_Gangnam Style!_"

He stared in for a moment, and then slammed it quickly closed, the force making him recoil to the other side of the hallway.

"I know," Hobbes nodded. "Terrifying, isn't it?"

"That's... not the word I would have chosen."

Hobbes shrugged, starting to drift a bit. "Well, there's only one thing we can do."

"Head forwards?"

"Head forwards," the tiger agreed. "And possibly yell at Calvin a bit, since this seems to be his fault."

That being said, the two began to bounce off the walls, moving along the twisting hallway that didn't seem to end.

* * *

"Konnichiwa, Ms Tyler!" Calvin yelled out over the roar of a motor. Rose glanced up in surprise. She had fallen into a steady rhythm of pushing her little boat forwards with the stick, past locked doors. She had already noted that she should _probably _have reached the console room by now, and it was _probably _impossible for this much water to actually fit in the Time Machine in the first place, but that didn't stop the fact that _it was there _and she was stuck in the middle of what was turning out to be an ocean.

At some point, the walls had opened out so far that you could barely see them. Somehow, the ceiling remained in place, although it had turned a rather nice shade of pale blue.

The roar of the motor got louder, and a small speck appeared on the horizon. It was Calvin. He was the only person that could possibly have hair _that _spiky.

And... he was driving a motorboat.

"Do you even have a license to drive that thing?" Rose yelled at him.

"Nope!" came the cheerful response. "Want a lift?"

The motorboat drew closer, and it got close enough for Rose to pole-vault from her little raft into Calvin's noticeably sturdier boat.  
When the stick punctured the rubber of the raft, it instantly deflated and sunk underneath the water.

The goldfish that had been lazily swimming around in the water grew large teeth, and chomped at it, devouring it in less than a minute.

Calvin and Rose stared at the goldfish, now drifting in the water again, and slowly turned to look at each other.

"...this complicates matters," Calvin said.

Rose just snorted, and pushed him away from the controls.

* * *

Hobbes and Jack finally arrived at a place that was slightly more interesting than the usual floor, wall, ceiling, wall.

The corridor opened up into a vast, lava-filled cavern. There were rocks scattered liberally throughout, possibly to step on, but it was still... a vast, lava-filled cavern.

Jack glanced incredulously around. "Why do you even have one of these in here anyway?"

Hobbes held up a paw defensively. "Hey, you never know when you might need a vast, lava-filled cavern!"

Jack just blinked slowly.

"Okay, okay," Hobbes admitted. "I actually have no idea why we have a lava room. This place is really, _really _unpredictable."

They soon figured out that the only way to get across to the other side (where a small white door was) was to... drift across.

"Pick up rocks," Jack advised Hobbes, gathering several large ones from the ground. "That way, if you lose momentum, you can continue on by throwing it."

Hobbes loaded a few into his arms, and braced himself against the wall. "Righto." And he pushed off, gliding through the air. Jack followed.

"Now all we have to do is hope that gravity doesn't kick in, and we don't plummet to our deaths," Hobbes added cheerfully.

"Is that likely to happen?" Jack threw a rock.

Hobbes considered. "Nope. Definitely not. We lasted this long, right?"

Jack groaned. "Oh, that's just tempting fate..."

As a matter of fact, they had almost got to the other side when gravity started to work again. It was almost casual the way it happened. Jack was the first person to start noticing that they were drifting downwards.

When he pointed this little fact out to Hobbes, the tiger glanced around, threw his final rock, and landed delicately on the other side.

"There," he said, grinning. "Nothing to it!"

Gravity then proceeded to kick in one hundred percent, and Jack started to plummet dramatically to his death. Hobbes, fortunately, caught him easily.

They both lay on the ground, panting.

"That was super terrifying," said Hobbes. "And let's never ever do it again until at least next week."

Jack glared.

"Oh, look!" Hobbes said, getting distracted. "Rocks!"

* * *

Calvin stared out at the endless ocean while Rose attempted to pilot the boat. She was doing a better job of it than he had been, which was part of his moodiness.

The _other _part of his moodiness was actually justified.

"I can't believe you automatically assumed that this was my fault," he complained.

"To be fair," said Rose, figuring out which lever worked the throttle and gunning it viciously. "When anything ever goes wrong around here, it's _usually_ your fault."

"You _seriously _think that?"

"Yup."

Silence for a moment or two, apart from the gentle roar of the engines, and the splashing of the water.

"You're stupid and so is your face," declared Calvin quite calmly.

"Is that the best you can do?" Rose asked, turning halfway to glance at him.

He wrinkled his nose. "I was rushed for a witty response, okay? Don't hold it against me. And by the way, the goldrannahs are still chasing us."

Rose steered sharply left for no good reason. "Goldrannahs? You mean... the goldfish that tried to eat us?"

"Uh, yeah. They didn't really try to eat us, though..."

The newly named 'goldrannahs' were calmly riding the waves that the little motorboat was making, despite the fact that the boat was going at at least 60 miles an hour.

Calvin hunted around in the small storage area of the boat until he found a slice of ham. He held it up to the light.

"This is reminding me too much of _Ponyo_," he muttered to himself, walking over to the rear end of the boat. "Here, fishy, fishy, fishy..."

He dangled the slice of ham over the water.

Instant results.

The fish leapt out to fight over the ham, nearly taking off Calvin's index finger in the process. As it happened, the fish only drew a bit of blood.

A drop of blood fell into the water, and the fish began to thrash about in the water.

"Ack!" Calvin yelped, jumping back as a fish leapt out of the water, attacking his nose. "_PONYO _ON STEROIDS! TYLER, TOP SPEED!"

"What?" asked Rose, who hadn't been paying attention.

"KILLER GOLDFISH PIRANHAS!"

"Aye aye, Captain," Rose nodded, zooming forwards at the fastest she could manage. She had finally gotten the hang of the controls, and was quite enjoying herself.

It would have made quite a picture- a large pack of bloodcrazed goldfish chasing after a small motorboat, piloted by a teenage blonde girl humming the theme song to Ponyo, and being egged on by a tiny deranged six-year old lunatic with spiky blonde hair.

It was about that point when the water underneath them suddenly and inexplicably turned to sand.

The Laws of Physics were, quite unfortunately, in place in _this _part of the Time Machine, and so the boat kept flying forwards until it crashed into a sand dune. Sand flew everywhere.

"Hey, look!" Calvin said, popping up from a pile of sand. "The goldrannahs asphyxiated!"

"That's nice." Rose spat out a mouthful of sand. "Why don't we focus on the little fact that a desert suddenly appeared out of nowhere?"

Calvin looked around. "Hey, yeah! There's no water anywhere! How did that happen?"

"You tell me. It's _your _insane, deranged Time Machine."

They both got up.

The motorboat disappeared.

"I feel like I'm on the _Heart of Gold,_" Rose complained. "It's like the bloody Improbability Drive taken up to eleven."

"At least we aren't going to be eaten by vicious killer goldfish," Calvin said cheerfully.

"Yes, but on the minus side, we might be mauled by the giant dingo that's currently stalking us."

There was a pause as a large drop of drool dripped down in front of them. They both very slowly glanced up.

The dingo growled.

They both screamed in a very girlish manner, and dashed off into the cactuses.

The dingo roared and stampeded after them.

A lone gust of wind blew some tumbleweed across the sand. And, for some reason, there was still a ceiling.

* * *

There was finally a door that could open. Hobbes rattled the door handle, and called Jack over.

"I wonder what's inside," the Captain mused.

"We should probably find out," Hobbes agreed.

Neither of them made a move to open it.

"I'm scared," Jack admitted. "Something horrible could be in there."

"Like, the entire collection of Justin Bieber song discs?" Hobbes suggested.

The door was the only thing in the hallway. There was no way to get around it, apart from going back. And, considering that there was a lava room there...

Hobbes slammed open the door, and peeked inside. Jack covered his eyes.

"It's a Bed Room," said Hobbes, with a tone of half shock, half relief.

"A bedroom?" Jack half-uncovered his eyes.

"No, a Bed Room. The whole room is a bed!"

"Ooh!" Jack jumped feet-first into the room. "Think of all the fun we could have in here!"

"NO." Hobbes stepped carefully in, not wanting to fall over. "Get the dirty thoughts out of your mind, Captain."

He laughed, and bounced lightly across the bed. "I'm a _master _of the bedroom."

There were no profanity filters in _this _room, that much was obvious. Hobbes enjoyed bouncing about the room for a bit, half-wishing that there was some jazz music to dance to.

"I wonder where Calvin and Rose are," he said after a moment.

* * *

"WHY THE HECK IS THERE A _JUNGLE _IN HERE?"

"_SAFARI AL HACKS HIS WAY THROUGH THE CONGO!_"

"And you! Shut up!"

"Ack! A GORILLA!"

"That's me, you moron!"

Rose sighed, leaning against a tree, and watched Calvin go completely insane again. _It must be the stress, _she reflected.

"_Safari Al spots a treehouse!_"

"Shut up," Rose said again. "There's no treehouse there."

"No, seriously," Calvin said in a normal tone of voice. "There's a treehouse. A door in the middle of the tree."

Rose looked over, and saw that he was indeed right. The tree in question was remarkable big. Calvin grabbed her hand and dragged her along to the door, pushing it open.

And they stepped into the kitchen of the Time Machine.

"I don't get this place." Rose down into a chair.

"I could make some hot chocolate," Calvin offered.

"Please do," she invited.

So he did. When he looked in the cupboard, there was no chocolate or cocoa or hot-choclate mix, so he took the large jar of Nutella out instead. He poured two cups of milk into a pan, and set it on the stove. When it started to bubble, he added four large scoops of the Nutella and stirred it in. He turned the stove off, added cinnamon, gave it a stir for good measure, then poured it into two mugs.

Calvin carried the mugs to the table, and set one down in front of Rose. She smiled, and took a sip, before sighing. "Oh, this is _good._"

He nodded, drinking a bit of his own. "It is, isn't it?"

"Where did you learn to make it?"

He shrugged. "Oh, here and there."

They were content to sit there, drinking the Nutella hot chocolate for a while. Unfortunately for them, though, the Time Machine had other plans.

"Calvin," Rose said conversationally. "Is it just me, or are we shrinking?"

He hummed a bit, and attempted to take another sip of his drink. The handle was too big for him to grasp. "I get the feeling that we're not shrinking. The room's growing. Either that, or we somehow crossed over into _Alice in Wonderland _and the hot chocolate we just drank had the label 'Drink Me' on it."

The table had grown to above their heads now.

"I think it was the first bit," Rose stepped over to the edge of the chair. They were now positively tiny. "And the room's shrinking now."

Even though the furniture remained at its massive size, the roof started to press down. When the highest cupboard began to crack and splinter, they both decided to run for it.

Jumping down proved harder than it looked. The chairs had begun to shift in unusual ways, so it was more like a game of Pac Man than anything else.

When they made it to the ground, the floor warped underneath them, and they were dumped downwards like that scene in _Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone _with the Devil's Snare. The movie, that is.

And they landed in the Bed Room.

* * *

"Okay," Hobbes managed to disentangle himself from Calvin's body. "_Bowling ball butt. _I was only _wondering _where you were. I wasn't attempting to summon you or anything."

"If the Summoning Charm in Harry Potter can be used to summon basically anything," Calvin randomly asked. "Can we do something like _accio demon_ and summon an eldritch horror?"

Everyone stared at him, except for Jack, who was making no move to get out from underneath from Rose.

"Rose," Hobbes said finally. "Get off Jack."

"Aw, but she's comfy," Jack whined. Rose scrambled speedily off.

"Right," Calvin said once everyone was sitting down on the giant bed floor of the Bed Room. "Any suggestion on what the _zark _is going on today would be appreciated, because I have no idea myself."

"What, it wasn't your fault?" Jack and Hobbes said together.

Rose rolled her eyes. "We've been through this. Seriously, though. You have no idea what we've been through today."

"Antigravity mode," Hobbes said.

"No. My room was flooded. And so were the halls."

"Lava pit," Jack countered.

"Killer goldfish," Rose snapped back.

"Almost getting burnt to death while floating over the lava pit," Hobbes chimed in.

"Getting mauled by a giant dingo, _and _having the kitchen turn into Alice in Wonderland's house," Calvin grinned.

There was no definite winner to this little standoff. Calvin relented, and sat down again. They had all gotten up at some point.

"As I was saying," he continued. "Does anyone have any idea what's going on?"

Hobbes smiled, and it broke out into a full-out beam. "I just figured it out."

"What?" Rose turned to look at him.

Hobbes pressed his paws flat on the cushioned surface. "Oh, I just figured it out."

"WHAT?" everyone chorused.

He had that gleam in his eye. "The Time Machine is evolving!"

* * *

**(A/N-**

**New chapter! And it's _actually on time _this week! Wow. **

**So, I was going to have a tiger chasing Calvin and Rose, and I was going to extend that scene, but then I remembered that In the Forest of the Night had that scene. SO. **

**Thank you to TheSpiffySpaceman, who reminded me about Safari Al. He will probably return next chapter.**

**This chapter marks the beginning of the main story arc. It's a lighthearted beginning, but it'll get a lot more serious later. Charles's absense actually has meaning to the plot, it's just not me being lazy.**

**Please remember to review! :-D**

**~Kitty, who is relistening to the Pitch Perfect Soundtrack for the 50th time in a row.)**


	22. Episode 11:2

_**Episode 11:2- Trapped in Multispace**_

* * *

Utter silence followed that statement.

Calvin reached over and patted Hobbes on the head. "That's nice, Hobbes."

The tiger glared and shook the hand off. "I'm serious!"

"What made you come to that conclusion?" asked Jack, looking genuinely interested. He leant forwards slightly.  
"The changes have all been happening in shifts," Hobbes explained. "About how long was it from the anti-gravity starting to it turning off?"

"An hour," the Captain answered.

"It was an hour from when the jungle started to the kitchen warping," Rose added.

"So, the next change will start in an hour?" Calvin asked.

Hobbes nodded.

"And what does this have to do with the Time Machine evolving?" Rose asked.

The tiger considered this for a moment. "Let's just call this... teething problems."

"Nearly getting eaten by killer goldfish is a teething problem?" Calvin exclaimed incredulously.

"Yeah, pretty much."

Jack tapped on the mattress. "Does anyone have the time?"

For some reason, a wall sprouted a clock out of it. The time was 11.35.

Everyone breathed out a collective sigh of relief.

And then the clock hands started swivelling forwards at a demented pace until they reached 12.00. They stopped there precisely.

"Oh, look!" said Rose weakly. "Time's gone wibbly!"

Jack looked like he was on the verge of breaking out into an interesting range of swear words. Fortunately for everyone's sanity, the floor opened up just then. Calvin and Jack both dropped down into an empty black void. Hobbes, having sharp cat reflexes, jumped out of the way and managed to pull Rose back from dropping.

"They're falling!" yelled Rose, scrambling to the edge of the hole.

"It's not falling, it's controlled skydiving!" came Calvin's voice. "Geronimooooo..."

Hobbes shook his head. "Nah, they'll be alright."

Rose sat back against the edge of the room. "It's like the bloody Hunger Games around here."

"May the odds be ever in _your _favour," Hobbes sighed.

And that was when the monkeys closed in on them.

* * *

Calvin landed on a medical trolley, and rolled off painfully, yelping all the while. He hit the ground and stayed there. Jack was slightly more lucky, landing on a cushy bed.

"Ooh, who was the last person in here?" he wondered. The ceiling had closed up.

"The slimy girl," Calvin grunted. "Get off."

Looking around, they noticed that they were in the medical bay. It didn't look like a traditional medical bay, actually. There was lots of futuristic technology scattered around, and Calvin couldn't even pretend to know what half of it did. It was just _there _when he had built the Time Machine's extra dimension.

"Nice place," Jack poked at a jar of slimy goo, then got distracted by a big slimy worm-like creature. "What's this?"

"Memory Worm," Calvin stepped over and yanked his hand away from the animal. "I wouldn't recommend touching it, unless you want to lose more off your already damaged mind."

"Touche." He paused. "If you can take away memories, is there any way you can give them back."

He thought. "Weeeelll... maybe. Let's look around."

They rummaged through boxes and drawers full of medical equipment, and although there was an interesting pair of needles marked "DO NOT USE, EVER", there was nothing that could be used with memories.

"There's a switch here that says 'Hologram'," called Jack. "And it's on."

They stood there for a moment as the implications of this sunk in.

"We're in a hologram?" asked Calvin.

As a response, Jack flicked the switch. The room flicked off like a light. And they were now standing in a waiting room. A water dispenser with typically tacky plastic cups was in the corner. And there was a door that said 'the Doctor will see you now' on a sheet of notepaper tacked to it.

They looked at each other.

"Should we go in?" Calvin wondered.

"Well, it's either that or listen to this Muzak," Jack pointed at the speakers, which were blasting the annoying music.

Calvin pushed open the door.

* * *

"Killer monkeys!" Rose shouted. "I used to _like _monkeys!"

"You can still like monkeys!" Hobbes yelled back, trying to peel them off his head. "Just from a distance or something!"

"Is the whole animal world trying to conspire against me, or something?" Rose wondered loudly, swatting a pair of furry primate hands away from her shirt.

Hobbes pounced her, and they went down screaming together.

"Apparently, yes," she answered herself.

Hobbes sighed. "Well, a giant monkey was about to pull your head off..."

She glanced up. There was a monkey, about ten times the size of the others, glaring at them.

"Run?" she suggested.

"Run," Hobbes confirmed.

They ran out of the Bed Room, and into a maze. Well, at least Rose _assumed _it was a maze. There were giant walls that looked a lot like maze walls surrounding them, and the path in front twisted and turned wildly.

Hobbes pulled the Transmogrifier Gun out from behind his ear (where it somehow had remained hidden) and turned Rose's jacket into a large ball of string.

"I _liked _that jacket," she complained, rubbing her suddenly freezing arms.

"Yes, but this is Dragon String," Hobbes told her, tying one end to a door handle with a double knot. "They say it was extracted from the stomach of a dragon and made into a filament with tools made of diamond in the heart of the Sun."

"Was it?"

Hobbes finished tying the knot. "No, it's just really strong string."

The monkey charged after them, all the tiny monkeys streaming behind it like a really weird parade. Hobbes grabbed the string, and, hastily unravelling it, dashed into the maze.

Rose followed, really hoping that the monkeys weren't clever enough to follow the string too.

They turned right, then left, then right again, then left, followed by another left, and left, and right, and eventually they couldn't remember which turn they had just taken.

They stopped at an intersection that looked exactly like the last three they had passed. They couldn't hear the sounds of the monkeys anymore.

"How do we get out?" Rose asked.

"Well, the whole idea behind the string," Hobbes pointed behind him, where the ball had been unravelling. "was so we could find our way out easily. Ever heard of Thesis and the Minotaur?"

Rose scowled. "My education was flawed. Let's not get into that. We just follow it out, yeah?"

Hobbes tugged on the string. It was strangely slack. They began to follow it along the path. After three left turns in a row, and going straight on, they found the end of the string. It looked like it had been chewed off.

Rose raised an eyebrow. "'Dragon String', huh?"

Hobbes shrugged. "Well, it was _supposed _to be strong."

"You sacrificed my favorite jacket for... this." She held up the severed end. Hobbes sniffed it, then licked it.

"I taste bananas," he announced.

Rose decided not to swear, just in case there were small children nearby. The monkeys poked their heads around the corner of the maze, and attacked.

"!" yelled Rose.

* * *

In the chair where the doctor would have been, a small dinosaur sat. It had somehow managed to obtain a pair of tiny little spectacles. He glanced up, and showed his teeth.

"That's your dinosaur," realized Jack suddenly. "Why is he in a doctor's office?"

"No idea," Calvin frowned, scooping Charles up and removing the spectacles. He looked at them. "Where did he find those?"

"No idea. Why is there a doctor's office in your Time Machine?"

"No idea."

"Great," Jack sighed. "Now we have tons of questions and no answers. What are we going to do about that?"

"No idea."

Jack sighed, making a 'shut up' motion with his hands. No, I have no idea how he did it, either.

The walls flashed with a sudden color.

"Was that hot pink?" Calvin asked.

It was. The walls then flickered to deep blue and then to that disgusting color known only as Urple. A mechanical sound that was basically very quiet feedback blared for a few seconds. Then a robotic voice spoke. "Testing. Testing."

"What was that?" Calvin turned around to Jack.

He wasn't there.

"Oh... well..." Calvin blinked a few times. Charles had gone too. "...this doesn't bode well."

* * *

Over in the maze, the monkeys were extremely surprised when Hobbes and Rose just disappeared, without warning. They blinked a few times before wandering off.

* * *

"Testing, testing," the robotic voice repeated again, this time becoming gradually more female in pitch. "This is a test announcement."

"What for?" Calvin said loudly into the office.

"Hello," Hobbes greeted. Calvin turned around.

"Hobbes! Don't step out like that!"

But Hobbes wasn't there.

"Hey! Toerag!" called a familiar voice.

Calvin spun around, trying to pinpoint the noise. "Ace! What are you doing in here-"

She wasn't there, either.

"Ooh," gasped Jack, who had suddenly appeared in front of him. "That's a bit-" He patted himself down. "_Oh_. I like this. Having a body is so much more fun, don't you think?"

Calvin blinked, taken off guard. "Er- yeah. I guess."

Jack wrinkled his nose. "I don't like this body much, though. Maybe try a female?"

Jack disappeared quickly, and was replaced by Rose. "Much better," she grinned, bouncing up and down a bit. "Hello there!"

Calvin had long since realized that this wasn't Jack or Rose, but someone taking their forms. "Who the heck are you?"

She winked flirtatiously at him, which was an expression on Rose's face he never wanted to see aimed at him _ever _again. "Oh, you know who I am. This is slightly rude," she added somewhat randomly. "Stealing people's bodies. I need to remix something."

She grinned, tongue poking out from her teeth in that way Rose always did, and fizzled out of existence again.

"Want to guess?" Rose's voice floated out from the walls around him. "I'll give you a clue. Hobbes had it absolutely right."

Calvin thought. "He said... the Time Machine was evolving?"

"Mmmhmmm," 'Rose' said. "Oh, I think I got something!"

Her voice was changing, becoming a bit lower. But it was still female.

"You're the Time Machine?" It all came to Calvin in a flash. "That's impossible."

A blank body in a white dress spun into the middle of the room. There were no facial features, hair, or any sort of marking at all. It was disconcerting.

"Let's see." The voice had now completely changed from Rose's. It was now mellow and slightly American, a bit like Calvin's own voice. "Skin tone. Fair."  
The body's color changed to a healthy peach.

"Eye shape. Almond. Eye color. Brown."

A pair of eyes appeared on the body, and changed to a brown tone.

"Wait, what are you doing?" Calvin demanded.

The voice giggled. "Ever played an avatar making game? Nose. Average. Mouth. Red."

The nose and mouth appeared, the latter being coated with red lipstick.

"Eyebrows. Thin. Ears. Small."

Calvin sat back in the examination chair, watching the byplay curiously.

"Hair. Brown and wavy and awesome."

Medium length hair cascaded down the avatar's shoulders, brown and frizzy.

"Ooh, nice. I do like that. Medium height, please! And age: thirteen."

The final changes were made, and the avatar spun around in the air before settling down on the ground. It looked up, and there was a fresh gleam in its eyes. "Hello! I believe you could call me Sentience!"

Calvin stared. "Excuse me, who _exactly _are you?"

Sentience laughed. "I'm the Time Machine, silly!" She skipped over to him, and hugged him. "I've always wanted to do this!"

"What, hug me?"

"Yup!" Her eyes crossed. "This is quite cool. I've never had eyes before. It's so colorful!" She became serious. "How do you explain color to someone who can't see?"

He blinked. "...uh..."

"Nevermind!" She strolled over to a mirror and had fun staring at herself. "I'm pretty."

Calvin nodded. "Okay. How do I know you're actually the Time Machine?"

As a response, Sentience waved a hand at the ceiling. A trapdoor opened, and Jack, Rose, and Hobbes fell out. The trapdoor shut, and she continued to stare at herself.

As soon as Rose recovered, she pointed at Sentience, who was playing with her hair. "Who's she? You don't have a secret harem in here, do you?"

Calvin made a strangled noise in his throat. "She claims she's the physical manifestation of the Time Machine, and I just met her. And I don't have a harem!"

Sentience ran up to Hobbes, and buried her face in his fur. "Fuzzy!"

Hobbes shrugged. "I believe it."

"Really?" Jack asked. "Why?"

"Anything made by him would logically be insane."

Sentience grinned. "Oh, so incredibly true!" She stuck her arms out. "Hi, I'm Sentience, and I like warm hugs!"

Jack tentatively hugged her. "For some reason, I'm reluctant to flirt with her. Why is that?"

"She's insane?" offered Rose. "Also, she looks like she's about twelve."

"Thirteen," the Time Machine corrected. "And thanks!"

Calvin attempted to restore some modicum of sanity to the conversation. "If you're the Time Machine, then how come we got attacked by goldfish this morning?"

Sentience's mouth dropped open. "You did?" A tear rolled down her face. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to!"

She flung herself to the ground, sobbing. Everyone exchanged awkward looks.

"Uh..." Calvin offered. "It's okay?"

She popped up to her feet. "It is? Oh, that's a relief! I can fix all the problems easy, then!"

She concentrated hard, and closed her eyes. And then opened them five seconds later. "Fixed! That door over there should lead to the console room!"

Everyone filed over to the door, nervously glancing at each other. Thankfully, the door really did lead to the console room.  
Rose seated herself on the jump seat, and sighed. "So now we have a new member of our dysfunctional group."

Sentience pouted. "Sorry, I can't actually go out of the Time Machine. I only exist physically in here." She rapped on the wall to make her point.

Calvin tried very hard to conceal his relief. "Well, that's a shame."

She brightened. "But I can go into your watch!" A beam of light came down from the ceiling, and swallowed her up. A moment later, her voice came out from Calvin's futuristic gadget watch. "Now we can talk all the time!"

Calvin looked positively terrified. Hobbes just grinned. The human form of Sentience was now sitting on the edge of the tree house. "I can also teleport!"

A swishing noise echoed through the beams, and Sentience was now behind Jack. She poked his back cheerfully. "Hello!"

A series of teleportation noises sounded as she tested out her new-found ability. Finally, she stood next to Rose. Another swishing noise.

Rose stared. "...did you just teleport to the same spot?"

"Yup!"

Hobbes clapped his paws together. "Well, that's all nice and good, but I'm feeling rather tired right now. So, if you could just put our bedrooms in the right spot...?"

"Done," Sentience chirped. "One last thing. I think I may be able to shapeshift!"

Calvin blanched. A sentient Time Machine with reality warping, teleporting and shapeshifting powers was more than he could handle. Especially since she was a _girl._

"Uh, no, that's fine," he assured her.

"But I _want _to!" she gushed, and turned into a wolf.

Jack whistled appreciatively. "Nice."

Hobbes frowned, like he was trying to remember something. "Yeah... nice."

Calvin ran off to his bedroom, looking like he couldn't get there fast enough.

"I have a feeling we're going to be _best _friends, aren't we?" A now-human Sentience slung an arm over Rose's shoulders. "Can you help me get some clothes?"

Rose brightened at the prospect of extensive clothes browsing.

It was just another normal day in the Time Machine.

But where was Charles?

* * *

**(A/N- And so Sentience joined the Time Machine crew. **

**Next week marks the beginning of my truly epic four-part story arc which will have you screaming at the screen. At least, I hope that's what'll happen.**

**Many thanks to ElvisRules41 who bought a dinosaur plushie and named it Charles! *sends virtual hugs***

**SHAMELESS SELF-ENDORSEMENT- If you are a Whovian (which you probably are) check out He Probably Thought It Was Funny and On the Dangers of Firing Arrows, both of which have spoilers for Season 8.**

**See you in the reviews!  
**

**~Kitty)**


	23. Episode 12:1

_**Episode 12:1- Faction Paradox**_

* * *

A small cardboard box landed in a desolate wasteland. It was most definitely no place for a cardboard box. It was no place for _anything _at all.

Five minutes earlier, there had been _no sign of life_. Not even insects buzzing over the charred carcasses of various animals on the ground. If you had bravely taken a microscope and went to examine the dust, there probably wouldn't have been any bacteria living.

This was Earth.

It looked like a futuristic post-apocalyptic warzone. Perhaps the result of zombies attacking in the year 49000.

But no. This was Earth, September the 16th, 2006. Not in a parallel universe. The very same Earth that Rose Tyler had been born and raised in.

A toxic breeze swept its deadly chemicals across the landscape, causing the burnt wreck of a large bulldozer to creak and fall over. A plume of smoke drifted up lazily. If anyone had been there to choke, they would. As it happened, no one did. The sun above had long since turned yellow and acidic, and it was much hotter than it should have been.

The ruins of houses and apartment buildings were covered in dust and occasionally a festering splotch of blood.

The cardboard box, which had, up until this moment, been silent, opened up. A girl sprang out, her hair blonde and done up in a high ponytail. She landed on the uneven ground, and stumbled, not expecting it to be so rough.

"Calvin!" she shouted down, annoyed. "You got it wrong again!"

"I didn't!" protested a boy's voice. "Let me see!"

He sprang out of the box, followed by a tiger and a handsome man, who all landed next to her. The tiger pressed all four of his paws to the ground and growled. "This doesn't feel right," he said, standing up on his hind legs.

"I just wanted to go home for a bit," the blonde girl complained. "What is so horribly wrong with your driving skills that you can't do that?"

The spiky-haired boy tapped his wristwatch, and frowned. "Sentience? Can you tell us anything?"

"Sure thing," said a chirpy American voice from the watch. "Your current location is where the Powell Estates should be. It's 2006 right now. I don't have visual, though, so I can't get anything else!"

The blonde girl blanched. The handsome man patted her arm, and looked at Calvin. "Are you sure?" he directed to the watch.

"Absolutely and positively!" the watch cheered. "Why do you ask?"

"Because we're in the middle of what looks like a nuclear testing ground," the tiger replied.

The watch crackled with static for a moment.

The tiger and the boy looked at each other.

"Okay," the watch's voice was a lot more subdued now, and lacked its enthusiastic peppiness from before. "I'm double checking the readings, and I'm also extending an oxygen shield, just in case."

"Thanks," the tiger nodded.

The watch crackled again.

The blonde sat down on a charred rock and buried her face in her hands. The tiger and handsome man perched themselves next to her, and the tiger hugged her carefully. She seemed to accept the gesture as it came.

"It's going to be okay, Rose," said the tiger. "We can sort this out. Sentience might be wrong."

"Might," Rose snapped. "She _might _be wrong. What if she isn't?"

The watch beeped.

"Okay," said the watch. "We've got massive temporal flux around this area. Some sort of paradox. I can probably trace it back to its beginning."

"What about the warzone?" Rose demanded.

The watch was silent. "I'm sorry, Rose," it said. "It looks like it's been this way for at least a hundred years."

Her expression dropped. "...Mum."

From the distance, the only other living being on Earth watched as the small human girl broke down in tears. And laughed.

* * *

In the console room, Calvin marched straight up to the monitor, and swiveled it around so everyone could see. Sentience unfolded from the wall, dressed in a tight brown trench coat.

"Don't worry," Hobbes told Rose. "We can _fix _this. It's what we do."

Calvin looked at the data. "Maybe not."

Jack snorted. "Oh, way to be positive! If we can't fix it, what can we do?"

"How do we stop time itself?" Calvin asked rhetorically.

Sentience tapped Calvin on the shoulder. "Do you need a data map?"

He nodded quickly. Sentience looked up at the ceiling, and spread her arms out wide. She didn't need to actually do it, but it made her look more dramatic. The lights turned off, and a matrix of holograms turned on all around the room. It was a vast, interlocking web of threads that stretched from silver dots placed at points where more than one collided. It was mindboggling. It was gorgeous. Rose would have been freaking out over it if the situation hadn't been serious. Saving the world was all well and good, but when your mother was involved (even indirectly) it got _personal_.

"This is where we're parked right now," Calvin said, stepping into the web that was Time and pointing at a cluster of grey lines looped around a large gold point. "Time's gone crazy just about here. If we trace the lines out, we can see where the trouble started."

Everyone's eyes followed the thickest grey line across the room. It was like one of those puzzles where you have to find out which kite belongs to who. The grey thread twisted and spun about the room, until it met the center of a huge silver dot that was the size of a basketball.

Thousands of other grey lines met it, turning the dot nearly black. A dark stormy purple hung about the silver, like a malevolent wraith.

"I'm almost afraid to ask," Jack said finally. "But where is that point?"

Sentience tapped it with a finger. It wasn't a hologram to her. It was completely real. "It's the beginning of the universe. You know the Big Bang? It wasn't just a theory. It was the truth."

"And the purple mist?" Rose asked tentatively.

"Paradoxes," Hobbes answered.

Everyone gulped.

Sentience waved her hand again, and little character avatars appeared, floating around the dots. "This is us, and anyone closely related to us, in our current timeline."

Calvin's avatar was at the dot Calvin had pointed out earlier, along with Sentience, Rose, Calvin, and Jack. Surprisingly, Charles wasn't there, but no one took any notice of it. Calvin's family, along with Susie, weren't there. Neither was Charles Dickens (not surprisingly), Adam, or Harriet Jones. It looked almost like they were alone in the universe. Like everyone they knew had been destroyed.

Rose pointed to the place that was the beginning of the universe. "Look. It's Ace."

Everyone looked. It was indeed an avatar that looked exactly like Ace McShane, complete with black bomber jacket. And there was another image that looked almost exactly like a Dementor.

"Who's that?" Jack frowned at the image.

Sentience scrunched up her nose. "Accessing... accessing information... OW, GOOD LORD, that _hurts!_" she screamed suddenly, clutching her head. "No, sorry, can't get it, and my body image seems to be fading!" She flickered. "Sorry, guys. Got to go!"

She blinked out quickly, and the Time Map disappeared with her.

"That was ominous," Calvin said quietly.

Hobbes elbowed him. "No duh. Shut up now."

He shut up.

"I wonder why Ace is at the beginning of the universe," Hobbes said suddenly.

"I don't actually care," Rose snapped. "All I care about is the fact that my _mum _and everyone I've ever met are dead. Mickey is dead. Oh god. Mickey..."

Jack circled over to her, and looked her directly in the eyes. "That's why you need to _focus_. Any little thing could be important. You're no use to us if you're crying over everything. _Get a grip on yourself._"

"Well said," nodded Calvin. He began to flick switches and turn dials at a rate that Rose had never seen before. "Hold on tight, this will be _bumpy_. I've never gone this far back before."

"We should probably yell a battle cry or something," Hobbes mused.

"Geronimo?" Jack suggested.

"No. Something else. Like..."

"For the glory of the Time Empire!" Calvin declared loudly. And that was that.

* * *

Somewhere else... at the beginning of time, trouble was brewing. And not a nice sort of trouble, either.

Ace sat up woozily, attempting to get her thoughts back into order. Something had happened. Something important. She couldn't remember what it was, though; she hadn't quite got to that level of thinking.

Oh.

_Oh._

That's right.

She was checking out the reports of a world ending organization that had just recently set themselves up. A fairly routine job. She had got to the place (which looked like a war zone) and got off her motorbike.

Then something heavy and blunt had hit her over the head. And she was now... here. Which appeared to be a prison cell, making it her third cell in as many weeks.

She got up to her feet, noting that she was still a bit shaky, and rattled the door. It was firm, and she didn't have an ounce of Nitro on her. That was bad. Ace walked along the walls, pressing her hands over every nook and cranny. It was freshly done; almost as if it had been prepared for her. So was the floor. The ceiling was too high to reach.

"Hello, Ace," a quiet voice drifted from the door. She turned. There was a short figure in a Grim Reaper-type outfit standing there. The hood covered his face, making it impossible to tell who he was. He had entered without a sound. How odd.

She decided to take the offensive. "Why did you bring me here?" she demanded, curling her hands into fists.

He gave off the impression of having raised his eyebrows. "Now, if I told you _why, _well, it would ruin all the fun!"

She feinted left, then ran for the door. He stepped aside to allow her access, not even trying to block her path. She didn't notice.

The cell opened into a vast, colorful auditorium. There were pedestals in the center. Four of them, to be precise.

"What is this?" she hissed. The small figure stepped out from the cell behind her.

"Yes, quite nice, isn't it?" He surveyed the area. "This is a game I like to play! It's called 'solitaire'. Ever heard of it?"

"Give me back my bike and let me go," she seethed. "or I swear, _you will regret it._"

He laughed, and threw back his hood. Underneath was a mask, of a skull. It looked almost _too _real, eerily so. "Don't you know how to play it? In solitaire," he clicked his fingers, and a pack of black dogs stalked in from the sides. "The Ace goes up first."

She scrambled to the side of the room, attempting to get away from the dogs, which were closing in on her. "What are you _doing?_"

The figure in the mask laughed slightly. "Oh, I do love playing games."

Ace screamed as loudly as she could, not because she was scared, but so she could attract attention.

It didn't work.

Anyone around was in no condition to help, and even if they were, they simply _didn't care._

* * *

The Time Machine landed with a bump, which was surprising in itself. At the beginning of the universe, there shouldn't have been anywhere to land on. Jack was the first to exit.

"Looks like a school cafeteria," he called back, tapping a foot on the ground.

"So, it's safe, then?" Rose asked, coming out.

"Yeah, perfectly safe- HEY!"

The 'hey' was due to the person with a skull mask on that had just grabbed him from behind and shoved a chloroform-covered rag over his mouth. He struggled for a few seconds before passing out.

"Calvin!" Rose yelled. "There's someone out here-!"

Another skull-masked person covered her nose and mouth with a cloth as well.

"Yeah?" Hobbes asked, still inside the Time Machine. "What is it?"

Rose didn't respond, on account of her being unconscious.

"You'd better not be getting kidnapped and dragged away," Calvin complained. Up in the cafeteria, the two people in masks stuffed Jack and Rose into bags and dragged them out of the room.

Hobbes sprang up from the box and landed elegantly on the linoleum floor. "Rose? Jack?"

Calvin brushed himself off, having landed rather ignobly on his rear end. "Where are they?"

"Not here, it looks like," Hobbes replied. "Do you think they were captured somehow?"

Calvin snorted. "Rose? Most definitely. She's a trouble magnet."

"Which way did they go, though?"

They searched the room. It was a cafeteria in every detail, even down to the food steaming in the trays in front of the kitchen. It was _cafeteria food, _which is to say... meatloaf.

It was almost as if all the kids at Calvin's school had suddenly decided to get up from their meal and go somewhere else in the middle of lunchtime. The plates were set out, and the drinks were poured.

The only thing missing was the humans. But the big question was, why would there be a cafeteria at the beginning of the universe? And how did it get there?  
Hobbes's keen eyes picked out a tiny gleaming sphere that had rolled under a table. He scrambled over to it, and held it up. "This is from Rose's necklace!"

Calvin viewed the bead, and nodded. Rose had been wearing a fairly cheap-looking necklace that morning. "Maybe it split," he suggested. "We could follow the beads."

In Calvin's school, the door on the far west end usually led to the hallway where his classroom was. Here, at the beginning of the universe, it opened up into a massive amphitheater with at least a hundred doors place around the room.

Calvin took one look at it, and groaned.

Hobbes simply tilted his head slightly.

"Well," he said finally. "At least we aren't starved for decision."

* * *

Rose and Jack regained consciousness on a giant chessboard. They were on opposite ends, and seated in the places the black and white king would be.

Rose was on the white side.

Jack was on the black side.

Around them were massive chess pieces, fifty times the size of normal ones.

"Hello," said a smooth voice. "So nice of you to join us."

Rose jerked her head up towards the voice. A hooded figure was lounging in a comfortable seat that was suspended high above the board. It was wearing a mask, just like the people who had captured them.

"What is this place?" she demanded, attempting to step off her square. Electricity crackled, and she fell back, shocked.

The figure chuckled quietly. "I wouldn't advise that. Oh, it is a bit late for that, isn't it?" It shrugged. "Anyhow, I think you remember the chess scene from _Harry Potter_?"

Rose did, almost subconsciously. "Wait, you want us to play chess?"

The mask-person scoffed. "Not just any chess. _Wizard _chess."

Jack raised a hand. "I'm sorry, how do you do that?"

"Like this." The figure raised a hand. "Knight to B3!"

One of the white knights sprang to life, tossing its head back and jumping to the third row, where it became marble again.

"You know how to play chess," the figure added. "So it shouldn't be too hard for you."

"Why do you want us to play chess, though?" Jack asked. The figure cackled.

"Entertainment! I do like playing games, don't you?"

Rose looked at the rows of pieces. "Usually when we're not being threatened by electric shocks, yeah."

The figure clapped its hands together. "But _that's _half the _fun!_"

Rose and Jack looked at each other, and then stared up at the figure. "What happens if we don't play?" Jack wondered.

"Zap!" the person in the mask giggled. "But at a higher setting!"

Rose gulped. "Pawn to G4."

The massive piece moved forwards, and the person sitting high up in the chair twitched with excitement.

Jack looked at the board. "Knight to C6. If we're going to be playing this, what's your name? Who are you?"

The figure behind the mask clasped its fingers together. "You may call me... Grandfather."

The knight leapt forwards and landed with a _clunk_.

* * *

Hobbes had decided to try the age-old tradition of standing in the middle of the amphitheatre, spinning around with your eyes shut, and pointing.

His paw landed on a small, sapphire blue door that looked like something from out of fairyland. Coincidentally, there was a pile of small beads in front of it.

"I don't like coincidences," Calvin announced with a frown. "It usually means someone's playing with me."

Nevertheless, he walked over to the door, and entered through it with Hobbes trailing behind. His foot slipped, and he landed on his butt for the second time that day. Instead of staying there, though, he began to slip forwards.

It was a slide.

Calvin brightened instantly. He _liked _slides. The slide seemed simple enough. It was a bit longer and steeper than usual. He turned halfway to glance behind him. "Hobbes?"

"EEEK," came the response.

Calvin nodded in agreement, and turned back, just in time to see the dizzying drop in front of them.

"EEEK!" Calvin agreed, slightly more loudly, and plunged downwards. The slide continued for a few metres, before slewing wildly to the side, then going up. "WHEE!" he decided when the tunnel began to spin around in a corkscrew motion, and then- "MOTHER!" when it appeared to end completely in front of him.

Fortunately, there was a swimming pool for him to land in. Unfortunately, he bellyflopped.

Hobbes splashed into the pool, too. He emerged, sputtering, onto the poolside area, and shook himself vigorously.

"I thought cats were supposed to _like _water," Calvin commented. Hobbes groaned.

"We do? Well, I've suddenly gone off it. Imagine that."

They looked around. Calvin was still soaking wet, and flicked a bit of water off his head. They were in a swimming pool. But not just any swimming pool. It was an exact replica of the community swimming pool that had been near their house. Hobbes frowned, puzzled.

"It looks like we have a fan club."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, these rooms all look like places we've been to."

He thought for a moment. The tiger was absolutely right.

* * *

"Pawn takes bishop at F5," Rose stated calmly, viewing the board, and weighing up her options. The pawn sprang into life, and viciously smashed the bishop to pieces, tearing it up, sending a billowing cloud of white dust all over the board.

It kicked the shattered marble off to the side, and stood perfectly still again.

Rose's calm facade crumpled like rice paper, and she stared, horrified. It was the first piece that had been taken all game.

Above, 'Grandfather' leaned back. "Well, this makes it interesting, doesn't it?"

To win a game of chess, you had to take the other side's king. And both Jack and Rose were placed as the kings. So, to win the game... they'd have to kill the other.

Jack looked at Rose. "What should we do?"

Grandfather wagged a finger. "Uh-uh. No talking. Just play. Or... zap!"

Jack gulped, and prepared to make his move.

* * *

**(A/N- **

***jumps up and down because the finale has _started!_***

**Right, to anyone who watched the Season Eight Finale- OH MY GOD OSGOOD NO.**

**That is all.**

**Can I just say, I actually _squealed _when I saw that I had hit 50 reviews. It's like, my lifelong dream to get that many. And I managed it in 23 chapters! ^_^**

**If you enjoyed, please drop a review!**

**~Kitty)**


	24. Episode 12:2

_**Episode 12:2- Faction Paradox**_

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes set off through the rooms of the beginning of the universe, and found that Hobbes was absolutely right. The whole place was a mimicry of Calvin's life.

His classroom was there. They hurried quickly past that one.

His living room, complete with a TV that Hobbes had to drag him away from.

The supermarket, where they quickly stuffed themselves with cookies before remembering that Rose and Jack were possibly in deadly danger.

The library near his house.

Even the stupid island that his dad always dragged him to on camping trips. It was creepy. It was surreal. It was like they had a stalker that was faithfully recreating every place Calvin had ever visited.

"Remember the second Transmogrifier Gun?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin brought the original from his pocket, and Hobbes held the copy up. They were still identical. It wasn't even a duplicate, which would have reverted back to its original form by now.

Calvin looked up. "You think it has something to do with this?"

"Think? I know it has something to do with this."

The next room they entered was wildly different in design. It was cold, sleek, metallic and clinical. Most importantly, it had a computer terminal, which Hobbes promptly sat down at, and began to type into.

"Do you know how to hack?" he asked without looking up.

Calvin seated himself on the chair next to him. "No. Do you?"

"I kinda assumed that we could figure it out together. It needs a password."

Calvin looked around, searching for inspiration. "Well, the first thing I'd use for a password would be 'Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs', but..."

Hobbes typed that in. A green smiley face popped up.

"We're in," he grinned.

Calvin stared, dumbstruck. "How did you-?"

"Since everything around here's about you, it's only logical that the password would be about you, too. What are we looking for?"

"What is this place?"

The operating system was some weird mixture of Windows 8.1 and IOS 4, which made it slightly difficult to navigate. But soon enough, rows of text were scrolling across the screen.

"It's called Faction Paradox, the group that made this place," Hobbes said, sorting through the information as he went. "Holds about a hundred people at a time, but is currently occupied by about 25."

"Faction Paradox?" Calvin peeked over his friend's shoulder. "Well, that doesn't sound good."

"No, it doesn't." He tapped at the keys. "Their main aim is to... create paradoxes."

Calvin frowned. "Shouldn't there be some of those paradox dogs around, then?"

"Probably. This whole place is shielded, though."

Calvin crossed his arms, and stared at the ceiling. "What point does causing paradoxes achieve? They're basically causing people to never exist. Why?"

"Fear?" Hobbes suggested. "Confusion? Empty spaces in the parking lot next door?"

"Or..." Calvin wrinkled his nose, then his expression dropped. "Oh, holy pole jumping cow on a pogo stick."

"What is it?"

Calvin looked down at him slowly. "This whole place is based around me. They're trying to get us here. They kidnapped Jack and Rose; they were expecting us. They used Ace as bait."

"Which suggests that we should get out of here as fast as possible," concluded Hobbes.

"Yes."

"But we're not going to."

"No, we're not. We _aren't _going to leave Ace, Jack and Rose here. We're going to get them out." He tossed the Transmogrifier Gun to Hobbes. "Turn yourself into a bulldozer. We're smashing through the walls."

* * *

Rose took Jack's bishop with a large, loud smashing of black marble. The thin layer of grey dust covered the board again. Rose's clothes were ruined, and she was pretty sure Jack's were too, but she didn't dare look up.

She was too busy _concentrating._

Mickey had taught her how to play chess one day after maths class, and once he had explained the rules she was pretty darn good at it. She had even come second place in the school chess tournament. But this time, she wasn't playing to win. If she won, Jack would die.

There was only one way for both of them to get out of this alive. They'd have to meet in a stalemate.

She looked up briefly at Jack, who tapped his lips with two fingers. She tilted her head quizzically as he made his move.

He tapped his lips again.

_What? _she mouthed.

He nodded. And it came to her, in a flash. Jack could read lips.

She moved a pawn forwards.

He mimed pointing at himself, and then at the chess board. He shook his head.

_You can't play chess? _she asked silently. He nodded. He pointed at her, then at himself.

_You want me to give you instructions, _she clarified, as he took the pawn with another pawn. He nodded frantically.

She took a deep breath in. _Move your queen forwards two, _she instructed, making sure to mouth clearly. He did.

She took his queen.

He then, under her guidance, took _her _queen. She moved her rooks out into vulnerable positions, and so did he. They took each others.

They continued the game in this way, taking pieces, until only they were left on the board. The two kings.

Rose chanced a look upwards. Grandfather was leaning on his elbows, watching the game carefully. He noticed Rose looking at him, and lowered the mask slightly to wink at her. She caught a glimpse of glittering, calculating, obsidian black eyes, and shuddered.

The game was nearly over. All they had to do was move back and forth for about twenty or so turns.

They walked around the board for a bit until Grandfather sighed. "Fine. Stalemate."

Rose felt like cheering, but reserved that emotion until they were out of the danger zone.

"I suppose you want me to let you go?" he asked.

Rose and Jack locked eyes. Yes, that was exactly what they wanted. But it wasn't even remotely likely.

Grandfather sighed. "Oh, well. Off you trot."

And he disappeared. Dematerialized out of existence.

Rose raised a tentative foot, and stepped off the board. Nothing happened. She shrugged, and motioned for Jack to follow her.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes were actually having quite a lot of fun, considering they were in deadly danger at the moment. Crashing through walls in bulldozer mode is fun no matter _what's _happening.

The rooms blurred together, until they got to a door marked 'Solitaire'. Calvin turned back, and looked at the bulldozer-Hobbes.

"What do you think's in there?"

Hobbes turned back as well, and shrugged. "Dunno. A paradox dog, whoever's behind this whole thing, a laser weapon armoury, or maybe a pack of cards."

Calvin, in all honesty, preferred the last option. He pushed open the door.

Inside, there were four pedestals, lit up by a separate colored light. The blue, green, and red platforms were empty. In the yellow one, however was Ace, floating in mid-air, looking peaceful with her eyes shut.

Hobbes dashed over to the base of the pedestal, and stared at the three switches that were there. "What do we do?"

"Get her down," Calvin said cheerfully, fiddling with a switch. "All I have to do is disconnect the regulator valves from the T switches."

Hobbes looked at him anxiously. "Are you sure? You might fry her brain by accident."

Calvin flicked all three switches up at once. "I have no idea what I'm doing. I just made up those terms to make you feel better."

Hobbes's mouth dropped open.

The yellow light flashed pink, and turned off. Ace tumbled to the ground in a heap.

"There," Calvin said, sounding satisfied. "Are you impressed with me?"

"You could have killed her!"  
"Yes, but I didn't. I'll ask again. Are you impressed with me?"

Ace groaned, and pushed herself up. "I'm impressed with you," she volunteered. "Thanks for that, by the way."

Hobbes groaned. "Fine. I'm impressed." He looked at Ace, who was dusting herself off. "How did you get in here."

She blinked. "...that little creep threw me into a stasis beam!"

Calvin sighed. "We got that much. What little creep?"

Ace gestured wildly with her hands. "He was tiny, really. And he had a skull mask on. And he was annoying."

"That could be anyone," Hobbes pointed out.

"No, it couldn't," Calvin said. "He's the person who's currently at the beginning of the universe. How many people can do that?"

"You can," pointed out Ace rather logically.

"Yeah, but he can't be me. That would be ridiculous," Calvin said. "They're a group organized into creating paradoxes. Heck, they've already remotely destroyed future Earth already."

"_They've destroyed Earth?_" Ace exclaimed.

Hobbes banged his head against his paw. This was going to take a heck of a lot of explaining.

Just then, a trapdoor opened underneath Calvin. With a startled yelp, he disappeared down...

* * *

Rose and Jack walked carefully across the chessboard, past the shattered remains of their marble armies. Rose patted the muzzle that was all that remained off a white knight.

Even though they weren't alive, really, they still had made sacrifices.

"So," Jack said eventually. "We're at the end of the world. What do we do?"

"We get to Calvin and Hobbes," Rose said decisively. "and we figure out what the heck is going on."

Jack nodded, and they walked out the open doors together.

"You really do love them, don't you?" he said after a moment.

Rose started. "What?"

"Calvin and Hobbes. You love them, not romantically, but as friends." Jack knew all about love, about all sorts of love. It kind of came with the idea of being from the 51st century. All the customs there were different from 21st century ideas and beliefs.

Rose scowled. "Calvin is a jerk."

"But you're best friends."

She snorted; they continued on in silence for a bit. "Yeah, s'pose we are. A bit."

Jack just smiled.

"Yeah, he's a bit like my little brother." Rose tilted her head. "I don't have a little brother. He's my surrogate little brother."

Calvin fell down from the roof and landed on her head.

"And he's just as annoying," she continued, slightly muffled by her current position on the ground.

Jack looked on, slightly wistfully. "I wish I had a little brother."

"No, you _don't_," Rose snapped, flinging Calvin off. He scrambled up, blinked twice, and then stared directly at Rose.

"Oh, great!" he said cheerfully. "I've found you. I've been looking for you everywhere. You got away from the chess set, then?"

"Yeah..." Jack said slowly. "How did you find out about that?"

"I'm clever," Calvin said, nodding assertively. "I'm a very clever person."

Rose looked uncertain. "Well... what are we going to do?"

"We're going to get Hobbes and Ace, _obviously,_" Calvin snorted, and turned around. "Keep up, Rose. And you too, Jack. We have _stuff _to do."

It was all rather sudden. Rose followed instantly. Jack lingered for a moment before tagging along too.

"I left them along this passageway," Calvin told them. "We split up."

"You _split up_?" Rose looked incredulous. "Why would you do something stupid like that?"

Jack looked puzzled. "Well, what's wrong with splitting up?"

"Haven't you ever watched _Scooby Doo_?"

"No," Jack said, completely honestly.

"I did," volunteered Calvin from way up in front of them. "A long time ago. Wasn't there a dog involved?"

"There is," Rose said. "And there's a lot of foiling evil plots that are typically cliched. You can be Shaggy and Hobbes can be Scooby."

"Isn't Scooby the dog?" Calvin frowned.

"Yup," Rose said, pleased.

"What about me?" Jack interjected.

"You're Fred. And Ace is Velma, probably. If Velma liked explosives and blowing up things. That means I'm Daphne."

"Daphne's self absorbed and a fashion geek, isn't she?" Calvin protested. "That's not you."

"Yes, it is," Rose said proudly. "I'm self absorbed."

"You say that like it's a good thing."

She blinked. "Well, it is. Occasionally."

He sighed. "Rose, seriously..."

She looked at him oddly.

"Wait a moment," said Jack, who had only caught up. "This 'Fred'. Is he handsome?"

Rose slotted straight back to fangirl mode. "Well," she said, grinning brightly. "it's stated in some books that he and Daphne began dating later and eventually married."

Jack grinned back. "Wanna get onto that later?"

"Shut up," Calvin requested, not looking back at them.

Jack and Rose continued to flirt lightly all the way down the hall, mainly just to annoy Calvin, even though he didn't react much. He seemed to know where he was going, which was a bonus, because Rose certainly didn't.

"Where are we going?" Jack asked in a lull between suggestive comments.

"It's a secret," Calvin replied somewhat childishly. "Wait and see."

Rose grumbled quietly, but didn't say anything _that _loud, because sometimes Calvin was interesting. Well, he was interesting pretty much all of the time.

And at the very least, she might get to hear the villain of the week say 'and I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!'

_That _would be awesome.

It wasn't remotely likely, though.

"Where are we going?" Rose asked Calvin again. He rolled his eyes.

"Oh, you people. You always ask questions! You think you're the forces of the universe! You probably are. I could make a list..."

"A list?" Rose asked.

Jack nodded happily. "The great forces of the universe. Napoleon, Caesar, Hitler, Katniss, Rose Tyler, and the list goes on!"

Rose stared. "You put me on a list with Hitler."

"Yes, I did, but you also need to remember that I put you on a list with Katniss Everdeen as well."

"She's a fictional character! And you put me on a list with _Hitler._"

"I put you on a list with Caesar, too."

"He was a vicious Roman conqueror who murdered several people! _And,_ you _put me on a list with Hitler._"

"I don't get why you're so angry with me."

She glared at him so hard that it felt like her eyeballs would burst. They walked for a few more steps.

Calvin, ahead, had disappeared around the corner. Rose and Jack hurried forwards a few steps in order to keep up.

And stopped.

And stared.

There, in front of them, were not one, but _two _Calvins. Rose's mouth dropped open.

"Hi," said the one on the left.

"Hello," said the one of the right.

They were identical in every way. Their hair had the same number of spikes. Their shirts had the same number of stripes. They had the same identical, curious expression.

It was the most terrifying thing Rose had ever seen.

"There's two of you?" she exclaimed, horrified.

"Well," frowned the one on the left. "_technically, _no. One of us isn't real."

"I'm perfectly real!" exclaimed the one on the right. "Rose, don't listen to him..."

"What do you mean!" the other one snapped irritably. "I'm _obviously _the real one. You're just a _fake._"

"Shut up!" the one on the right who shall henceforth be known as Calvin One to avoid confusion yelled. "It's _obvious _that I'm real."

"He's using italics more than I am," Calvin Two whispered confidentially to Jack and Rose. "That's one of the sure signs of a fake."

Jack covered his face with his hands. "Oh, dear god..."

"Two Calvins in one place," Rose sighed. "I don't think the universe can take the sudden increase of ego."

Both Calvins stopped and glared at her. "Hey!" they exclaimed together.

Rose took the mental equivalent of a slow, deep, calming breath, and looked up. "How do we figure out which one of you is the real one?"

"But I'm the real one!" they said together, then poked a finger in each other's faces. "Stop copying me."

"Ask them questions only he would know the answer to," Jack suggested.

"What's Rule 21?" Rose asked instantly.

"Don't aggravate the evil dictator's army," they chorused.

Rose and Jack looked at each other. "That's right, right?" Jack asked.

"...yeah."

"Damn."

"Who do you ship, as of last week?" she tried again.

"Hermione and Luna," said Calvin Two, annoyed. "I really don't like people stealing my image. It makes me want to do _this!_"

He ripped at Calvin One's hair. All it achieved was Calvin One screaming loudly in pain. "What was that meant to do?"

Calvin Two glared. "You don't have a wig on!"

"Of course I don't, you moron! _You're _the fake!"

Rose held her hands up. "We aren't going to get anywhere this way, Calvin!"

"Which one?" Calvin One asked innocently, grinning mischievously.

"_Both of you,_" Jack sighed.

"If you are really Calvin," Rose addressed Calvin One. "then where's Hobbes?"

He hesitated for a split second. "We split up."

Rose raised a hand. "Ah! Don't split up! Scooby Doo, remember?"

"I watched an episode of that last week," Calvin Two chimed in.

Jack grinned. "And the plot thickens."

Rose pointed at Calvin Two. "So, _you _claim that you watched Scooby Doo last week." She pointed at Calvin One. "and _you_ said you watched it a long time ago."

They both nodded.

Rose looked like she was about to slam her head into a wall, but instead poked the nearest Calvin in the chest. "You feel real."

"I am real," he said. "So is he."

"So are you a duplicate of me or something?" asked Calvin Two.

"Are _you _a duplicate of _me_?" Calvin One retorted.

"Why don't we let _her _pick?" Calvin Two asked, poking a finger at Rose.

"Because Rose is oh so trustworthy," the other snarked quietly.  
"She is," Jack put in.

"I am!" Rose exclaimed. "But I can't pick!"

"You can!" Calvin One said earnestly. "I _trust _you, Rose."

She looked uncertainly between the two. Who could she pick? They were identical.

Jack patted her on the back, but said nothing.

* * *

**(A/N**

**Welcome back. There isn't much to say, apart from 'if you read Skulduggery Pleasant, check out my two new fics!'**

**Otherwise, leave a review!**

**In the review, tell me which Calvin you think is the real one, and why. I want to know how well I've done with my plots. I think, for once, I just wanted to write something more complicated then _Death Note._**

**Kitty)**


	25. Episode 13:1

_**Episode 13:1- Bad Wolf**_

* * *

"_So are you a duplicate of me or something?" asked Calvin Two._

"_Are you a duplicate of me?" Calvin One retorted._

"_Why don't we let her pick?" Calvin Two asked, poking a finger at Rose._

"_Because Rose is oh so trustworthy," the other snarked quietly.  
_"_She is," Jack put in._

"_I am!" Rose exclaimed. "But I can't pick!"_

"_You can!" Calvin One said earnestly. "I trust you, Rose."_

_She looked uncertainly between the two. Who could she pick? They were identical._

_Jack patted her on the back, but said nothing._

* * *

"There are days," Rose said quietly. "When I absolutely hate the world and everything in it. This is not one of those days. Today, I hate the whole bloody _universe_."

She looked between the two Calvins. "How do I pick? It's impos-"

And then it clicked. "_Oh,_" she breathed. "Well, that's... great."

"What is it?" asked Jack. Rose grinned.

"I can pick now." She pointed at Calvin One. "You."

"Yes?" he said, turning around. "What?"

"You said you trust me."

He nodded frantically. "I _do!_"

She began to laugh. "Wow, you really did make a good copy, however you did it. You got everything down perfectly. The clothes, the mannerisms, even the..." she looked at his hair, quirking an eyebrow. "...hair. But you got one thing wrong."

"Do tell," Calvin Two smiled, looking directly at her.

She tapped Calvin One's shoulder sharply. "I know Calvin pretty well. And the one thing he'd never tell me is the fact that he trusts me. He doesn't. And even if he did, he'd never say it."

It was one of the constants of the universe. Aliens will attack, the Earth will be saved, stars will be born, galaxies will die, and Calvin will never trust Rose Tyler.

Both of them knew it.

Calvin One scowled. And Hobbes and Ace burst in.

"There's two of them now?" Hobbes yelled loudly, more from shock than anything. Jack sighed.

"We've been through this. One of them is fake. Rose figured it out."

Ace tilted her head. "How did you do it?"

"It was easy," Rose began, and Ace shook her head.

"No, how did the fake copy Calvin? It makes no sense."

Calvin One, who by now had given up on trying to pretend he was the real Calvin, sighed. "I suppose you want me to tell you?"

"Yes," said everyone together.

The fake reached carefully up to his eyes, and pulled away two contact lenses. His eyes were no longer piercing blue, like a shard of sea glass. They were a deep black that was like the bottom of the ocean, where the angler fish swim.

"Hello," he said. Rose visibly stumbled back a step.

"Wait," she protested. "How is that... who..."

He crossed his arms. "I'm Grandfather, if that's what you're asking."

"THAT MAKES NO SENSE!" Ace screamed. "You're Calvin, and then you're Grandfather, who looks exactly like Calvin...!"

"I _am _Calvin!" Grandfather/Calvin One growled.

The other (real) Calvin raised his hand. "Uh, no. I'm pretty sure _I _am, since we established that five seconds ago."

"Does it feel like the universe is broken?" Hobbes asked to no one in particular. "or just this small part of it?"

"It's always like this," said Jack slowly. "At least, I think so."

"Who _are _you?" asked the real Calvin.

Grandfather smiled pleasantly. "I'm sure you and everyone else would _love _to know. Very well. I'm you."

There was a stunned silence.

"Makes no sense," Jack said cheerfully. "Try again."

"I'm Calvin. From the future."

"Still makes no sense," Rose sighed. "If you were, then why did you attempt homicide via wizard chess?"

"I'm evil," Grandfather said happily.

"You're evil Calvin," said Hobbes, deadpan. "That sounds like a bad fanfiction episode. I suppose you're from a mirror dimension?"

"No, actually," he frowned. "I'm from the future."

"You're evil me from the future," Calvin sighed. "Right. How are we supposed to believe that?"

"Plastic shop dummies, end of the Earth, zombies and Charles Dickens, aliens at 10 Downing Street, Daleks, Dischordia being eaten, Rose's dad, and creepy chanting children," Grandfather rattled off promptly.

"The real question is," Rose interjected. "Why are you evil? You seem fine to me."

Grandfather threw his hands up wildly. "Because I want to destroy the universe!"

Ace stared. "...yeah, that's evil."

He giggled a bit. "It is, isn't it?"

"You're also insane," put in Rose, also staring.

Calvin (the real one) stepped up to his future self, and glared at him fiercely. "I'd never be evil, and you know that. I'd never want to destroy the universe. Why?"

"Spoilers," Grandfather/Calvin smirked.

For some reason, that sounded like a bad TV line.

"But I can tell you," he continued. "it happens _right now_. It happens _today_. You begin to destroy the universe _today_."

"Not going to happen," Calvin frowned. "If I decide not to become evil, or whatever you are, you're just going to blink out of existence. You won't be any more than an idea or a possible future."

Future Calvin/Evil Calvin/Grandfather simply smiled.

Rose, meanwhile, had been busy figuring out something. It was very important, she knew. And then she realised it. "Wait. If you're from his future, then what about us? Where's Hobbes? Where am I?"

Future Calvin grinned even wider, showing pointed teeth that the current Calvin definitely didn't have. "I killed Hobbes."

Hobbes took a step back. "No."

"Yup. I enjoyed it. I have a rather nice tigerskin rug now."

Calvin looked slightly sick.

"And," Future Calvin continued. "I threw Jack into a molecular reconverter. It was fun watching him scream."

Jack grimaced. "Those are outlawed in most of the universe."

"I know!" Future Calvin twirled around a bit. "I'm such a bad boy. As for Miss McShane there... I turned her into my breakfast. She tastes good as Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs."

"You can't use the Transmogrifier Gun for _that_," seethed Calvin. "It's cannibalism."

"It's not. I'm half-tiger now, so it really, really, isn't. I used Hobbes's DNA for a transfer."

Rose's eyes were wide in horror, and her face twisted with disgust. "You're sick. You're really, really sick. Calvin would never do that. You're _lying_."

Future Calvin smirked. "You haven't even asked what I do to you."

Rose was silent for a moment, looking down at the floor. Then she stared up at him. "What did you do to me?"

In response, he clicked his fingers, and a door from down the hallway swung open. Golden light spilled out, filling every crack and crevice. Ethereal singing filed throughout the room.

"_I remember this_," said a drifty voice that still had a hint of London accent to it. "_I was watching from over there. I don't want to do this._"

"Hurry up, dear," sang the Future Calvin. "Don't keep our guests waiting!"

"_I don't want to do this,_" the drifty voice said again. "_I don't want this to happen_."

Ace clapped a hand to her mouth. "Is that-"

"Come in, _now,_" Future Calvin snapped.

Another Rose, surrounded in a glowing golden aura, floated into the room. Her eyes were closed, and her expression was serene, apart from stress lines stretching from the corners of her eyes. Her hair span around her in a blonde halo, long and spreading out. She looked beautiful, but not happy at all.

"I made her insane," Future Calvin giggled. "Isn't this fun?"

The current Rose stretched out her hand. "This is so creepy," she whispered.

Hobbes looked stonily at the future version of his friend, who seemed to be muttering nonsense to herself. "What did you do to her?"

The Future Calvin bounced up and down. "I threw her into the Time Vortex!"

"You threw Rose into the Time Vortex?" yelled Jack. "No one can survive that!"

Future Calvin held up two fingers. "Uh-uh. Two things. One. She obviously did, although she's... oh, you know, mentally disbalanced now."

Rose paled a bit.

"And two. She's not Rose anymore. She has a new name. She's the Bad Wolf."

"_I see Time and Space,_" Future Rose sighed, almost like a song. "_I see everything that ever was and everything that will ever be. The universe, looping over and over, in the dance of ages. It's beautiful and horrible and wonderful and terrible. Stars and galaxies are born. Life always survives. Always. Life will always exist, from the beginning of Time to the very end of it._"

"I don't want to be like that," Rose whispered. Her future was insanity, if nothing happened.

Calvin moved over next to her, and gripped her hand tightly. "Don't worry. We have this covered."

"Bad Wolf," Hobbes said slowly. "I've heard that before."

* * *

_Rose laughed and elbowed him in his ribs, standing up as well. "Come on, I can see a place. It's called..." she squinted. "...the Malo Lupo. Wonder what that means."_

"_No idea. I'm not Google Translate or something."_

* * *

Rose nodded. "No, I've heard it too. Remember, in 1869?"

* * *

"_I see..." she hummed. "You're from London. I've seen London in drawings, but never like that. All those people rushing about half naked, for shame. And the noise, and the metal boxes racing past, and the birds in the sky, no, they're metal as well. Metal birds with people in them. People are flying. And you, you've flown so far. Further than anyone. The things you've seen. The darkness, the big bad wolf!" She gasped, and sat upright. _

* * *

"Bad Wolf," Calvin said softly. "The words. They're following us."

* * *

"'_FD'?" Rose asked, holding Hobbes back from jumping out of the wagon._

"'_Flow Dab'."_

"_Where did that come from?"_

"_Someone graffitied it on the handle of the wagon," Calvin said, pointing. "Wonder what it means?"_

* * *

"_Gahh..." Calvin gasped. "Did someone get the number of that mutant hippopotamus?"_

"_BW1254," supplied Rose, flopping her arms wildly._

* * *

"Why, though?" Hobbes wondered. "And how?"

* * *

"_Security coding Bad Wolf One," said Van Statten quietly to a guard, who nodded in recognition, and keyed that code into an access panel._

* * *

Ace straightened up. "I mentioned it. Why did I say it? I can't even remember..."

* * *

_Ace grinned. "See you, Blondie. And don't be afraid of the Big Bad Wolf."_

_Before Rose could ask what she meant, she had already dashed off. _

* * *

"And Sentience said it, too," added Jack.

* * *

"_Uh, no, that's fine," he assured her._

"_But I want to!" she gushed, and turned into a wolf. _

* * *

Future Rose's eyelids flickered. "_Time is shifting_," she said.

Future Calvin turned to her. "What does that mean?" But she didn't say anything else.

Calvin's watch beeped. He looked down at it. A smiley face was flashing cheerily. _Fixed! _scrolled across the screen. He nudged Hobbes, removing the watch and passing it to his tiger friend.

"Hey there," Hobbes said quietly into the watch, pressing it into his ear like a mobile phone.

"Hi!" chirped Sentience. "All systems back online. That's good, right? How's the fate of the universe?"

Hobbes glanced up at the Future Calvin, who was ranting insanely at Bad Wolf Rose. "Uh... debatable."

"Would this happen to have anything with the fact that the Earth in Rose's natural timeline happens to be collapsing in on itself?" Sentience wondered. Hobbes instantly started paying attention.

"What?"

"It is, if that's what you're wondering."

Calvin was now engaging in a vicious argument with his future self.

"Sentience," Hobbes began. "would it be possible to teleport Ace, Calvin, Rose, Jack and myself into the Time Machine? Possibly instantly?"

"Give me a minute. Be ready"

The watch beeped, and she went offline. Hobbes tossed the watch over to Calvin, who caught it without even looking up.

"_Time is unravelling,_" Bad Wolf said.

"This is it," Future Calvin told his past self. "In about an hour, you're going to make the decision to destroy the universe."  
"Don't think so," Calvin replied, casually strapping his watch back on. "Why are you calling yourself Grandfather, by the way?"

"I think the Captain can answer that one," he said, looking at Jack. He sighed.

"Have you heard of the Grandfather Paradox?" he asked the group as a whole.

_One minute,_ Hobbes mouthed to Calvin, who nodded.

When everyone shook their heads, Jack continued on. "It's when a time traveller goes back and kills their grandfather, or another very close relative. If you kill your grandfather, you never could have existed, and so never could have gone back to kill your grandfather in the first place. Thus, the paradox."

"I killed my own grandfather," Future Calvin confided happily. "It's something I always wanted to try."

The teleport activated, and for a moment, there was a dizzying rush of color, light, and sensation. And then they were in the Time Machine.

"Connection achieved," said Sentience bouncing up and down. She was holding two cables together. "What evil megalomaniac did you anger this time?"

* * *

"So, let me get this straight," sighed Ace a minute later. "Your evil future self killed, murdered, or generally drove insane all of our future selves because something's going to happen in the next hour to turn you evil."

"Right," said Calvin.

"Meanwhile," Ace turned to Rose. "You've been driven insane by the Time Vortex and have taken on the alias 'Bad Wolf' which is somehow spread throughout your timeline for some unknown reason."

"Yeah," nodded Rose.

"And the Earth is going to destroy itself if you don't turn evil in the next hour because of some paradox loop, and if you _do _turn evil the Earth will be destroyed anyway because you'll kill your own grandfather."

Jack nodded as well. "That seems like all of it."

"Great," Ace groaned. "Just... wanted to clear that up. Should I be surprised that this actually makes sense to me?"

"Probably not," grimaced Hobbes. "Our only _real _issue is not turning Calvin evil and somehow managing to cause the timelines to collapse at the same time."

"How did he turn evil in the first place?" asked Rose rather sensibly. "If we know how it started, we can prevent it."

Everyone turned to look at Sentience. She was fixing her frizzy brown hair back in a tight ponytail. She glanced up, and her shoulders drooped. "Why do _I _have to have all the answers?"

"You're the Time Machine," Hobbes told her. "It's your job to know stuff."

"Scan the next hour for the most temporal activity," Jack suggested. She nodded, closed her eyes, and appeared to concentrate hard.

She was probably doing some weird type of interface with the Time Machine hard drive, Rose thought. And then Sentience began to hum the chorus of _Wonderwall _under her breath, and Rose gave up on trying to figure out what the small girl was doing.

"Got it," Sentience said after a moment, opening her eyes. "I can probably do a projection."

She waved her hand, and a spotlight swung around to rest on a projection wall that had rolled down from the ceiling. The light formed into a picture, that began to move.

Two Calvins, glaring at each other. No one nearby. They began to fight.

("Sorry," said Sentience, almost apologetically. "No sound.")

They shoved, bit, scratched, and fought like animals. One of them, the one with startlingly blue eyes yelled something. It looked loud.

Then, the other Calvin shoved the first one against a wall, and said something, before pulling both Transmogrifier Guns out of his pockets. He tucked one into his pocket, and then put the other on a shelf. He pressed a button on the wall, and the floor dropped open, just in front of the original Calvin, who stumbled back a few steps. The other Calvin smirked, and pushed him.

Down.

Down.

He fell into the empty black void below.

"Have a nice trip," said the remaining Calvin on screen, turning to look directly at the camera.

"I thought you said that it had no sound!" Jack exclaimed, pointing at Sentience.

"It doesn't," she replied, looking puzzled. "It _shouldn't_."

Calvin shuddered. "This isn't looking good for me, is it?"

"No."

"Nope."

"Sorry."

"It isn't."

"It really, really, isn't."

"You're screwed," Sentience summarized. "But don't worry! We're very good at being helpful."

"We need a plan," Calvin decided. "A really good plan, with complex side twists."

Everyone there immediately began working on miniature plans inside their heads. Calvin recognized that everyone in the room was brilliant in their own way, and decided to let them think things through. It would be better than forcing them to plan there and then on the spot. After a moment, everyone glanced up, each with their own questions.

"Can there be explosives?" Ace asked hopefully.

Hobbes brightened. "Can I pounce someone? Preferably a bad guy?"

"Do you have weapons?" Jack wondered.

"Are we going to get Earth back?" Rose asked.

"I'll be mission control!" Sentience cheered.

Calvin looked at all of them happily. "Yes to all of those. We'll need a really big sheet of paper. Sentience?"

The big sheet dropped down from the ceiling, along with assorted colored markers, pens, and quills for the old-fashioned of them.

"This will be _good_," sighed the Time Machine happily. And she was partly right. The plan to come would be dramatic, well thought-out, and include many references to various obscure books and movies. That made it automatically good.

But not everyone involved would come out happy.

* * *

**(A/N-**

**I'm writing this while a rather fierce thunder storm is raging outside. That halfway-describes the dramaticness. As for, you know, the ick... well, that's my brain at work.**

**As always, check out my newest short stories, and leave a review!**

**:-D**

**~Kitty)**


	26. Episode 13:2

_**Episode 13:2- Bad Wolf**_

* * *

Rose Tyler snuck along the endless hallways and corridors of Faction Paradox. It was all a random, hodgepodge jumble of places and locations, most of which didn't make any sense at all. There was a library. There was a swimming pool. There was another library, with a swimming pool in it, presumably if you wanted to read in the water, not that Rose would like to do that.

The plan, she had to admit, was one of their better ones. It covered the entire very large piece of paper, with many scribbles, additions, and iterations in a variety of colors. It was complex, and included many inventions that had been made up on the spot. It involved all of them at once.

Their usual plan consisted of basically, 'walk in and hope something happens'. This was several very large steps away from that.

She was a very important part of the plan. At least, that was what everyone was telling her. She was inclined to agree, seeing that she didn't like her part at all.

She had to somehow get the signal out to the universe that it might well be destroyed in the next few hours. Apparently this was supposed to summon help. She would have honestly prefered some sort of Patronus.

The control room was located in the central part of the building, according to Sentience, who had brought up schematics for the place. It made sense. If, for some strange reason, someone decided to attack the building, you could retreat to the middle and anticipate their movements.

The control room was where Rose was heading.

The one good thing about the whole plan was the fact that they had cool, James-Bond style, earpieces to let them communicate with each other.

"The name's Tyler," Rose smiled to herself, holding up her hands into a finger gun. "Rose Tyler."

The radio crackled.

"_I know that_," Sentience replied over the piece, sounding as if she was frowning in confusion. "_Why are you telling me?_"

"It's a reference to something," Rose began, and then shook her head. "Eh. Never mind."

"_Whatever you say._"

She continued on for a few corridors, humming the Mission Impossible theme under her breath and sticking closely to walls, before deciding that that was too much effort, and simply tiptoeing instead.

It suddenly occurred to her that she had no actual idea on how to send out the signal once she got to the control room. This meant that she'd probably have to go with the normal plan once again.

Running in wildly and hoping a thing happens.

"Well," she said. "Great."

"_The control centre's just around the corner,_" Sentience told her.

"Great," Rose repeated. "How're the others doing?"

Sentience hesitated for a split second. "_Uh,_" she said. "_Just fine._"

* * *

There was a crash, a bang, and a scattering of several large buckets of marbles as Ace fell sideways into the seventeenth Time Machine storeroom they had visited so far. She emerged from a virtual sea of round glass objects, sputtering in agitation.

"When you said you had a swimming pool," she yelled upwards to the tiny opening above. "you didn't say it was full of marbles!"

"Can I take it to mean that it isn't the chemical lab?" Hobbes wondered, his voice echoing weirdly down.

"Pull me up," Ace sighed. They had been trying to find an appropriate place to make Nitro Nine for roughly fifteen minutes, with no luck.

Hobbes cheerfully obliged, tugging her up to the top by the thick rope wrapped around her waist. "Next storeroom."

"Eighteenth time lucky, do you think?" Ace snorted, dusting herself off.

When they had asked Sentience (rather politely they thought) to move the Chem Lab closer to them, she had grinned at them, told them that it would be more fun to make them search, and then teleported quickly away before they had the chance to hold her down and force her to do it by means of extensive tickling.

The next door they tried didn't have a complete gravity shift, which was a welcome change. The whole room appeared to be made out of the type of canvas you'd generally use for painting.

The next room, they got lucky. It was a chemical lab, well-stocked with ingredients and everything a possible pyromaniac would need to create the world's biggest explosion. A quick thought flashed through Hobbes's mind, something to the effect of 'was this really a good idea?'

_Probably not_, his subconscious responded.

He gulped.

Ace was already at work, moving fluidly through the rows of chemicals and substances. She almost seemed to dance. Her hands mixed ingredients, and set other things to the side. She smiled, and hummed a tune.

_Dynamite _by Tao Cruz.

Well...

Okay.

"Can I help?" Hobbes offered.

"Pass me the gelignite," she requested without losing focus. He did, somewhat reluctantly. She took the explosive material, and placed it over a Bunsen burner.

"Are you sure that won't explode?" he asked nervously.

"Yup," she said, strapping a set of plastic safety goggles over her face, and tucking her short pony tail back. "I mean, I'm pretty sure. Ninety percent. Seventy five. I've done this a lot. It hardly ever blows up in my face, ever."

Somehow, Hobbes wasn't entirely reassured.

"Can you light a match?" Ace asked him, poking a metal can with a pair of tweezers.

* * *

Calvin and Jack were working together on the inner mechanics of the Time Machine. This would probably be considered 'male bonding time', and, if it were, it was of the extremely dysfunctional sort. It mostly consisted of Calvin yelling at Jack to do something, Jack doing it, and Calvin letting out a grudging sort of grunt that meant Jack had done it correctly.

Sentience was watching this with some amusement.

"We're nearly ready," Calvin said after a loud clicking began.

Jack grimaced. "Isn't there a way to stall a bit longer?"

Sentience closed her eyes, unnoticed by either of them, and sang a high note. An E Flat, to be precise. Her eyes sprang open. "The signal is sent! We're going... _now!_"

"What?" Calvin and Jack exclaimed together.

"We're not ready yet!" protested Calvin.

Sentience smirked widely. "You'd better get a move on, then."

They flew into action, trying to get ready quickly without wrecking any of the plan at all. Easier said than done.

"You ready?" Jack said finally.

Calvin smiled ironically. "I don't think I can ever really be ready. But, whatever, let's do it."

He stepped over to the Time Machine's trampoline. "Beam me up, Scotty," he said solemnly.

And in an impressive display of obedience, Sentience sent a transport beam down to give him a dignified way up.

Jack twisted his T-shirt nervously.

* * *

The future Calvin was, of course, waiting. "I knew you'd come," he said.

The present Calvin said nothing.

"You know what's going to happen," Future Calvin. "You saw it. I know. I was you."

"I'm going to stop you," Calvin said pleasantly, as if he was informing a friend that he couldn't come over for afternoon tea.

"You will _try_," the other acknowledged, nodding. "but you won't succeed. The Time Vortex will drive you insane."

"Not likely."

* * *

"_The thing is," Calvin explained, tapping out a five-beat rhythm on the console of the Time Machine. "Time is complicated. It's a simple fact of life."_

"_I know that," Rose told him. "I've been in the paradox loop of my dad dying."_

_He frowned. "You don't quite understand, though."_

_She crossed her arms. "Explain, then."_

_Calvin looked around, his eyes glancing over the objects in the room. "Does anyone have a hairband? Hobbes?"_

"_Why would I have a hairband?" the tiger protested._

_Calvin shrugged. "I don't know. You might be going through a phase. Ace?"_

"_I don't wear hairbands," she informed him promptly. "I tie my hair back with twine."_

"_Don't look at me," Sentience chimed in. "I'm a holographic interface. And I wear my hair out!"_

_Rose sighed, and pulled her hair out of its ponytail, letting it fall down over her shoulders. She handed it to Calvin. "Don't blow it up, or anything."_

_He tested the band for elasticity, stretching it out a bit, before baring his teeth, and biting it, so it was a length of rubber band._

_Rose rolled her eyes._

"_Okay," said Calvin, holding an end of the hair band in each hand. "Pretend this ex-hairband is Time."_

"_Time is pink?" Jack wondered._

"_Shut up," Calvin said. "The end in my left hand is the beginning of Time, the Big Bang, whatever, and the end in my right hand is the end of Time, which is when the universe collapses. You can pull Time in lots of different directions." He demonstrated, twirling the band back and forth, and keeping hold of the two ends all the while. "You can even stretch Time, to a point. Cause anachronisms, paradoxes, stuff like that. But there's a point where Time snaps." _

_He tugged on both ends viciously, and the hairband snapped in half, whipping into his hands and leaving red marks._

"_Ow," he added, rubbing his hands together. "Right. We've still got the the beginning of Time," he waved his left hand. "and the end of Time," he waved his right. "but all the space in between is broken, gone, out of existence. That's what my future self did. Possibly the rest of the universe is in the same state."_

"_How far will this analogy go?" asked Ace, raising an eyebrow._

_Calvin grinned. "Pretty far. See, we can mend Time by tying the bits together."_

_Hobbes moved forwards quickly, and knotted the broken ends in a double tie. _

"_But," he continued. "there are still bits sticking out."_

_Everyone waited, but there was no further explanation forthcoming._

_Rose raised a hand. "Uh, how do we fix it then?"_

"_No idea," said Calvin cheerfully. "We're going to work that bit out later. Still, it was a pretty good explanation, don't you think?"_

_Rose growled. "My hairband. It's snapped."_

_Hobbes frowned. "Time isn't a straight line, though."_

"_Obviously not," Jack added. "It's not just a straight progression from cause to effect."_

_Ace stared at them. "What, it's a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey-"_

"_I have no idea where you people get these things from," Sentience groaned._

* * *

"What now?" asked Present Calvin coolly.

"You should know," replied his future self. "Now, we fight."

They glared at each other for a moment, before lunging at each other, scrabbling wildly, scratching, biting, kicking. It was happening. The moment was happening.

"Any last words?" Future Calvin panted, kneeing his double in the stomach and pushing him backwards. The other scratched and fought for all he was worth.

"_IF WE FIGHT LIKE ANIMALS,_" he screeched. "_WE __**DIE **__LIKE ANIMALS!"_

"You stole that from a TV show," Future Calvin said calmly, and shoved his past self against the wall, roughly frisking his pockets, and taking out the two Transmogrifier Guns. "This is mine," he said. "and I'll put the other in the museum when I have time. Have fun being tortured to insanity."

A trickle of blood ran down the Present Calvin's chin. Blood from his future self's arm.

The Future Calvin pressed a button, and the floor opened up in front of him. He kicked the other Calvin down towards it.

"Have a nice trip," he said, turning towards the spot where he knew that his past friends would be watching, and smiling brutally.

The other Calvin fell down.

Down.

Down.

* * *

"I hope this works," Sentience said, chewing her fingernails nervously. "Otherwise the universe is pretty much completely and utterly screwed."

Jack steered the Time Machine with perfect ease, twisting it so it sat just underneath the place where Calvin had just fallen. Sentience clicked her fingers, and a mound of pillows appeared just on top of the trampoline.

Calvin landed on top of the pillows, sank into them, and sprang up. "Mission, part one, complete! Tell the slimy girl to send out the signal!"

Sentience flashed him a thumbs up. "You got it, boss!"

Calvin grimaced. "Don't call me boss."

"Sure thing, boss."

He sighed.

"How are Hobbes and Ace doing?" Jack asked quickly before the argument could escalate.

"They're ready," Sentience informed them. "In fact... here they come now."

Hobbes tripped into the room, landing on his face. "Finished!" he declared, springing up. "Let's get this cheetah on the runway!"

Ace followed, her rucksack slung over her shoulder, and filled with cans. "We'll start at the far end of the Faction, if you can drop us off there."

"We're already there," Calvin nodded. "How's the girl going?"

"She's in position," Sentience said. "You do know that sending out a warning message will throw the system into lockdown?"

He looked at her. "Yeah. I know."  
"And she'll be trapped in there?"

Calvin nodded. "Terminate contact with her."

Sentience raised her eyebrows, and turned to the controls without a word.

Calvin gestured grandly towards the trampoline. "Right, you two. Get moving."

Ace saluted. Hobbes copied her.

"No," Calvin protested, annoyed. "Don't do that. Don't do that."

* * *

As soon as Rose got the message from Sentience to send out a warning signal, she did. She had found the broadcast button fairly quickly, and when she pressed the 'open contact' button, she paused. What was she supposed to say?

"Uh, hi," she began, thinking furiously. "My name's Rose. I'm telling you, if you're able to hear this, to run. There's something going on at the place that I currently am at. The universe is about to end. I really hope you can hear me, because we need help. Me and my... friends. We can't do this alone. If you're out there, send help. We're at the very beginning of the universe, but our location's being spread throughout time and space, so anyone who comes to the center of the known universe, you'll be there. Send warships. Send the military. Send _anyone at all_. Anyone, no matter how small, can help." She paused. "Please," she added softly, and pressed 'send'.

"_Message sent,_" said the computer. "_Initiating lockdown._"  
"_What?" _screamed Rose, dashing towards the doors that had already slid together with a _clang._ She pounded on them furiously. "Let me _out_, for God's sake! I need to get out of here! I need to help!"

When it became apparent that the doors weren't opening, she took out her earpiece and began to yell into it. "I'm locked in the control room! Let me out! _Sentience! Calvin! _Anyone! Ace! Hobbes! Jack!"

The blue light on the side had turned red, and it began to beep, before exploding quietly. She stared at it in horror.

"Calvin..." she whispered. "You _knew _this would happen."

Schematics and diagrams began to flash on the screen behind her. She turned around slowly, and stared at the computers. A flash of a smile flickered across her face.

Help was coming.

* * *

"It looks like she did it," Calvin said, looking out a window.

"Did what?" Jack came over to stand next to him, and stared. Hundreds upon hundreds of spaceships were swooping in around Faction Paradox. The Tannoys around the Faction crackled into life.

"_Attention, all residents of Faction Paradox,_" said the speaker in a monotone. "_Vacate immediately, or we will fire._"

"She actually did it," Calvin repeated, grinning. "I feel slightly bad, now..."

"We should get out, then," Jack urged, already heading towards the Time Machine. Calvin shook his head.

"No. I've got to get rid of my future self. You get out, get Hobbes and Ace and Rose."

"What about you?" Jack protested.

Calvin shook his head again. "It's the only way I can get rid of him. I have to die."

"You're going to commit _suicide?_"

"Goodbye, Captain." Calvin nodded, and pushed Jack, hard, into the Time Machine. He reached into his pocket, pulled out his key, and the Time Machine swooped off.

"So, you survived."

The voice made Calvin turn around. It was his own. His future self was in the corner, watching with those obsidian, endless eyes.

"It's my greatest talent," he said, with no humor. "Getting out of sticky situations." He reached into his other pocket, and gripped an object. "Oh, look." He pulled it out. "I have a _gun_."

"You're going to shoot me?"

"No," Calvin said. "I'm going to kill myself."

He twisted the barrel around, pointing it at his chest. "Bye-bye."

The door burst open.  
"_Not bloody likely!_" screeched Ace McShane, dragging Rose in by the hand. "What the _hell _do you think you're doing?"

"Saving the universe," snapped Calvin curtly. "How did you get here? I timelocked the area."

"You didn't timelock the corridor," Hobbes told him, slinking in on all fours.

"You gave me a time machine. I used it," Jack said, shrugging.

Calvin scowled. "I can't really be angry at you."

"No," said Rose. "No, no, you can't. Don't kill yourself."  
Calvin fired.

* * *

Time seemed to slow down. The bullet drove itself into his chest and he choked a bit.

Rose ran forwards to his side, and held him upright even as he dropped to the ground.

Ace yelled something that couldn't really be heard, and Hobbes howled, more like a wolf then a tiger. Jack's eyes widened.

"Sorry, guys," Calvin whispered. He smiled slightly. "Look."

They all turned to stare where he was pointing. His future self faded and flickered.

"Wait," said Future Calvin, who was also Grandfather. "No, that can't-"

He disappeared.

No one made any sound of victory, instead all turning back to Calvin, who looked rather pale.

"You _can't _die," Hobbes said, almost pleading. "You just _can't_."

"The universe needs you," said Ace softly.

"You're my best friend."

Calvin turned his head to look at Rose, who looked slightly surprised that she had spoken. "You're my best friend, too," he replied.

She was nearly crying. "Don't die."

He managed a weak grin. "Sorry, Tyler. On the plus side, I saved the universe killing myself. Sounds pretty good for a death scene, doesn't it?" He frowned. "Wait, I need some awesome last words. What do I say?"

No one said anything.

"How about this." He lay back. "Since I met you- all of you- I've had the best time of my life. And I wouldn't have missed it-" he gasped a bit. "-for the world."

His eyes closed.

Rose was crying openly now, and Jack hugged her.

For a moment, they all sat there, and mourned the loss of their friend.

And then the guns started to fire from outside. Everyone jerked up.

"_We've got to get out of here,_" yelled Ace, dragging a still crying Rose to her feet, and dashing out the door. Hobbes scooped Calvin's body up, and followed.

Jack was too slow, and a red laser slammed through his chest. He let out a soft "oh!", and fell to the ground, before crumbling to dust.

"_JACK!_" Rose yelled.

Ace pulled her out the door and to the Time Machine.

"Damn it," Hobbes muttered, jumping down the trampoline. "Damn it, damn it, damn it-"

"We have to _do_ something," Rose sobbed, sinking down to the ground.

But there was nothing that they could do.

"The Earth's back in place," Sentience reported, flicking into existence. "How's Calvin?"

Hobbes sat down hard on the ground. "Dead."

She covered her mouth. "Oh."

"_No,_" said an ethereal voice. "_Not yet._"

Hobbes didn't turn. "Bad Wolf."

"_Yes._"

"He's dead. There's no changing it."

"_I'm about to go_."

"Good."

"_But you have more lives than me._"

Hobbes looked at her. "Wait."

The entity that was once Rose smiled. "_Yeah. Have a great life. All of you. Especially me. First, though, I've gotta scatter the words through time and space._"

She waved her hand in the air, and _BAD WOLF _appeared in floating gold writing. It stayed there for a moment, before shattering into tiny bits of glitter.

"Thank you," Hobbes said after a moment. But Bad Wolf was already gone.

"What was she talking about?" Ace demanded.

"Cats have nine lives," Hobbes said, ripping off Calvin's shirt. "I've used up seven of mine. I can use one on Calvin, so all of you, get back."

"It's _true_?" asked Rose, incredulously.

"No, just tigers. I said, get _back_."

She hurriedly backed away, and so did Ace. Hobbes closed his eyes, concentrating. A faint silver mist drifted through the air around Calvin. More and more mist filled the air, surrounding Calvin and Hobbes with a raging grey storm of light.

They were completely obscured.

"What's happening?" Rose whispered.

Ace smiled. "Regeneration, I think."  
A singing filled the air.

Hobbes dashed out of the storm. "Cover your eyes," he panted.

Rose quickly slammed a hand over her forehead.

There was a very loud noise.

"Oh, look," said a slightly familiar voice. "I think I got better."

Rose looked, her mouth dropping open.

"...Calvin?"

* * *

**Calvin Who will return at Christmas with a short special- 'Born Again'. There will be more information about the 'show' at that time.**

* * *

**(A/N**

Oh. My. Freaking. God.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT SEASON ONE IS OVER.

Right, calm down time. I don't know when I'll be able to start Season Two, since I'm going into high school next year. Rest assured, I will get onto that. I've even got a plot down, as well as an episode list that is now up on my profile. (Yay!)

I'd love some feedback on how I did. I will not give any spoilers on what's going to happen next. I will not respond to speculation. Thanks for being understanding.

I may post a Calvin and Hobbes the Series-style 'Bonus Page', but I may not. It all depends on how much time I have.

Oh, yeah. As of 10/12/2014, this story is moving to the Doctor Who/Calvin and Hobbes crossover section, so I don't break the rules of the site. If you want to find it, or any further Calvin Who stories, check there.

Thank you all so much!

**~Kitty**

**)**


	27. Bonus Page

**Stop right there. If you haven't read _Born Again_, the Christmas short, go back and read it. And then come here, and read the special stuff.**

**Done that?**

**Right. First up, we have a trailer for the whole of Season One. So, darken the lights, grab your popcorn and your Hobbes plushie, and enjoy!**

* * *

(It's completely dark on-screen. Black, black, blackity black. Then, a logo spins slowly on screen. Eden Enterprises. Drum beats echo. _Ba-dum._)

CALVIN (V.O): It's like when you were a kid.

(Wide shot of the Earth, rotating in an endless field of stars. _Ba-dum_.)

CALVIN (V.O): The first time they tell you the world's turning and you just can't quite believe it because everything looks like it's standing still.

(Flash over fire to Calvin standing in the middle of a burning building._ Ba-dum._)

CALVIN (V.O.): That's who I am.

(Hobbes jumps over a railing, yelling something. _Ba-dum)_

CALVIN (V.O): I'll be off, unless, er, I don't know, you could come with us?

(Rose grins, holding tightly to a hovercar. _Ba-dum._)

ROSE (V.O.): Is it always this dangerous?

(Hobbes and Calvin fall down a spiral staircase, riding a red wagon._ Ba-dum_.)

HOBBES (V.O.): Yep.

(Closeup on Rose's face. There's a faint sparkle of excitement in her eyes. The drum beats stop.)

ROSE: Let's go.

(Calvin and Hobbes's theme music begins to play. You know it better as_ I am the Doctor_. Calvin and Hobbes run down a street, chased by a Mary Sue.)

ROSE (V.O.): My name is Rose Tyler. I'm nineteen years old. I thought I'd never do anything with my life.

(Plastic Mickey shoots wildly around a pizza shop while Rose and Hobbes dive for cover.)

ROSE (V.O.): I was wrong. Completely wrong.

(Calvin, Rose, Hobbes, and Ace in the prison cell.)

ROSE (V.O.): I've met amazing people.

ACE: Ace McShane, explosives expert extraordinaire at your service.

ROSE (V.O.): I've done amazing things.

(Rose fires the Transmogrifier Gun.)

ROSE (V.O.): My life is chaotic, wild, and amazing. I wouldn't give it up for the world.

(Rose and Jack dance above London.)

ROSE (V.O.): But it might not be my choice.

(Gwendolyn is reading Rose's future.)

GWENDOLYN: The things you've seen. The darkness, the big bad wolf!

(Fade to gold.)

HOBBES (V.O.): Geronimo!

(Doctor Who theme Words come up on screen.)

**_Calvin Who_**

**_Season One_**

**_Spinning Through Space_**

_On Fanfiction dot net now..._

* * *

**And now! Character interviews!**

* * *

**ROSE TYLER talks shipping and relationships.**

"Okay," said the cameraman. "Your question is this. _Do you have a romantic relationship with Calvin?_"

Rose looked back and forth for a few seconds. "Wait, what? Okay, I want to know who asked that. That... is absolutely ridiculous. Why would you say that?"

"Well," said the person behind the camera. "apparently all the arguing you two do is 'unresolved sexual tension'."

Rose opened her mouth to retort angrily, but the camera guy held up his hands in defense. "I'm only passing the message on. Answer the question."

Rose huffed, and looked at the camera again. "To answer that dirty-minded person who asked that, no, I do not have any sort of romantic relationship with Calvin inside or outside the show. We're just good friends." She wrinkled her nose. "Well, maybe that's stretching it. Colleagues?"

"Friends," yelled Hobbes from off-screen, followed by some snickering.

"Definitely platonic," Rose decided, ignoring him. "I'm honestly wondering, though, where did people get that idea? I know there's some people that ship Snape/Dumbledore, which is pretty scary in itself, but me/Calvin? There's something weird about a teenage girl and a six-year-old boy. Also, Calvin/Hobbes would be weird to ship."

"Funny story about that," the cameraman said, scratching his nose. "The author was originally shipping Calvin/River."

"Who's River?" asked Rose.

"Doesn't matter. River was supposed to be a cute seven year old with older River's looks and personality. It actually became one of the author's main ships. But then... stuff happened, and it couldn't be part of the storyline any more. So Calvin/River doesn't exist anywhere at all now."

Rose looked half shocked, half impressed. "Well, that is... shocking. Um. Any more bombshells to drop on us today?"

"Yup," said the cameraman. "Another one of the other, unused, ships, that the author was considering and got hooked on was Susie/Madame Vastra."

"Susie, that girl that's occasionally mentioned?"

"Exactly."

"And who is... Madame Vastra?"

"A lizard woman from the dawn of time."

Rose shrugged helplessly at the camera. "Okay. I got about half of that. Hope you guys can make more sense of it than I do."

* * *

**CALVIN talks about inventions and Transmogrifier Guns**

Calvin bounced up and down a bit in his seat. "What's my topic?"

The cameraman squinted at a piece of paper. "Here we go. _What's happening with the Transmogrifier Gun?_"

Calvin rubbed his hands together. "Short topic, but interesting. The Transmogrifier was lost in the last full episode, right? So the show's not allowing me to make a new one for some reason. It means that I'm going to make myself an entirely new invention, that will be awesome and stuff."

"What is this invention?" the camera guy prompted.

Calvin actually looked embarrassed. "Uh... I don't know. I have to figure it out before next season. Pity. I really liked the Transmogrifier Gun, and now we're getting rid of it." He brightened a bit. "This is the thing, though. You know how there's another show that's running, a lot more popular than ours?"

"Calvin and Hobbes: the Series?" asked the cameraman.

"That's the one. We're trying to stay as far away from it as possible, so the new invention will have to be really different from, say, the MTM or the Time Pauser. Something like an Omnitool or a Harry Potter device would be cool, but we're still debating in the studios."

The cameraman pursed his lips in thought. "You could have a light saber," he suggested.

Calvin glared. "That's ridiculous."

* * *

**HOBBES discusses pets on the Time Machine**

"_What about Charles?_" the cameraman asked.

Hobbes looked briefly conflicted for a moment. "Ooh," he said thoughtfully. "That's a toughie... mainly because, in the words of someone who is never appearing on this show, spoilers. But I'll tell you all I can without getting in trouble with the person who runs this all."

He sat up straighter, and laced his paws together, every bit the professional tiger. "Charles has not been forgotten in the least. He was originally meant to be a construction of the Future Calvin, and therefore evil. But after it was proven that Charles was very popular- even getting stuffed dinosaurs named after him- the writer began to have nightmares about hordes of angry reviewers stampeding her house in protest."

"That's... extreme," said the cameraman.

Hobbes grinned. "It is, isn't it? Anyway, Charles's fate was changed entirely, and his being left out of the last three episodes of Season One was completely intentional. And the characters have forgotten about him. It's an official thing, that. He'll be part of the overlying plot to Season Two, when that does come up."

"Fine, then," the cameraman said. "Different topic. How do you feel about Calvin getting another pet?"

"I'm not his pet!" Hobbes exclaimed angrily. "Business associate, close friend, confidant, maybe, but I am in no way, shape, or form, his pet! If he got a guinea pig, or a rabbit, I wouldn't mind, but if he got a lion or puma, I'd maul him." He grinned happily. "It's the way of life."

* * *

**JACK HARKNESS speaks about flirting and ratings**

"_What ages would you say this show is suitable for_?"

Jack tilted his head. "Wait, there's children reading this thing?"

"I never said that," replied the cameraman. "I just asked you who you thought it would be suitable for."

"Hm." Jack thought for a moment. "Well, it's a bit iffy, this subject, because the rating isn't actually any worse than the original Doctor Who show. The flirting gets a bit.. .suggestive... sometimes, but there isn't any major swearing. 'Bloody hell' is about as explicit as we get around here. I'd say it's good for twelve years and over, or really mature ten year olds."

"And what about your flirting?"

"Why?" Jack winked. "Wanna make something of it?"

The cameraman suddenly looked very nervous. "No. Never mind."

* * *

**ACE MCSHANE describes the timeline of the show**

"This one's from me," said the cameraman. "It's a bit odd, so bear with me."

"Sure," Ace said.

"In the Classic Doctor Who canon, which this show is branching from, several different things happened to you, which contradict each other. In one version, you became a Time Lady and died in the Time War, in another you died in an explosion, and in yet another you killed the Doctor yourself."

Ace swung around in her chair. "I've... never heard that last one before. So what's the question?"

"Well, which timeline do you fit into?"

She smiled. "Is that all? Well, me, the Doctor, and Bernice had an encounter with Robot Ants. I decided to leave, built a motorbike in the TARDIS, and ran off."

"And the other timelines?"

She shrugged. "Possible futures. Things that could have happened, but never did."

* * *

**SENTIENCE tells us what's happening in the long run to _Calvin Who_**

"The cameraman mentioned before that 'stuff happened' to the storyline. What is this 'stuff'?"

Sentience danced about a bit, not having a chair. "This is fun, and will both break your heart and make you scream in anticipation. Okay, the author has been kind enough to tell me that she is about to go into high school. She doesn't know how this will turn out, and so Season Two may take a while to produce."

"We know that," said the cameraman.

"Shush. Now, she realizes that in _Doctor Who_, there are eight seasons already, and a ninth one is in the making. She produces a season a year, she won't have enough time to ever catch up. And, no matter how fun writing us is, she doesn't think she can be dedicated to this for over eight years. So, she's come up with a storyline that lasts for exactly four seasons. The show won't continue after that, hence River not being in it at all."

"Wait," said the cameraman. "does that mean that Amy, Rory, and Clara will never appear, either?"

"Sadly, no. But there will be other stuff."

"What is this 'stuff'?"

"Not telling."

"Aw."

* * *

**And nearly-last...! A trailer for next season, whenever that's coming. It's subject to change. Don't take it entirely seriously! It's shamelessly inspired by the new Pitch Perfect 2 trailer.**

* * *

(The screen's black. A logo comes up on screen- spinning slowly. _Eden Enterprises_. Rose begins to sing a cappella over the images- _When I'm Gone_.)

ROSE (V.O.):_ I got my ticket for the long way 'round..._

(Three pairs of feet, pounding against the ground. Four sneakers, two furry paws.)

ROSE (V.O.): _Two bottle o' whiskey for the way..._

(Calvin pilots the Time Machine in slow motion, as Hobbes joins Rose in singing, voiceover.)

ROSE &amp; HOBBES (V.O): _And I sure would like some sweet company..._

(Rose, Hobbes, and Calvin lying on the grass in a park, pointing up at the sky, laughing together.)

ROSE &amp; HOBBES (V.O): _And I'm leaving tomorrow, so what'd you say?_

(Cut to Rose, Hobbes, and Calvin, sitting around a campfire together.)

ROSE: _When I'm gone-_

CALVIN: _When I'm gone-_

ALL: _When I'm go-o-one- you're going to miss me when I'm gone._

(They pause, and it switches to Ace and Rose, on Ace's motorbike, driving through the Vortex. Rose is screaming.)

ALL (V.O.):_ You're going to miss me by my walk, you're going to miss me by my talk- oh, you're going to miss me when I'm gone._

(There is a beat, and then fast-paced music starts up. Cut straight to Calvin, Hobbes and Rose standing in front of a house, decked out in black suits.)

CALVIN: Who you gonna call?

(The house shakes, they all glance up nervously.)

ROSE: Maybe... we should get Ghostbusters in this time?

HOBBES: Not likely.

(Flash to a mummy roaring and advancing on Ace.)

CALVIN (V.O.): Today, we're going to solve the greatest mystery of all time.

(Sentience kicking the wall of a room repeatedly.)

HOBBES (V.O.): How McDonalds manages to make millions despite not being in the least bit healthy?

(A door slams open, and mist pours from it. There's a large, indistinct figure there.)

CALVIN (V.O.): Not that mystery.

(The music picks up a notch. Calvin and Rose, hanging from a rope that's splitting apart.)

ROSE (yelling): I hate you so, so, much!

CALVIN (yelling also): No, you don't!

(Flash between images of a white scream, and footage of a woman in a red cloak stepping forwards.)

SENTIENCE (V.O.): There's not just one universe.

CALVIN (V.O.): Do you know this woman?

WOMAN (V.O.): I've always survived.

(Rose's shocked face, close up.)

WOMAN (V.O.): And I always will.

ACE (V.O.): But... it can't be.

(The music stops. And then, the Doctor Who theme song. Words come up on screen.)

**Calvin Who**

**Season Two**

**An Awful Lot of Running**

_Coming soon to Fanfiction dot net..._

* * *

**And finally- the list of episode titles for Season Two! Which has been named. It's, as stated before, 'An Awful Lot of Running', which is from a song by Chameleon Circuit. Thank you all for being awesome. If you want a question answered, PM me. I'm always free to talk.  
BY THE WAY- Episode 8 was thought of before I knew that Mummy on the Orient Express was in Season 8. And Episode 11 was entirely intentional.**

* * *

_Episode 1- A Christmas Tail_

_Episode 2- Mists of Mexuflan_

_Episode 3- The Howling Win__d_

_Episode 4- School Reunion_

_Episode 5- The Silver San__ds_

_Episode 6- Frozen Metal_

_Episode 7- Wild Side_

_Episode 8- Mummy o__f Paris_

_Episode 9- Mission: I__n Hospital_

_Episode 10- The Mon__ster Hunters_

_Episode 11- Night at __the Museum_

_Episode 12- 2012_

_Episode 13- Doomsday_


End file.
